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Hello group, I just wanted to let you all know that on 3/3/15 I had gastric bypass and I could not be happier or feel better! Since Tuesday, I have lost total of 18 lbs. With a grand total weight loss(including the weight I loss pre-op)of 49lbs. After few days, the results are incredible.
I know everyone is not the same, but moments after waking from surgery I was up waking about. Though I had incision pains, I felt like a million bulks. Though at the time, it could have been the anesthesia talking . But really, I was walking about on the hospital floor feeling great. After being released, I've taken short walks, trying to be careful not to over exert myself, because yesterday I did and it was not fun. The only real uncomfortable part of the surgery for me has been the gas; that's no joke. But most of that has moved and I feel much better.
I am so grateful that God has given me the second opportunity on life and health. For all of those pre-op. I know there are worries, I had my own and still have some, but nothing beats the feeling of knowing that this part of your life is changing for the better. I'm so excited for what the months and the years have ahead. This is the first time in my adult life I have looked positively towards the future with anticipated hope and expectation.

My children 11 boy and 14 girl knew during the period I was considering. My mother died at 66 while we were visiting. They are old enough to remember her and get that my choice is to be healthier. When considering, I was terrified I would have to give up coffee. My daughter took my hand and did Mom, lets look it up. She sat with me as I researched that and the surgeon.
My husband and I have discussed this thread. He said if I leave him for somebody else that is fine as long as I am happy. He then added that my new man would have to accept him camping in our backyard because he will never leave me.
My dad paid for the non-insurance part. This was really his idea. He wants me to live longer.
So I email him my summaries for lose it. I announce to the kids and hubby each milestone. Everyone cheers me along.
Friday, I sat with my ex when he was picking up the kids. I had told them not to tell him except I had surgery. 1 week post op and down 21 at the time, I shared the truth, and told him how much the kids are probably worried about his health. I planted the seed of what recovery and financing looks like. He likely weighs close to 400. I hope he makes a decision that will bring him to health so he can live for his kids. I also hope he finds a partner someday. The kids worry about that too.
The kids are paying more attention to their health, and today I am down 24. I made the right decision for me and my loved ones. Now it is up to me to work with my band and have success with this second chance at life.

I don't have Barrets yet but have severe reflux and oesophagitis. I wanted the sleeve, but my surgeon refused. He said I would be back to him wanting revisional surgery to gastric bypass down the track and it's much safer to do it right the first time. Since he told me this I have done lots of research and come across a lot of people that have had sleeve then needed bypass.
I would rather just get it right the first time so do some research to put your mind at ease. I am sure sure your dr won't agree to the sleeve

Only thing I can think on this is perhaps if you have hiatal hernia and have that repaired with the sleeve - but honestly, I'd probably get the bypass.

Jean, this one hit home with me. I am 4 mos out, and down 40 lbs, but SO impatient with myself! I am walking 3 to 4 miles 4x a week...when I have been a couch potato for 30 yrs!
This is a process, not a in a blink miracle....and I need to remember that!! Being off all type II diabetes meds is a huge nonscale victory, and I need to focus on the positive!!

A weight loss plateau or stall is a temporary cessation of weight loss that can happen at any point in your weight loss surgery journey and can last days, weeks, or months. Plateaus happen to almost everybody sooner or later (no matter what means they're using to lose weight), no matter how hard they work at weight loss.


Why do plateaus happen even when we’re doing all the right things? The human body wants to preserve itself. It fights weight loss by adapting the metabolism to accommodate decreased calorie intake and/or increased calorie output. The body's new plan of attack is multi-pronged: increase calorie intake by making you hungrier (so you eat more), use less energy to accomplish physical activity (so you burn fewer calories) and hold on to stored fat (so it can use it for energy).
I think plateaus often happen because we're in a rut. So even if you believe you're doing all the right things in terms of diet, exercise, and mental or emotional effort - try changing them. If nothing else, it will prevent boredom and help you feel that you're taking positive action instead of being a victim of fate.
Here are some things you can try to shake up your routine.

