FuelMan

I am just new for a month or so, and this site is wonderful. We will be talk'in soon. A Sunshine Hello from Florida. Butch

I have been thinking about this post all afternoon. Sometimes I do feel sexy, it's usually in the pool where gravity in not a factor. Even at times in my life when I was "Skinny" or at least normal weight, I still never felt sexy or cute. Cute never fit my demeanor, or my life style. This is my dilemma....... My image of sexy does not fit me, or how I see myself in my crazy head. When I was at a normal weight there where times when I got passes made on me and I took off running. Just the thought of someone seeing me as cute, or to see myself as cute, is something that makes me more then a little afraid. You see being fat and all covered up, it's safe to flirt with women, in fact.... I am the biggest flirt I know, always giving compliments and trying to make people feel better. In fact if there is anything sexy about me, it's the way I handle myself with groups of people, and with women. As long as it does not go too far or anyone tries to give me a compliment!!!!!!!! Now that scares the Heck out of me. When someone is attracted to me (even my wife), it makes me skin crawl, and I get all antsy inside. This has been my pattens my whole life, it's only taken me 53 years. I would lose weight by bulling through some diet and losing a ton of weight, and then these feelings of sexy & cute would jumpout at me, and I would start putt'in the weight back on faster then it came off. Gaining a pound or 2 a day. Some doctor told me it was impossible to do that???? Heck, he anin't never seen me eat. On one Christmas I gained 6 pounds, I was a eating mechine. ANYWAY............. this is where I am now, at a 200 lb weight loss, and health that ain't all that good, mostly leg problems (was hit by a car in my sorted past), and it would be great if I lost the extra 200 pounds I have to go. SO........ I sit here with my band and knowing all I have to do is get a fill and I can lost the extra weight. BUT, I am standing still out of fear of being sexy & cute. Maybe when I finely lose all the weight I have to go, I will be too old to be sexy or cute, LOL,LOL,LOL, now that would be a heck of a joke. Thank you for this thread, because I really need to address this stuff, and get on with my life. Namasta, Butch

I have been banned for a while and I do remember there was some pain in the port area even awhile after. Then after I lost some weight, it seems the port gets closer to the skin, or something. And then when I would move it or one of the dogs jumped on my belly and hit the port there was some discomfort. But......... as for the last 2 years there has been no pain what so ever. When I had trouble with my liver and started to retain a lot of water, I tried to get a fill and they could not hit the port because there was too much fat between the skin and the port. Now after a 75 weight lost in the past couple of months (most water) the port is right under the skin, it almost feels like you can see it. But I have not gotten the fill yet......... WHY you ask????? Fear!! Fear of losing weight and being sexy and cute, those 2 words don't, and have never gone with who I always was. Anyway..... sorry to off at the mouth. But, what you are feeling is really normal. Thanks for listening. Butch

Hello from Florida. I have been banded for a little while and lost some weight (still have a lot to go). I wish you all the luck and be easy with the new you, this is a very new and wonderful thing. You will most likely push the limits but who hasn't, Sometimes I still do, thank God those are few and far between. Don't get too hungry, when I get hungry I eat too fast and that's a BIG no no. I am happy for you that you have found this web site soon after your banding, unlike me I just found a month ago now. I am so happy to be in touch with people who are like me and have been through some of the same pain. Keep the faith, and the only dumb question is the one you don't ask. Peace for the south Butch

This is not an over night thing, and it will take a lot of gettng use to. Most of us fatty's don't like having to limit our meals, but...... with this band you got no choice. It's a good thing. Just be kind to each other and to you self's. Eat with sanity and responsibility. You did not do all this to hurt and be mean to yourself. The gas pain is the worst, once this is over, things seem to workout a little better. This is the best thing I have found on the web in a long time. I have been baned since 03' and down some 200 lbs. now I am a light weight at 390, LOL. But serious, I just found this site a couple of months ago and it has really helped. It has even given me some courage to get another fill and start the loseing prosses again. Welcome, and stay close, Butch

