BarrySue

This is not the victim olympics or a contest about who is allowed to hurt the most.
This is a WLS forum. So yes, people will delve deep into all manner of weight loss issues despite there being other things happening in the world. There is no need to marginalize or insult people for perfectly legitimate concerns, nor fall back into the tired old "millenial" generalization (which is one of the most inaccurate, backwards, ridiculous labels when you examine the facts).
BP is not a hugbox, but that isn't a moral imperative to be a jerk. Placating and justifying someone's bad decisions is not the same as having a little compassion for someone terrified of the after-effects of weight loss.
I don't view it as "trite" or "shallow" to be hesitant about weight loss due to excess skin. As women, we face a unique struggle in terms of our appearance. We are judged for what we are AND what we are not. We can feel unattractive and have rude comments made about our chubby cheeks, and be conversely nervous that we will have rude comments made about looking saggy, sallow-cheeked, and old (one of the biggest comments on the appearance of extreme weight loss folks is "they look so old now"). Yes, we all have health reasons, but I have a hard time believing many women who get WLS don't also crave feeling beautiful. In our society, beauty means power. Beauty means value. Beauty means avoiding the discrimination, bias, cruelty and dismissal that comes with inhabiting a large body. Should appearance mean these things? No. But that is the reality of the world we live in. We have all suffered so much under society's expectations of what we should and shouldn't look like, is it really a surprise people question the results?
So many of us have deep issues with body image and self-loathing. We are accustomed to viewing ourselves as undesireable. Surgery, hard work, pain, sweat, tears, only to fear that you will still hate the person staring back at you in the mirror? Terrified you will never find love? Worried that you'll go from a "big gal" that some men say they prefer, to a scarred and wrinkled mess that you fear is no one's preference?
That is not shallow. That is not trite. It is legitimate fear. And it can be overcome, but it takes work, time, love, and support. You don't need to kiss anyone's ass, placate, or justify anyone's delusions. You can always scroll past those threads. But damn, a little compassion wouldn't be remiss.
**Edit: Check the forums for how many threads contain "my spouse/partner says they won't find me attractive anymore if I lose weight."

Your stomach can have contractions/spasms during the first couple weeks whenever you swallow something down.
As for the Protein shakes, I also HATED them and couldn't drink them post surgery. I ended up using Fairlife Milk. It's a special milk that is fortified with additional Protein, with the lactose and much of the sugar filtered out. It was actually healthier than almond milk and many other alternate forms. I would mix diet cocoa mix in and drink it hot, or mix sugar-free strawberry Syrup in and drink it cold if I didn't feel like having it plain. I did this for a few months, and it was a HUGE help.

I feel you on this one.
I went back to school, worked hard, and got amazing opportunities for travel. But I always had to quietly ask for flight information so I could book myself into a window seat, and cover myself with a jacket so the flight attendant wouldn't point out the seatbelt wouldn't fit over me and make a scene bringing me an extension, and at times when the flights was full, I'd have to awkwardly ask a classmate to switch and spend an uncomfortable flight trying not to impede on anyone else's space. Everyone else is so excited to travel and explore the world, and I just dread it since it always involves me hlding my breath and waiting to be the next buzzfeed article "Fat student kicked off plane for being too fat."
Heck, I got to go to Europe last summer, and I spent most of the time silently frustrated with myself for how I didn't fit in ANYTHING. Let me tell you, I've never appreciated how roomy and accessible American facilities are until I spent a few weeks in France.
The worst part is, I can't be upset at anyone but myself.
So OP, I really sympathize with you. All we can do is try to change, and use our unique perspective to remember that everyone deserves dignity.

Always always always consult your OB-GYN! Your body is going through a lot of intense changes that can wreak havok on hormones, but that doesn't mean WLS is the cause! Definitely check with your specialist to ensure everything is in good working order down there. Be careful not to let WLS overshadow other potentially unrelated health issues.

Shrimp, tuna, hardboiled eggs, cheese, and fairlife milk (I feel like I'm the damn company spokesperson, but it was the only way to get me to my Protein goals every day).