Change the intensity, duration, frequency and type of exercise you're doing, so your body doesn't become too efficient at burning calories when you work out.
Don't neglect strength training - muscle burns far more calories than fat does.
Don't over-train - take one day off exercise a week.
Plan all your meals (the "how much" as well as the "what").
Weigh and measure your food before you put it on your plate.
Log your food intake - you might be surprised to see what and how much you're really eating.
Try calorie shifting: vary your calories - eat 1200 one day, 900 the next, and so on, to keep your body guessing.
Eat 3 small meals and 3 healthy Snacks a day instead of 3 meals a day.
Increase your Water intake.
Decrease your sodium intake.
Don't weigh yourself every day - switch to once a week.
Don't skip Breakfast.< br>
By the way, if you weigh yourself every day and think that no weight loss for three days running is a plateau, you're going to have a long journey ahead of you. Get off that scale, now!
I have one more suggestion that you probably won't want to hear: CULTIVATE PATIENCE. No, it's not one of my virtues, either. Give it a try anyway.

As I see it, Biggest Loser has a business brand to protect. I imagine they see WLS as a threat... they are getting lots of money from the show itself + people paying thousands and thousands for a few weeks(!) There have been stories of people who "successfully" lost all this weight, and then it came back, for example, there was one person on Bariatric Pal that lost the weight on Biggest Loser and eventually wound up having WLS. Maybe if they discourage bariatric surgery, it keeps the hope alive that you can lose all this weight and keep it off... just like most diets and products. Possible (< 5% chance), but not likely.

In the end, I just can't care too much about the opinion others have about WLS. I have told anyone who asks me and have no shame about it. I know inside what this process is like and how hard it really is and that is good enough for me. It has been the one tool that I have been able to use that has made a difference in my health and in my long term future. I don't doubt that given enough time and money any one of us could lose the weight as seen on the the biggest loser. But then, who has that kind of time or money? I know that I don't and I also know that I could not wait for my life to pass me by. I had to act upon my behalf. I don't see anyone else stepping up to take that place for me?

@@Alex Brecher I do and don't get why people are getting their panties all in a bunch? You would have to be a complete uneducated moron to believe anything these people have to say about ANY kind of weight loss! They run a Completely unhealthy,torturous "camp" To show how to lose weight? It's ridiculous and unrealistic results. Look at the people who come out of there! All to sell their cheap Crappy products. I wouldn't spend one dime on any thing that say "biggest loser" on it...not even my carrots. Really carrots! They put there logo on carrots?! It's pathetic, and just knowing how WRONG and unsafe that whole program is should give people a clue to not take ANY of there "weight loss" information to heart..especially anything pertaining to surgical weigh loss. Find a different show to watch people! You can kill your brain cells in a much more entertaining way I can assure you!

2 things: 1) did your HDL go up? You need to have your HDL, LDL, trigs, and VLDL taken. My HDL was routinely in the 70-80's and early 90's before surgery. Now it is regularly over 100 and throws everything off. 2) HDL goes up for 2 reasons: 1 you have a genetic issue in terms of Japanese or anorexics get it.

Judgement is a funny thing. When we don't walk in the shoes of someone else, we only see a snapshot of their lives, not the big picture.
Once a semester, I let each of my kids pick a "date day" with me. We skip school, they get to choose Breakfast and lunch as well as our activities for the day. I've been doing this since kindergarten.
When my kids were in grade school, they would pick donuts and slurpees for "breakfast", popcorn and candy at the movies for "lunch" and a stop for ice cream somewhere in the middle. Other than these days, my kids ate mostly "clean", something they do most days as teens.
If someone were to judge me on that snapshot, they would see a mom that let the kid skip school for no reason, feed that kid crap all day, indulge all their whims and generally spoil her rotten.
They wouldn't see the special moments created, the dates they still talk about and the knowledge that occasional treats are ok as long as they aren't a regular occurrence.
A little off topic, but something to think about.

@@Nikkidoodlebug
I paid for my surgery out of pocket and if you watched me eat tonight, you'd have seen shredded chicken nachos, heavy on the lettuce.
NOW.. realistically, I ate like 3 tortilla chips covered with chicken, cheese, and lettuce. And I ate that because I only get a few bites of food - I am not going to choke down gross crap. And if I want chicken nachos, I will eat the chicken nacho - or two or 3 of them.
Three days ago, I had a piece of my kid's fudge.
About a week ago, I had 4 and a half of my husband's French fries.
At least twice a week, dinner for me used to be a big mac, a large fry, a large diet coke, and a hot fudge sundae - extra hot fudge. Now I've decided that a big mac doesn't deserve the space in Sleevie, diet coke takes up too much room.. so I just have 3 French fries and two bites of hot fudge sundae.
There are some foods that I don't like any more... but there's not that many.
I do my choices the way I do because if I ignore the cravings, they don't go away - they get bigger until I have a lot of trouble controlling the quality and quantity and speed of what I'm eating - and then I hurt and get very sick.
The rest of the time, I'm drinking Protein shakes and eating my lean Protein and my low carb veggies.. and I'm a walking fool.
I'm working my sleeve, and I feel like I'm getting my money's worth.

