Nikki Monroe

@@Sharon1964
@@Inner Surfer Girl
I think we have the right to our own privacy, regardless of how far into a relationship we are. If you do not tell someone that you had a form of cancer that is genetically linked, that you had a sex change, that you have a major disease, or any other form of medical secret that will impact their life and the lives of their children, if they happen to have children with you, then this is wrong. If, however, you choose to keep the fact that you had your stomach cut out to yourself, this will in no way impact their future and has no relevance on their life or the future of your lives together. While I think we all certainly have the right to agree to disagree, my point is that every person has the right to keep their secrets when those secrets have zero impact on their partner's life or health. If someone broke up with me because I did not tell them I had a sleeve, I would find them to be fantastically clingy and insecure in themselves and I would be over it fairly quickly. If a man cannot respect my privacy and my right to my own past in the same way that I respect theirs...then that is not someone that I would be compatible with. Everyone has a past and everyone has the right to keep some of that past to themselves...for some people like me, the sleeve falls into that category.
On a further note, I told my most recent ex about the plastic surgery I had because my scars were fairly new and one was still healing. It seemed fair to give him a heads-up. The next time I am intimate with someone I will feel no need to delve into why I have scars all over my naked self. If he asks, I will tell him, since obviously you can see these scars and you can't see my sleeve, but past that it is my body and my business. I feel no need to go into detail about how I had a bunch of skin removed and how I used to be fat when ultimately I now look fantastic (sort of fantastic at least). My last ex asked me why I had so much work done and I told him that as I had gotten older I was unhappy with how I looked and had it fixed. We left it at that, and had he pushed for more info I would have gotten annoyed and distanced myself quickly. Everyone has secrets and when they have zero impact on my life, it is not my right to demand to know what they are purely because I happen to be in a serious relationship with that person. If someone I dated did not have that same understanding, we probably never would have gotten to the "serious" part anyway.
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Your question doesn't make you unpopular..it's a valid point. I chose not to tell people because I know I would get my feelings hurt when people made judgey comments. Much as I say I don't care what people think about me...part of me does and I knew that it would bother me if all I ever heard was that I got thin because I had my stomach cut out. I also hid all of the old pictures of me when I was fat too, lol, because I am ashamed of that part of my life and I would prefer that it not be a point for conversation if I meet new people. Being fat is not who I am, it's just what I was at one point, and I did not want it to factor into my future. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being open about your surgery and it will likely empower others to do the same. I am just a very private person and I knew that having that big of a personal detail as public knowledge would cause me far more hurt than I was willing to deal with. That is why I chose to keep it largely secret and it is a decision that I have time and time again found to have been the right one for my life and my situation.

I'm going to be very unpopular after this post, but that's fine...Could someone please shed some light on why it's such a secret if you had WLS or not? I don't care who knows, because at least they know I am taking action to correct a major health issue. How will we ever reduce the stigma if we make it such a dirty secret? Who cares if they judge you or don't "understand"? I understand keeping certain things to yourself, but for the life of me I can't imagine worrying about what other people think of my decision to have weight loss surgery. If they don't like it, that is their problem, not mine.

I agree. Honest and open communication is a critical success factor for any intimate relationship.

If I got engaged to someone and he hadn't told me he had had such a life-changing surgery, I would re-evaluate whether I really knew him at all.

I would just have a candid conversation about your surgery and explain only as much as you feel comfortable explaining. If it's a serious or potentially serious relationship, I would think he/she would be very interested in your surgery and your reasons for having it. Anybody worth staying with will be glad to hear more about it. My husband was very supportive and helps me so much with exercise and my food, so it's good to have a support person in your life. Best wishes to you all!

I'm not shy about talking about the surgery at all. For the most part anyone I've talked to has been supportive/curious. It's probably a good bellwether for continuing the relationship. If he has issues with you having had the surgery not sure it's someone you would want to stay with anyway.

Thank you for this! I didn't plan on telling him anything about it until we are engaged and/or married. I think the only way it would come up sooner is if something serious happened that would force me to tell him.

Thank you for this! I didn't plan on telling him anything about it until we are engaged and/or married. I think the only way it would come up sooner is if something serious happened that would force me to tell him.

