offwithherhead

I do understand that everyone has very different feeling on this subject. However, I tell everyone, even wait staff who wonder why I have only eaten a few bites! I am not ashamed of me, my decision to change my life or any of my WLS. If people who do not bear our cross of food addiction THINK this is the easy way out, I can not help that but, maybe I might effect a change in some person suffering as we all have by being open and honest. I share all about my eating disorder, the medication I take for that, my two WLS's , and my struggles and high points as well. I never shove it down anyone's throat but, if I am asked, I share my honest experience. I will admit that when I first had my band, I was a bit more effected by the people who spewed their negativity toward me but, I now have a much thicker skin. Also, having had such a hard journey my first go round, I wish more post op patients would have met me on the street and spoken to me about how they really felt sometimes, maybe I would have been on my correct path a bit sooner! I think the bottom line is, this is a whole new beginning for us all and you should do and be what ever you want! If you want to keep it private, or be an all out there advocate its all up to you and people should respect that and remember what we all learned in kindergarten....if you don't have anything nice to say...DON'T SAY ANYTHING! lol

"It's everything. It's everywhere. The fat is a finite amount of cells and pounds but it stifles an endless amount of experiences in my life, and I am sick of it. So I am ready to divorce my current body and marry an upgrade."
I love it! Well said! I'm sure you have more than one kindred neshamah on here!

@@offwithherhead,
First of all, you have the best name on this site, so cute! Even though I doubt 'cute' was what you were after. None the less, I love it. And, I really enjoyed reading your above post's, you're brutally honest about everything, very cool. So they use strong language in Isreal? I must move there! I use strong words because that's just my way.
I'm close to your weight, 339, but I'm at 5'4". I was never overweight until I uncovered some deep things in therapy, then I just started to balloon. I eat to cope and I guess because food tastes good!
I have my date for RNY on 6/17/15. I am very healthy, like you but my body is falling apart. Like you, I have knee issues. I had both of my knees replaced about 3 years ago. I didn't follow the exercises post-op because the rest of my body hurt. And to be honest as to why I didn't exercise, I hate exercising. I now have the meniscus tearing in both knees. My leg muscles basically atrophied. I can barely walk, I do but with a rolling walker called a Rollator and even then, I can't walk far because my thighs and knees hurt so bad. I take pain pills for it. My Dr. said not to do any exercise until I lose about 40-50 pounds. She said I might be able to learn again how to walk on my own! God I hope so. My life sucks right now because of all this. This is what I did to myself. Some of my weight was put on on purpose, to harm myself as I learned more about the trauma's in my earlier years.
I think you have a very healthy understanding of yourself, the surgery and the sacrifice needed to make this tool work. I have been doing the medical exams requested by my surgeon in order to be a good candidate for the RNY. In this time, I loosely follow(ed) the South Beach Diet (and I don't call it a 'diet' anymore, it just 'is') and lost a good amount of weight. I also learned why eating healthy is necessary, to avoid harming your heart, blood vessels, etc. I had no idea just how harmful obesity and poor eating habits are, till now.
Well anyway, WELCOME to bariatricpal! Awesome folks here, and you can ask ANY questions you need and people will give their answers, opinions, etc. Such sweet people here. There are some not so nice people here, but very few. Good luck in your journey towards living healthily. Do lots of homework! Buy Alex's book on your chosen surgery, they're a wealth of information!

@@sparksrn, best of luck with your surgery!! That's so exciting.
I'm lucky that my doctor brought it up and was so encouraging about it. And yeah, people assume because I'm overweight that I don't try hard enough to lose the weight and am sloppy with my health and eating habits. I actually eat healthier and less than the majority of my friends and somehow I always weigh the most. I had people call me fat when I was 13 years old and I was probably only about 20 pounds overweight then (sometimes I want to slap every girl in junior high ever). And my friend told the other bitchy teen, "She eats almost nothing. And you're stupid." I have great friends.
I've been doggy paddling in the pool of weight loss since I was a young teen and never was quite able to swim like many seem to manage. I've tried this, I've tried that, I've tried every freakin thing. Weight loss surgery is going to be difficult and it's going to force me to change my relationship with food entirely, but it will be worth it. Until your behavior changes, you don't change. This is all pretty intimidating but big decisions usually are. I'm all shiny and new and optimistic; you can pinch my cheeks and pat my head if you like.

