I understand where you are coming from. I have the same feelings. I have not had my first fill. I will Monday the 8th. However, it was very hard and I tried to talk myself out of it sort of like it sounds like you are doing now. Don't do it, stick with it and keep on going. I know deep in my soul (after 20 years of trying) I can't go it alone. I realize I need my band. I have high blood pressure and type II diabetes as well as sleep apnea. I feel NOW no matter what, I would have died going the direction I was going. Don't look back to yesterday look only towards tomorrow!!!!!!! Still after 6 weeks I still have mixed emotions but I refuse to back out now!!!
Also, one more point...I don't know your age, but how many times over the years have we told ourselves by Christmas I want to lose 20 lbs and never make it. How many times do we say by summer I want to lose 30 pounds only never to make it? Now we know with lap band we will lose the weight and know there will be no more broken promises to ourselves. I think for all of us in the beginning it is hard because we are going into unfamiliar territory and even at 38 that scares me.
Good Luck!!!!!