Totoro

Well thanks again so much everyone for your incredible support.
I'm now 3 weeks post surgery and doing great. Hubby is much better and much more accepting. He admitted to me that he was scared to death of me dying. Even for the first 2 weeks post sleeve, I was incredibly nauseous and vomiting all the time - I had a rough time in those early days and he was so worried I'd have to go back to hospital and I'd die from malnutrition or something. Now that I'm eating some food again and back to my normal self he can see I'm fine and he's alright with it now.
I've lost 18kg (almost 40 lbs) since my heaviest (including the pre op diet) which I'm very happy about and he's noticing and making positive remarks.
He's also trying very hard to lose weight - I think he's lost a lot, however he refuses to weigh himself and prefers to instead judge by his clothes - which actually isn't a bad idea for him because he would be scales-obsessed.
But I thank everyone again for the incredible support you have all shown me. Right now, there is a positive outcome!!

Well thanks again so much everyone for your incredible support.
I'm now 3 weeks post surgery and doing great. Hubby is much better and much more accepting. He admitted to me that he was scared to death of me dying. Even for the first 2 weeks post sleeve, I was incredibly nauseous and vomiting all the time - I had a rough time in those early days and he was so worried I'd have to go back to hospital and I'd die from malnutrition or something. Now that I'm eating some food again and back to my normal self he can see I'm fine and he's alright with it now.
I've lost 18kg (almost 40 lbs) since my heaviest (including the pre op diet) which I'm very happy about and he's noticing and making positive remarks.
He's also trying very hard to lose weight - I think he's lost a lot, however he refuses to weigh himself and prefers to instead judge by his clothes - which actually isn't a bad idea for him because he would be scales-obsessed.
But I thank everyone again for the incredible support you have all shown me. Right now, there is a positive outcome!!

Well thanks again so much everyone for your incredible support.
I'm now 3 weeks post surgery and doing great. Hubby is much better and much more accepting. He admitted to me that he was scared to death of me dying. Even for the first 2 weeks post sleeve, I was incredibly nauseous and vomiting all the time - I had a rough time in those early days and he was so worried I'd have to go back to hospital and I'd die from malnutrition or something. Now that I'm eating some food again and back to my normal self he can see I'm fine and he's alright with it now.
I've lost 18kg (almost 40 lbs) since my heaviest (including the pre op diet) which I'm very happy about and he's noticing and making positive remarks.
He's also trying very hard to lose weight - I think he's lost a lot, however he refuses to weigh himself and prefers to instead judge by his clothes - which actually isn't a bad idea for him because he would be scales-obsessed.
But I thank everyone again for the incredible support you have all shown me. Right now, there is a positive outcome!!

Well thanks again so much everyone for your incredible support.
I'm now 3 weeks post surgery and doing great. Hubby is much better and much more accepting. He admitted to me that he was scared to death of me dying. Even for the first 2 weeks post sleeve, I was incredibly nauseous and vomiting all the time - I had a rough time in those early days and he was so worried I'd have to go back to hospital and I'd die from malnutrition or something. Now that I'm eating some food again and back to my normal self he can see I'm fine and he's alright with it now.
I've lost 18kg (almost 40 lbs) since my heaviest (including the pre op diet) which I'm very happy about and he's noticing and making positive remarks.
He's also trying very hard to lose weight - I think he's lost a lot, however he refuses to weigh himself and prefers to instead judge by his clothes - which actually isn't a bad idea for him because he would be scales-obsessed.
But I thank everyone again for the incredible support you have all shown me. Right now, there is a positive outcome!!

Sorry I don't know our weights in pounds. (It's all metric here!) I'll use a converter.
I'm 112kg (and only 162 cm)
246 lb and 5 foot 3
He's 6 foot 2 and I have no idea of his weight (he won't weigh himself) but if I could guess he'd be 150kg 330lb?
He is a large build though (many people think he played rugby) and carried his weight much better than I do.
Yes he's very insecure, and has struggled a lot with depression in the past - still does.
We had another big talk. Eventually he did admit that he should have the surgery too, but just can't do it.
I think we may have turned a corner here.

Thank you ladies. Both of your replies are so true!! He wants me to wallow in his misery with him!!! So selfish! No I will not discuss it with him any longer. He's being very childish and had better wake up to himself!!!