Yes, there are a lot of misconceptions. I just saw it as an extreme measure and a sign of failure to be a competent, healthy person, having to resort to surgery. I'm sure there are a lot of people I will encounter who feel the same way when I tell them about the surgery.
I am determined to not be ashamed of it and to be very upfront about it, because why not; I prefer to be honest and if other people think poorly about my honest situation then they can go to hell. (We are very frank here in Israel.) And maybe I can do some good in being open about it, explaining to people how it's a useful tool provided by advanced medicine that has a longterm success rate that is so far beyond the longterm success rate for dieting and exercise alone that it's laughable.
Already I feel so much better, making plans with my successful weight loss in mind, and it's amazing, just these plans. Just knowing for sure that I now have the ability to make a lasting change to my body is powerful and it fills me with hope. I never truly understood how many thoughts a day I had about my weight and how much I've been stifled in life by feeling my weight isn't good enough to present myself as a healthy, participating member of general society. I have plenty of confidence; that's not the problem.
The problem is reality. If you're fat, your opportunities to enjoy life are fewer than people who weigh a normal amount, and that's just a fact. I'm not talking about relationships, or not just about them. I'm talking about traveling comfortably on planes and not worrying that you'll be charged for two seats, and worrying whether you'll need to call a flight attendant over to ask for a seatbelt extender (sometimes yes, sometimes no). And even when you can get by without one, it's uncomfortable as hell because seats were made with a mind to cram as many people as possible into the plane, and your weight is simply not a factor in their deciding how tiny the seats are. Try an 11-hour flight elbowing your seatmate the entire way, and not wanting to, but you take up too much space and they're not giving up an inch of theirs, and they shouldn't have to either.
And it's about strategically choosing what to eat in a restaurant you visit with friends based on what will make them judge you the least, but not so obvious that they know you're trying (salads are too obvious and stay away from anything fried). And even though you aren't self-conscious about it in an embarrassed way, but you're more being tactical so as to frame their opinion of you, it makes you angry to know they probably do judge. And those are your friends, and they care about you; sometimes care too much.
And it's about searching out the right kind of chair that won't make you feel like you are a monstrous whale whenever you shift your seat. Shopping for clothes that my grandmother wouldn't even wear when all I want is to wear cute vintage clothing with purple hair, and the purple hair I can manage but the vintage clothing is all half my size, and nothing ever looks truly good on me; I don't say that in a self-conscious way and I'm not beating myself down about it, but it's an objective truth: You can only look good to a certain extent when you are carrying around 200 pounds of excess weight. Oh god, I want to find a bra that fits. And I want to run a half-marathon for charity, and I want to say I want to do that without laughing at myself in my head for being delusional. I want to go hiking in the mountains. I want to visit foreign countries without being identified in an instant as a fat tourist they can overcharge. I want to find a nice dress for a family wedding. I want to wear high heels without wanting to chop my feet off at the ankle after thirty minutes.
It's everything. It's everywhere. The fat is a finite amount of cells and pounds but it stifles an endless amount of experiences in my life, and I am sick of it. So I am ready to divorce my current body and marry an upgrade.
It's always such a defeatist attempt, dieting and exercising. I know that I won't be able to lose weight no matter how hard I try. And I've tried hard! And I just seem to gain more, no matter which diet I try. And as I try, my body gives me the finger and laughs. So now I'll give my body the finger and force it to change.
Sorry for the rant. I have Strong Opinions and I'm a writer, so you're stuck with me as I am!

