Stoler42

Recently I've joined the may who have opted to have gastric sleeve surgery. As I've said previously, at my heaviest, I weighed 525 lbs. I was getting married at this point to boot. I've since become divorced. Recently I've looked back at what went wrong and one of the bigger things on my end was my overall health. I don't bring this up often but I waited for marriage to have sex. When my wedding night came around, I was so large that I couldn't have sex wife my new wife. I can't tell you how devastating it was to be there with the person you love more then anyone and not be able to give yourself up completely to them. My weight although not the main reason was a contributing factor to the end of my marriage.I didn't feel like a man, I just felt like a blob taking up space. Now that my marriage is over, I kind of want to get back out there. I'm a month out of surgery but there's a very large part of me that doesn't want to start dating until I've lost a decent amount of weight. This may sound vein but I don't think my self esteem has recovered yet. Part of me wonders if I ever will truly feel worthy of real love. Its a hard concept to struggle with. Romantic love is what I want to the most. I thought maybe after surgery people will see me differently and actually notice what I have to offer. I feel like girls' "heavy lifter' ie the one that offers emotional support, friendship and company and then the guy they're actually into comes into play and does all the kissing and hand holding ect. I promise you ladies, I'm a decent guy, maybe even a great guy... I just don't know how to tell you I am. I have friends losing a ton of weight that are in relationships and even here there's issues. My friend Bob is down 150 lbs since April. His girlfriend who's in the same program we were in hasn't been approved yet and is having doubts that he'll leave her soon. I feel so awful for her and I can image her fear. Weight weather there or not seems to cause so much harm in relationships. Maybe that alone is reason enough to wait. I want to be the best Ken I can be. Maybe instead of looking while being a work in progress I take some time to finish construction so to speak. How about you? How much does weight play in your relationship existing or not?

I know it's scary but it's better the younger you are. You just have to get past one cliff before you get to the top of the mountain. Believe me I know it's scary but you're body has already worked so hard to get you to this point. Trust yourself that you will make it through. Have someone close to you see you off so you have someone to focus on coming back to.

Thanks for all the positve feedback everyone. Pat that's incredible. I was hoping for someone to help me with a timeline. I want to be around where you are in that amount of time. Also, I was touched to read you met someone wonderful on here. I said I wouldn't get back out there until my health was under control. Still, it would be nice to meet someone special that's been there.

My name is Ken C. during the summer of 2012, I went my doctor's appointment to get a routine physical. I hadn't had a physical in years because I didn't have health insurance and plus I knew my health was horrible. A week before my wedding the doctor weighed me at 525 LBS. I knew I was obese but not in the half ton league! I was devastated. My doctor Carol asked me if I was happy with myself. She pointed out to me that I was becoming someone's husband and someday someone's father. She asked me if I wanted to be around for that. "Of course," I answered back. She told me that for someone my size, it was sort of miraculous that I lead such an active life and somehow avoided high blood pressure and Diabetes. She suggested getting into a program to get gastric bypass. Two years later, a divorce, and minus 85 LBS, I was finally on my way to getting the surgery I had worked so hard for. There were days when I wanted to quit the program. I got so frustrated waiting on a decision that I wanted to reject them before they could reject me. On the morning of my surgery I weighed 442 LBS. My best friend Ally was there for support and God knows I needed it. I was so nervous. I kept thinking to myself "life is going to be so different after today" I wanted to say I changed my mind. I wanted to put my clothes back on and leave but luckily having so much support there with me I kept my fear from getting the best of me. When they wheeled me into surgery, I was almost ready to cry. I had never had surgery before and I was worried about being put under anesthesia. To my great relief, I woke up in recovery. I said some pretty goofy things to Ally after waking up. I woke up with the worst gas pain ever. The nurse brought me to my room soon there after. Moments after arriving, I went for a small walk which helped with the gas pain. After I got back to the room, I decided that I was going to carry through with a promise I made myself earlier that day. Saint Vincent's has a gorgeous waterfall in its front corridors. I promised myself I would walk there if possible. They told me I'd but up and walking around so I decided to push myself a little. It took me about 15 minutes but I made it to the waterfall. The hospital had almost a beauty to it at night with all the lights and the sound of Water. It was a great place for me to heal. When I made it back to my room once again, the nurses were panicked because i had gone missing for a half hour. I apologized an told them I went for a nice walk around the hospital. They almost didn't believe me but I insisted that I had just come from the waterfall. I left the hospital after two days. I had a little pain but it was so small that I never used the pain medication given to me. Literally, once I got home I went for a walk and then drove to the movies. I never lost any of my freedom really except of course the ability to eat anything. If you're almost ready to have the surgery I recommend you get into the same mindset I did. This surgery is a gift at a better life. Don't take it for granted. Its been a little over 30 days now and I'm down 64 LBS. My clothes are beginning to look large and baggy on me. My sister the other night told me I looked amazing. I still want to drop another 140 LBS but I'm already so thrilled with my results. I have my moments where I wish I could stuff my face but those usually tend to go away after commonsense kicks back in. I'm excited to see how I'll feel in another month or so. I would love to replicate these results but part of me knows better. Realistically it would be amazing to lose another 40 LBS by the end of the month. I wonder what I'll look like at 339 LBS. Wait and see. Good luck everyone.