So, I'm 18 months post-op, currently studying abroad in Europe this semester. It's not my first time through the continent.
I studied there in 2014 while topping 350 lbs, and it was awful. I didn't fit into the cute cafe seats, or the theatre, or the train seats, or the airplane seats, or the tiny narrow corridors, I didn't fit ANYWHERE! I felt as though people stared at me in France, giggled at me in Belgium, and to a group of German schoolchildren, I was the largest woman they'd ever seen.
My feet hurt. I was in agony trying to keep up with my classmates. I felt uncomfortable and didn't want to go out and socialize. Groups of young men made fun of me. I kept to myself and failed to bond with my classmates because I felt so incredibly uncomfortable. I was exhausted with the walking, walking, walking, and in historical sites with lots of stairs, I simply couldn't go. I slowed down my group and couldn't enjoy so much because I was in pain from the physical demands.
This time with a BMI of 30 instead of 60? Oh boy.
I've hiked mountains, walk uphill a mile every day to class, walked 5-10 miles a day without feeling tired, stopped noticing whether or not I'm being watched, talked to strangers and made so many friends, built relationships with my peers, and I no longer need to examine the seats in theatres or restaurants to determine whether or not I'll fit in them before entering. Men approach me (and boy if that isn't crazy new to me). I no longer manage my entire life around obsessing over whether something with be too physically demanding. I'm having the time of my life.
Getting the sleeve was definitely the best decision I've ever made, and I'm excited to rediscover the world in ways I never had the chance to when I was 350+ lbs!

This is not the victim olympics or a contest about who is allowed to hurt the most.
This is a WLS forum. So yes, people will delve deep into all manner of weight loss issues despite there being other things happening in the world. There is no need to marginalize or insult people for perfectly legitimate concerns, nor fall back into the tired old "millenial" generalization (which is one of the most inaccurate, backwards, ridiculous labels when you examine the facts).
BP is not a hugbox, but that isn't a moral imperative to be a jerk. Placating and justifying someone's bad decisions is not the same as having a little compassion for someone terrified of the after-effects of weight loss.
I don't view it as "trite" or "shallow" to be hesitant about weight loss due to excess skin. As women, we face a unique struggle in terms of our appearance. We are judged for what we are AND what we are not. We can feel unattractive and have rude comments made about our chubby cheeks, and be conversely nervous that we will have rude comments made about looking saggy, sallow-cheeked, and old (one of the biggest comments on the appearance of extreme weight loss folks is "they look so old now"). Yes, we all have health reasons, but I have a hard time believing many women who get WLS don't also crave feeling beautiful. In our society, beauty means power. Beauty means value. Beauty means avoiding the discrimination, bias, cruelty and dismissal that comes with inhabiting a large body. Should appearance mean these things? No. But that is the reality of the world we live in. We have all suffered so much under society's expectations of what we should and shouldn't look like, is it really a surprise people question the results?
So many of us have deep issues with body image and self-loathing. We are accustomed to viewing ourselves as undesireable. Surgery, hard work, pain, sweat, tears, only to fear that you will still hate the person staring back at you in the mirror? Terrified you will never find love? Worried that you'll go from a "big gal" that some men say they prefer, to a scarred and wrinkled mess that you fear is no one's preference?
That is not shallow. That is not trite. It is legitimate fear. And it can be overcome, but it takes work, time, love, and support. You don't need to kiss anyone's ass, placate, or justify anyone's delusions. You can always scroll past those threads. But damn, a little compassion wouldn't be remiss.
**Edit: Check the forums for how many threads contain "my spouse/partner says they won't find me attractive anymore if I lose weight."

WONDERFUL! I just got back from Paris Disney where everything is teeny tiny, and I could also fit comfortably into everything. Best sort of NSV are the ones that let you enjoy the magic too!

Shrimp, tuna, hardboiled eggs, cheese, and fairlife milk (I feel like I'm the damn company spokesperson, but it was the only way to get me to my Protein goals every day).