Why I chose VSG:
1. Decreased risk of dumping syndrome. Three years from now, if I want a bite of donut, I can have a bite of donut - enjoy a bite of donut, and odds are, not feel like I'm going to fall out.
2. Increased ability to eat 'healthy' food.. Lean and green are the mainstays of this lifestyle.
3. I read a study that indicated that families where the mom has had VSG lose weight and the children are less likely to be obese. I think that has to do with #2.. I want that; I want my kids to see me eating healthy, not to see me able to eat 'whatever' and still lose weight.
4. I work with ALOT of people who have had both surgeries. It has been my observation that post bypass, while the weightloss is faster, the skin is MUCH looser, the overall appearance is less healthy (dry, ashen, etc..), and to quote my husband they look like 'a pillowcase with the s*t slung out of it'.
5. I'm not the best at taking supplements long term. I stuck with prenatals for a year of planning + pregnancy and then another year of nursing.. and then Vitamins became hit or miss for me. I don't want to lose bone mass, blood cells, etc because of massive supplement needs secondary to malabsorption.
6. Research indicates that the part of the stomach left after gb can restretch; not so much with vsg due to the fact that the fundus is removed.
7. The intestines increase their ability to absorb, it's a survival thing. What if I get used to being able to eat crap and lose weight, stretch my stomach out, and my intestines start absorbing enough calories that I put it back on?
8. I want a normal colonoscopy, where all my insides can be visualized without having to have a special procedure.
For me - bypass was a very brief fleeting thought. I believe the VSG will be effective. If it's not, I can always have a revision to the DS. If it is, I've avoided all the stuff that steered me away from gastric bypass for the last decade.