Thanks so much everyone. He was much better today, no sarcastic comments or cheap shots about how little I'll be eating. ????In fact he had a shake with me for Breakfast and my Protein and carb free veggies for dinner tonight. (I started Optifast yesterday). He's also said he's going to help keep me busy this weekend so I don't suffer too much with the starvation so he might be softening a bit. ????
It didn't help that a good friend of his told his yesterday that she has had the lap band for a few years and hasn't lost any weight! I'm not surprised, I would never consider the lap band, but at least he saw someone else who survived gastric surgery, even if it's a different procedure.
I feel confident he will lose weight with me, he is much more determined than I am. ????

Sorry I don't know our weights in pounds. (It's all metric here!) I'll use a converter.
I'm 112kg (and only 162 cm)
246 lb and 5 foot 3
He's 6 foot 2 and I have no idea of his weight (he won't weigh himself) but if I could guess he'd be 150kg 330lb?
He is a large build though (many people think he played rugby) and carried his weight much better than I do.
Yes he's very insecure, and has struggled a lot with depression in the past - still does.
We had another big talk. Eventually he did admit that he should have the surgery too, but just can't do it.
I think we may have turned a corner here.

Sorry I don't know our weights in pounds. (It's all metric here!) I'll use a converter.
I'm 112kg (and only 162 cm)
246 lb and 5 foot 3
He's 6 foot 2 and I have no idea of his weight (he won't weigh himself) but if I could guess he'd be 150kg 330lb?
He is a large build though (many people think he played rugby) and carried his weight much better than I do.
Yes he's very insecure, and has struggled a lot with depression in the past - still does.
We had another big talk. Eventually he did admit that he should have the surgery too, but just can't do it.
I think we may have turned a corner here.

CAUTION! Huge vent AHEAD!
So I saw my surgeon and dietician for the first time today and have my surgery date in just over 4 weeks, I want to do this ASAP.( I'm in Australia so booking the surgery and using insurance is very straightforward).
I'm excited to lose weight and feel good about myself.
Husband thinks I'm abandoning him. He needs to lose a lot of weight himself and he says I'm getting the easy way out and leaving him to do the hard work. He said we got fat together and now I'm not supporting him to lose it. He said he would never do this surgery.
So frustrated that he's making this about him when it is entirely my own decision about my own body.
He's blaming my parents for what he perceives as them making me feel so bad about myself that I feel I need to do this.
Grrrrr!!!! So angry at his bull$&@#!!!!
Ive tried to reassure him of course. And I think there is also a lot of worry there about me dying. He has never had surgery ever in his life.
He also doesn't perceive me as being unhealthy. I don't have any weight related health problems (yet- I keep trying to tell him YET) but certainly will in the future.
So I'm feeling so frustrated but honestly I'm seeing this as his problem and I'm still going ahead with it because I need to for my health.
Sorry everyone. Rant over.

Sorry I don't know our weights in pounds. (It's all metric here!) I'll use a converter.
I'm 112kg (and only 162 cm)
246 lb and 5 foot 3
He's 6 foot 2 and I have no idea of his weight (he won't weigh himself) but if I could guess he'd be 150kg 330lb?
He is a large build though (many people think he played rugby) and carried his weight much better than I do.
Yes he's very insecure, and has struggled a lot with depression in the past - still does.
We had another big talk. Eventually he did admit that he should have the surgery too, but just can't do it.
I think we may have turned a corner here.

Thank you ladies. Both of your replies are so true!! He wants me to wallow in his misery with him!!! So selfish! No I will not discuss it with him any longer. He's being very childish and had better wake up to himself!!!

As I mentioned before fear is a huge factor in someone not wanting this surgery or for wanting this surgery. Using what drew him to you in the first place is a huge help in winning a non compliant mate over. By example you will help him and he in turn will see the benefits for both of you...
Your both going to do great if you are there for each others fears, highs and lows of this journey.

