lauraellen80

As I get closer to goal, I find myself thinking a lot about what it means to be a "normal" weight and how it's defined--by ourselves, by our doctors, by our peers, etc. For some background, I was a ballet dancer as a child and teen, and my high school years were the only time in my life after hitting puberty that my BMI was in the "normal" range. I was dancing about 20 hours a week, but I still was pretty solidly in the middle of the "normal" BMI at about 120-125 lbs. I was always the "big" girl in ballet class. I felt ashamed that I was only 5'1.5" and yet weighed over 100 pounds. Most of my dance teachers were always trying to get me to lose weight. We had weekly weigh-ins, and roles were often given or denied based on whether or not you had lost the 10 pounds they wanted you to before auditions. I came home so many nights in tears, telling my mom that I'd been told to live on carrot sticks and Water until a performance, that she took me to my pediatrician and asked him straight out if I actually needed to lose weight or if I even had weight to lose. I remember him saying that I had a very muscular build, and to lose weight would mean losing muscle mass. Which at the time, seemed like what I was supposed to do--I didn't want to be muscular and strong, I wanted to be waifish and have collar bones and hip bones that jutted out. I did have a few great teachers who didn't hold with the BS ballet body ideals and really tried to counteract the others, but I still took a lot of the bad stuff to heart. As you can imagine, I had some pretty effed-up ideas about ideal weight and body image, and I still struggle with it (and yes, I do see a therapist). In looking at the BMI charts and what is "normal" and "healthy" for someone of my height to weigh, I get very stressed out. I'm now 5'2", so by the standard chart, I should weigh between 104 and 135 pounds. I've set my goal at 135, but then the thoughts start creeping in... "but that's the fattest normal weight you can be," "gain 1 pound, and you'll be back into overweight status," "if you were really successful, wouldn't you be a the low end of normal instead of the high end?" So what does the weight/BMI range signify? My gut reaction is that 104 lbs/BMI 19 is inherently "better" than 135 lbs/BMI 24.9. I suppose it's meant to encompass different body types... but what does that mean for me? what is my body type, and where should I fall on the scale? I've seen a number of people on these forums that set their goal in the middle of the normal range so that they have some wiggle room. But I just can't quite imagine that now--as a 34-year-old who has a primarily sedentary job, walks and does water aerobics a few times a week--I could possibly weigh the same that I did as a 16-year-old pre-professional ballet dancer. Then, to throw more confusion into the mix, I've started reading about how frame size affects your weight. I measured my wrist according to the standard guidelines, and I apparently have a "large" frame (yep, that screwed with my head, too... but I guess I can't help my bone structure). So factoring that in along with my height and gender, other body weight calculators I've found (on hospital/official-type sites) give a range of 128-143 as "ideal" for me. Is this just a way to make people feel better about themselves, or is this a scientifically valid calculation? Pretty much any doctor I've ever been to uses the BMI chart as the end-all, be-all for assessing healthy weight. If I reach my goal of 135 but no less, will every doctor's visit for the rest of my life still come with an admonition to watch my weight, because I'm right on the tipping point into fat & unhealthy territory? Because if after losing nearly 100 pounds, I still have to feel like I'm a cow who's one meal away from disaster, I'm going to be devastated! It's so confusing and, at least for me, fraught with opportunities to fall back into my "all-or-nothing" thought patterns that contributed to my weight problems in the first place. I was going to post this in the general WLS forum, but it turned into more of a rant than I intended... apologies for the long post.

Someone posted about this a while back--I think it was @Elode. At the time, I thought she was nuts, but now I'm struggling with it, too! They need to invent a spherical razor.

@@Ronjohn you are really early out of surgery--the way you can eat now is no indication of what things will be like in the future. Your sleeved stomach is still swollen and healing, so give it time! It gets much easier. Right now, just focus on water, protein, and taking your vitamins.

Hmmmm... I'm not sure how to add surgery info and stuff from the app. I do that through the website. If you have a web browser on your mobile device, you can log in to your account through bariatricpal.com and make the changes through there. In the app, you can add a profile picture by tapping on the three lines in the upper left of the main screen of the app, then tap "People," then your user name (which should be at the top), then tap the little camera icon.

Welcome! You might consider adding info like your surgery date and other stats to your profile (which doesn't show up on the app, but does on the website version). We tend to get a little twitchy when we see posts from a user with a low post count, no profile picture, and a surgery date of November 1999 (which is what it for some strange reason defaults to if you don't fill in your info). True trolls and/or spammers that have come on this forum in the past and wreaked havoc have usually had the same type of profile.

I just caught the Skin Tight episode. I have to say, it actually made me feel better about my excess skin, which has been bothering me a lot. Comparatively, I have a minimal amount of loose skin--which I knew in my rational brain, but it seems a lot worse when it's just me staring at my bare stomach alone. But I completely relate to not wanting to be touched where there is loose skin and making intimacy difficult. I was so insecure of my body before I lost the weight, and it was a huge disappointment to feel just as disgusted with how my unclothed body looks now as I did before.

