Lexigurl82

My only regret is that I wished I done it years ago. 8 months out and 92 pounds down! At first, remorse did start to kick in but I no longer have any regrets about my journey

@@Lexigurl82 First of all... you are beautiful. I know you can't see this right now because you're so broken but you really are. Your ex is a straight up BUSTER. Know that you have done the absolute best thing for you and your daughter and I just want to applaud you for having the COURAGE to take such a huge step. Many women live in this kind of turmoil and because they really don't believe they deserve better-- they stay. YOU made the first step and not only did you leave-- but you filed for DIVORCE. Please know that This too.... shall pass. Lexi, this is your time. I know it doesn't feel like it right now but in time you will be able to look back on this day shaking your head and smiling at the same time. It's time for you to start loving YOU. You've had the WLS-- and been quite successful thusfar. Congratulations!!!! Continue with healthy activities it's this kind of thing that can derail us back to bad habits but DON'T EVEN. The 5 stages of grief associated with dying apply to Divorce just the same. Some stages you will skip past quickly, some you will linger around in longer. It's ok to be sad. To cry. To break things. To be ANGRY. But then you must move on so that you can grow as an individual and transition into the next phase of your life that GOD has waiting for you. It is amazing. Don't worry about dating right now. You're no where nearly ready for that. You have to heal first so that you are ready for the right one. OR else you might find yourself back in the same situation. First and foremost allow me to recommend personal counseling/therapy. I know this is not a very popular option but-- check your insurance benefits. Many plans have a Mental Health benefit that most of us never take advantage of. If your co-pays are too high, reach out to your Employee Assistance Program (EAP). Its a great resource available to employees to help you cope with stressors in your life. If you belong to a church you can also seek pastoral counseling. I went through therapy for about 4 months. One night a week. 1 hr. No judgement. Psychologist was neutral and helped me to identify reasons that led to my thinking and behavior, and provided tools and behavioral exercises to help improve my thinking patterns, and responses. I had to DO THE WORK chile, because she couldn't be with me 24 hours but there were things I would work on until my next visit and we would review and move forward. This helped me to look at life with a new perspective, see the positive in myself so that I could focus more on becoming a better version of myself. That was the mind part. I began eating healthier, exercising, taking care of my body. Then I had WLS. That was the body part. Many men who are themselves insecure, will prey on others with insecurities as a method to inflict control. He had not problem with your weight gain because it was no threat to him. He asked you if you were going to leave after having WLS because this was a threat to him. That's his problem, not yours. Then the soul... whatever helps you to tap into a higher power, spiritual connection-- meditation, prayer, scriptures-- Bottom line all things need to be in check mind body and soul. Spend some time to yourself to do some reflecting and create a vision board for what and who you want to be. Fit, stylish, Social, Traveler, whatever. Create a list of things you want to do. Yoga, Spa, re-connect with old friends, visit a new place, get your hair, nails, feet done. Go to the mall buy a new lip color, let them makeup your face. LOVE on YOU. IF you look good, you'll feel good. Spend time with your daughter. I encourage you to work on yourself first and foremost because everything you do affects her. If you're moping around and depressed-- mad at the world, mad at her dad. She's taking it all in. Trust me kids pick up on these things and when mommy is sad... she hurts too. Be open to discussing her feelings. I understand your feelings toward his friends and family but at the end of the day... their loyalty is to him. My sister in law and I are very close but I KNOW-- if there were something going on... her loyalty will always remain to her brother. Sometimes people just don't want to get involved or cause drama. That doesn't make it right, but this is a time for you to purge individuals out of your life and its up to you to pick and choose who you want in your life. I do wish you the very best. I have a feeling this time next year for you will be much different but it is a process and there is light at the end of the tunnel. But it starts with you! Best wishes Lexi! thank you so much, I needed to hear those words. I am doing a little bit more, going out with my roommate and just trying to have fun. it is a process and I just want to heal. I know it's going to take some time and I guess it is something I just have to go through. I am actively looking for a job in the new city I am in and as soon as I find a job I will look into getting some additional counseling. Thanks again and God bless you

You are so welcome! When I saw your profile pic, I was like WOAH! I was shocked to know he did that to such a beautiful woman. He really messed up. I know you are still craving companionship. After my breakup, I really wanted it, too. But I knew I needed to learn to love myself before I tried to love anyone else. It wasn't easy, but each day, I got stronger. Now I know what I need and don't need in a relationship. I know exactly what I won't settle for. Keep us updated, and please let us know if you're having bad moments and just need someone to talk to. lol thank you...I haven't accepted the fact that I am a smart and beautiful woman. I was already broken when I met my ex-husband, and I didn't think he would ever take my issues and use them against me in the way he did. I know in due time I will learn to love myself. I just hope it's sometime soon lol. No dating for me until I realize my self worth.