I feel so accomplished - I read through everything! Even the responses. So far as being supportive - You sound pretty supportive to me.
You're a therapist? I'm in mental health too... and I don't know if you've gotten yet that self care has to come first.... Heck, some days I'm not sure if I have gotten that yet. Dealing with other people's junk all day can push us to the point where we think pretty abnormal is 'normal'. What you describe ain't normal.
I was sleeved about 6 weeks ago. My husband was not objecting to it really, but not the most supportive partner either. My husband is now planning a sleeve. Let's just say our personalities are different. He asked me to line things up for him, I've started him on Vitamins to correct a few deficiencies that showed up in his blood work and increased Protein, decreased carbohydrate in prep for his meeting with his surgeon, which he had me schedule. My husband is my fifth child sometimes - but when it comes to medical things, he prefers it that way and I tolerate it.
I'm going to share a few different categories of things - you can use the title to see if you want to read the whole list:
Things I've learned about weight loss surgery.
1. Most people who have it are usually successful on a diet but have trouble maintaining.
2. One of the things they screen for in terms of the psychology work up is making sure you're selfish enough to take time to ensure you have/get/do what you need... for people who ALWAYS put others first, the self care required after surgery is unbearable and they tend to have more complications.
3. It has turned me into a scale, food, appearance obsessed narcissist. I actively try to suppress this because I don't want to upset the people around me.. but it is a fact. I obsess what I put in my mouth, my kids mouths, what my husband puts in his mouth.. just not out loud. I'm hoping this is temporary; as I have less to worry about what I eat, I worry less about what they eat.
Things I've learned about people.
1. There is a difference in a caregiver and a caretaker... I was once categorized as a care taker, and I think perhaps you are on my side of the line we can call our team, "I have the answers... why won't you just listen?!"
2. And the answer to that question... Because they don't really want my answers... they want to come up with their own. Weight watchers, the gym, a trainer... whatever works for you - he isn't listening because he didn't ask you how to lose weight, what you say is he told you he was ready to do something about his weight.
3. They think I am a know it all who doesn't hear them. Until they come up with the same answers, and then they're like - well, I should have just listened to you.
Age... maturity... wisdom... ADD medication? Has helped me temper the impulse to blurt the answer, whether someone asks me or not.
Things I've learned about marriage.
1. A selfish person does not get any less selfish.
2. The work load just gets heavier, it doesn't get distributed more equally. What you're describing is a 90/10 split. Maybe you can carry your part now... but what about when that part gets more involved?
3. Men do not change. Boring stays boring, lazy stays lazy, spendthrift stays spendthrift.
In reading your post - and many responses - it reads like you're paying him to stay with you. In my experience, he will get more expensive and you will get less value for your money. When you need him, he will not be there.
Things I've learned about sleeves and marriage:
Back to me and my husband. At first he was adamantly against surgery. Then he was ok whatever with surgery for me but remained adamantly against it for himself. Then that darling man kept complaining about his weight. And I said, "If you want the sleeve I'll be happy to support you in that."
For you, however - you said that makes an automatic negative reaction. How is that any different than when he said, "I want to do something about my weight" and you said, "Do weight watchers like me." or "Go to the gym with me." He's hearing "I'm not happy with my weight" and saying "Get a sleeve like me."
I finally told my husband, and meant it, "Baby - I love you. 200 lbs, 400 lbs, great hair or bald, sickness or health.. Yes, I think you need to lose weight. For blood pressure, for pain control, for inflammatory control - I think you need to do something about it. I will walk with you. I will cook whatever meal plan it is you want to follow..but if you're not going to watch your intake, I'm not going to listen to your weight shit. "
For the record - I only tell him what I've lost if he asks... just like everyone else, and I don't bitch about what I have to eat or don't get to eat.
His surgery consultation is a week from Tuesday. And I swear I will not eat solid food in front of him while he's on liquids and mushies.
So if you've made it to the end of my post - I second and third, you yourself need a therapist. It's amazing how much you know in your brain but don't apply in your life until one of your colleagues gently (or sometimes not so gently) points out to you that you really ought to not lay at other people's feet if you're going to get upset when they walk all over you.... or that if you feel like people aren't listening, maybe you should stop giving away your words.
I also personally and professionally think you need to have him move back into his own place and pay his own bills. He's not saving up for a future with you.
After he moves out, I'd consider couples counseling - if he suggests it.
A successful marriage requires work; if he isn't putting work forward before the marriage - it's probably less painful to just let the relationship die a quick death than 10 years from now when you're giving him half your house, paying off joint bills he ran up, and he's got your kids every other weekend and holiday and half the summer... and he's poor mouthing because he's 2 grand behind in child support.

@@Nikkidoodlebug
I paid for my surgery out of pocket and if you watched me eat tonight, you'd have seen shredded chicken nachos, heavy on the lettuce.
NOW.. realistically, I ate like 3 tortilla chips covered with chicken, cheese, and lettuce. And I ate that because I only get a few bites of food - I am not going to choke down gross crap. And if I want chicken nachos, I will eat the chicken nacho - or two or 3 of them.
Three days ago, I had a piece of my kid's fudge.
About a week ago, I had 4 and a half of my husband's French fries.
At least twice a week, dinner for me used to be a big mac, a large fry, a large diet coke, and a hot fudge sundae - extra hot fudge. Now I've decided that a big mac doesn't deserve the space in Sleevie, diet coke takes up too much room.. so I just have 3 French fries and two bites of hot fudge sundae.
There are some foods that I don't like any more... but there's not that many.
I do my choices the way I do because if I ignore the cravings, they don't go away - they get bigger until I have a lot of trouble controlling the quality and quantity and speed of what I'm eating - and then I hurt and get very sick.
The rest of the time, I'm drinking Protein shakes and eating my lean Protein and my low carb veggies.. and I'm a walking fool.
I'm working my sleeve, and I feel like I'm getting my money's worth.

@@Nikkidoodlebug
I paid for my surgery out of pocket and if you watched me eat tonight, you'd have seen shredded chicken nachos, heavy on the lettuce.
NOW.. realistically, I ate like 3 tortilla chips covered with chicken, cheese, and lettuce. And I ate that because I only get a few bites of food - I am not going to choke down gross crap. And if I want chicken nachos, I will eat the chicken nacho - or two or 3 of them.
Three days ago, I had a piece of my kid's fudge.
About a week ago, I had 4 and a half of my husband's French fries.
At least twice a week, dinner for me used to be a big mac, a large fry, a large diet coke, and a hot fudge sundae - extra hot fudge. Now I've decided that a big mac doesn't deserve the space in Sleevie, diet coke takes up too much room.. so I just have 3 French fries and two bites of hot fudge sundae.
There are some foods that I don't like any more... but there's not that many.
I do my choices the way I do because if I ignore the cravings, they don't go away - they get bigger until I have a lot of trouble controlling the quality and quantity and speed of what I'm eating - and then I hurt and get very sick.
The rest of the time, I'm drinking Protein shakes and eating my lean Protein and my low carb veggies.. and I'm a walking fool.
I'm working my sleeve, and I feel like I'm getting my money's worth.

