Lexigurl82

Hi guys,

I had my gastric sleeve surgery in December 2015. I have lost 116 pounds, however I have about 30-40 more pounds to lose. The visceral fat around my belly is extremely annoying and hard to get rid of as as well. Someone suggested Nutrisystem to help shock my body and trigger weight loss. For my veteran weight loss surgery peoples, have any of you tried anything like Keto, nutrisystem, weight watchers after your surgery?

2 hours ago, Navigating the Wilderness said:

Well, you could look at it as glass-half-empty, but I would look at it as you are attracting multiple different people so you must be doing something right. In other words, you have that hot-cha-cha, ya? That is half the battle!!

Seriously though, I am old school, I feel the best relationships are those that start with friendships and it is probably going to be a bit hard finding a friend on a dating site, though there are several people on here who have done just that. Any possible prospects at work/school/church?

Nope, no work/church prospects. I honestly have just given up. No more online dating for me. I am old school too But no one wants to be friends first anymore. They want to sleep with you first, THEN decide if they want to date you. It's so backwards.

11 hours ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

Honestly I meet the nicest guys on Tinder

Lol really? I've been told Tinder was worse than POF. And I didn't think anything was worse than POF... those dudes are disgusting

my tummy is still noisy and I am a year and 4 months out, I don't think there's anything we can do about it

I had the sleeve and I am a year and 4 months out. No regrets other than not having this surgery sooner. I am 110+ pounds down from my highest weight, the smallest I have been since high school (and I will be 35 this weekend). I say go for it, it will be one of the best decisions you'll make.

Rant: I had gastric sleeve surgery 12/2/2015. My highest weight was 307 pounds and my current weight is roughly 194 pounds. I moved to Florida late last year after my divorce and I have received the most attention I have ever gotten in my life. Guys would stare, give me a compliment or speak but never ask me out. A friend suggested I try online dating. I tried eHarmony, Plenty of Fish, Ok Cupid and Black People Meet. I made sure to have friends look at my profile so they could tell me if my online profile was decent or not. I do not talk provocative and my pictures are appropriate.

I have gotten rid of every profile except eHarmony, but as soon as my subscription ends, I will cancel that too. I have gone on a few dates and the men who ask me out are nothing but freaking liars! They are either conceited, selfish, demanding or downright just looking for sex. My profile clearly states I am looking for a relationship, yet guys would ask to exchange pictures without even asking me for my name. And the guys who say they want a relationship on their profile eventually show their true colors and in the end you find out that they're just looking for someone to jump in bed with. Matter of fact, men would ask me to come visit them or if they could visit me, and that's just after communicating on the first day. WTF??? Are you not concerned about diseases??? The last guy who sent me a message on POF (Plenty of Fish) asked to meet him for drinks and was incapable of holding an decent conversation. I told him it was obvious he was looking for a hook-up and that's not me, and I wished him the best.

I have gotten to the point where I am no longer interested in dating. Some people has found the love of their life online but I don't think it's for me. I have accepted the fact that being single is the way to go, that way I won't have to bother with being disappointed.

Ok, rant over. LOL.

With that being said, I am looking for friends, just people to hang out with. Anyone want to just have coffee? I am a sucker for a good coffee, Cappuccino or latte. If you're in South Florida, let's grab a cup, as a friend

Rant: I had gastric sleeve surgery 12/2/2015. My highest weight was 307 pounds and my current weight is roughly 194 pounds. I moved to Florida late last year after my divorce and I have received the most attention I have ever gotten in my life. Guys would stare, give me a compliment or speak but never ask me out. A friend suggested I try online dating. I tried eHarmony, Plenty of Fish, Ok Cupid and Black People Meet. I made sure to have friends look at my profile so they could tell me if my online profile was decent or not. I do not talk provocative and my pictures are appropriate.