The biggest issue I'm seeing is people actually denying their weight is a problem. "Weight is just a number, it doesn't determine true health" or "I don't trust BMI, it says I'm obese and I don't believe that." So many people think they just need to hit the gym and eat "super" foods, and I want to shake them and say QUINOA will not help you, no matter how much you exercise, you can't train away a bad diet, and for the love of god, BMI isn't accurate, but unless you're a special athlete whose physician has done alternate means of testing to determine your bodyfat ratio, being obese probably isn't a good sign.

Not offended because I'm pretty similar in my methods/approach to you, but I definitely think it's important to keep perspective that people have different wounds, different problems, and different needs.
Food isn't your crutch. Be grateful for it instead of condemning others for not fitting the same mold. The amount of people on this forum who struggle with eating disorders, depression, anxiety, and a host of other legitimate mental issues is high. If you wave off someone with depression as being weak and not needing to be "coddled," you do a hell of a lot more harm than good. The same can be said for someone with binge-eating disorder. It's so easy to dismiss and marginalize people instead of understanding that there are many deep-seated issues, complicated neurological processes and genuine mental issues that can't be willed away, wished away, or reduced to being fixable by mere choice.
You say your husband chews you out for looking at food? What is helpful to you may be absolutely destructive for others. Some definitely don't need "a jerk to keep me in line," as that kind of harsh vitriol and constant judgment is what contributed to fucked up feelings about food in the first place.
I've been guilty of snapping at people, especially when they pull the old "listen to your body and screw the surgeon" act (listening to your body got you to 300 lbs, your body didn't go through twelve years of college and extensive training, your body craved 5000 calories a day for much of your life, your body is an idiot). But sometimes *I'm* the one who needs to step back, reevaluate my purpose for being here. Why do I post? is it to offer support and advice? Or is it to be a holier-than-thou snark queen who would rather be right than be helpful, constructive, and encouraging. You can absolutely disagree with someone and warn them against idiocy, but it's important to do it in a constructive way. If it ends up with cheap quips and insult, then be honest with yourself about why you're posting. If you can't contribute in a way that will be helpful, then keep scrolling. Because those who agree with you (aka me and many others) totally get your frustration, but all the new folks don't, and get intimidated, resentful, and end up refusing to accept any legit help/advice from us in the future.

Exactly. I grew up having to clean my plate. It is a terrible habit for kids. It was okay when eating at home with my WWII grandparents, they served normal servings. It is terrible when you are eating at restaurants where one entree is a days worth of calories, not even including the sides.

Thank you..I think from early on like many people I was told not to waste..starving kids and all. You are absolutely correct. I need something in my head to just say..it's ok..and the real waste would be for me to overeat..get sick or worse..back track on my successes so far.
Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I don't care about wasting food. Not wanting to waste food is part of what got me fat. I hate leftovers. I don't eat them. I cook everything I eat fresh (luxury of working from home). Someone on here that I now have on ignore tried to give me crap about not taking home leftovers from resturants. Like I never did before surgery and I am not going to start now. Sometimes I will take the boxes just because servers seem so upset if you don't eat all your food but I toss them in the dumpster before I even walk in my Apt.
It takes time but you just have to get over it. You wasting food isn't going to feed someone else. They didn't have access to that food anyway, it was yours, and you aren't wasting it, you are just not eating it. Cleaning your plate in America doesn't feed some starving kid, they are still starving. You being obese however shortens your life.
If you are eating in excess of what your body needs you are wasting food and storing it as fat, which is what most of us did pre-op. Food is fuel, so eating more than you need is still a waste.
Just because you are over served you are not obligated to eat it.
Come up with something in your head that makes it okay for you.
For me I am just YOLO. Leftovers are gross I won't touch them.

Congratulations!