@@Nikkidoodlebug
I paid for my surgery out of pocket and if you watched me eat tonight, you'd have seen shredded chicken nachos, heavy on the lettuce.
NOW.. realistically, I ate like 3 tortilla chips covered with chicken, cheese, and lettuce. And I ate that because I only get a few bites of food - I am not going to choke down gross crap. And if I want chicken nachos, I will eat the chicken nacho - or two or 3 of them.
Three days ago, I had a piece of my kid's fudge.
About a week ago, I had 4 and a half of my husband's French fries.
At least twice a week, dinner for me used to be a big mac, a large fry, a large diet coke, and a hot fudge sundae - extra hot fudge. Now I've decided that a big mac doesn't deserve the space in Sleevie, diet coke takes up too much room.. so I just have 3 French fries and two bites of hot fudge sundae.
There are some foods that I don't like any more... but there's not that many.
I do my choices the way I do because if I ignore the cravings, they don't go away - they get bigger until I have a lot of trouble controlling the quality and quantity and speed of what I'm eating - and then I hurt and get very sick.
The rest of the time, I'm drinking Protein shakes and eating my lean Protein and my low carb veggies.. and I'm a walking fool.
I'm working my sleeve, and I feel like I'm getting my money's worth.

@@Nikkidoodlebug
I paid for my surgery out of pocket and if you watched me eat tonight, you'd have seen shredded chicken nachos, heavy on the lettuce.
NOW.. realistically, I ate like 3 tortilla chips covered with chicken, cheese, and lettuce. And I ate that because I only get a few bites of food - I am not going to choke down gross crap. And if I want chicken nachos, I will eat the chicken nacho - or two or 3 of them.
Three days ago, I had a piece of my kid's fudge.
About a week ago, I had 4 and a half of my husband's French fries.
At least twice a week, dinner for me used to be a big mac, a large fry, a large diet coke, and a hot fudge sundae - extra hot fudge. Now I've decided that a big mac doesn't deserve the space in Sleevie, diet coke takes up too much room.. so I just have 3 French fries and two bites of hot fudge sundae.
There are some foods that I don't like any more... but there's not that many.
I do my choices the way I do because if I ignore the cravings, they don't go away - they get bigger until I have a lot of trouble controlling the quality and quantity and speed of what I'm eating - and then I hurt and get very sick.
The rest of the time, I'm drinking Protein shakes and eating my lean Protein and my low carb veggies.. and I'm a walking fool.
I'm working my sleeve, and I feel like I'm getting my money's worth.

@@Nikkidoodlebug
I paid for my surgery out of pocket and if you watched me eat tonight, you'd have seen shredded chicken nachos, heavy on the lettuce.
NOW.. realistically, I ate like 3 tortilla chips covered with chicken, cheese, and lettuce. And I ate that because I only get a few bites of food - I am not going to choke down gross crap. And if I want chicken nachos, I will eat the chicken nacho - or two or 3 of them.
Three days ago, I had a piece of my kid's fudge.
About a week ago, I had 4 and a half of my husband's French fries.
At least twice a week, dinner for me used to be a big mac, a large fry, a large diet coke, and a hot fudge sundae - extra hot fudge. Now I've decided that a big mac doesn't deserve the space in Sleevie, diet coke takes up too much room.. so I just have 3 French fries and two bites of hot fudge sundae.
There are some foods that I don't like any more... but there's not that many.
I do my choices the way I do because if I ignore the cravings, they don't go away - they get bigger until I have a lot of trouble controlling the quality and quantity and speed of what I'm eating - and then I hurt and get very sick.
The rest of the time, I'm drinking Protein shakes and eating my lean Protein and my low carb veggies.. and I'm a walking fool.
I'm working my sleeve, and I feel like I'm getting my money's worth.