I have gotten rid of every profile except eHarmony, but as soon as my subscription ends, I will cancel that too. I have gone on a few dates and the men who ask me out are nothing but freaking liars! They are either conceited, selfish, demanding or downright just looking for sex. My profile clearly states I am looking for a relationship, yet guys would ask to exchange pictures without even asking me for my name. And the guys who say they want a relationship on their profile eventually show their true colors and in the end you find out that they're just looking for someone to jump in bed with. Matter of fact, men would ask me to come visit them or if they could visit me, and that's just after communicating on the first day. WTF??? Are you not concerned about diseases??? The last guy who sent me a message on POF (Plenty of Fish) asked to meet him for drinks and was incapable of holding an decent conversation. I told him it was obvious he was looking for a hook-up and that's not me, and I wished him the best.

I have gotten to the point where I am no longer interested in dating. Some people has found the love of their life online but I don't think it's for me. I have accepted the fact that being single is the way to go, that way I won't have to bother with being disappointed.

Ok, rant over. LOL.

With that being said, I am looking for friends, just people to hang out with. Anyone want to just have coffee? I am a sucker for a good coffee, Cappuccino or latte. If you're in South Florida, let's grab a cup, as a friend

One of my younger sister's graduated yesterday and my brother, who I haven't seen in nearly 2 years told me how good I looked. Another sister who saw me yesterday said she almost didn't recognize me lol. Later that night she sent me a heartfelt text saying that she can see my new confidence and asked that I continue to embrace it. Her text meant a lot to me considering the fact that she and I didn't always have a close knit relationship. Her encouragement made me feel good enough to keep going forward in my weight loss process

@@LMSWNYC Sounds like you have a insecure husband and due to his low self esteem and low confidence, he does not like the new you. Whatever happens, do not stop living a healthy lifestyle. As someone above mentioned, divorce isn't uncommon after bariatric surgery. Once you begin to lose weight, you start to gain confidence and realize your self worth. I had the gastric sleeve performed in December 2015. 3 weeks after my surgery, my husband and I separated and he blamed he surgery when in fact, he was the issue. I had not lost that much weight, as I was only 3 weeks out from surgery. A month later, I filed for a divorce. We were married for 7 years too long. When I married my ex husband 7 years ago, I was already overweight. I had no self esteem, no confidence. He on the other hand was not overweight, educated and said he wanted to marry me. I grabbed him by the coat tails because I didn't think anyone else would want me since I was overweight. Every year that we were married, I continued to gain weight because I was extremely unhappy and depressed in our marriage. His actions kept me on edge and I was thrown in competitions with women and his porn addiction. After I had my surgery, I sat down with him and asked him to change his ways or lose me forever. He refused to stop watching porn and also rejected me in the process, yet he insisted he loved me. I left home thinking he would change but he got worse. He ended up finding a mistress and slept with her the day after our wedding anniversary, which was this past January. Our divorce was just finalized in July 2016. I am pretty sure he hates the new me and I am ok with that lol. I suggest that you and your husband consider marriage counseling and I hope he is receptive. If he doesn't wish to go through with counseling and believe that you love him and only him, your situation will just go from bad to worse. I really wish you the best and I apologize for my long post lol. Feel free to reach out to me anytime and please keep us all posted. Congrats on your weight loss and keep up the good work no matter what!

newly single as well. my divorce was finalized last month. I'm not looking for a committed relationship, just someone to talk to and hang out with. I would love something simple as a coffee date at a coffee shop, or just to have a drink. I've been out the dating game for over 7 years so I feel a bit awkward about dating lol. I'll get my bearings in due time lol.

you can drink, just drink in moderation. no need to feel bad

welcome! my surgeon allowed me to eat during my pre-op diet. He put me on a high Protein low carb diet. That meant no dairy except eggs and cheese, no veggies unless they were green and leafy. I could have all the protein I desired and my carbs had to be under 20 grams a day. I did it and lost 10 pounds before my surgery. I also had the sleeve and I am so grateful for it. Congrats on getting approved, it gets better from here!