Honey, emotional abuse can do a number on your self esteem and confidence. Believe me what your exhusband did was all by design to keep you under his thumb. The moment you started to see the light he found a replacement. Well the devil is a lie. You are none of those bad things. Ditto what everyone has said. Take care of you daughter and do what you like and what you want. Find out what its like to answer to no one. Check in with no one. Try something new and make new girlfriends. Try to find someone close by on this website and have coffee. As far as companionship sure its normal to miss it, but what is companionship if the person would rather be somewhere else. And that old cliche is true (I used to hate it until I understood for mysel) you cant truly feel love or give love until you love yourself first because youll always be depending on that person to fill a void they can never fill. Annd when times get really tough, get a vibrator and keep it moving. Real talk between us girls!! Best of luck to ya! Sent from my SM-N920V using the BariatricPal App

Good riddance to bad rubbish. How do you move on and date? In my opinion, very carefully and very slowly. It sounds like you need to grieve and recover from your marriage before jumping back into the dating world. Do you have a good therapist? Have you considered attending a 12 step recovery group like Overeaters Anonymous? Are you attending bariatric support group meetings? Take the time to get to know yourself, recover and heal (physically and emotionally), learn how strong and resilient you are, and focus on health and wellness. Another relationship can wait until you are steady in your own feet. Yes, I am looking into finding a new therapist since I moved away from where I used to live. Hoping to find a good one soon. You're right, no dating for me until I am healed from this pain. Thanks

I ended up moving out of our home. Our lawyers were able to help us come to an agreement and once that was done, I decided to move out of the city. I'm no longer surrounded by those painful memories and phony people who claimed they loved me yet we're loyal to my ex husband. Now I just need to work on my heart and mind. I hate dealing with trigger moments and thoughts of how he rejected me. It hurts so much. Hopefully it will all heal as time goes on.

Thank you so much. I don't feel attractive but I'm trying my best to hear people when I'm told that. I guess I have a hard time because in don't know if someone is being sincere. Your words mean a lot to me. I think it's too soon to date too so I'll do my best to hold off on that. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone because I'm hurt. Thanks again

You guys rock...I am so glad I signed up for this site. Your words meant so much to me, I was about to get emotional Lol. Truth is, I know I'm not ready for dating but I miss having a companion. I miss holding hands, hugs, I just miss love. It's a sad thing for me to say this but I now know my ex-husband never loved me. Who I fell in love with never existed. Yes he was very controlling. He had every excuse in the world for his porn addiction and how he treated me. I'm also disappointed in his family and our former friends because none of them wanted to correct him. In fact, my ex sister in law felt I was trying to "damn " my ex husband! I ended cutting off every single person who had an attachment to my ex husband, even if they sis nothing to me because I didn't want to take the chance of someone telling me he is doing this and he is doing that. I was tired of that. I thank you guys so much for your beautiful words and compliments. I guess when I look at my ex husband's mistress it makes me feel so inadequate even though I've lost weight. He really did a number on my heart and I hope day I'll be able to have a good time when I go out and be able to move on. I appreciate all of you so much.