I live in Florida now, I use to live on Long Island NY, where there ain't too many fat people, well not like here in the Sunshine state. I live in a little more rual area, the they grow them big here. I fit right in, not that I want to. But there a lot of fat people here. What is hard for me is that I can't tell if I am fatter them him....... OR his he fatter then me. So I have to ask my wife or kids, "Is that person fatter them me??" Most time to my dismay I am the fatter one. I really hate fat people, they break my denile of me being normal. That is until I try and sit in a booth, or I go to a place where there is only "Wicker" chairs. Is there any think worst to a fat person then going to a place and seeing all wicker chairs, or those "Polly, one peace ones". I start to look for a pick up truck so I can sit on the tail gate. It's hard being fat, but...... it's worse to be in denile of it. You can get yourself into a lot of embrassing situations. My family is mixed some are fat others are normal. I am by far the fattest, and I tell them the truth. Like.... You know why your feet hurt??", "That's cause your fat!!". OR you know why you tie your shoe laces on the side of your shoes???? That's cause your fat!! The list goes on and on....... and it is the truth. I did have a problem a couple of months ago. I had to go to Tampa (about 1 1/2 hours away) to get a fill, so I meet the doctor at the hospital to fill the Band, He needed the X-Ray table, and they told him "NO WAY" it only goes to 400 lbs. and i was 450. SO they would not let me do it. It happened a couple times before, where they use to do the fills, on a X-Ray table they no longer do it. I found out that it was because a fat guy broke the table. So thsy don't want any fat people on these tables. I don't get it????? What is it with people designing seating or X-Ray tables??? Don't they think of fat people? Or they just don't want to care. About hateing the fatty's of the world..... I am with you. I really want to avoid them altogther. I want them not to be there. And what would happen if they came up to me and started to talk??? What would I say??? Nice to meet you, and how much do you weight??? That would be the most incommon thing we have. I am more scard of fat people then normal people. It's not that I really hate them, I am just scard to death of them. Maybe by loseing weight and coming to know me a little better I will be more able to look at this. I really thank you for this, I needed it. Butch

I was always fat, and I never went to the doctor. Wonder Why????? When ever I when into the doctors office, weather it was a broken finger or a scalp wound, he always said you should lose some weight!!!! YA THINK ???????? I was only around 550 to 600. And him thinking I needed to lose weight. The nerve. I would go to the beach with a shirt on, you know because when you where a shirt or a sheet people can't tell your fat. I would only wear black, because it makes you look thinner, LOL. The only way you was going to make me look thinner was to close your eyes. Today I am an enlighten fat man, I know what I can do and what I can't do. I once saw a fat guy try sitting in one of those "Poly Type" chairs??? You know the white one peace one's. NOW, any enlighten fat person knows darn well you can't sit in one of those, (Well.... you can if you double them up). Anyway he sat in it, and to no ones surprise, all four legs went in four different direction. That was not the really sad part, he was stuck in the chair, and the people could not get him out. And he could not roll to the side because of the chair legs, kind of like a turtle on his back. I was both sad and wanted to laugh my head off. You see he was not aware of his size or his weight. Thank God I don't live there any more. Being aware is what helped me get the Band, I am still having trouble and am stuck at a 200 lb loss, but 390 is no place to stay. I will be on the move again, I need a small fill, right now there is 2.25 in the Band and I think I need 2.75, that should do it. Thanks for the thread & all the replys there GREAT. Butch

WOW, A party break out the krispy kream's. Just kidding, you know we fatty's have to keep a sence of humor. In fact that is what gets most of us through each day, or to keep from crying. You guys are so blessed, please keep up the good work. And Frank you sound like you will be hav'in a Party yourself very soon. I am really proud of both of you, I know you don't even know me, but, you do on some level know me........right? Well, all sort of know each other, fat know's, fat. Please keep up the good work and let us know how you are making out on you path. Peace, Butch