I had my surgery in December 2015 and my periods are just as bad as it was before the surgery. I told my doc about it and she scheduled me for a vaginal and pelvic ultrasound. turns out I have uterine fibroids. I made an appointment with a recommended GYN for next month. At that time, the GYN will tell me what process I need to take. Your irregular periods could be from shock of having surgery and hormones, but make an appointment with your doc just to put your mind at ease.

don't pay your boss any mind. Just let it go in one ear and out the other. You should not have to disclose the reason for you taking time off work, it's not your employer's business. Congrats on your new journey!

My only regret is that I wished I done it years ago. 8 months out and 92 pounds down! At first, remorse did start to kick in but I no longer have any regrets about my journey

It's been a while since I've made a post. I filed a divorce after 7 years on 1/29/2016. The divorce was finalized last month. Before I filed for a divorce, a former friend told me my then husband at the time had a girlfriend. Not once did he fight for our marriage. Instead, he reached out to many women and found one who was willing to give him a chance. I eventually found out that his mistress knew all about me and they slept together 2 days after our wedding anniversary. That hurt me a lot. My then husband told so many lies on me and people actually believed him. I had to end up cutting every person we ever came in contact with out of my life because they claimed they were on my side, however they were on my husband's team. Inlaws, so called friends--the majority of them knew he had a mistress and failed to correct him about his actions because they valued his presence more than mine and my kid. Not that I like to talk about people but his mistress is extremely overweight and unattractive. My ex-husband is very controlling and narcissistic, so I am aware that he went after her because she has no self-esteem or confidence. She does everything he tells her to. He did the same with me. When I met my ex-husband, I was slightly overweight. Each year during our marriage, I got bigger and bigger. He seemed to be happy with it, always told me I was beautiful. But that was a lie. Now that we are divorced, family members and friends started coming forth and told me how they despised my ex-husband during our marriage because they knew he was a liar, a cheater, and controlling. They told me how it bothered them to see me gain weight and have several health issues, yet my then husband seemed content. Not only that, he didn't struggle with weight and was not very supportive in me losing weight. When I had my surgery in December 2015, he asked me twice if I would leave him once I lost weight. I told him I would leave him if he didn't change. 3 weeks after my surgery, I packed my and my daughter's clothing in trash bags and left. Everyday I hoped he would call, to see where I went, to see if I and my daughter were ok, to see if he wanted me back home but that didn't happen. When I checked our phone records, I saw he reached out to women he claimed he didn't even communicate with. Not once did I get a call or text asking for forgiveness or for me to come back home. And then, day after day I learned how he had a mistress and he slept with numerous prostitutes. And yes, this mistress knew all about me but just did not care, same as my then husband. My ex-husband did everything he could do to tear me down. Locked me out of our home. Slept with the mistress in our bed. Told lies to everyone would listen. In the end, I was able to move in our home and he had to move out. But the memories in the home was just to much to bear. I had to sleep in the guest room because I just could not sleep in our bedroom, where he had his mistress. How could people be so cruel? How could my husband do this to me and my kid? How could his mistress be ok with being with a married man and him mistreating me and a minor child? I guess I will never understand. Now that I am single, how do I move on? I am terrified to date. People compliment me and tell he how great I look since weight loss, but my ex-husband has destroyed all my self esteem. Therefore, I do not believe people when they tell me I look great. I can't even make eye contact with a man because I am afraid of them. It's hard for me to go out and enjoy myself because I am afraid that if I meet someone, that I won't be able to provide them with a relationship. I am just too torn. How do I move past the hurt? How do I move past the pain that my ex-husband inflicted on me and my daughter? All I can do is hope one day I can heal from all this.

@@Lexigurl82 First of all... you are beautiful. I know you can't see this right now because you're so broken but you really are. Your ex is a straight up BUSTER. Know that you have done the absolute best thing for you and your daughter and I just want to applaud you for having the COURAGE to take such a huge step. Many women live in this kind of turmoil and because they really don't believe they deserve better-- they stay. YOU made the first step and not only did you leave-- but you filed for DIVORCE. Please know that This too.... shall pass.

