Sharon1964

Bonnie Raitt did it best: "I Can't Make You Love Me" Turn down the lights; Turn down the bed. Turn down these voices Inside my head. Lay down with me; Tell me no lies. Just hold me close; Don't patronize. Don't patronize me. [Chorus:] 'Cuz I can't make you love me If you don't. You can't make your heart feel Something it won't. Here in the dark In these final hours, I will lay down my heart And I'll feel the power; But you won't. No, you won't. 'Cuz I can't make you love me If you don't. I'll close my eyes, Then I won't see The love you don't feel When you're holding me. Morning will come, And I'll do what's right; Just give me till then To give up this fight. And I will give up this fight.

Same here. No drains.

Oh, and unemotional? On the outside yes. On the inside I started having anxiety yesterday. From my desk, I can see outside through a glass side door. If I couldn't see outside (like from our lunch room), I had anxiety. But sitting at my desk, I had anxiety because people could see in. There was no winning there.

@Renkoss I used to work in mental health, but more of the every-day counseling setting. Now I'm in chronic pain, and a psychotic break is unusual in our setting.

We do not.

I am starting to feel better, thank goodness. Psychotic dude has been in the waiting room twice today. The first time, we told him to pee in a cup for a urine drug test and he filled it with cold Water at the sink. He wanted meds and we said no. Then he left, went to his attorneys office, who tried to get him to go to the ER for a mental health evaluation, he refused, came back, asked for meds again, and I said no. He left, saying he would go to his primary care doctor and get his meds. Oh yes, and saying I would be out of a job by the end of the day (he thinks, apparently, that I am standing between him and meds). I called and gave the primary care office the heads up. It's almost 1:30 pm here, and I'm predicting we will see him again today. His delusions are as firmly in place today as they were on Friday.

Well, you can tell her that if she is trying to express a feeling of wanting what someone else has, for example, a boyfriend, then the word she wants is ENVY, not jealousy.

The bodice is far too big, and this was at the end of the night when my head was killing me. These views don't do justice to the outfit.

It's not a secret that I take an antidepressant. It took me a long time to be open about that, as my family are "just snap out of it" kind of people. My brain just doesn't handle serotonin well on its own. Without an antidepressant, everything and nothing makes me cry and I can't feel joy. With it, I feel and act, like a normal person (HEY! no comments from the peanut gallery!). Last week at work was a week from hell. Patient almost dying in the parking lot, another patient having a psychotic break and calling constantly with delusions of grandeur and racing thoughts (and I got to take his calls), several interactions with the police regarding that same patient, dismissing two patients (one for combining alcohol with her meds on top of a positive drug test for pcp, another for increasing her meds on her own several times)... you name it, we went through it. I take my medications (antidepressant and vitamins) after I get to work; it's part of my morning routine at the office. With all the chaos, I forgot to take them on Thursday. Then I forgot to take them on Friday. Then I went out of town on Saturday and forgot to take them. Saturday I went to an adult, Disney-themed party. I went as Milady de Winter, the spy from The Three Musketeers that plots to kill the king of France (if you've seen Disney's version with Tim Curry, Kiefer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen, etc., it was the part played by Rebecca DeMornay). Years ago when I was doing Renaissance stuff, I made a beautiful Italian Renaissance green and gold gown, underdress, etc. So I wore that, and everything I was wearing I had made myself, with the exception of my shoes. Roughly half of the women at the party were wearing as little as possible. There was a costume contest, and I came in second, behind a girl dressed as Belle, in a very short dress with major cleavage. Think "adult Halloween costume" versus historically-accurate gown that you might see in a Renaissance painting. It left me in tears, and it shouldn't have. It was clearly a cleavage contest, as a number of people expressed in surprise to me afterwards. I have no cleavage anymore. I used to fill out the bust of this dress and then some. I was able to tighten up the bodice a bit, but still no cleavage. I couldn't believe how stupid I felt for being in tears over something like this. Something that doesn't matter. I'm usually very careful not to enter contests that are not based on skill, because I want to be judged on ability, not popularity. Just as we were leaving the party to go back to the hotel, I got a massive headache. Great. No sexy time for me. So we're laying in bed, my head is killing me, and tears are streaming down my face, and I can't even tell him why. Thankfully, he's a patient guy and he just held me. The next morning, I realized what had happened. I had no antidepressant on board, and it takes about two to three days for any changes to be noticeable, positive or negative. I still had a headache, but it was just kind of around the edges, not as bad as it had been. I was able to articulate to him what the problem was, and I got some gentle sexy time (which, if you know anything about me, is not my preferred "speed" ). So I made stupid choices and got a stupid outcome. This was not my first rodeo, and I know better. I know I have to take care of myself. Uggghhhh.