Yes, there are a lot of misconceptions. I just saw it as an extreme measure and a sign of failure to be a competent, healthy person, having to resort to surgery. I'm sure there are a lot of people I will encounter who feel the same way when I tell them about the surgery.
I am determined to not be ashamed of it and to be very upfront about it, because why not; I prefer to be honest and if other people think poorly about my honest situation then they can go to hell. (We are very frank here in Israel.) And maybe I can do some good in being open about it, explaining to people how it's a useful tool provided by advanced medicine that has a longterm success rate that is so far beyond the longterm success rate for dieting and exercise alone that it's laughable.
Already I feel so much better, making plans with my successful weight loss in mind, and it's amazing, just these plans. Just knowing for sure that I now have the ability to make a lasting change to my body is powerful and it fills me with hope. I never truly understood how many thoughts a day I had about my weight and how much I've been stifled in life by feeling my weight isn't good enough to present myself as a healthy, participating member of general society. I have plenty of confidence; that's not the problem.
The problem is reality. If you're fat, your opportunities to enjoy life are fewer than people who weigh a normal amount, and that's just a fact. I'm not talking about relationships, or not just about them. I'm talking about traveling comfortably on planes and not worrying that you'll be charged for two seats, and worrying whether you'll need to call a flight attendant over to ask for a seatbelt extender (sometimes yes, sometimes no). And even when you can get by without one, it's uncomfortable as hell because seats were made with a mind to cram as many people as possible into the plane, and your weight is simply not a factor in their deciding how tiny the seats are. Try an 11-hour flight elbowing your seatmate the entire way, and not wanting to, but you take up too much space and they're not giving up an inch of theirs, and they shouldn't have to either.
And it's about strategically choosing what to eat in a restaurant you visit with friends based on what will make them judge you the least, but not so obvious that they know you're trying (salads are too obvious and stay away from anything fried). And even though you aren't self-conscious about it in an embarrassed way, but you're more being tactical so as to frame their opinion of you, it makes you angry to know they probably do judge. And those are your friends, and they care about you; sometimes care too much.
And it's about searching out the right kind of chair that won't make you feel like you are a monstrous whale whenever you shift your seat. Shopping for clothes that my grandmother wouldn't even wear when all I want is to wear cute vintage clothing with purple hair, and the purple hair I can manage but the vintage clothing is all half my size, and nothing ever looks truly good on me; I don't say that in a self-conscious way and I'm not beating myself down about it, but it's an objective truth: You can only look good to a certain extent when you are carrying around 200 pounds of excess weight. Oh god, I want to find a bra that fits. And I want to run a half-marathon for charity, and I want to say I want to do that without laughing at myself in my head for being delusional. I want to go hiking in the mountains. I want to visit foreign countries without being identified in an instant as a fat tourist they can overcharge. I want to find a nice dress for a family wedding. I want to wear high heels without wanting to chop my feet off at the ankle after thirty minutes.
It's everything. It's everywhere. The fat is a finite amount of cells and pounds but it stifles an endless amount of experiences in my life, and I am sick of it. So I am ready to divorce my current body and marry an upgrade.
It's always such a defeatist attempt, dieting and exercising. I know that I won't be able to lose weight no matter how hard I try. And I've tried hard! And I just seem to gain more, no matter which diet I try. And as I try, my body gives me the finger and laughs. So now I'll give my body the finger and force it to change.
Sorry for the rant. I have Strong Opinions and I'm a writer, so you're stuck with me as I am!

@@sparksrn, best of luck with your surgery!! That's so exciting.
I'm lucky that my doctor brought it up and was so encouraging about it. And yeah, people assume because I'm overweight that I don't try hard enough to lose the weight and am sloppy with my health and eating habits. I actually eat healthier and less than the majority of my friends and somehow I always weigh the most. I had people call me fat when I was 13 years old and I was probably only about 20 pounds overweight then (sometimes I want to slap every girl in junior high ever). And my friend told the other bitchy teen, "She eats almost nothing. And you're stupid." I have great friends.
I've been doggy paddling in the pool of weight loss since I was a young teen and never was quite able to swim like many seem to manage. I've tried this, I've tried that, I've tried every freakin thing. Weight loss surgery is going to be difficult and it's going to force me to change my relationship with food entirely, but it will be worth it. Until your behavior changes, you don't change. This is all pretty intimidating but big decisions usually are. I'm all shiny and new and optimistic; you can pinch my cheeks and pat my head if you like.