Not offended because I'm pretty similar in my methods/approach to you, but I definitely think it's important to keep perspective that people have different wounds, different problems, and different needs.
Food isn't your crutch. Be grateful for it instead of condemning others for not fitting the same mold. The amount of people on this forum who struggle with eating disorders, depression, anxiety, and a host of other legitimate mental issues is high. If you wave off someone with depression as being weak and not needing to be "coddled," you do a hell of a lot more harm than good. The same can be said for someone with binge-eating disorder. It's so easy to dismiss and marginalize people instead of understanding that there are many deep-seated issues, complicated neurological processes and genuine mental issues that can't be willed away, wished away, or reduced to being fixable by mere choice.
You say your husband chews you out for looking at food? What is helpful to you may be absolutely destructive for others. Some definitely don't need "a jerk to keep me in line," as that kind of harsh vitriol and constant judgment is what contributed to fucked up feelings about food in the first place.
I've been guilty of snapping at people, especially when they pull the old "listen to your body and screw the surgeon" act (listening to your body got you to 300 lbs, your body didn't go through twelve years of college and extensive training, your body craved 5000 calories a day for much of your life, your body is an idiot). But sometimes *I'm* the one who needs to step back, reevaluate my purpose for being here. Why do I post? is it to offer support and advice? Or is it to be a holier-than-thou snark queen who would rather be right than be helpful, constructive, and encouraging. You can absolutely disagree with someone and warn them against idiocy, but it's important to do it in a constructive way. If it ends up with cheap quips and insult, then be honest with yourself about why you're posting. If you can't contribute in a way that will be helpful, then keep scrolling. Because those who agree with you (aka me and many others) totally get your frustration, but all the new folks don't, and get intimidated, resentful, and end up refusing to accept any legit help/advice from us in the future.

I lost quite a lot of boob. Previously, I was 52 DD, now I'm 36 -something- can't really tell what. I mean, all the loose skin fits into a D cup, but really the breast itself is much, much smaller. It's the price I paid to eat whatever I wanted for three decades, so it comes with the territory. They look fine in a bra, anyhow!

I lost quite a lot of boob. Previously, I was 52 DD, now I'm 36 -something- can't really tell what. I mean, all the loose skin fits into a D cup, but really the breast itself is much, much smaller. It's the price I paid to eat whatever I wanted for three decades, so it comes with the territory. They look fine in a bra, anyhow!

It is frustrating. But you have answered your own question. Exercise and diet are at least as important, and in the long term more so than surgery. I am in a mini stall right now, and working hard to make sure it isn't longer. But this stuff happens when it happens. We can only keep doing what we know we need to do and wait for it.

I'm not offended by your post- you certainly have a right to your frustration. As a heads-up though, I am one of those people that didn't follow all of the rules post-op (after the 6-week point- during the first 6 weeks I was an angel), because I have a medical background and I am fully aware of what will hurt me as opposed to what will just make it hard to lose weight. Every surgeon has different guidelines, so there is nothing wrong with getting opinion from others when there is a documented difference in what surgeon's suggest. Some surgeons still tell you not to use a straw, and yet my surgeon took the time to explain to me why (because some people end up with gas that makes them uncomfortable) and knowing this, using a straw was the only way I got in enough fluids the first few weeks. Many surgeons, in fact almost all, still say you can't drink with your meals. This is not a medically required rule, but rather a guideline that was set because they don't want you to wash the food out of your stomach faster, feel full for a shorter amount of time, and then eat more. A lot of surgeons say no carbonation ever, and yet the origin of this rule is because after the first few weeks (before that the carbonation can irritate your stomach), if people had been weaned off of carbonation, there was a good chance they had eliminated empty calories from non-diet soda. Carbonation won't hurt you after you're healed, but it certainly won't help your diet and teaching it as a "rule" is designed for the benefit of weight loss, not actual immediate health effects (yes it's bad for you, but no it won't kill you right this minute).
Despite their belief to the contrary, surgeons are not actually God, and not all of their directions should be taken as the bible- many yes, but certainly not all. When you are being reasonable in your question (it's 2 months out, can I have a few bites of a burger?- YES, you can), that's sort of the point that forums exist. The idea is to be supportive, not to be holier than thou because you were perfect on the diet and someone else wasn't. I have been within 3 pounds of my goal weight for two years, and at or below goal for about 20 months, and guess what...sometimes I eat crap and I have done so the entire time I have been sleeved. Some people do well with strict rules, and others do not, but when your stomach has healed, you are not physically hurting it by eating crap, you're just hurting your chance of ever being healthy.
I had a granola bar for Breakfast today, goldfish for lunch, and 1/4 of a lean cuisine for dinner. I also had 4 SF Red Bulls, and about 6 cans of diet pepsi. Yesterday I hadn't slept for 40 hours and I had a cookie for dinner. It was good. I did not die or wake up fat, although I am 100% sure my surgeon would not be remotely pleased.
Life is for the living and for the imperfect, and online forums can be a place to knock others down or pick them back up. Every time you make a post you get to decide what kind of person you want to be, to a type of person who may be just like you...scared, alone, sad, and very much in need of a bit of grace. I read plenty of posts where I role my eyes and think the person is an idiot...I then hit the little "x" and move on.
I think it is awesome that you have been so successful and I completely appreciate your right to your frustration, but ultimately, it's not your problem that other people break the rules, so why waste your energy caring? Either click the little "x", grumble about how stupid people are, and move on, or take a little bit of time to provide constructive (key word there) guidance in a way that will not further the hurt and isolation that they already feel. One day you won't be perfect and someone will be kind to you... and it will make all the difference.