Well, I'm unhappy that all my parts are now... deflated. On the other hand, I can easily put my ankles behind my head. So that's a win.

It feels a little anticlimactic to say that sarcasm is my native tongue.

I would like to be "all things sex, relationships, and alternative lifestyles." Thanks!

It's around 90 degrees outside, in the shade. In a closed car in the sun, it's a death sentence. Today a staff member came running into my office and said "call 911! Someone is passed out in their car". I grabbed my cell phone and ran outside. I saw a van, engine off, windows rolled up and doors closed, and a woman slumped over in the back seat. I yanked open the car door and the woman moved a little. It was one of our patients. I ordered one of the staff to go get our wheelchair, and I quickly got her inside, and covered her with cool wet towels, while someone got the doctor. She was not entirely coherent. During our questioning of her, it came out that she was severely depressed, bad situation at work, bad situation with husband. She couldn't explain what she was doing in the back seat of her van with the engine off. All she could tell us was that she came there because "it was a safe place." Before she left in an ambulance, I got her to promise that next time she needed a safe place, she would come into the building. Come sit in my office, as long as necessary. I'm not entirely convinced she was not trying to end her suffering. Any problems I'm dealing with right now are miniscule compared to what this person is dealing with. I'm reminded to be grateful. And I am.

Oooooh! Do me! Do me! Do me!

I can't believe anyone who has been on the internet more than five minutes would whine or complain about other peoples behavior, on the internet. Boggles the mind. On the internet, I say exactly what I would, and have, said in person. Not everyone likes me. I would be afraid if everyone did.

Yep. Pictures, video, we'll take either one. @@Dub we luv you man.

You're not eating for satisfaction any more. You're eating to live.

Why do I feel like handing out pieces of cake now??? Mmmm. Cake.

I'm pretty sure no one said you INTENDED to eat all of that. HOWEVER, the point is, you did. You did what is referred to as "mindless eating". Every bite that goes into your mouth should be deliberate. Now you know for the future, to get a second plate, and put the extra on that plate, and set it to the side. If your surgeon didn't give you specifics on how much to eat (and I'm astonished that he said eat until you are comfortable!!!), then some of us can tell you what our plan was, and you may wish to think about adopting it. I am to eat 1/3 cup of food at each meal. If there is green salad, I can have that in addition to my 1/3 cup of food. Between six months and 12 months post-op, I can move to 1/2 cup of food at each meal. What this looks like in real life is this: Breakfast is one egg with a slice of cheese, or one greek yogurt. lunch and dinner are grilled chicken breast, fish, steak, pork chop, ribs, meatballs, tuna, chili, shrimp, etc. - 1/3 cup. I may have one or two bites of a green vegetable or salad. After dinner I have one sugar-free popsicle. If I have a smaller lunch, I may have a Protein bar around 3pm. When I'm not eating, I'm getting fluids in. I have absolutely no idea how much I can eat, because I have never tested it.

Oh sweetie, you haven't begun to see anyone here be hateful. Can any of us eat 20 ounces of protein? I would venture that the majority of us would say, I HAVE NO IDEA BECAUSE I DIDN'T PUT THAT ON MY PLATE. So instead of blaming the surgeon, hit the reset button and start over. Follow the plan. Measure your portions. Eat and drink what you're supposed to. It sounds like you're depending on the sleeve to force you to eat less, and since it isn't forcing, you're eating more. So take responsibility for yourself, and do what you're supposed to do. And no, that wasn't the least bit hateful.

Why are you even trying to eat that much? Measure out your food and put on your plate only what you're supposed to eat. I would say even go back on liquids for a few days so you can hit the virtual reset button.

It means that surgery at a Center of Excellence is a package deal, completely covered (looks like no copay). So any visits you need for 90 days before or after are part of the package. Looks like some awesome insurance coverage. It's like when you're pregnant, your insurance doesn't pay for every individual visit with your obgyn, they pay one price for a package of care that includes normal prenatal visits, normal delivery, and 6 weeks aftercare.

@@Oregondaisy Did you go kayaking or did you say, "you're right, this is never going to work" and leave?

Nothing you are doing to prepare for surgery is "killing you"... it's preparing you for rebirth. Every day is one step closer to your new life. Your new energy. Your new way of fitting into the world. Your new way of looking at food. You can do this, YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU GOT THIS!

I chuckled at "lack of cake"! Talk to your doctor about an antidepressant. It doesn't have to be forever, you may only need it in the short-term.