I eat out a lot also, and soup is great. I don't eat meat so there are a number of really good veggie soup's. When I eat other foods like tofu stuff or fish it can not be dry, when it is too dry.......... look out!!!! You had better be close to the bathroom. Also take your time, eat as slow as you can. I am the most dangerous when I am hungery, because when I am hungery, I tend to eat to fast, and...... you guessed it..... up it wants to come. This is all in the first year or so and it will take some getting use to. I have been banded since 03' and lost 200, looking to lose another 200. It's not a race, it's a day at a time. I am at about 2.35 cc in the band and could use a little more. But... I am scard to do it, because as of right now I can eat almost a full meal, as long as it's the right stuff, and not too dry and I eat slow, and chew a lot. And I mean a lot. Chewing and slow eating are the keys to being able to eat out, without excuseing your self from the table 1/2 way through the meal. I hope this helped a little. Go easy and try and be nice to your self. Alos when hungrey, drink a surger free non-carb drink a little fast, and it will take the hunger away. Butch

I know how you feel, I got the ban installed in Feb 2002 in NY. I lost a lot of weight and now I am at some kind of stand still. This stand still is of my own choosing, all I need to do is get an adjustment. I am scared and nervous about it. In fact I did gain some weight, and I am a pro at beating the ban, knowing what and what not to eat. Like snacking during the day. I know how much I can eat then drink a little Water so I can eat more. This is crazy, I have been through so much to lose this weight, but I have so much more to go. I am 390 now and I started at 600. I was beyond morbidly obese, the doctor called me "Super Morbidly Obese". Everyone tells me how good I have done, but I don't feel it. I know I am playing games with this, and I feel so bad about it. I am at a point where my body is really start to slow down because of the abuse of being so fat for so many years. I to live with the past, the hurt, the pain, the looking at the world as a very unsafe place. These things are far from the truth, but my head tell me different. I to have just found this web site from a fatty friend in NY who just had the band installed last week, and I am very happy to read about all the other people who are doing the same stuff, and who are loving and supportive. After being in touch, and kind of linked to this support I have been doing better, you know eating more along the lines so that the band is helping me. I still did not get a fill.....which I do need. But, even with all the support, I am still very nervous about being skinny, and looking..... Oh, so sexy, LOL. I think there is a lot in our past that might have to be looked at, being fat is just the result of some trauma, of past abuse. Weather it's emotional, physical or sexual. We eat to hide and cover up the hurt. Every time I was skinny in the past, it was like I was there for about 1 week, then I could not put the weight back on fast enough, in the past 25 years I have lost something like 1500 lbs. like a yo-yo. This time it is for good, it's the only way I can do it now, because my liver is not in all that good a shape to be losing tons of weight too fast. Anyway..... sorry to on so long, I just wanted you to know you are far from alone, and maybe we can do this. Butch from Fla

Silver, the more the better ATV, quad OR Jet Ski

I for one can't stand any of the things I have read, so far. But, I did find a shake that I, for one think is the best. The brand is called Spiru-Tein, my nephew turned me on to it. It a Soy Protein & Mostly you can only get it at a health food store, but I have found it on the internet for a lot less (Smart Bomb.com is a good place). I love all the flavors I have tried. Sonic berry is the best. I make it with Splenda, a little no fat, yogurt, and maybe some fruit, fresh or frozen. Put it in the blender with some ice and...... WOW, it's Great. I have had the band for 3 years and I still have these at least 3 or 4 times a week instead of a meal. If it's a little too thick just add a little Water as needed to thin it out. I, use to make it with coffee when I was in a hurry, but today I go more for the flavor. They sell single packets if you just want to try them. My Mom loves the egg nog one so much, that when the flavor is offered in the fall, she stocks up on it for the whole year. Butch

