MimiBMe

You all need new friends. I would never keep non supportive people in my life and I would not consider people that treat me that way as "friends". I'm worthy of more than that and they aren't worth my time. If you are going to change anything, I hope you change the company you keep.

I think a lot of my fat-shaming came from myself. I purposely didn't wear make up or do my hair. I would wear impossibly baggy clothes; sweatpants, yoga pants, bulky t-shirts. And I was miserable. Who would want to go out of their way to talk to me? Now I am half way to my goal, down about 6 sizes and feel great. And that feeling has extended to my outer appearance as well. I think that because I have changed, people's attitude toward me has changed. I find myself talking to many more people than I used to and even opening myself up to begin conversations, something I wouldn't have done 40 pounds ago.
I'm still overweight and still will be for a while. But I've learned my value extends far beyond that number on the scale. There's so much more.
People judge, they always will. They will always make assumptions, lean on stereotypes, form opinions before they know anything. It's just the way people are and that isn't going to change. The best thing anyone can do for themselves is to love themselves (as my grandmother used to say), 'warts and all'. When you love yourself, it shines through and the judgments of others don't matter so much. They still might sting, but they don't linger.

Nope. I have a very unique and valuable technical skill set that has always been highly valued and highly sought after by employers. So I never really faced fat discrimination in my field. Being a fat nerd kind of goes with the territory, no one cares.
I have always been pretty, outgoing, vivacious and friendly. People are drawn to me and that hasn't really changed.
I think a lot of people are treated by the outside world what the project onto the outside world. My Dad said people will treat you how you let them treat you.

Yes people treat me differently but I don't think it's all external...
My energy level is higher, I'm less self conscious which frees up more areas in my brain to observe others, and people want to be around people who want to talk about them My confidence is higher, which is very attractive (until it approaches Trump levels) My happiness level is much higher I don't know which came first, my changes, or people recognizing the weight loss but to me these both work together. If you do the work on the inside as well as out you will enjoy the change more.

Yes people treat me differently but I don't think it's all external...
My energy level is higher, I'm less self conscious which frees up more areas in my brain to observe others, and people want to be around people who want to talk about them My confidence is higher, which is very attractive (until it approaches Trump levels) My happiness level is much higher I don't know which came first, my changes, or people recognizing the weight loss but to me these both work together. If you do the work on the inside as well as out you will enjoy the change more.

Yes they do... And I think its about 50% fat prejudice\the "invisible" obese person, etc., and 50% that I AM DIFFERENT inside and out now. So people smile at me more, notice me more, hold doors, annoying surveyors approach me at the mall now when they didn't see me before... And all of that can be attributed to fat prejudice. However, with the weight loss came a confidence I've never experienced before. I like me more now that I'm not in constant pain, sweating to hike a flight of stairs, guilty about what I ate or that I just had to waste more $$ on yet larger jeans, and yes, I'm more confident in my appearance now.
You can say all day long that you are the same person after a monumental weight loss, but if you managed a monumental weight loss, (whatever the means you used to help get there) you are a changed person. I'm MUCH more pleasant to be around. I'm more productive. I'm more confident. I can DO more. Is it so hard to understand the people are drawn to that over the person I was in the other package? I think not!

Yes people treat me differently...strangers in particular. I get alot more doors being opened, looks, and offers of assistance.
However, I know I contributed to this as well. When I reflect honestly I would say that coworkers, family and friends treated me with more respect when I was obese than I treated myself (ie not taking care of myself in many dimensions). I feel grateful they saw my worth through the shield.
I feel no anger or bitterness toward this change, I take responsibility for my role in it. I feel sad& mad for people who are treated so poorly due to their size.
Sent from my KFJWI using the BariatricPal App