Hey October Sleevers!!!
How is everything going? Just wanted to check in with everyone and see how the weight loss is going, How close are we to goal? Are we still motivated? Do we need some motivation? Is your stomach still talking out loud? LOL! Lets have an update!!
Here are my stats:
Starting weight/size: 264/ size 18/(1X&2X)
Surgery weight: 255
One Month: 242
Three Month: 226
I am 203 lbs now and a size 12/14. My first goal weight is to lose another 23 lbs and then to evaluate were I want to be 10 lbs at a time. I did have a nice little stall for about a month and a half but when it broke I dropped 5 lbs which made me VERY happy! Losing this last little bit is proving to be very challenging but I am trying to stay consistent with going to the gym 4-5 a week doing weights 3 days a week. I can eat whatever I want without any problems though sugar makes my stomach make LOUD noises still!
Let us know whats going on!

Thank you for this! I didn't plan on telling him anything about it until we are engaged and/or married. I think the only way it would come up sooner is if something serious happened that would force me to tell him.

Your roomie is wrong and you need to put her in check. It's not her place to discuss your surgery, your weight or anything else personal. Girl...make her get her life.
yeaaah... my roommate is going to make it difficult for me to date the guys I want to - without them knowing about the wls because he likes to tell everyone how I had 80% of my stomach cut out to lose weight, instead of just leaving it at she had surgery (which is what my sister said to our waitress the other night because the lady thought I didn't like my salad or something as wrong with my food).
I'm cool with people knowing, but the way he says it and the tone he says it in is more him judging me and trying to put me down about it. And I want to date one of his friends after I am at a more confident space in my mind to deal with me and someone else.

Good question I was wondering too b/c I don't think I will tell anyone. I'm a very private person and if someone tends to probe too much I normally distant myself.

I tell no one I am dating because it is none of their business. I also chose to only tell my three best friends and to this day (almost 3-years post-op) those are the only people that know. I had plastics, so I don't have the scars on my stomach, but if I did I would just say I had my gallbladder removed. The placement of the scars is a bit different, but 99% of men are not going to know that or be paying enough attention to care.
I did not date until I had reached goal and had most of my plastics procedures done because I knew it would be a distraction. My boyfriend then made comments that I did not eat a lot and my response was...do you like having a hot gf? Right? Well then no, I don't get to eat ice cream, it's kind of part of wearing a size 2. It irks me when men comment on what I eat, which the vast majority never do. At any rate, the few times someone says something I just say...I had a big lunch, I'm just not really hungry today, I drank way to much Water before dinner, I'm saving room for dessert later (which I then conveniently forget to order), or any variety of perfectly valid excuses.
The only person I will ever tell about surgery is maybe someone I am in a long-term, serious, almost getting married relationship with. My prior surgeries are none of their business. Everyone has secrets and mine is nothing that is ever going to hurt anyone not to know. Relationships are not always about someone knowing every little secret detail about you, particularly those that have no relevance on the relationship. Your new boyfriend has secrets too...in the same way you respect his right to keep them, respect your own right to keep yours to yourself until if and when you may choose not to. Simply dating someone does not mean you have to tell them everything, or even anything, about your life that you might not be ready to talk about. Have a good time with your new man, eat how you want to without feeling the need to justify yourself, and if and when you feel like you are comfortable, maybe tell him, maybe don't, either decision is entirely valid and only yours to make.

I'm curious....at what point did you tell your girlfriend/boyfriend about your weight loss surgery? What was their reaction good and bad? Why did you tell them when you did?
The guy I am dating now notices my small appetite. I always give him half of what I am eating or he notices I don't always finish my food. He made the comment the other day about being "concerned" that I wasn't eating enough food. I told him I was but that I just eat a little more often. Makes me feel like that conversation may have to happen sooner than I anticipated.



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@@Nikki Monroe
I am not dating anyone now. When I was about 3 months I started dating. I didn't tell the guy I dated for a while and he never asked me questions even though my eating small amounts when we went out annoyed him (because he was cheap).
So now at a year out, I can eat enough that no one would question if I had surgery. I just seem like a picky eater, because I am a picky eater and I always have been. Or I seem like just someone with a small appetite or something that would really please my Grandmother, I eat like a lady. There is no reason to tell about my surgery because I have basically perfect health and no specialty nutritional needs beyond anyone else that is health conscious.
So if I met someone and was dating them seriously, I wouldn't feel the need to tell them unless we were getting married. The only people that need to know about my health is the person that is my emergency contact and empowered to make medical decision for me, and right now that is my best friend and it will stay that way unless I meet Mr Right.

