crazy8

I would like to share my story and get some feedback, I believe mostly for courage. In Nov 2007 I had lap band surgery... I was so excited and could hardly wait to have it done. At the time, my ins company did not pay for the surgery, so as most of you on here have found out, you have to get private loans... well after all of this and the whole process builidng up to the surgery, the day finally arrived! I had my surgery for lap band, only to have it removed in April 2008. I had a very bad infection that would not let liquids or food pass thru to my stomach. I lost approx 100 lbs but nearly died in the process. When I had my band removed I spent a week in the hospital with a drain hanging out of my stomach.
After my surgery failed I became very depressed because I felt like nothing would save me at that point. I kept the weight off for about a year but slowly it crept up on me. For one reason or should I say excuse after another, i found a way to eat myself back to where I was and way beyond.
For the past 7 years I have lied to myself thinking it didn't matter if I was fat or not... I have been my biggest supporter of that thinking and I look at myself and see just where that has gotten me. I've always been the class clown and its easy poking fun at myself but deep down I don't like me too much for what I have done. I have missed out on sooooo many things because its just easier to hide behind the pain and food then to deal with life.
I never have thought of myself as an "emotional" eater, but I eat because I'm hungry... I wish I had an on off switch for this but I don't... I wish I could wake up and not be hungry all the time... Food has controlled my life for soooo stinkin long, and I can truly say that I am an addict. I crave it, I will do whatever means in order to have it, I hide it, I have ALL the characteristics of an addict, only mine is with food...
I found out about 3 weeks ago that I have severe arthiritis in my knees, I'm bone to bone on both and can barley walk it hurts so bad. They told me there is nothing they can do for me because of my age... my ortho doc even said if I weighed 189 he still wouldn't do the surgery. But he was very very crase and told me I had to loose weight. Well after everything health wise that I have bben thru this was the real deal. To imagine not being able to walk much longer if I don't do something about my weight is just unacceptable to me!! As hard as it was to hear I made a huge decission. I got home called my insurance co and lucky enough they will help pay for bariatric surgery in 2014!!!
As excited as I am about this, I am VERY apprehensive about it at the same time. I have lots of concerns as this sugery will not be able to be reversed if something goes wrong. I have discussed this with my primary doctor but I still have my worries.
I will go to my mandatory meeting on Jan 11 and then hopefully after that I will be able to start everything else. I just wanna make sure all my ducks are in a row with my insurance so I will be contacting them again after the first of the year to make sure. There's so much to do, as I have gone thru this all before but not with the insurance part.
So if any of you out there can help calm some of my nerves about all of this I'd really appreicate it!!
Thank you!!!!