I have an Irish/German farm wife body type, myself. I'm right in the "normal" BMI range at this point, but when I circle my wrist with my other hand, my fingers still don't touch, which supposedly means that you have a "large" frame--literally having big bones. Technically, for my height I could get down to 103 lbs and still be within the normal range, but my dietitian told me that she doesn't want me to go below 115 (which I weighed for about 5 minutes when I was 15 or 16 and a ballet dancer... um, don't think it's a concern) I've been thinking about getting a DEXA or similar body composition scan to see what I have as far as body fat percentage, lean muscle mass, and bone mass. You may want to look into that so that you can get a more accurate idea of what is a reasonable weight for you.

Yeah... the lyrics are... relevant... kinda...? But to consider that an effective strategy to overcome lifelong issues... I was just gobsmacked. Also the fact that it's crappy music offended me, but that's beside the point. I was so shell-shocked at that point that I went ahead and scheduled my next appointment, but I called the office and cancelled it later and never went back. My next therapist was horrified when I told her about it and was embarrassed on behalf of her profession!

At my 6-month follow-up, my surgeon told me to ignore anyone who told me to stop losing, or said that I was getting too thin. Like others have mentioned, people get a distorted view of what they think you look like/should look like. My surgeon said, "If they had never seen you before, they would just think that you look 'normal."' When I visited my parents over the holidays, my mom said that I looked thinner than I'd ever been, even when I was a ballet dancer as a teen. Um, nope. I was usually around 120 then, and I am 128 now. It was 20 years ago, mom... your memory must be a little faulty there.

It's great that you are finding the support you need here. But also don't be afraid to "shop around" for a therapist! It's almost like dating--you have to find one you "click" with. I had to go through several therapists before finding one that really works for me. I seriously saw one woman who suggested that to get over my body image and food issues, I should watch the video for "All About That Bass." Also, I don't personally feel comfortable with talking to a male therapist. I'm the same about gynecologists.

OMG, I have so much respect for you! Smelling chocolate all day long would kill me!

I actually don't get as severe motion sickness on planes as I do in the car. I can't read or do anything in the car... even looking at a map for a couple minutes makes me a little urpy. I can play easy crosswords or read magazines or "fluffy" books (i.e., nothing with footnotes) on a plane, but I also always take a motion sickness preventative a couple hours before flying. Dramamine makes me loopy and doesn't help a lot, so I have always taken "Bonine," which is sold OTC and comes as a small chewable pill. I would check with your doc to make sure it's OK to take so soon after surgery. I had to fly from Pennsylvania to Indiana about 4 weeks post-op for a family emergency and took it then with no problems. Oh, and I'll second what @@JamieLogical said about asking for help with your bags. Strangers were very nice about lending a hand.

Agreed. Especially if it's not iceberg. I have to be honest, I get a little tired around here of hearing people dismiss lettuce (and other leafy vegetables) as a useless waste of space and acting like it's some kind of junk food. I eat salads pretty regularly (I'm 7 months out), though now I load them with Protein, and I usually go for ones made with mixed greens and spinach. I guess I could eat nothing at all but protein like some people claim to do, but I would prefer to be able to have regular bowel movements. I'm just silly like that, I guess. I don't eat lettuce and I have a BM every day.... Anyway, back to the topic at hand, I have trouble with any raw veg8oiiietables post-op. I am 16 months out and they still cause me to have super uncomfortable gas and burping. Cooked veggies I can handle just fine. Having BM is not problem for me, but lettuce does not offer enough to me to have the pain that it brings on. Everyone is different and our bodies know what we need and can handle. I was just curious as to how others tolerated it... I apologize for hijacking your post and taking it off topic. I'm apparently having a bad day emotionally. Of course if it causes pain to you, it is not worth eating!

I'm not saying you have to eat lettuce in order to, but I've seen a lot of posts on this site that basically say that if you eat anything other than Protein protein, protein, you're essentially an idiot who is going to fail. My apologies for being hyperbolic, and I'm not directing it at you or any one person really, but it's just starting to get to me. I spent an inordinate amount of time for the first couple months post-op sitting on the toilet while crying because I simply did not have enough fiber in my diet to pass things without tearing and bleeding. Yes, I took stool softeners, and yes, I tried fiber supplements (the ones allowed by my surgeon, at least), and I drank senna tea, and all of that, but the only thing that helped was adding in oatmeal, prunes, and more veggies. Honestly, if things hadn't started to get better, I would have major regrets about having surgery. I know that to a lot of people, anal fissure are just a punchline, but in reality, they are enough to make one verge on suicidal. And I'm not being hyperbolic with that. And I feel so much better now. But I hate that I feel like I'm a failure, even though I'm below goal, and that I'm essentially just a ticking time bomb who'll start packing the weight back on at any moment.

Agreed. Especially if it's not iceberg. I have to be honest, I get a little tired around here of hearing people dismiss lettuce (and other leafy vegetables) as a useless waste of space and acting like it's some kind of junk food. I eat salads pretty regularly (I'm 7 months out), though now I load them with Protein, and I usually go for ones made with mixed greens and spinach. I guess I could eat nothing at all but protein like some people claim to do, but I would prefer to be able to have regular bowel movements. I'm just silly like that, I guess.