I can't think of anything sorrier then someone older then 40 or some times younger, telling some teenager....... Oh just buck, & most people are as happy as they make up there mind to be. Well, that is just a pile of....... donkey dust. I think they don't remember what it was like to be that age, growing up feeling unsafe & alone. Feeling like a leaf in the wind, and the mercy of others. And if your lucky enough to make it through pubirty, the fun has just begun. No I have to deal with all these hormones and feelings of wanting to be sexual and no one to explain it or to reley on to guide you through. I have worked with many teenagers, and they all seem a lot a like, they just want someone to talk to that won't judge them, and will hear there side. And to hold them close without becoming aroused. I don't think it's too much to ask....... a safe place to grow up???? Or a safe adult to hear them. HECK, I am 53 and I am still going through it, I don't want to be a grown up, and I shun responsabilty. Now I have 3 adult kids, and my little one (21 with a weight problem, she would kill me to hear me call her little) just graduated college with a 3.6 gpa, and is going for her masters. Now this is a maircal. Coming from a family that is all learning disabled & A.D.D. She is graced with this also, but has worked through it. I distrust cops and the goverment, I qustion everything, and have worked through a lot of stuff. This is my last hurddle, this weight. Hope I don't end up in a wheelchair before I lose the weight. Someone told me once, I was digging a grave with a fork !!!!!!!!! Man....that scared me senseless, so I went on a binge eating only food that I could eat with my hands etc. pizza, taco's, burrito's, donuts......... you get the Pic, right? Well, you can't scare me into losing weight, or guilt me into it, you also can't love me into losing weight. The only way to lose weight is to ask the help of a Higher Power. And then you turn your will and your life over to the care of that Higher Power. That along with this lap band, and some help from people who care, like on this web site and other places, even on the phone if you can't get out. I say this because I was there, I was the one with the gun in his mouth after losing 280 lbs, and being down to 235 lbs, girls hitting on me and, me scared out of my head. I was not ready to be there. Jodie my girl, You Keep talking, and keep looking, keep asking, keep loving. Butch

This all sounds so sad, and it also bringing up a lot of old memories for me. When I was in Middle School I was made fun of, big time and hung out with the losers, they where the only ones that would hang out with me. BUT....... as I got into high school, thing started to change. It was 1967 (I know really old times) and rebellion was in the air, there was also a lot of drugs in the air also. I turned to drugs, whatever it took. I was no longer the big fat kid, that everyone made fun of, but the big ass who always did more drugs then anyone else. This was out of fear of how others would see me, I wanted them to see my craziness and not my being fat (like they couldn't see). Then as the years passed I found out that the best defense was a good offence, I became mean and rude. This is not the person God has wanted me to be. But growing up in a family where it was not safe, and sexual abuse was rampage, I keep everyone at arms reach. It took a lot of years to get off the drugs & booze, but it turned out OK, I lived through it. BUT NOW, I have to face the first real demon I had, being too fat. It seems like I did all that to hide my weight, and cover it with other stuff. Now at 53 and not that good of health (because of the drug & booze) I am still fighting that demon, FOOD. Well it's not really food it's what food brings, comfort & safty, two things it has taken me a life time to to come to grips with. I am afarid to be sexy, afarid to be cute, I am afarid someone will hurt me and take advantage of me. It seems silly now, but these feelings lie very deep for me, so as I work towards being more comfortable with Butch, and becomeing more comfortable with my looks. I have to be more open and not be so afarid to let people in. This LBT is great, a good way to get the crud out, and let things that have been caged up inside go, where it's safe. I have only been a member for a couple of days, and already it has made a big difference in how I am looking at thing, mostly food. I feel so good to have so many people really care, and who want to help. Listen to them, and reply to those who you might click with. Use the people here to sound off and say what's too scary to say any other place. Share your pain, and start to relay on a Higher Power to guide you in your life. God is Good, All the Time, Butch