Lexi, this is your time. I know it doesn't feel like it right now but in time you will be able to look back on this day shaking your head and smiling at the same time. It's time for you to start loving YOU. You've had the WLS-- and been quite successful thusfar. Congratulations!!!! Continue with healthy activities it's this kind of thing that can derail us back to bad habits but DON'T EVEN.

The 5 stages of grief associated with dying apply to Divorce just the same. Some stages you will skip past quickly, some you will linger around in longer. It's ok to be sad. To cry. To break things. To be ANGRY. But then you must move on so that you can grow as an individual and transition into the next phase of your life that GOD has waiting for you. It is amazing.

Don't worry about dating right now. You're no where nearly ready for that. You have to heal first so that you are ready for the right one. OR else you might find yourself back in the same situation. First and foremost allow me to recommend personal counseling/therapy. I know this is not a very popular option but-- check your insurance benefits. Many plans have a Mental Health benefit that most of us never take advantage of. If your co-pays are too high, reach out to your Employee Assistance Program (EAP). Its a great resource available to employees to help you cope with stressors in your life. If you belong to a church you can also seek pastoral counseling.

I went through therapy for about 4 months. One night a week. 1 hr. No judgement. Psychologist was neutral and helped me to identify reasons that led to my thinking and behavior, and provided tools and behavioral exercises to help improve my thinking patterns, and responses. I had to DO THE WORK chile, because she couldn't be with me 24 hours but there were things I would work on until my next visit and we would review and move forward. This helped me to look at life with a new perspective, see the positive in myself so that I could focus more on becoming a better version of myself. That was the mind part.

I began eating healthier, exercising, taking care of my body. Then I had WLS. That was the body part. Many men who are themselves insecure, will prey on others with insecurities as a method to inflict control. He had not problem with your weight gain because it was no threat to him. He asked you if you were going to leave after having WLS because this was a threat to him. That's his problem, not yours.

Then the soul... whatever helps you to tap into a higher power, spiritual connection-- meditation, prayer, scriptures-- Bottom line all things need to be in check mind body and soul.

Spend some time to yourself to do some reflecting and create a vision board for what and who you want to be. Fit, stylish, Social, Traveler, whatever. Create a list of things you want to do. Yoga, Spa, re-connect with old friends, visit a new place, get your hair, nails, feet done. Go to the mall buy a new lip color, let them makeup your face. LOVE on YOU. IF you look good, you'll feel good.

Spend time with your daughter. I encourage you to work on yourself first and foremost because everything you do affects her. If you're moping around and depressed-- mad at the world, mad at her dad. She's taking it all in. Trust me kids pick up on these things and when mommy is sad... she hurts too. Be open to discussing her feelings.

I understand your feelings toward his friends and family but at the end of the day... their loyalty is to him. My sister in law and I are very close but I KNOW-- if there were something going on... her loyalty will always remain to her brother. Sometimes people just don't want to get involved or cause drama. That doesn't make it right, but this is a time for you to purge individuals out of your life and its up to you to pick and choose who you want in your life.

I do wish you the very best. I have a feeling this time next year for you will be much different but it is a process and there is light at the end of the tunnel. But it starts with you! Best wishes Lexi!

thank you so much, I needed to hear those words. I am doing a little bit more, going out with my roommate and just trying to have fun. it is a process and I just want to heal. I know it's going to take some time and I guess it is something I just have to go through. I am actively looking for a job in the new city I am in and as soon as I find a job I will look into getting some additional counseling. Thanks again and God bless you

Thank you so much. I don't feel attractive but I'm trying my best to hear people when I'm told that. I guess I have a hard time because in don't know if someone is being sincere. Your words mean a lot to me. I think it's too soon to date too so I'll do my best to hold off on that. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone because I'm hurt. Thanks again

I'm so sorry you've been hurt like this. You're right, no one deserves to be treated this way. In my opinion what you need now is healing time. don't worry about dating or men....just focus on you and your child, and your health. Time will heal your heart......and you'll know when you're open to new relationships....but don't rush it. The good thing is now you know what kind of man you DON'T want. For now focus on you.