@@Nikkidoodlebug
I paid for my surgery out of pocket and if you watched me eat tonight, you'd have seen shredded chicken nachos, heavy on the lettuce.
NOW.. realistically, I ate like 3 tortilla chips covered with chicken, cheese, and lettuce. And I ate that because I only get a few bites of food - I am not going to choke down gross crap. And if I want chicken nachos, I will eat the chicken nacho - or two or 3 of them.
Three days ago, I had a piece of my kid's fudge.
About a week ago, I had 4 and a half of my husband's French fries.
At least twice a week, dinner for me used to be a big mac, a large fry, a large diet coke, and a hot fudge sundae - extra hot fudge. Now I've decided that a big mac doesn't deserve the space in Sleevie, diet coke takes up too much room.. so I just have 3 French fries and two bites of hot fudge sundae.
There are some foods that I don't like any more... but there's not that many.
I do my choices the way I do because if I ignore the cravings, they don't go away - they get bigger until I have a lot of trouble controlling the quality and quantity and speed of what I'm eating - and then I hurt and get very sick.
The rest of the time, I'm drinking Protein shakes and eating my lean Protein and my low carb veggies.. and I'm a walking fool.
I'm working my sleeve, and I feel like I'm getting my money's worth.

@@Nikkidoodlebug
I paid for my surgery out of pocket and if you watched me eat tonight, you'd have seen shredded chicken nachos, heavy on the lettuce.
NOW.. realistically, I ate like 3 tortilla chips covered with chicken, cheese, and lettuce. And I ate that because I only get a few bites of food - I am not going to choke down gross crap. And if I want chicken nachos, I will eat the chicken nacho - or two or 3 of them.
Three days ago, I had a piece of my kid's fudge.
About a week ago, I had 4 and a half of my husband's French fries.
At least twice a week, dinner for me used to be a big mac, a large fry, a large diet coke, and a hot fudge sundae - extra hot fudge. Now I've decided that a big mac doesn't deserve the space in Sleevie, diet coke takes up too much room.. so I just have 3 French fries and two bites of hot fudge sundae.
There are some foods that I don't like any more... but there's not that many.
I do my choices the way I do because if I ignore the cravings, they don't go away - they get bigger until I have a lot of trouble controlling the quality and quantity and speed of what I'm eating - and then I hurt and get very sick.
The rest of the time, I'm drinking Protein shakes and eating my lean Protein and my low carb veggies.. and I'm a walking fool.
I'm working my sleeve, and I feel like I'm getting my money's worth.

Gosh, I was going to ask if you were up for fooling around... but you seem busy.