I didn't fly anywhere for my surgery, but I would suggest asking to NOT be seated in an exit row, since your mobility will be limited after surgery. Personally, I get motion sickness very badly (since before surgery, this is nothing new for me, but I have heard that you can have an increased sensitivity post-op), and I find that the best place for me to sit in order to avoid nausea is on or directly behind the wing. Further back in the cabin, and I get really green really quickly.

Some people's plans allow them to eat oatmeal, since it is a whole grain or "healthy carb". Most people I've seen on here mix in some unflavored Protein powder. I personally haven't eaten oatmeal post-op and don't intend to. But ultimately everyone needs to figure out what works or them. Recommendations from surgeons and nutritionists are all well and good, but only YOU have to be able to live the rest of your life. I eat oatmeal made with fairlife milk and Protein Powder mixed in nearly every morning for Breakfast. I'm not a veteran yet, far from it, but I'm below goal at 7 months out, so I can't be effing it up too badly...

I'm taking my Multivitamin, Calcium, and Biotin as usual. I've been pushing fluids even more than usual and drinking Propel and Powerade Zero which have added Vitamins and electrolytes. I've always been one to catch respiratory stuff. I had strep and pneumonia many times as a kid. So this is pretty typical for me, sleeve or no. I'm not really congested, it's more sore throat than anything, so I can't be of help in suggesting what to take for that. Thanks for the suggestions, all. Feeling better this evening.

That's... insane... My surgeon gives 60-70% excess weight loss as the average total and likes to see patients lose half of that by the 6 month point. So, 30-35% of excess weight. Now, I did lose 100% of my excess weight by the 6 month point, HOWEVER--I started at a lower BMI and had lost 25 lbs. (1/4 of my excess weight) before surgery day.

Irritable? Always. But I was before surgery, so what's new? But no, seriously... like others have said, as you lose weight, your hormones go bananas for awhile. And like you mentioned, it takes adjusting to figure out how to deal with life stress without the old crutch of emotional eating. I recommend seeing a therapist, at least for a while until you get on an even keel and fully integrate your new healthy habits into your life. I have a session this morning, in fact!

My recovery room experience was similar--I have a vague recollection of moaning "Help... help..." because I was so nauseated when I first started to wake up, and I seem to remember a nurse coming over and being annoyed that I was calling for help. But I was really out of it, so who knows! My other "worst" was one of the floor nurses, who came in at one point the second day and asked me "How many pee-pees have you made today?" like I was a toddler. My mom (an RN herself) and I had to keep from making eye contact with one another, because we knew we'd both burst out laughing if we did. The other nurses were phenomenal, but that lady was a ditz. My mom wonders if she worked on a pediatric floor before. I was a bit frustrated that the dietitian from my surgeon's practice left right around the time I had surgery, and it was quite a while before they got a new one. In the meantime, I got some contradictory advice (mainly about carbs) from the surgeon's PAs and the dietitian at their other office in Maryland, whom I spoke with on the phone. But those were just a few minor annoyances--otherwise my experience has been great! My surgeon is top-notch and is very straightforward with you. The staff in his office is pleasant and helpful. And the hospital where I had my surgery is almost brand-new was great--my mom, who is a nursing educator, actually took notes and talked to some of the staff about how they run things to get ideas to take back to her hospital.

I get it. It's obvious that we are/were fat, but to put it out there in actual numbers is embarrassing! I've been fairly open about saying that I've lost over 100 lbs when people ask, but there is part of me that thinks, "Oh, no... now they know that I was well over 200 lbs before!" Of course, they're not blind, I'm sure they were aware of it, though not in terms of exact numbers. I mentioned it in another post, but so far my favorite comment has been when a friend saw me a few months after surgery and said, "Is it just me, or have you lost a F**K-TON of weight?!" I was still quite a ways from goal then, so I replied, "No, more like half of a f**k-ton so far."

I've incorporated carbs from early on, partly because I had terrible constipation problems without enough fiber. I still haven't eaten pasta or rice... but I eat oatmeal (every day); small amounts of fruit (apples & prunes mainly); quinoa, beans, lentils, & chickpeas; low-carb tortillas (1/2 at a time); and I occasionally have a little bit of starchy veggies like sweet or regular potatoes, peas, corn, etc. I've only had tiny amounts of bread, and then only out of the house on special occasions (like tonight, I had a small wedge of pita bread with hummus at dinner out for my birthday).

I just had my 6-month post-op visit with my surgeon. I'm below goal now, but still near the top of the "normal" range of weight for my height (I'm 5'2" and 128 lb). My surgeon warned me not to listen to anyone who says, "Oh, you're getting too thin!" or "Don't lose any more weight!" because they are just used to seeing me really heavy, and I may lose a bit more yet so that there is some room for the "bounce" that typically happens a year or two after surgery. Someone who meets me for the first time wouldn't think that I'm too thin, just normal.