I would try realself.com. There should be people that have had it on there that have posted their experience.
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Please let's keep this about the question no reason for this!
Thanks ladies I wonder the same things like where does it go and how ur body feels.. I was hoping someone did it to give us their story

My advice would be no. Don't buy now.
This next bit applies mostly if you're a woman (I can't tell from your profile).
Many women who lose weight rapidly via WLS wind up completely redefining their clothing / hair / makeup / style. Someone said here once, and it so rang true for me, that when you're fat you just buy anything that fits because you're so grateful it accommodates your body mass. After you lose weight, your selection criteria become much more complicated than that.
Also, and I know you know this, Target ALWAYS has big sales. This isn't the last sale they'll ever have. Save the gift card for when you want to reward yourself for having lost 10-20-30-50-100 pounds.

I only told a few people close to me and kept it to myself. I ended up having a hiatal hernia which has the same recovery steps as a sleeve so the few people who did ask me why I was out, I told them that...even my boss! About 4 weeks post op I started in the gym and so when people started to notice my weight loss and ask what I was doing I told them I eat way less than I used to eat and I'm in the gym 4-5 times a week which is very true. Good luck! I didn't want the judgement, watchful eyes or tons of questions. I share with people I want to share with and continue to enjoy the new me. Good luck!
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I only told a few people close to me and kept it to myself. I ended up having a hiatal hernia which has the same recovery steps as a sleeve so the few people who did ask me why I was out, I told them that...even my boss! About 4 weeks post op I started in the gym and so when people started to notice my weight loss and ask what I was doing I told them I eat way less than I used to eat and I'm in the gym 4-5 times a week which is very true. Good luck! I didn't want the judgement, watchful eyes or tons of questions. I share with people I want to share with and continue to enjoy the new me. Good luck!
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Its been 6 yrs since my bypass I got pregnant 5 1/2 yrs out its been 8 mnths since I had my baby and cant loose the weight regain ????????????????ive failed I need help
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There is a fad diet floating around the internet ("I read it on the internet, so it must be true!") that goes by names such as the "3 day (or 5 day) pouch test" that some use to try to "reset" their eating habits. It usually involves going back to a liquid diet and working back up to yogurt and cottage cheese. It doesn't test anything (particularly a pouch, as with the VSG, we don't have one,) and there are any number of ways people can cut back on their calories again, or reset their cravings after a binge of no-no's.
If one actually wants to check the capacity of their sleeved stomach, one needs to eat something that will close the pyloric valve at the base of the stomach - typically a piece of chicken or steak - and not a liquid or sliderish glop that flows through with minimal restriction as is done with these "pouch test" diets.

Hello everyone! I was sleeved Oct 2015 and I am now almost 6 months post op and I have lost 58lbs. My goal is 80lbs as of now so I am almost there. I started off as an size 18 refusing to even look at a size 20 and a few days ago I bought a size 12 in old navy jeans when I realized the size 14 jeans that I had gotten a few weeks ago were starting to look baggy! I say all of that to say that even though I almost 60lbs down and have lost 3 pants sizes, when I look in the mirror, my brain doesn't quite register the weight loss. I mean I see some definite changes and I know into a smaller size but it does not look like 60 lbs to me. To me, I guess it looks like maybe 30lbs. I guess I zone in on what parts of my body I need to work on. When did your brain finally catch up with your body?
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I'm not sure IF our brains will ever catch up to the reality of our weight loss. I am down 76 lbs. and still only notice the flaws. People say things to me daily now. It's just hard to register after all these years of failure. My standard answer to any compliment about how good I am looking is..."yeah, well let's wait till next year and see if I REALLY keep it off this time". I am trying to learn how to accept an affirmative remark without being self deprecating. Other than that, I am sooo grateful for the new me that continues to be able to walk more, fits n restaurant booths again, ties shoes without struggling, etc. etc. ad infinitum. Now, if I can just get it in my head........

I was sleeved in August 2015 and I am in the same boat as you. I am down 70lbs and I am currently sitting between a size 5/6 and a 7/8. I weigh 169lbs.
I still see the 240 pound girl. When I look in the mirror I don't really see much of a difference. I know I have lost the weight, everyone tells me I am going to blow away in the wind, the size of my clothes are smalls.... so I just don't understand why my brain wont catch up. It's a very weird feeling.
So when you find out the magic cure... please let me know. I would love to see myself the way others see me