Yes, there are a lot of misconceptions. I just saw it as an extreme measure and a sign of failure to be a competent, healthy person, having to resort to surgery. I'm sure there are a lot of people I will encounter who feel the same way when I tell them about the surgery.
I am determined to not be ashamed of it and to be very upfront about it, because why not; I prefer to be honest and if other people think poorly about my honest situation then they can go to hell. (We are very frank here in Israel.) And maybe I can do some good in being open about it, explaining to people how it's a useful tool provided by advanced medicine that has a longterm success rate that is so far beyond the longterm success rate for dieting and exercise alone that it's laughable.
Already I feel so much better, making plans with my successful weight loss in mind, and it's amazing, just these plans. Just knowing for sure that I now have the ability to make a lasting change to my body is powerful and it fills me with hope. I never truly understood how many thoughts a day I had about my weight and how much I've been stifled in life by feeling my weight isn't good enough to present myself as a healthy, participating member of general society. I have plenty of confidence; that's not the problem.
The problem is reality. If you're fat, your opportunities to enjoy life are fewer than people who weigh a normal amount, and that's just a fact. I'm not talking about relationships, or not just about them. I'm talking about traveling comfortably on planes and not worrying that you'll be charged for two seats, and worrying whether you'll need to call a flight attendant over to ask for a seatbelt extender (sometimes yes, sometimes no). And even when you can get by without one, it's uncomfortable as hell because seats were made with a mind to cram as many people as possible into the plane, and your weight is simply not a factor in their deciding how tiny the seats are. Try an 11-hour flight elbowing your seatmate the entire way, and not wanting to, but you take up too much space and they're not giving up an inch of theirs, and they shouldn't have to either.
And it's about strategically choosing what to eat in a restaurant you visit with friends based on what will make them judge you the least, but not so obvious that they know you're trying (salads are too obvious and stay away from anything fried). And even though you aren't self-conscious about it in an embarrassed way, but you're more being tactical so as to frame their opinion of you, it makes you angry to know they probably do judge. And those are your friends, and they care about you; sometimes care too much.
And it's about searching out the right kind of chair that won't make you feel like you are a monstrous whale whenever you shift your seat. Shopping for clothes that my grandmother wouldn't even wear when all I want is to wear cute vintage clothing with purple hair, and the purple hair I can manage but the vintage clothing is all half my size, and nothing ever looks truly good on me; I don't say that in a self-conscious way and I'm not beating myself down about it, but it's an objective truth: You can only look good to a certain extent when you are carrying around 200 pounds of excess weight. Oh god, I want to find a bra that fits. And I want to run a half-marathon for charity, and I want to say I want to do that without laughing at myself in my head for being delusional. I want to go hiking in the mountains. I want to visit foreign countries without being identified in an instant as a fat tourist they can overcharge. I want to find a nice dress for a family wedding. I want to wear high heels without wanting to chop my feet off at the ankle after thirty minutes.
It's everything. It's everywhere. The fat is a finite amount of cells and pounds but it stifles an endless amount of experiences in my life, and I am sick of it. So I am ready to divorce my current body and marry an upgrade.
It's always such a defeatist attempt, dieting and exercising. I know that I won't be able to lose weight no matter how hard I try. And I've tried hard! And I just seem to gain more, no matter which diet I try. And as I try, my body gives me the finger and laughs. So now I'll give my body the finger and force it to change.
Sorry for the rant. I have Strong Opinions and I'm a writer, so you're stuck with me as I am!

@@sparksrn, best of luck with your surgery!! That's so exciting.
I'm lucky that my doctor brought it up and was so encouraging about it. And yeah, people assume because I'm overweight that I don't try hard enough to lose the weight and am sloppy with my health and eating habits. I actually eat healthier and less than the majority of my friends and somehow I always weigh the most. I had people call me fat when I was 13 years old and I was probably only about 20 pounds overweight then (sometimes I want to slap every girl in junior high ever). And my friend told the other bitchy teen, "She eats almost nothing. And you're stupid." I have great friends.
I've been doggy paddling in the pool of weight loss since I was a young teen and never was quite able to swim like many seem to manage. I've tried this, I've tried that, I've tried every freakin thing. Weight loss surgery is going to be difficult and it's going to force me to change my relationship with food entirely, but it will be worth it. Until your behavior changes, you don't change. This is all pretty intimidating but big decisions usually are. I'm all shiny and new and optimistic; you can pinch my cheeks and pat my head if you like.