I feel so accomplished - I read through everything! Even the responses. So far as being supportive - You sound pretty supportive to me.
You're a therapist? I'm in mental health too... and I don't know if you've gotten yet that self care has to come first.... Heck, some days I'm not sure if I have gotten that yet. Dealing with other people's junk all day can push us to the point where we think pretty abnormal is 'normal'. What you describe ain't normal.
I was sleeved about 6 weeks ago. My husband was not objecting to it really, but not the most supportive partner either. My husband is now planning a sleeve. Let's just say our personalities are different. He asked me to line things up for him, I've started him on Vitamins to correct a few deficiencies that showed up in his blood work and increased Protein, decreased carbohydrate in prep for his meeting with his surgeon, which he had me schedule. My husband is my fifth child sometimes - but when it comes to medical things, he prefers it that way and I tolerate it.
I'm going to share a few different categories of things - you can use the title to see if you want to read the whole list:
Things I've learned about weight loss surgery.
1. Most people who have it are usually successful on a diet but have trouble maintaining.
2. One of the things they screen for in terms of the psychology work up is making sure you're selfish enough to take time to ensure you have/get/do what you need... for people who ALWAYS put others first, the self care required after surgery is unbearable and they tend to have more complications.
3. It has turned me into a scale, food, appearance obsessed narcissist. I actively try to suppress this because I don't want to upset the people around me.. but it is a fact. I obsess what I put in my mouth, my kids mouths, what my husband puts in his mouth.. just not out loud. I'm hoping this is temporary; as I have less to worry about what I eat, I worry less about what they eat.
Things I've learned about people.
1. There is a difference in a caregiver and a caretaker... I was once categorized as a care taker, and I think perhaps you are on my side of the line we can call our team, "I have the answers... why won't you just listen?!"
2. And the answer to that question... Because they don't really want my answers... they want to come up with their own. Weight watchers, the gym, a trainer... whatever works for you - he isn't listening because he didn't ask you how to lose weight, what you say is he told you he was ready to do something about his weight.
3. They think I am a know it all who doesn't hear them. Until they come up with the same answers, and then they're like - well, I should have just listened to you.
Age... maturity... wisdom... ADD medication? Has helped me temper the impulse to blurt the answer, whether someone asks me or not.
Things I've learned about marriage.
1. A selfish person does not get any less selfish.
2. The work load just gets heavier, it doesn't get distributed more equally. What you're describing is a 90/10 split. Maybe you can carry your part now... but what about when that part gets more involved?
3. Men do not change. Boring stays boring, lazy stays lazy, spendthrift stays spendthrift.
In reading your post - and many responses - it reads like you're paying him to stay with you. In my experience, he will get more expensive and you will get less value for your money. When you need him, he will not be there.
Things I've learned about sleeves and marriage:
Back to me and my husband. At first he was adamantly against surgery. Then he was ok whatever with surgery for me but remained adamantly against it for himself. Then that darling man kept complaining about his weight. And I said, "If you want the sleeve I'll be happy to support you in that."
For you, however - you said that makes an automatic negative reaction. How is that any different than when he said, "I want to do something about my weight" and you said, "Do weight watchers like me." or "Go to the gym with me." He's hearing "I'm not happy with my weight" and saying "Get a sleeve like me."
I finally told my husband, and meant it, "Baby - I love you. 200 lbs, 400 lbs, great hair or bald, sickness or health.. Yes, I think you need to lose weight. For blood pressure, for pain control, for inflammatory control - I think you need to do something about it. I will walk with you. I will cook whatever meal plan it is you want to follow..but if you're not going to watch your intake, I'm not going to listen to your weight shit. "
For the record - I only tell him what I've lost if he asks... just like everyone else, and I don't bitch about what I have to eat or don't get to eat.
His surgery consultation is a week from Tuesday. And I swear I will not eat solid food in front of him while he's on liquids and mushies.
So if you've made it to the end of my post - I second and third, you yourself need a therapist. It's amazing how much you know in your brain but don't apply in your life until one of your colleagues gently (or sometimes not so gently) points out to you that you really ought to not lay at other people's feet if you're going to get upset when they walk all over you.... or that if you feel like people aren't listening, maybe you should stop giving away your words.
I also personally and professionally think you need to have him move back into his own place and pay his own bills. He's not saving up for a future with you.
After he moves out, I'd consider couples counseling - if he suggests it.
A successful marriage requires work; if he isn't putting work forward before the marriage - it's probably less painful to just let the relationship die a quick death than 10 years from now when you're giving him half your house, paying off joint bills he ran up, and he's got your kids every other weekend and holiday and half the summer... and he's poor mouthing because he's 2 grand behind in child support.