omg Sophie I am in the same exact boat. My divorce was finalized last month. Early into my divorce proceeding a former mutual friend called me and told me that my husband was in a relationship. Eventually, I found out that he and his mistress slept together 2 days after our wedding anniversary. The mistress knew all about me and did not care. My ex-husband moved on before I even filed for a divorce. When I found his mistress on facebook, my jaw dropped. I too do not normally talk about people but this girl was and still is a hot, overweight mess. She is bigger than me, teeth messed up, double chins, the list goes on. But, my husband decided to carry on a relationship with her, knowing that she is nowhere near what he likes and do you know why? Let me explain. No offense to you, but your husband seems to go after women who have no self esteem and no confidence in themselves. It's easier for a narcissistic man to control and manipulate someone who has no self esteem, overweight, and no confidence. My ex-husband is the same way. When he met me, I was overweight and was getting bigger every year we were married due to emotional eating. During my divorce proceedings, different people came to me and explained how they disliked my ex-husband while we were married because they knew he was the reason I gained weight. And he was happy with me being overweight, because he felt that as long as I am overweight no one would want me. 8 months out from surgery and nearly 100 pounds down, he can't stand me because I built the courage to leave him and his abusive ways---and I left 3 weeks after I had surgery so weight loss was not the reason I left him. I left him because he was abusive to me and my kid. He was emotionally, financially and mentally abusive. And he was a cheater. What you are dealing with is rejection. I am still dealing with it myself. But, we have to try our hardest to see past the rejection and realize that they don't deserve us anyway. Our exes cannot be with us because we are too strong for them and I'm sure you're not as heavy as you used to be. As hard as this is, start telling yourself that you deserve better. Believe it or not, your ex has low self esteem. It may not look like it, but I promise you he does. Narcarcisstic and controlling people go after people they can control. And when they cannot control you, they will hate you. You are too good for your soon to be ex. He only moved on because he can't be alone. Same as with my ex husband. He moved on before I even filed for a divorce. But he did that because he cannot stand to be alone. All he did was find an overweight, unattractive woman and he is controlling her in more ways than one. Matter of fact, my ex controls his mistress so much that she neglects her teenage son just so she could lay up with my ex-husband. Just sad! But hey, that's their life. Time will heal all wounds. Just stay off facebook or block anyone who knows your husband. I blocked many in laws and friends because I didn't want them telling me my ex-husband's every waking move. I can't heal that way. Sometimes you got to cut people off. Change your name on facebook and change your privacy settings. Trust me, it will be the best thing you could have ever done. You are a winner and never forget that! One day, someone will come along and love you for YOU. You were too good for that loser husband

I had Aetna for my surgery and did the 3 month supervised diet. Every plan and surgeon is different. My plan required 4 visits with the surgeon, 3 visits with a dietician or NUT, a psyc exam, pulmonary function test, sleep apnea test, EKG and Chest X-ray. Good luck!

in addition to what everyone has said above me, try doing different exercises as well. Switching up your exercise routines can also shock your system and break your stall. good luck!

That's amazing! I have been working on my current job for nearly 3 years. I ran into a fellow co-worker who said they did not recognize me. I'm only 6 months out, down 73 pounds from my highest weight, 63 pounds since surgery.

It's been a while since I've posted. I had my VSG surgery on 12/2/2015. On 12/31/2015 I and my daughter left home because my marriage fell completely apart. I told my husband (soon to be ex-husband) I was unhappy with how he was treating me and he blamed my surgery as a way for me to leave him. Long story short, when I left home, my husband started reaching out to his old flames. Not once did he call me or ask me to stay. Not one time did he say I love or let's work it out. I had enough and filed for a divorce the end of January 2016. Since then, he has made my life hell and and my weight loss suffered a bit. I was too depressed and worn out to work out. Our court date is scheduled for 3/21/2016, which is a temporary hearing. I AM SO OVERWHELMED. I'm balancing a full time job, being a mother to a teenager and trying to handle legal issues at the same time. I just want my soon to be ex-husband out of my life. I hurt because I was hoping he'd come around and attempt to work things out but I now know it isn't going to happen. A mutual friend of ours called me last week to tell me my husband has a girlfriend--and we haven't even divorced yet. He's moved on while I am struggling to. How do I move on? I don't even know if I can trust another person to get close to me.