I think one of the other things to bring up is the fact that long term, dieting just does not work, especially for those of us that get into the "clinically obese" category, since our bodies just seem to be great at hanging onto fat better than others... and cravings, deprivation and exhaustion tend to throw us off the wagon easily.
Gastric sleeve surgery is a tool that allows you to take back control - of your portions and cravings - to give us the ability to make better food choices while limiting the portions of said foods. You still have to eat better/healthy foods (which becomes MUCH easier when you're not feeling ravenous all the time) and exercise.
While some may say it is an extreme measure, I feel like for the sake of my health, it was the great decision rather than remaining grossly obese and dying young, with some periods of intense struggle and frustation trying to lose the weight (and keep it off and failing).
What is wrong with getting help with something you've struggled and failed at on your own? Why on earth would you not accept the help that the surgery provides if you have the ability to get it done? Is it some sort of punishment that you should remain fat forever just because you lack "willpower/self-control" according some judgemental person(s) that have no idea of the struggles that a long-term obese person goes through?
And I had no outstanding health problems yet either. Great blood pressure, excellent choloesterol... on paper if you covered up the weight number, I look fantastic. But I'm not going to stay that way carrying this much weight around. And there are very, very few fat people that make it up to their 70s or beyond. I plan to fully enjoy myself for a very, very long time.
So sure, anyone could diet and exercise and take off the weight for a little while, as long as they monitor their food, portions and exercise - basically let that stuff control their lives - or you could introduce the surgery to level the playing field to that of a normal-sized person that can maintain their weight through regular portions and activity. Then you can adjust your diet and get in your exercise and your body won't be fighting you anymore - you'll be on the same team.
I'm so glad your husband is communicating with you about the surgery and he may even come around to the idea of doing it himself. It will not be easy. I think most of us have had issues at some point in the process. But for myself, I'm just over 2 months out, and pretty thrilled with the results and don't have any regrets in doing this.
Keep talking to each other, discuss those fears and worries and really listen to what each other is saying. I think he was just balls-out scared for what this means for the future, and also pretty worried that you would lose so much weight that you would leave him/and feeling judged himself. He couldn't possibly think you should stay fat for the rest of your lives, but sometimes the gut reaction to drastic change is "he!! no!" and to get mad. Stepping outside of your comfort zone is scary - and I do hope the two of you are able to work things out so you both are able to get healthy together and share many, many decades together and see your children and grandchildren grow up.

Sorry I don't know our weights in pounds. (It's all metric here!) I'll use a converter.
I'm 112kg (and only 162 cm)
246 lb and 5 foot 3
He's 6 foot 2 and I have no idea of his weight (he won't weigh himself) but if I could guess he'd be 150kg 330lb?
He is a large build though (many people think he played rugby) and carried his weight much better than I do.
Yes he's very insecure, and has struggled a lot with depression in the past - still does.
We had another big talk. Eventually he did admit that he should have the surgery too, but just can't do it.
I think we may have turned a corner here.

Thank you ladies. Both of your replies are so true!! He wants me to wallow in his misery with him!!! So selfish! No I will not discuss it with him any longer. He's being very childish and had better wake up to himself!!!

Thanks so much everyone. He was much better today, no sarcastic comments or cheap shots about how little I'll be eating. ????In fact he had a shake with me for Breakfast and my Protein and carb free veggies for dinner tonight. (I started Optifast yesterday). He's also said he's going to help keep me busy this weekend so I don't suffer too much with the starvation so he might be softening a bit. ????
It didn't help that a good friend of his told his yesterday that she has had the lap band for a few years and hasn't lost any weight! I'm not surprised, I would never consider the lap band, but at least he saw someone else who survived gastric surgery, even if it's a different procedure.
I feel confident he will lose weight with me, he is much more determined than I am. ????

Thanks so much everyone. He was much better today, no sarcastic comments or cheap shots about how little I'll be eating. ????In fact he had a shake with me for Breakfast and my Protein and carb free veggies for dinner tonight. (I started Optifast yesterday). He's also said he's going to help keep me busy this weekend so I don't suffer too much with the starvation so he might be softening a bit. ????
It didn't help that a good friend of his told his yesterday that she has had the lap band for a few years and hasn't lost any weight! I'm not surprised, I would never consider the lap band, but at least he saw someone else who survived gastric surgery, even if it's a different procedure.
I feel confident he will lose weight with me, he is much more determined than I am. ????