Regarding your bedroom.....I don't know what your finances are like, but if I were you I'd go buy a new bed......and redecorate your bedroom so it's all new and all about you.....throw everything out that has those bad memories and make everything fresh and new.......you know how when we're married we try not to make our bedrooms too girlie.....now make your bedroom all about you, as girlie as you want it!!! After my divorce I painted my bedroom pink...haha

I know the hurt is heavy now but know it will get a little easier everyday......just take one day at a time.

Take Care,

Kathy

You are so welcome! When I saw your profile pic, I was like WOAH! I was shocked to know he did that to such a beautiful woman. He really messed up. I know you are still craving companionship. After my breakup, I really wanted it, too. But I knew I needed to learn to love myself before I tried to love anyone else. It wasn't easy, but each day, I got stronger. Now I know what I need and don't need in a relationship. I know exactly what I won't settle for. Keep us updated, and please let us know if you're having bad moments and just need someone to talk to.

lol thank you...I haven't accepted the fact that I am a smart and beautiful woman. I was already broken when I met my ex-husband, and I didn't think he would ever take my issues and use them against me in the way he did. I know in due time I will learn to love myself. I just hope it's sometime soon lol. No dating for me until I realize my self worth.

You guys rock...I am so glad I signed up for this site. Your words meant so much to me, I was about to get emotional Lol. Truth is, I know I'm not ready for dating but I miss having a companion. I miss holding hands, hugs, I just miss love. It's a sad thing for me to say this but I now know my ex-husband never loved me. Who I fell in love with never existed. Yes he was very controlling. He had every excuse in the world for his porn addiction and how he treated me. I'm also disappointed in his family and our former friends because none of them wanted to correct him. In fact, my ex sister in law felt I was trying to "damn " my ex husband! I ended cutting off every single person who had an attachment to my ex husband, even if they sis nothing to me because I didn't want to take the chance of someone telling me he is doing this and he is doing that. I was tired of that. I thank you guys so much for your beautiful words and compliments. I guess when I look at my ex husband's mistress it makes me feel so inadequate even though I've lost weight. He really did a number on my heart and I hope day I'll be able to have a good time when I go out and be able to move on. I appreciate all of you so much.

Honey, emotional abuse can do a number on your self esteem and confidence. Believe me what your exhusband did was all by design to keep you under his thumb. The moment you started to see the light he found a replacement. Well the devil is a lie. You are none of those bad things. Ditto what everyone has said. Take care of you daughter and do what you like and what you want. Find out what its like to answer to no one. Check in with no one. Try something new and make new girlfriends. Try to find someone close by on this website and have coffee. As far as companionship sure its normal to miss it, but what is companionship if the person would rather be somewhere else. And that old cliche is true (I used to hate it until I understood for mysel) you cant truly feel love or give love until you love yourself first because youll always be depending on that person to fill a void they can never fill. Annd when times get really tough, get a vibrator and keep it moving. Real talk between us girls!! Best of luck to ya!

Sent from my SM-N920V using the BariatricPal App

lol the vibrator part made me smile. I also hated those things so I'll pass lol and just pray that God keeps me until marriage. I appreciate your kind words, they meant a lot to me. I do miss having a companion, someone to talk to, someone to hold me and tell me things will be alright. I have been told that I must love myself in order to love and I agree wholeheartedly.