I think I am so cool........ I have had the Ban since 2002, and have lost 200 lbs. WOW. Big deal, right??? Well I have been at around 390 to 400 for almost 8 months. Being a pro at beating the Ban, it's like now I am afraid to go get another adjustment. It's like I want to stay here, AM I CRAZY !!!!!!!! 390 lbs. is no place to stay, Right??? It's a good place to pass by, but to stop here is insane. As I look back on the past 20 years, I have lost over 1200 lbs and gained back the same. So I am a pro at deception & deceiving myself most of all. It's sad to think, I am here again, and am willing to just let things be the way they are, instead of hitting the mark. It would be so easy to get a fill and be back on the way to losing weight. BUT........ the thought of not being able to eat almost a full meal, and to be able to go out to dinner and not have to run to the bathroom or spit up in a napkin (sounds gross, but true). I read so many messages on people doing so well, I was wondering how many are out there in pain, or in fear of "The Fill", or just beating the heck out of the band. I am new to this web site, and I was turned on to it by a fatty friend in NY, who is having the band installed today (Yea For Her, you go girl). Well......... just reading and hearing about people's winning out over there fears, and there pain. It has encouraged me to keep more in line and to call and make an appointment with Dr. Grossbar in Tampa for a fill, so I too can be back in the flow of losing weight, and feeling better. I do have one other problem......... since I have lost this weight, and have kept it off awhile, I have this hanging belly. It seems to have a life of it's own. It's like having a 100 lb tool belt on, or a 100 lb apron, it makes walking for any amount of time very, very painful. And when I do too much, like yard work or working out at the gym, my back is shot of at least a day. I am going to ask Dr. Grossbar about some Plastic Surgery to help with this. I am sure he will want me to lose some more weight before he does this. Anyway......... Thanks for letting me sound off and express my fears of the fill. I know they go way deeper then this, it's the fear of losing weight, and being................................ OH SO CUTE & SEXY !!!. I know a lot of other fears are around losing weight, and being normal, but I think I will handle this one day at a time. Thanks again for the ear or eye's.... LOL Butch from Florida

I think I know a lot of people like you have described like you cousin. I to have tatoos & a shaved head (how weird is that?) BUT........ I don't like snakes and the kind of things that creep, too scary. Thank you so much for the support and nice words, this web site is making a difference. I will stay intouch. butch

I really don't know how this works, but I will try. I don't know how you get all that info to come up where your name is. Like age weight date of ban installation, etc......... Any help would be great. My friend back in NY told me about this web site, and I have been reading around it. WOW, it is really cool, I wish I knew about it a lot sooner. When I first moved to florida (About 2 years ago) I had had my Lap-Ban in a year. I was in dire need of an ajustment. Ended up going back to NY to get one, and was doing good for a while. Now last winter I needed another ajustment and could not find any doctor down here to do it. I live in Citrus County, about 1 Hour north of Tampa on the coast. Not a booming city to say the least (we don't even have Starbucks !!!!!). The nearest big city is Ocala, and that is not really that big as far as city's go. I did find one doctor there and he would not ajust anyone who he did not install the lap-ban on. So after a lot of work I found the obeisty clinic just out side of Tampa. Now I am going there. My name is Butch and I have had the lap-ban since 2-18-02, a long time as far as a lot of people on this web site, so far. I started at 600 lbs and the doctor wanted me to lose 50 lbs before he would do the dirty. So tape over mouth I lost some weight, it was close to 50 lbs. more like a strong 35.... I did my best, sorry to say. But he did the install and as of to date I am 390 lbs. Now to me this is a 200 lbs loss. I could do better if I could do more excersize, but the only stuff I can do is in the Water. You see.... if I walk too much or try to do too much my back starts to kill me. I have this huge lump of skin and fat hanging in front of me, it's like having a 150 lb tool belt on, or a 150 lb apron. Anyway, I need a an ajustment, and thats all there is to it. Now for a qustion that I have been bounceing around in my big fat bald head...... Before I had the lap-ban we had classes every month. Now one month a Plastic Seregon came by and told us about a lot of things we could do as we lost weight. One was like a tummy tuck but like to the 10th degree. They cut you across the pelvis and up the middle to above the belly button. It was like hard core, but now it seems worth it. If I did not have this "Tool Belt" out in front of me, there is a lot more I could do. I might have to lose more weight but no biggie. Any help with a Plastic Seregon would be a great help to me. And I will be in touch with..... Ya'all. Thanks in advance, Butch

Thank you all for your thought's, they are well taken. I am going to make an appoint with Dr. Grossbar who heads the clinc. Let's all us in florida stay in touch. This is an awsome web site and I can see why a lot of people stay in contact with the web site even after they got to goal weight. I will me looking around this site and getting more at ease with it. Thank you again Everyone, you guy's are the best. Butch