Sophie, I was/am in the same boat as you. I filed for the divorce, which is still pending. For a while now, my soon to be ex-husband complained about how low my sex drive was. He also complained when he would introduce new positions/toys that I hated because it felt degrading or was just downright painful. Because he was my husband, I would attempt them and often times felt disgusted with him during sex. Often times I would look up at the ceiling wishing it was over. My husband is addicted to porn and he refused to seek help for it. He convinced himself he was not addicted despite the fact that he looked at it day and night. We were married for 7 years. And we do not communicate. I have not spoken to my husband since I left home on 12/31/2015. Unless you have kids with him, I don't think it's best for you to talk to him. And even if you do have kids, your conversation needs to be short and to the point. The fact that he has moved on this quickly lets me know that he was never your best friend and he didnt love you. I had to come to that realization myself. My husband told me he loved me but truth is, he never loved me. He just didn't want to be alone. A real man would not do what your husband has done to you. One thing I know, sex don't keep a man. So even if your husband starts this relationship with the topless dancer, eventually that well will dry up--trust me. It's so sad how people think the grass is greener on the other side until they see it is fertilized with SH**. Honey, I say cut your communication with this loser and cut your losses. He is a jerk and abusive. One day he's going to look back and wish he never left. You deserve so much better than this guy. Realize your worth. I am starting to realize mine.

I had diarrhea for the 1st few days after my VSG surgery. Eventually it did stop. I would call the doctor to make sure.

I had my surgery in December 2015, 50+ pounds down. I am the same old goofy and loving person. However, I did become less tolerant of BS with my new found confidence. I am going thru a divorce currently. My soon to be ex husband felt that I was using the surgery as a way to leave him. He called it my exit strategy. He was wrong. After my surgery I told him how unhappy I was with the way he was treating me. Me having the surgery had nothing to do with it. I have 100 more pounds to lose. Turns out he was cheating on me during our marriage and even when we separated. He didn't make one attempt to make our marriage work but I made several. Now we are in divorce. I hurt everyday but in the end I know it's for the best. I am learning that people treated me different because I was big and now they are treating me different because I am losing weight. I will continue to be me, but I will no longer accept anyone's foolishness, even if that means leaving them behind.

I am so sorry you were denied. I am glad your surgeon will do a next level appeal. Most times, the insurance company will approve it once an appeal is done. I hope you get the approval for your surgery. Please keep us posted.

you guys....you rock...I thank you so much from the bottom of my heart...I hope to move past this, I really do. My in laws have turned on me even though they know everything that piece of crap did to me and my kid. Friends no longer call me and when they do, they call to gossip. I don't plan on dating anytime soon but I hope the next guy comes along and loves me and my kid for US. Everyday it gets tougher but I am still standing. You guys mean so much to me, so glad I signed up for this website.

Got a call this morning from the insurance coordinator stating that Aetna approved me for the gastric sleeve!!! Woot Woot!!! It's crazy because I called Aetna yesterday and was told that a decision was still pending. The approval process took a week. Feeling pretty blessed.

**TMI Disclaimer** My VSG surgery is 4 weeks away. According to my calendar and what my body is going through now, my expected menstrual cycle should happen on or before the day of surgery---and I JUST realized this today. It's been messing with my head all day because I want to have this surgery done so bad but I feel like I need to reschedule... my flow is pretty heavy and I just think it would be so messy to deal with on top of having surgery. I shed a tear or two talking to my husband about it because it's embarrassing to even think about...my surgeon is a male and I would hate for him or anyone to know that I'm having my period. My husband told me I was silly for thinking such a thing and told me to go through with having the surgery. He really hurt my feelings. I don't know, maybe I am thinking too much or a little emotional right now about it. I am so embarrassed and don't know what to do ....help...

good for you to make the decision to walk away...I agree with everyone else on this post--your BFF was full of crap and was just looking for a way to cheat. Just like someone else mentioned above, if you and the BFF cannot have a conversation in front of his wife, then it's probably inappropriate. And if you have to ask yourself if a conversation or behavior is inappropriate, then it probably is. I don't know you but I do know that you deserve so much more than what the BFF can offer you at this time.

I told a few co-workers and my supervisor. I haven't gone back to work yet but if anyone asks, I will be open about it. However I won't volunteer it.

nope, doesn't bother me because before my sleeve, I could eat just as much as anyone else, possibly more...I didn't know how to show restraint, which is why I decided to have weight loss surgery...previously I didn't consider myself a glutton...I just thought that I enjoyed food...but as I continued in my weight loss journey, I realized that the amount I ate was out of pure greed and gluttony...I am 2 weeks out and I am so thankful for my sleeve. I feel blessed to have another chance to get my mind and body back in good shape.

I decided to get the sleeve because I read that many people suffer with nutrient absorption and Vitamin deficiencies from the bypass. I'm 2 weeks out, 16 pounds down. So far so good.