I feel so accomplished - I read through everything! Even the responses. So far as being supportive - You sound pretty supportive to me.
You're a therapist? I'm in mental health too... and I don't know if you've gotten yet that self care has to come first.... Heck, some days I'm not sure if I have gotten that yet. Dealing with other people's junk all day can push us to the point where we think pretty abnormal is 'normal'. What you describe ain't normal.
I was sleeved about 6 weeks ago. My husband was not objecting to it really, but not the most supportive partner either. My husband is now planning a sleeve. Let's just say our personalities are different. He asked me to line things up for him, I've started him on Vitamins to correct a few deficiencies that showed up in his blood work and increased Protein, decreased carbohydrate in prep for his meeting with his surgeon, which he had me schedule. My husband is my fifth child sometimes - but when it comes to medical things, he prefers it that way and I tolerate it.
I'm going to share a few different categories of things - you can use the title to see if you want to read the whole list:
Things I've learned about weight loss surgery.
1. Most people who have it are usually successful on a diet but have trouble maintaining.
2. One of the things they screen for in terms of the psychology work up is making sure you're selfish enough to take time to ensure you have/get/do what you need... for people who ALWAYS put others first, the self care required after surgery is unbearable and they tend to have more complications.
3. It has turned me into a scale, food, appearance obsessed narcissist. I actively try to suppress this because I don't want to upset the people around me.. but it is a fact. I obsess what I put in my mouth, my kids mouths, what my husband puts in his mouth.. just not out loud. I'm hoping this is temporary; as I have less to worry about what I eat, I worry less about what they eat.
Things I've learned about people.
1. There is a difference in a caregiver and a caretaker... I was once categorized as a care taker, and I think perhaps you are on my side of the line we can call our team, "I have the answers... why won't you just listen?!"
2. And the answer to that question... Because they don't really want my answers... they want to come up with their own. Weight watchers, the gym, a trainer... whatever works for you - he isn't listening because he didn't ask you how to lose weight, what you say is he told you he was ready to do something about his weight.
3. They think I am a know it all who doesn't hear them. Until they come up with the same answers, and then they're like - well, I should have just listened to you.
Age... maturity... wisdom... ADD medication? Has helped me temper the impulse to blurt the answer, whether someone asks me or not.
Things I've learned about marriage.
1. A selfish person does not get any less selfish.
2. The work load just gets heavier, it doesn't get distributed more equally. What you're describing is a 90/10 split. Maybe you can carry your part now... but what about when that part gets more involved?
3. Men do not change. Boring stays boring, lazy stays lazy, spendthrift stays spendthrift.
In reading your post - and many responses - it reads like you're paying him to stay with you. In my experience, he will get more expensive and you will get less value for your money. When you need him, he will not be there.
Things I've learned about sleeves and marriage:
Back to me and my husband. At first he was adamantly against surgery. Then he was ok whatever with surgery for me but remained adamantly against it for himself. Then that darling man kept complaining about his weight. And I said, "If you want the sleeve I'll be happy to support you in that."
For you, however - you said that makes an automatic negative reaction. How is that any different than when he said, "I want to do something about my weight" and you said, "Do weight watchers like me." or "Go to the gym with me." He's hearing "I'm not happy with my weight" and saying "Get a sleeve like me."
I finally told my husband, and meant it, "Baby - I love you. 200 lbs, 400 lbs, great hair or bald, sickness or health.. Yes, I think you need to lose weight. For blood pressure, for pain control, for inflammatory control - I think you need to do something about it. I will walk with you. I will cook whatever meal plan it is you want to follow..but if you're not going to watch your intake, I'm not going to listen to your weight shit. "
For the record - I only tell him what I've lost if he asks... just like everyone else, and I don't bitch about what I have to eat or don't get to eat.
His surgery consultation is a week from Tuesday. And I swear I will not eat solid food in front of him while he's on liquids and mushies.
So if you've made it to the end of my post - I second and third, you yourself need a therapist. It's amazing how much you know in your brain but don't apply in your life until one of your colleagues gently (or sometimes not so gently) points out to you that you really ought to not lay at other people's feet if you're going to get upset when they walk all over you.... or that if you feel like people aren't listening, maybe you should stop giving away your words.
I also personally and professionally think you need to have him move back into his own place and pay his own bills. He's not saving up for a future with you.
After he moves out, I'd consider couples counseling - if he suggests it.
A successful marriage requires work; if he isn't putting work forward before the marriage - it's probably less painful to just let the relationship die a quick death than 10 years from now when you're giving him half your house, paying off joint bills he ran up, and he's got your kids every other weekend and holiday and half the summer... and he's poor mouthing because he's 2 grand behind in child support.

@@Nikkidoodlebug
I paid for my surgery out of pocket and if you watched me eat tonight, you'd have seen shredded chicken nachos, heavy on the lettuce.
NOW.. realistically, I ate like 3 tortilla chips covered with chicken, cheese, and lettuce. And I ate that because I only get a few bites of food - I am not going to choke down gross crap. And if I want chicken nachos, I will eat the chicken nacho - or two or 3 of them.
Three days ago, I had a piece of my kid's fudge.
About a week ago, I had 4 and a half of my husband's French fries.
At least twice a week, dinner for me used to be a big mac, a large fry, a large diet coke, and a hot fudge sundae - extra hot fudge. Now I've decided that a big mac doesn't deserve the space in Sleevie, diet coke takes up too much room.. so I just have 3 French fries and two bites of hot fudge sundae.
There are some foods that I don't like any more... but there's not that many.
I do my choices the way I do because if I ignore the cravings, they don't go away - they get bigger until I have a lot of trouble controlling the quality and quantity and speed of what I'm eating - and then I hurt and get very sick.
The rest of the time, I'm drinking Protein shakes and eating my lean Protein and my low carb veggies.. and I'm a walking fool.
I'm working my sleeve, and I feel like I'm getting my money's worth.