This is not the victim olympics or a contest about who is allowed to hurt the most.
This is a WLS forum. So yes, people will delve deep into all manner of weight loss issues despite there being other things happening in the world. There is no need to marginalize or insult people for perfectly legitimate concerns, nor fall back into the tired old "millenial" generalization (which is one of the most inaccurate, backwards, ridiculous labels when you examine the facts).
BP is not a hugbox, but that isn't a moral imperative to be a jerk. Placating and justifying someone's bad decisions is not the same as having a little compassion for someone terrified of the after-effects of weight loss.
I don't view it as "trite" or "shallow" to be hesitant about weight loss due to excess skin. As women, we face a unique struggle in terms of our appearance. We are judged for what we are AND what we are not. We can feel unattractive and have rude comments made about our chubby cheeks, and be conversely nervous that we will have rude comments made about looking saggy, sallow-cheeked, and old (one of the biggest comments on the appearance of extreme weight loss folks is "they look so old now"). Yes, we all have health reasons, but I have a hard time believing many women who get WLS don't also crave feeling beautiful. In our society, beauty means power. Beauty means value. Beauty means avoiding the discrimination, bias, cruelty and dismissal that comes with inhabiting a large body. Should appearance mean these things? No. But that is the reality of the world we live in. We have all suffered so much under society's expectations of what we should and shouldn't look like, is it really a surprise people question the results?
So many of us have deep issues with body image and self-loathing. We are accustomed to viewing ourselves as undesireable. Surgery, hard work, pain, sweat, tears, only to fear that you will still hate the person staring back at you in the mirror? Terrified you will never find love? Worried that you'll go from a "big gal" that some men say they prefer, to a scarred and wrinkled mess that you fear is no one's preference?
That is not shallow. That is not trite. It is legitimate fear. And it can be overcome, but it takes work, time, love, and support. You don't need to kiss anyone's ass, placate, or justify anyone's delusions. You can always scroll past those threads. But damn, a little compassion wouldn't be remiss.
**Edit: Check the forums for how many threads contain "my spouse/partner says they won't find me attractive anymore if I lose weight."

Thinnertimes.com
Gastricsleeve.com
But they are so boring! Especially Thinnertimes. Everyone is almost....TOO nice, lol. That's sounds right up your ally though.