CAUTION! Huge vent AHEAD!
So I saw my surgeon and dietician for the first time today and have my surgery date in just over 4 weeks, I want to do this ASAP.( I'm in Australia so booking the surgery and using insurance is very straightforward).
I'm excited to lose weight and feel good about myself.
Husband thinks I'm abandoning him. He needs to lose a lot of weight himself and he says I'm getting the easy way out and leaving him to do the hard work. He said we got fat together and now I'm not supporting him to lose it. He said he would never do this surgery.
So frustrated that he's making this about him when it is entirely my own decision about my own body.
He's blaming my parents for what he perceives as them making me feel so bad about myself that I feel I need to do this.
Grrrrr!!!! So angry at his bull$&@#!!!!
Ive tried to reassure him of course. And I think there is also a lot of worry there about me dying. He has never had surgery ever in his life.
He also doesn't perceive me as being unhealthy. I don't have any weight related health problems (yet- I keep trying to tell him YET) but certainly will in the future.
So I'm feeling so frustrated but honestly I'm seeing this as his problem and I'm still going ahead with it because I need to for my health.
Sorry everyone. Rant over.

Sorry I don't know our weights in pounds. (It's all metric here!) I'll use a converter.
I'm 112kg (and only 162 cm)
246 lb and 5 foot 3
He's 6 foot 2 and I have no idea of his weight (he won't weigh himself) but if I could guess he'd be 150kg 330lb?
He is a large build though (many people think he played rugby) and carried his weight much better than I do.
Yes he's very insecure, and has struggled a lot with depression in the past - still does.
We had another big talk. Eventually he did admit that he should have the surgery too, but just can't do it.
I think we may have turned a corner here.

CAUTION! Huge vent AHEAD!
So I saw my surgeon and dietician for the first time today and have my surgery date in just over 4 weeks, I want to do this ASAP.( I'm in Australia so booking the surgery and using insurance is very straightforward).
I'm excited to lose weight and feel good about myself.
Husband thinks I'm abandoning him. He needs to lose a lot of weight himself and he says I'm getting the easy way out and leaving him to do the hard work. He said we got fat together and now I'm not supporting him to lose it. He said he would never do this surgery.
So frustrated that he's making this about him when it is entirely my own decision about my own body.
He's blaming my parents for what he perceives as them making me feel so bad about myself that I feel I need to do this.
Grrrrr!!!! So angry at his bull$&@#!!!!
Ive tried to reassure him of course. And I think there is also a lot of worry there about me dying. He has never had surgery ever in his life.
He also doesn't perceive me as being unhealthy. I don't have any weight related health problems (yet- I keep trying to tell him YET) but certainly will in the future.
So I'm feeling so frustrated but honestly I'm seeing this as his problem and I'm still going ahead with it because I need to for my health.
Sorry everyone. Rant over.

Sorry I don't know our weights in pounds. (It's all metric here!) I'll use a converter.
I'm 112kg (and only 162 cm)
246 lb and 5 foot 3
He's 6 foot 2 and I have no idea of his weight (he won't weigh himself) but if I could guess he'd be 150kg 330lb?
He is a large build though (many people think he played rugby) and carried his weight much better than I do.
Yes he's very insecure, and has struggled a lot with depression in the past - still does.
We had another big talk. Eventually he did admit that he should have the surgery too, but just can't do it.
I think we may have turned a corner here.

Sorry I don't know our weights in pounds. (It's all metric here!) I'll use a converter.
I'm 112kg (and only 162 cm)
246 lb and 5 foot 3
He's 6 foot 2 and I have no idea of his weight (he won't weigh himself) but if I could guess he'd be 150kg 330lb?
He is a large build though (many people think he played rugby) and carried his weight much better than I do.
Yes he's very insecure, and has struggled a lot with depression in the past - still does.
We had another big talk. Eventually he did admit that he should have the surgery too, but just can't do it.
I think we may have turned a corner here.

Thank you ladies. Both of your replies are so true!! He wants me to wallow in his misery with him!!! So selfish! No I will not discuss it with him any longer. He's being very childish and had better wake up to himself!!!

Sorry I don't know our weights in pounds. (It's all metric here!) I'll use a converter.
I'm 112kg (and only 162 cm)
246 lb and 5 foot 3
He's 6 foot 2 and I have no idea of his weight (he won't weigh himself) but if I could guess he'd be 150kg 330lb?
He is a large build though (many people think he played rugby) and carried his weight much better than I do.
Yes he's very insecure, and has struggled a lot with depression in the past - still does.
We had another big talk. Eventually he did admit that he should have the surgery too, but just can't do it.
I think we may have turned a corner here.