needtorecover

I was flipping through my kid's books the other day trying to find him a bedtime story and we read a book about a fish who wanted to get big and strong so he went to a restaurant and ate a bunch of high fat food. He ended up getting fat instead and all his fish friends laughed at him and made fun of him so he went on an exercise program to lose weight. I was appalled. Fat shaming and food issues start at a very, very young age. I'm giving that damned book to Goodwill. I am very early in my weight loss phase (22 pounds down! Yay!) but I can attest to feeling invisible. I get horrified looks from men when I talk to them, as if they're afraid I'm interested but they don't want anything to do with me so they try to ignore me (I'm gay, asshole). I'm going to be very peevish towards men who hit on me when I reach a normal weight. Likewise, I get a lot of pitying looks from women, looks also tinged with fear - and I know they're thinking "thank God I'm not that fat" or "I hope I never get THAT fat." Obese people are treated very poorly in our country. Folks who have never had a weight problem before have no idea how hard it is.

Thanks, everyone! I do wonder if I have undiagnosed sleep apnea. I've got a good amount of neck fat but I don't know if it's waking me up. I snore but not excessively (to the point where I wake my partner or anything). When I was at my ideal weight I slept 7-9 hours a night and felt perfectly happy. I really hope I get back to that again. I'm a natural night owl but I've always envied early birds. I would love to be able to wake up early feeling good, enjoying the sunrise, taking a walk/bike ride, and doing something with my day. I always thought once I got to my 30's it would happen... then I thought once I had a baby I'd be forced into it but my partner (very kindly) enables my sleeping and we take turns catching up on sleep over the weekend. Yes, part of the problem could be I have a toddler who is just jazzed as can be about life and recently learned how to walk so his little brain is firing on all cylinders which makes it hard for him to stay asleep.

I don't think her intentions were cruel - it just sounds like she was astonished at how different you look. She likely didn't notice how big you were before because she just knew you as YOU, and that you were a big girl. The first time I lost weight (hooray ephedra) people kept telling me "Wow, you used to be SO FAT!" Um... thanks? I expect I'll get that, and worse, as I lose weight now. I don't think people feel like these comments are offensive - many think they're compliments. Go figure. My cousin said to me "You're actually really pretty!" B*tch. You're doing great - you have a lot to be proud of. Keep on keepin' on! You won't always be "Fat Abby" as people get used to the smaller version.

I'd like to ask folks who have lost a significant amount of weight if their sleep needs have changed from when you were obese to when you reached your goal weight. I ask because I feel like I have abnormally high sleep needs and I'm wondering if it's related to my obesity - and really hoping these needs will reduce when my weight is reduced. As it is right now, I *need* between 8-9 hours of sleep to feel like a functioning human being during the week, but I prefer to sleep for 12-13 hours at a time. And I hate it. I don't want to sleep literally half my day away but when I'm left to my own devices that's exactly what happens. Were any of you a heavy, long sleeper pre-weight loss and then found you had more energy from reaching a healthier weight and need less sleep? Just looking for some hope here. I want to be the kind of person who wakes up on a Saturday morning at 8:30 am feeling happy and refreshed and able to ride her bike to the farmer's market. Not the human log who stays in bed until 1:00 pm and misses her whole day!

My doctor didn't require a pre-op liquid diet (I didn't even know that was a thing until I joined these forums) - I can only imagine how rough that is without the surgery. When I was post-op and on all liquids it was torture. I was hungry all the time but swallowing anything was painful for the first week. The second week the pain went away and my desire to eat surged so I tried a little tomato parmesan bisque and immediately regretted it (far too rich). I had to accept the suffering and just deal. I did it over a long break from work so that helped but it put a damper on my holidays! Good news is it'll be over soon enough Hang in there!