I have noticed people acting differently toward me. Overall, people seem to be nicer to me. As I live in a very small town, this is much more noticeable, where people wouldn't speak to me at all before, now they do. You know, people who work at the grocery store for instance, or local businesses.
I have noticed as well, that I have more men just out of the blue, in passing, say hello to me, ask me how I am, and look me in the eyes, hold doors for me, smile at me. You would think this would be something to be happy about. This all actually makes me sad. I don't understand, because I am the same person I was before I lost all this weight. I suppose that it does come down to physical attraction, and I have always been hyper aware of just how unattractive fat is to some people, many people, in fact. Me, I never based any relationship on how a person looked. Who they are, is so much more important to me.
My family is a different story. They started out very supportive, and as I lose more and fit into smaller and smaller sizes, I am feeling the little barbs shoot at me, from some of my sisters. About loose skin, and wrinkles. I can only chalk that up to some type of jealousy. I am perplexed by this. As I was counting on my family for full support. I also notice that some friends are getting tired of hearing my "updates" and that I lost more weight. Or that I can do things I never have before, like cross my legs. For me, I'm just amazed...and it's a whole new world for me, as I have been big my entire life. I think it's a miracle that I can cross my legs, as an adult I haven't been able to. I'm 50 years old, and could never cross my legs as an adult. So to me it really is a whole new world, and I'm excited, I actually feel like a lady now.
I'll have to see how this progresses. One thing I do know, is that I am even MORE protective of people who are being made fun of because of their weight. I'm not like an ex-smoker who goes around bad mouthing everyone who smokes. I'm not a fat shamer, as I know exactly what it feels like to be out of control, and miserable in your own skin. I also know everyone has to come to terms with their weight in their own way, and time. Or not. It is not my job, or my business telling others they "need" to lose weight.

Am I treated better since I lost weight ? Oh, heck yes ! Sad but true. As one poster said , suddenly I'm more "acceptable ", but also I'm happier and that comes across to others . I also put in more effort to look attractive, paying attention to my clothes, makeup and hair etc. So, combine looking better, a happier personality, and a positive attitude , well that's just plain attractive ! Guy or girl, small or large, that's just going to make others treat you better. I have no control over how some people treat others, I just make sure I'm treating others nicely .

@@shellyd88 - this is something I am anxious about and already resentful in anticipation. There is part of me that wants to believe that I am a person of worth, no matter my size. Of course, how can I expect others to treat me with dignity when I don't treat myself with dignity?
This is especially a concern with my parents. I am still 10 weeks pre-op and I have only lost 25 pounds. They are already saying how proud of me they are. Why can't they be proud of me for other, more acceptable things other than the fact that my pants fit better?

sour cream and onion or barbeque roasted chick peas. Simply Protein chips are better than the Quest ones. Oh and simply protein lemon/coconut bars taste like rice crispy treats yum!

This is not a "grocery store find " but it's kinda a food find ! I kept reading about an India drink called "Golden milk " made with an amazing spice called Turmeric ( found in grocery or health food stores ). Supposed to be one of the best for everything from inflammation , insomnia, Alzheimers to killing cancer cells etc. Every night before bedtime warm on the stove (NOT microwave , and NOT hot ) 1/2 cup milk, any kind, 1/4 th tsp EACH of Turmeric ,black pepper, and cinnamon.. Pour into a cup and add 1-2 tsp of real honey and stir until disolved. Drink warm. I've been sleeping much, much better !! Google Golden milk or Turmeric for more info.

You realize a lot of the people that are very successful with weight loss surgery go on to live their life and are not even active in the weight loss communities or care any thing about WLS etc. At 7.5 months out, I doubt I will even be involved in WLS communities 6 months from now. Mainly because so many people are so full of self hatred and low self esteem, I find it too negative of an environment.
A lot of people want to just forget about their former selves. They aren't going to respond to surveys especially a lot of the longer ones.

You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. My sister is morbidly obese and even with my success losing my excess weight, she has not decided to do anything about her weight issue. Truthfully, I am hoping that I don't hate her if she dies before her time because of her obesity. I expected to grow old with her and now I don't think that will happen. I love her and don't want to lose her but I can't call her out in any way regarding her weight. She knows how heavy she is and she also understands that it's impacting her life span. That she chooses to do nothing to change that is something I cannot address without her feeling like I'm chastising her. So..I say nothing and hope she makes the choice herself to lose weight.

As someone who has an overweight daughter and obese son (both grown), here's my advice:
Say nothing and just lead by example.
Both my kids know they are overweight, as did I. I was ready to do something about it when I myself was damn good and ready, not because someone else told me I needed to. Pointing it out does nothing but make the other person feel even worse about their weight. Imagine if someone took you aside and said "We need to talk about your muffin top".
No. Just...no. Accept them for who they are.

188! Made it!