It's been a while since I've made a post. I filed a divorce after 7 years on 1/29/2016. The divorce was finalized last month. Before I filed for a divorce, a former friend told me my then husband at the time had a girlfriend. Not once did he fight for our marriage. Instead, he reached out to many women and found one who was willing to give him a chance. I eventually found out that his mistress knew all about me and they slept together 2 days after our wedding anniversary. That hurt me a lot. My then husband told so many lies on me and people actually believed him. I had to end up cutting every person we ever came in contact with out of my life because they claimed they were on my side, however they were on my husband's team. Inlaws, so called friends--the majority of them knew he had a mistress and failed to correct him about his actions because they valued his presence more than mine and my kid. Not that I like to talk about people but his mistress is extremely overweight and unattractive. My ex-husband is very controlling and narcissistic, so I am aware that he went after her because she has no self-esteem or confidence. She does everything he tells her to. He did the same with me. When I met my ex-husband, I was slightly overweight. Each year during our marriage, I got bigger and bigger. He seemed to be happy with it, always told me I was beautiful. But that was a lie. Now that we are divorced, family members and friends started coming forth and told me how they despised my ex-husband during our marriage because they knew he was a liar, a cheater, and controlling. They told me how it bothered them to see me gain weight and have several health issues, yet my then husband seemed content. Not only that, he didn't struggle with weight and was not very supportive in me losing weight. When I had my surgery in December 2015, he asked me twice if I would leave him once I lost weight. I told him I would leave him if he didn't change. 3 weeks after my surgery, I packed my and my daughter's clothing in trash bags and left. Everyday I hoped he would call, to see where I went, to see if I and my daughter were ok, to see if he wanted me back home but that didn't happen. When I checked our phone records, I saw he reached out to women he claimed he didn't even communicate with. Not once did I get a call or text asking for forgiveness or for me to come back home. And then, day after day I learned how he had a mistress and he slept with numerous prostitutes. And yes, this mistress knew all about me but just did not care, same as my then husband. My ex-husband did everything he could do to tear me down. Locked me out of our home. Slept with the mistress in our bed. Told lies to everyone would listen. In the end, I was able to move in our home and he had to move out. But the memories in the home was just to much to bear. I had to sleep in the guest room because I just could not sleep in our bedroom, where he had his mistress. How could people be so cruel? How could my husband do this to me and my kid? How could his mistress be ok with being with a married man and him mistreating me and a minor child? I guess I will never understand. Now that I am single, how do I move on? I am terrified to date. People compliment me and tell he how great I look since weight loss, but my ex-husband has destroyed all my self esteem. Therefore, I do not believe people when they tell me I look great. I can't even make eye contact with a man because I am afraid of them. It's hard for me to go out and enjoy myself because I am afraid that if I meet someone, that I won't be able to provide them with a relationship. I am just too torn. How do I move past the hurt? How do I move past the pain that my ex-husband inflicted on me and my daughter? All I can do is hope one day I can heal from all this.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

How do you move on and date?

In my opinion, very carefully and very slowly.

It sounds like you need to grieve and recover from your marriage before jumping back into the dating world.

Do you have a good therapist? Have you considered attending a 12 step recovery group like Overeaters Anonymous? Are you attending bariatric support group meetings?

Take the time to get to know yourself, recover and heal (physically and emotionally), learn how strong and resilient you are, and focus on health and wellness.

Another relationship can wait until you are steady in your own feet.

Yes, I am looking into finding a new therapist since I moved away from where I used to live. Hoping to find a good one soon. You're right, no dating for me until I am healed from this pain. Thanks

I ended up moving out of our home. Our lawyers were able to help us come to an agreement and once that was done, I decided to move out of the city. I'm no longer surrounded by those painful memories and phony people who claimed they loved me yet we're loyal to my ex husband. Now I just need to work on my heart and mind. I hate dealing with trigger moments and thoughts of how he rejected me. It hurts so much. Hopefully it will all heal as time goes on.

Thank you so much. I don't feel attractive but I'm trying my best to hear people when I'm told that. I guess I have a hard time because in don't know if someone is being sincere. Your words mean a lot to me. I think it's too soon to date too so I'll do my best to hold off on that. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone because I'm hurt. Thanks again

I'm so sorry you've been hurt like this. You're right, no one deserves to be treated this way. In my opinion what you need now is healing time. don't worry about dating or men....just focus on you and your child, and your health. Time will heal your heart......and you'll know when you're open to new relationships....but don't rush it. The good thing is now you know what kind of man you DON'T want. For now focus on you.