Even my PCP said it was extreme when I just asked her what her thoughts were on it. She said I hadn't given traditional weight loss a chance. Excuse me!? I have been trying to loose weight since I was 14! So I changed Primary care doctors. The new doctor told me it could be the best thing in the world for me or the worst thing depending on how I handled it all and how I followed through. I also thought this was the easy way out. I know see it as the only way out! My surgery (RNY) is June 1st and I can't wait to get on with the rest of my life with more energy and ability to do the things I want to do!

Yes, there are a lot of misconceptions. I just saw it as an extreme measure and a sign of failure to be a competent, healthy person, having to resort to surgery. I'm sure there are a lot of people I will encounter who feel the same way when I tell them about the surgery.
I am determined to not be ashamed of it and to be very upfront about it, because why not; I prefer to be honest and if other people think poorly about my honest situation then they can go to hell. (We are very frank here in Israel.) And maybe I can do some good in being open about it, explaining to people how it's a useful tool provided by advanced medicine that has a longterm success rate that is so far beyond the longterm success rate for dieting and exercise alone that it's laughable.
Already I feel so much better, making plans with my successful weight loss in mind, and it's amazing, just these plans. Just knowing for sure that I now have the ability to make a lasting change to my body is powerful and it fills me with hope. I never truly understood how many thoughts a day I had about my weight and how much I've been stifled in life by feeling my weight isn't good enough to present myself as a healthy, participating member of general society. I have plenty of confidence; that's not the problem.
The problem is reality. If you're fat, your opportunities to enjoy life are fewer than people who weigh a normal amount, and that's just a fact. I'm not talking about relationships, or not just about them. I'm talking about traveling comfortably on planes and not worrying that you'll be charged for two seats, and worrying whether you'll need to call a flight attendant over to ask for a seatbelt extender (sometimes yes, sometimes no). And even when you can get by without one, it's uncomfortable as hell because seats were made with a mind to cram as many people as possible into the plane, and your weight is simply not a factor in their deciding how tiny the seats are. Try an 11-hour flight elbowing your seatmate the entire way, and not wanting to, but you take up too much space and they're not giving up an inch of theirs, and they shouldn't have to either.
And it's about strategically choosing what to eat in a restaurant you visit with friends based on what will make them judge you the least, but not so obvious that they know you're trying (salads are too obvious and stay away from anything fried). And even though you aren't self-conscious about it in an embarrassed way, but you're more being tactical so as to frame their opinion of you, it makes you angry to know they probably do judge. And those are your friends, and they care about you; sometimes care too much.
And it's about searching out the right kind of chair that won't make you feel like you are a monstrous whale whenever you shift your seat. Shopping for clothes that my grandmother wouldn't even wear when all I want is to wear cute vintage clothing with purple hair, and the purple hair I can manage but the vintage clothing is all half my size, and nothing ever looks truly good on me; I don't say that in a self-conscious way and I'm not beating myself down about it, but it's an objective truth: You can only look good to a certain extent when you are carrying around 200 pounds of excess weight. Oh god, I want to find a bra that fits. And I want to run a half-marathon for charity, and I want to say I want to do that without laughing at myself in my head for being delusional. I want to go hiking in the mountains. I want to visit foreign countries without being identified in an instant as a fat tourist they can overcharge. I want to find a nice dress for a family wedding. I want to wear high heels without wanting to chop my feet off at the ankle after thirty minutes.
It's everything. It's everywhere. The fat is a finite amount of cells and pounds but it stifles an endless amount of experiences in my life, and I am sick of it. So I am ready to divorce my current body and marry an upgrade.
It's always such a defeatist attempt, dieting and exercising. I know that I won't be able to lose weight no matter how hard I try. And I've tried hard! And I just seem to gain more, no matter which diet I try. And as I try, my body gives me the finger and laughs. So now I'll give my body the finger and force it to change.
Sorry for the rant. I have Strong Opinions and I'm a writer, so you're stuck with me as I am!