Thank you everyone for all the great ideas! I have shared all this valuable information with my wife so she can keep me on track and get my Protein up! What is a good unflavored Protein Powder that you guys have tried and liked? Thanx again! Even though the eating and drinking is tough I wouldn't have changed a thing about having my sleeve done! I am down 180 pounds since I started this journey in April!
Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

This is not the victim olympics or a contest about who is allowed to hurt the most.
This is a WLS forum. So yes, people will delve deep into all manner of weight loss issues despite there being other things happening in the world. There is no need to marginalize or insult people for perfectly legitimate concerns, nor fall back into the tired old "millenial" generalization (which is one of the most inaccurate, backwards, ridiculous labels when you examine the facts).
BP is not a hugbox, but that isn't a moral imperative to be a jerk. Placating and justifying someone's bad decisions is not the same as having a little compassion for someone terrified of the after-effects of weight loss.
I don't view it as "trite" or "shallow" to be hesitant about weight loss due to excess skin. As women, we face a unique struggle in terms of our appearance. We are judged for what we are AND what we are not. We can feel unattractive and have rude comments made about our chubby cheeks, and be conversely nervous that we will have rude comments made about looking saggy, sallow-cheeked, and old (one of the biggest comments on the appearance of extreme weight loss folks is "they look so old now"). Yes, we all have health reasons, but I have a hard time believing many women who get WLS don't also crave feeling beautiful. In our society, beauty means power. Beauty means value. Beauty means avoiding the discrimination, bias, cruelty and dismissal that comes with inhabiting a large body. Should appearance mean these things? No. But that is the reality of the world we live in. We have all suffered so much under society's expectations of what we should and shouldn't look like, is it really a surprise people question the results?
So many of us have deep issues with body image and self-loathing. We are accustomed to viewing ourselves as undesireable. Surgery, hard work, pain, sweat, tears, only to fear that you will still hate the person staring back at you in the mirror? Terrified you will never find love? Worried that you'll go from a "big gal" that some men say they prefer, to a scarred and wrinkled mess that you fear is no one's preference?
That is not shallow. That is not trite. It is legitimate fear. And it can be overcome, but it takes work, time, love, and support. You don't need to kiss anyone's ass, placate, or justify anyone's delusions. You can always scroll past those threads. But damn, a little compassion wouldn't be remiss.
**Edit: Check the forums for how many threads contain "my spouse/partner says they won't find me attractive anymore if I lose weight."

This is not the victim olympics or a contest about who is allowed to hurt the most.
This is a WLS forum. So yes, people will delve deep into all manner of weight loss issues despite there being other things happening in the world. There is no need to marginalize or insult people for perfectly legitimate concerns, nor fall back into the tired old "millenial" generalization (which is one of the most inaccurate, backwards, ridiculous labels when you examine the facts).
BP is not a hugbox, but that isn't a moral imperative to be a jerk. Placating and justifying someone's bad decisions is not the same as having a little compassion for someone terrified of the after-effects of weight loss.
I don't view it as "trite" or "shallow" to be hesitant about weight loss due to excess skin. As women, we face a unique struggle in terms of our appearance. We are judged for what we are AND what we are not. We can feel unattractive and have rude comments made about our chubby cheeks, and be conversely nervous that we will have rude comments made about looking saggy, sallow-cheeked, and old (one of the biggest comments on the appearance of extreme weight loss folks is "they look so old now"). Yes, we all have health reasons, but I have a hard time believing many women who get WLS don't also crave feeling beautiful. In our society, beauty means power. Beauty means value. Beauty means avoiding the discrimination, bias, cruelty and dismissal that comes with inhabiting a large body. Should appearance mean these things? No. But that is the reality of the world we live in. We have all suffered so much under society's expectations of what we should and shouldn't look like, is it really a surprise people question the results?
So many of us have deep issues with body image and self-loathing. We are accustomed to viewing ourselves as undesireable. Surgery, hard work, pain, sweat, tears, only to fear that you will still hate the person staring back at you in the mirror? Terrified you will never find love? Worried that you'll go from a "big gal" that some men say they prefer, to a scarred and wrinkled mess that you fear is no one's preference?
That is not shallow. That is not trite. It is legitimate fear. And it can be overcome, but it takes work, time, love, and support. You don't need to kiss anyone's ass, placate, or justify anyone's delusions. You can always scroll past those threads. But damn, a little compassion wouldn't be remiss.
**Edit: Check the forums for how many threads contain "my spouse/partner says they won't find me attractive anymore if I lose weight."