Regarding your bedroom.....I don't know what your finances are like, but if I were you I'd go buy a new bed......and redecorate your bedroom so it's all new and all about you.....throw everything out that has those bad memories and make everything fresh and new.......you know how when we're married we try not to make our bedrooms too girlie.....now make your bedroom all about you, as girlie as you want it!!! After my divorce I painted my bedroom pink...haha

I know the hurt is heavy now but know it will get a little easier everyday......just take one day at a time.

Take Care,

Kathy

I am so sorry that you went through all of that. Your ex-husband is nothing but a selfish, insecure, poor excuse of a man. He only cares about himself. You are beautiful. And I mean that. I just looked at your profile picture and WOW! Your teeth are so pretty, your skin complexion is amazing, and you have high cheek bones. You have very attractive qualities. I'm shocked that he was so stupid to let you go. He probably knew deep down that you deserved better. He probably thought you would reject him, so he gave up because he has too much pride to embarrass himself.

In my opinion, I still think it's too soon to start dating again. And I'm only saying this because it would be too soon for me. I think you may need to take a little more time to heal before you try again. But, if you think you are ready, then go for it! I know what it's like to crave companionship. Try to understand that not all men are like your ex. There is someone out there who is looking to find his Queen, and I think you are the perfect person. Try slowly to put yourself out there and really get to know a man. Don't settle for small talk. Make sure he wants to know about you, instead of only talking about himself. If he only talks about himself, then that is a bad sign that he is self-centered. He has to want to know about you in order to be interested.

You guys rock...I am so glad I signed up for this site. Your words meant so much to me, I was about to get emotional Lol. Truth is, I know I'm not ready for dating but I miss having a companion. I miss holding hands, hugs, I just miss love. It's a sad thing for me to say this but I now know my ex-husband never loved me. Who I fell in love with never existed. Yes he was very controlling. He had every excuse in the world for his porn addiction and how he treated me. I'm also disappointed in his family and our former friends because none of them wanted to correct him. In fact, my ex sister in law felt I was trying to "damn " my ex husband! I ended cutting off every single person who had an attachment to my ex husband, even if they sis nothing to me because I didn't want to take the chance of someone telling me he is doing this and he is doing that. I was tired of that. I thank you guys so much for your beautiful words and compliments. I guess when I look at my ex husband's mistress it makes me feel so inadequate even though I've lost weight. He really did a number on my heart and I hope day I'll be able to have a good time when I go out and be able to move on. I appreciate all of you so much.

It's been a while since I've made a post. I filed a divorce after 7 years on 1/29/2016. The divorce was finalized last month. Before I filed for a divorce, a former friend told me my then husband at the time had a girlfriend. Not once did he fight for our marriage. Instead, he reached out to many women and found one who was willing to give him a chance. I eventually found out that his mistress knew all about me and they slept together 2 days after our wedding anniversary. That hurt me a lot. My then husband told so many lies on me and people actually believed him. I had to end up cutting every person we ever came in contact with out of my life because they claimed they were on my side, however they were on my husband's team. Inlaws, so called friends--the majority of them knew he had a mistress and failed to correct him about his actions because they valued his presence more than mine and my kid. Not that I like to talk about people but his mistress is extremely overweight and unattractive. My ex-husband is very controlling and narcissistic, so I am aware that he went after her because she has no self-esteem or confidence. She does everything he tells her to. He did the same with me. When I met my ex-husband, I was slightly overweight. Each year during our marriage, I got bigger and bigger. He seemed to be happy with it, always told me I was beautiful. But that was a lie. Now that we are divorced, family members and friends started coming forth and told me how they despised my ex-husband during our marriage because they knew he was a liar, a cheater, and controlling. They told me how it bothered them to see me gain weight and have several health issues, yet my then husband seemed content. Not only that, he didn't struggle with weight and was not very supportive in me losing weight. When I had my surgery in December 2015, he asked me twice if I would leave him once I lost weight. I told him I would leave him if he didn't change. 3 weeks after my surgery, I packed my and my daughter's clothing in trash bags and left. Everyday I hoped he would call, to see where I went, to see if I and my daughter were ok, to see if he wanted me back home but that didn't happen. When I checked our phone records, I saw he reached out to women he claimed he didn't even communicate with. Not once did I get a call or text asking for forgiveness or for me to come back home. And then, day after day I learned how he had a mistress and he slept with numerous prostitutes. And yes, this mistress knew all about me but just did not care, same as my then husband. My ex-husband did everything he could do to tear me down. Locked me out of our home. Slept with the mistress in our bed. Told lies to everyone would listen. In the end, I was able to move in our home and he had to move out. But the memories in the home was just to much to bear. I had to sleep in the guest room because I just could not sleep in our bedroom, where he had his mistress. How could people be so cruel? How could my husband do this to me and my kid? How could his mistress be ok with being with a married man and him mistreating me and a minor child? I guess I will never understand. Now that I am single, how do I move on? I am terrified to date. People compliment me and tell he how great I look since weight loss, but my ex-husband has destroyed all my self esteem. Therefore, I do not believe people when they tell me I look great. I can't even make eye contact with a man because I am afraid of them. It's hard for me to go out and enjoy myself because I am afraid that if I meet someone, that I won't be able to provide them with a relationship. I am just too torn. How do I move past the hurt? How do I move past the pain that my ex-husband inflicted on me and my daughter? All I can do is hope one day I can heal from all this.