Whether you're thin or heavy, you should have the emotional IQ to understand "you're a fat pig" would be a hurtful statement. At this stage, you need to protect yourself and your health. If your mom isn't doing anything to help or be supportive, you need to ask her to give you space. Do you have a spouse or friends you can lean on in the meantime? For some reason, in our society it's okay to comment on someone's weight/size without recrimination because we made the "choice" to be obese. Our culture is very heavy-handed on personal responsibility. If anyone is commenting on your weight or size, you should call them out on it and tell them it's inappropriate. Conversations about your health and your weight are between you and your doctor, no one else. Personally, I just stopped communicating with people who were nasty to me because of my weight. It's none of their business, and they can't run their mouths if they're not around me. I know it's harder with this being your mom but I'd just not discuss it with her at all if she can't control what she says.

I was weak for a couple weeks post op. It was hard to get through the day on just broth and sugar-free Jell-O. Didn't get much better when I added Protein shakes, milk, and juice. Bleh. You'll get through it, though. It's very temporary!

I had my band placed on 12/28 and had my first fill on 2/8, 2 cc's. It made a good difference to me, but I wouldn't say I'm 100% green yet. Probably have to increase 0.5 cc's at a time from here on out so I don't overdo it. That said, everyone is different. Some folks notice a big difference after a 0.5 cc's, some don't notice anything different until 7 or 8 cc's. Just be patient and try to temper your expectations My doctor told me to expect not to notice anything after the first fill so it turns out I am an anomaly. You'll get there, though. This is just the first fill. It's a marathon, not a sprint.

I used BC to regulate my periods, too. It made my appetite go out of control. I think it's the progesterone. I had to supplement with progesterone early in my pregnancy and I went on a bender. Went to Hardee's and got me a Frisco burger with large fries and literally moaned while I ate it Pregnant or no, not a proud moment. Anyway, point is, BC can do awful things with your appetite. Some of my friends have been fine with it but many struggle with an increased appetite. I gained 20 pounds when I took it so I stopped.

I only had one fill but I was laying down. The PA numbed me up first so that was nice. I'd avoid that particular doctor in the future if they made you uncomfortable.

I love brie with grapes and red wine Sharp cheddar with deli roast beef and a bit of horseradish sauce. Gouda and apple slices. Laughing Cow wedges on an English muffin. All fantastic Snacks. I eat string cheese on its own. Smoked flavor is my favorite.

I remember when this site was lapbandtalk! I was a lurker/occasional poster back then. I had a different screen name. I was agonizing over the decision to get a lap band, then my GP talked me out of it so I just left and pushed it out of my mind. Annoyed that I followed her bad advice but at least I got it done and am well on my way to permanent weight loss. I am so sorry your husband isn't supportive. I hope you find peace, whether through working on fixing things with him or just leaving for a fresh start.

@@Heather I That's terrifying! Good thing you put a stop to it right away. If you'd given him another chance who knows how much crazier he'd have gotten.

It's only a problem if you're treating women poorly because you're insecure about it! Otherwise, no shame

@TheRealMeIsHere! Tell me more about this Big Mac salad, please!

Unless you have crazy high levels of testosterone (like you'd have to be taking the same shots as one would when transitioning from female to male) then you will NOT bulk up. Women get thinner when they lift for health. We don't have the same hormones as men that increase muscle size. But that doesn't mean you can't get strong! When you flex your arm you want to see that pretty line from your inner elbow to your shoulder. It won't make your arms thicker and larger, it'll make them slimmer and shapely. That's the goal I'm trying to achieve when I lift I'm back at it - this time with my wonderful lap band!

If a man is so picky he can notice a girdle through a dress? No. That's so many levels of obnoxious. Men will say/do anything to justify their rejection. I hate that our society allows them to get away with being so full of themselves while slamming women to the ground. Probably sporting an itty bitty package. Jerks.

If your charts are accurate, 25 is a wonderfully healthy BMI! But if you're worried about the jiggle factor I'd recommend weight lifting if you haven't tried it already. I was once had beautiful muscle tone when I was a young adult and I attribute that to my working for a gardening center (hauling 40 lb bags of mulch up and down a hill) and weight lifting. I'm not sure what insanity is, but I'd go slow and steady with lifting. You don't want to hurt yourself. I'd find a personal trainer at your local YMCA to get started. Good luck!