I have read all of these posts and can empathize with most of them.
I, too am an advocate for having a "good cry".---sometimes a very loud, wailing cry. I feel it cleanses my spirit and actually leaves me feeling better.
I also used to have a male best friend who used to enclose me within his arms whenever I needed to feel "protected and safe". I miss him.
I'm liking the idea of the weighted blanket. I believe that is the "safe and protected" theory coming through. --especially if it can be warmed.
"Comfort food"? I am trying to NOT turn to food when I'm desperate for some comfort. Right now, I am refusing to allow myself to be comforted by food. That's just me and my journey.
I still say, "GET A DOG". He/she have the ability to get you soooo much comfort, love, laughter, loyalty, affection. A dog will meet you at the dog every time you come home with such enthusiasm that no matter how crappy your day was, you will smile--even through tears. They will lay in bed with you for hours, even days when you're ill. They will comfort you with nudges, wet nose kisses, waging tails and play. I can not overstate the therapeutic benefits of having a dog in your life. Even if you are unable to get out and walk a dog, get a tiny dog who can use puppy pads until you are strong enough to walk it. Sometimes just having something in our lives that need us. Something who relies solely on you. Something to take our minds off of our troubles--even for just an hour. Something that no matter what we've done, will love us unconditionally--without explanation or consequences.
I know. I can talk "dogs" for days. I've trained and owned therapy dogs for years and years, and have seen the benefits for both the person and the dog. Endless---and bountiful. That are the win/win benefits of owning a dog.
Comfort??? Now you're talking!!!

@@VSGAnn2014, I am so sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis.
Sending hugs and prayers your way.

Okios triple zero is my fav!

I love the Dannon Oikos
http://www.oikosyogurt.com/greek-yogurt/greek-nonfat-yogurt/

Here's a fascinating, persuasive article on how to build new habits by starting with small steps. It's an excellent take on this tough issue!
http://www.fastcompany.com/3056613/how-to-be-a-success-at-everything/how-i-became-a-morning-person-read-more-books-and-learned-?utm_content=buffer3c1e0&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

I don't know if I ever did enough. I do know every single day I tried to do the best I could. Never ever got in the 64 ounces of Water, struggled to hit the 60 gms of Protein, struggled with a lot of issues, but every day I got up and tried to do my best. Did I make it to goal, yes. Do I still struggle, yes. I struggle every day to eat enough calories and get in enough water. But I will continue to give each day my best effort. Go easy on yourself. Listen to your body and what it's telling you. Get up each day and continue to try. Most of all.......don't compare yourself to anyone.

I try to eat different stuff all the time. I purposely still drink a Protein shake and eat a Quest bar every day so I can meet my Protein goals. And although most of my food choices are high protein, the shakes and bars give me the freedom to eat a balanced diet including fruit, veggies and whole grains while still getting 60-80g+ of protein. From a physiological standpoint, I like the idea of providing my body with different nutrients all the time. From a psychological standpoint eatng the same thing over and over with no variety would only be frustrating and lead to cravings and binges (for me, anyways)
However, the examples you gave (pizza, chips, Bloody Mary, wings) are all pretty poor choices when it comes to healthy, weight loss friendly foods. That first meal was pretty much all carbs and the second was some protein, but laden with fat and probably carbs from the sauces.
If you want variety, great, but make sure you mostly focus on lean protein and non starchy veggies. Your only carbs should be from maybe a little fruit and healthy, whole grains. Alcohol, bread and chips certainly should not be regular choices.

Unfortunately the internet turns some people into fierce keyboard warriors. They would probably never respond to someone like that in a face to face conversation.
As much as anyone has a right to say what they want, having a little class goes a long way too.
I wonder how many people do not ask questions, left this site or never joined after reading replies to posts that were totally out of line. Telling someone something with tough love is one thing, unjustly berating them, cursing them out or making them feel stupid is another.

Ebony and Ivory - Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder
And I have to say, I have read a lot of rude comments and understand that it can be frustrating to see the same questions posted over and over and whatnot, but we are all here for similar reasons-support. It gets irritating when people bash instead of doing just that, supporting a fellow sleever/bypasser/bander/etc...We were all newbies or inexperienced with this site at one point and it can be confusing for some, especially if on a mobile site instead of the full site on a computer. I get the "tough-love", sometimes it's needed; I'm only speaking to the rude or downright nasty comments that some post. Rather than be an a$$, just keep scrolling as a previous poster had said.

Mack the knives by Bobby Darin.
Kindness is a lost trait in cyber space. Many feel entitled to say what they would not say to someone face to face. Cowardice