omg Sophie I am in the same exact boat. My divorce was finalized last month. Early into my divorce proceeding a former mutual friend called me and told me that my husband was in a relationship. Eventually, I found out that he and his mistress slept together 2 days after our wedding anniversary. The mistress knew all about me and did not care. My ex-husband moved on before I even filed for a divorce. When I found his mistress on Facebook, my jaw dropped. I too do not normally talk about people but this girl was and still is a hot, overweight mess. She is bigger than me, teeth messed up, double chins, the list goes on. But, my husband decided to carry on a relationship with her, knowing that she is nowhere near what he likes and do you know why? Let me explain. No offense to you, but your husband seems to go after women who have no self esteem and no confidence in themselves. It's easier for a narcissistic man to control and manipulate someone who has no self esteem, overweight, and no confidence. My ex-husband is the same way. When he met me, I was overweight and was getting bigger every year we were married due to emotional eating. During my divorce proceedings, different people came to me and explained how they disliked my ex-husband while we were married because they knew he was the reason I gained weight. And he was happy with me being overweight, because he felt that as long as I am overweight no one would want me. 8 months out from surgery and nearly 100 pounds down, he can't stand me because I built the courage to leave him and his abusive ways---and I left 3 weeks after I had surgery so weight loss was not the reason I left him. I left him because he was abusive to me and my kid. He was emotionally, financially and mentally abusive. And he was a cheater. What you are dealing with is rejection. I am still dealing with it myself. But, we have to try our hardest to see past the rejection and realize that they don't deserve us anyway. Our exes cannot be with us because we are too strong for them and I'm sure you're not as heavy as you used to be. As hard as this is, start telling yourself that you deserve better. Believe it or not, your ex has low self esteem. It may not look like it, but I promise you he does. Narcarcisstic and controlling people go after people they can control. And when they cannot control you, they will hate you. You are too good for your soon to be ex. He only moved on because he can't be alone. Same as with my ex husband. He moved on before I even filed for a divorce. But he did that because he cannot stand to be alone. All he did was find an overweight, unattractive woman and he is controlling her in more ways than one. Matter of fact, my ex controls his mistress so much that she neglects her teenage son just so she could lay up with my ex-husband. Just sad! But hey, that's their life. Time will heal all wounds. Just stay off facebook or block anyone who knows your husband. I blocked many in laws and friends because I didn't want them telling me my ex-husband's every waking move. I can't heal that way. Sometimes you got to cut people off. Change your name on facebook and change your privacy settings. Trust me, it will be the best thing you could have ever done. You are a winner and never forget that! One day, someone will come along and love you for YOU. You were too good for that loser husband