@@Eric@@ash - definitely a normal fear! I've been under twice and I didn't even know it happened until after I woke up. I was taken to the OR and it is scary to sit there and see everyone in scrubs preparing. But the anesthesiologist is there and he or she will reassure you and you'll see a needle enter the IV bag and then the next thing you know you'll be in the recovery room with a nurse helping you wake up. My dad had a double-knee replacement and they gave him a strong relaxant before he entered the OR. You can ask for it if you're nervous.

I'll toss in my plug for swimsuitsforall.com, too I found a super cute tankini in size 24 (which is happily getting too loose) and you can't beat the prices.

My surgeon just closed his practice. He was a wonderful and amazing resource and very easily accessible since he was just a couple miles away from my house. He closed his practice because of local hospital restructuring and lost a lot of general surgery patients, who comprised most of his business. Now I'm left without my surgeon, the PA, and the awesome staff at his office and the nearest bariatric center is 1.5 hours away My biggest fear is having complications or needing help and not being able to access it anymore.

@@Bufflehead - Well said!

I always thought I was an emotional eater (since that seems to be the most common issue) but when I really thought about it, my emotions aren't tied to what I'm eating. When I'm sad, stressed, or lonely I stop eating because I'm so focused on the negative emotions and looking for ways to resolve them. I think I have more of a "contented cow" syndrome where I eat when I'm feeling good. I also suffer from a huge appetite. I honestly think that's as deep as it goes with me. When I was hungry I'd feel desperate almost. If I went too long without eating it was torture. Diets never worked because I was always so uncomfortable with eating less. I hated thinking about food all the time, wondering what my next meal would be, feeling distracted at meals because I'd rather be eating than talking... and binges were easily triggered by one taste of a certain food, usually sweets or fried food. I've learned a lot about what caused my weight problem after surgery. I kind of wish I could've gotten a blood panel to see if I had some kind of hormone imbalance. Too much ghrelin and not enough leptin maybe?

@@Inner Surfer Girl I'm a huge research geek and have spent a lot of time reading journal articles about obesity and WLS. Tell me what you're looking for and I'll find it! As for me, my PCP discouraged me from seeking WLS. Said I was too young (late 20's at the time) and that I should seek other options. She recommended the South Beach Diet I asked my OB after I had my baby if she'd recommend bariatric surgery. She said "Why don't you just stick to the gestational diabetes diet? It's not fun but it's worked for you." She said this because I lost weight during my pregnancy by quitting sugar. Yeah, and I was crawling out of my skin with cookie/cake/doughnut cravings. The only thing that stopped me from diving head first into a vat of brownie batter was the fear of giving my son type 1 diabetes. I wasn't going to allow my appetite to hurt my baby. But once that incentive was gone, so was my ability to continue with that wretched diet. The issue with my PCP and OB is they're both rail thin and I don't think either of them has ever had to worry/think about their weight. They probably just think all it takes is a bit of self control, dietary education, and a walking program for the weight to just fall off. If only it were that easy.

How many cc's are in your band already? If you get stuck often it might be too tight... Are you eating a lot of slider foods? From my understanding, for the band to be effective you need to eat slowly and chew well. Personally, I think you should work on changing the way you eat before you get another fill. Get in the habit of following the lap band rules (eat slow, chew very well, small bites, etc.) and then see how you feel. If you find you're still hungry between meals and/or you're able to overeat in one sitting I'd make an appointment to see a doctor. This all should be between you and your doctor - your husband shouldn't have a say in it IMHO. If he's worried about your health, educate him in how the band works and don't scare him by getting stuck (i.e. slow down!). I got stuck once and it made my partner panic, too. It's not fun to see your spouse in pain like that so try to do your part so that doesn't happen and then he'll probably trust your judgment more. Good luck!