Yes, there are a lot of misconceptions. I just saw it as an extreme measure and a sign of failure to be a competent, healthy person, having to resort to surgery. I'm sure there are a lot of people I will encounter who feel the same way when I tell them about the surgery.
I am determined to not be ashamed of it and to be very upfront about it, because why not; I prefer to be honest and if other people think poorly about my honest situation then they can go to hell. (We are very frank here in Israel.) And maybe I can do some good in being open about it, explaining to people how it's a useful tool provided by advanced medicine that has a longterm success rate that is so far beyond the longterm success rate for dieting and exercise alone that it's laughable.
Already I feel so much better, making plans with my successful weight loss in mind, and it's amazing, just these plans. Just knowing for sure that I now have the ability to make a lasting change to my body is powerful and it fills me with hope. I never truly understood how many thoughts a day I had about my weight and how much I've been stifled in life by feeling my weight isn't good enough to present myself as a healthy, participating member of general society. I have plenty of confidence; that's not the problem.
The problem is reality. If you're fat, your opportunities to enjoy life are fewer than people who weigh a normal amount, and that's just a fact. I'm not talking about relationships, or not just about them. I'm talking about traveling comfortably on planes and not worrying that you'll be charged for two seats, and worrying whether you'll need to call a flight attendant over to ask for a seatbelt extender (sometimes yes, sometimes no). And even when you can get by without one, it's uncomfortable as hell because seats were made with a mind to cram as many people as possible into the plane, and your weight is simply not a factor in their deciding how tiny the seats are. Try an 11-hour flight elbowing your seatmate the entire way, and not wanting to, but you take up too much space and they're not giving up an inch of theirs, and they shouldn't have to either.
And it's about strategically choosing what to eat in a restaurant you visit with friends based on what will make them judge you the least, but not so obvious that they know you're trying (salads are too obvious and stay away from anything fried). And even though you aren't self-conscious about it in an embarrassed way, but you're more being tactical so as to frame their opinion of you, it makes you angry to know they probably do judge. And those are your friends, and they care about you; sometimes care too much.
And it's about searching out the right kind of chair that won't make you feel like you are a monstrous whale whenever you shift your seat. Shopping for clothes that my grandmother wouldn't even wear when all I want is to wear cute vintage clothing with purple hair, and the purple hair I can manage but the vintage clothing is all half my size, and nothing ever looks truly good on me; I don't say that in a self-conscious way and I'm not beating myself down about it, but it's an objective truth: You can only look good to a certain extent when you are carrying around 200 pounds of excess weight. Oh god, I want to find a bra that fits. And I want to run a half-marathon for charity, and I want to say I want to do that without laughing at myself in my head for being delusional. I want to go hiking in the mountains. I want to visit foreign countries without being identified in an instant as a fat tourist they can overcharge. I want to find a nice dress for a family wedding. I want to wear high heels without wanting to chop my feet off at the ankle after thirty minutes.
It's everything. It's everywhere. The fat is a finite amount of cells and pounds but it stifles an endless amount of experiences in my life, and I am sick of it. So I am ready to divorce my current body and marry an upgrade.
It's always such a defeatist attempt, dieting and exercising. I know that I won't be able to lose weight no matter how hard I try. And I've tried hard! And I just seem to gain more, no matter which diet I try. And as I try, my body gives me the finger and laughs. So now I'll give my body the finger and force it to change.
Sorry for the rant. I have Strong Opinions and I'm a writer, so you're stuck with me as I am!

Thanks! Yes, I am pretty certain I am going to have gastric bypass. I've researched all options and for a few reasons, this one seems to fit best for me. Of course, I need to discuss it with the doctor. I have another appointment with her on Thursday.
The incident that really started the discussion with my doctor was my knee. I tore the cartilage six months ago and I'm only now at a point where I can consider myself mostly healed. It took forever! And my doctor said it took longer than expected because of my weight, which makes sense to me. And of course, I've barely been able to exercise with the injured knee (it's ridiculous how little you can do), so that made things spiral and I gained even more weight, because I suddenly was much more sedentary. The way I see it, if I lose weight, my knee will also improve more, and I'll be able to exercise more and improve my health. Win-win. I know it's not going to be a walk in the park but I'm not a stranger to pain or inconvenience, and I'm a hard worker. I can do this.