ErinAZ

Hello again everyone. I thought I would start a new topic with my update. I will try to include a lot of detail so if future spouses come looking on this forum like I did they can find this easily! Friday (3 days before surgery): I was freaking out because I was in the grips of one of the worst colds I've ever had. Rob's RNY surgery was scheduled for Monday and I was so angry that I might be too sick to take care of him in the hospital, and even more scared that I would get him sick and make them delay his operation. I stayed home from work and resolved to just try and get better. Friday night we went out to get pizza, his favorite food... he didn't have to go on all liquids until the day before surgery and wanted to do a couple "last meals". Saturday/Sunday: tried to get better. We went with our daughter to dinner at IHOP, truly his last meal for awhile. Also went shopping for various types of broth and sugar free jello, also some different kinds of bottled water. They suggested it was a good idea to have all that in the house in advance. Monday (Operation Day!): Woke up feeling a little better. Took lots of cold medicine and headed off to the hospital. I took a big bag with lots of stuff with me to the waiting room, I knew there would be a lot of waiting... I had a book, some knitting projects, my Ipad. I wore my most comfortable sweatpants, a t-shirt and brought a hoodie because I knew it would be cold. My day went like this: Check in. Wait an hour. Rob went to pre-op. Wait an hour. I got taken back to go sit with him in pre-op. Wait an hour. Anesthesiologist came to put him under... then back out to the waiting room. I tried to nap as much as I could. The surgeon came out about 3 hours later to tell me it was done and had gone very well. Waited another 2 hours while he was in recovery, and finally they told me his room number assignment. I waited for them there and they brought him up. He was in the hospital overnight 2 nights and got discharged Wednesday late morning. I stayed there with him both nights. I feel lucky that our hospital has a bariatric wing so there are lots of other patients with the same procedure, and all the nurses / aides are very specialized and good at caring for the patients. He did really well, did a ton of walking and as best he could at drinking all the water he was supposed to. This helped him get out relatively early on his last day. I have to say I felt bad for the patients who didn't have a caretaker staying with them (most didn't!) The nurses were very nice but often it would take 20 - 45 minutes for them to respond to a request (more pain meds, need another water bottle, etc.) With me being there I could go get him more ice chips, help him walk, go track down a nurse, etc. The staff were all very nice and seemed glad that I was staying there also, they brought a sleeper chair that folder out into a cot, and sheets/blankets for me at night. I made sure to take some time for me... I was able to go home each morning and shower and eat breakfast. Lunch and dinner I would go eat at the hospital cafeteria and take my time. These breaks helped me take care of him better - rub his shoulders that ached a lot, challenge him to go for a walk, etc. The only other tip I can think of is that we brought his pillow from home, he was allowed to use that and was very glad to have it. One more tip I guess would be, don't be afraid to speak up and ask the nurses / staff about the reason for something, or if you need something. It was obvious that they want all the patients to "stick to the routine" because it's easier for them to keep to a schedule, but they are more than willing to explain something, or to give you something or make a change if it's within their ability. I ended up taking Thursday and Friday off this week too, just to be here in case he needs me although he really doesn't. and also because I am still getting over my cold!! He's already getting sick of the liquid only diet... next week, "soft foods" join the menu. I can't wait.

Hi Sally, remain calm most of all. I know as spouses we aren't supposed to "over worry" but my husband's doctor was very serious with him before the surgery, he had to not just not gain weight, he was supposed to LOSE 10 pounds or else they threatened not to do the surgery. They explained part of it was to make the skin looser / easier to work with but I think part of it is to test whether the person is really ready to make an eating change. I think if you do feel you have to talk to him about it, just make sure to do it calmly and say you just want to help him be successful. I can say that about a month post-op, he is happily eating many things he has always loved to eat. Eventually he will be able to eat anything he could before, just small portions. And honestly the portions don't seem all that "tiny" to me. He isn't craving things like he used to, and he feels so much better and healthier overall. Things have changed for sure. I would also say make sure you have some other support systems too, for yourself. I'm also overweight and now am still trying to work on myself and lose weight, while watching him lose so much faster after surgery. It can get you down. The good news is, things are going to get easier for you too, I bet. For me, I now have a spouse who is only bringing fresh healthy food into the house, he is not bringing in "treats" and brownies and bags of Doritos. Since I can't eat what isn't in the house, it is a LOT easier for me to stick to my program now! Good luck getting through the remaining waiting time!

That;s great! Make sure to take some time to rest and de-compress for yourself while you are in the hospital too. Hope things keep going well!

Hi all... I am new here and not sure exactly what I am looking for. Words of wisdom, advice, what you wish you had known... anything. My husband is having a bypass on 7/21. Before I met him, he had gotten a lapband, but had so much trouble and failure with it, had it removed last year. I've gone with him to the pre-op class and found it very enlightening, I am so glad I went. I plan to also attend the post-op classes. I want to be supportive and have been looking forward to this with him, but suddenly this week am having all these worries that seem petty/selfish. What if it doesn't work because he won't follow the rules? What if it does work, but the food restrictions make him angry, miserable, etc? What if it does work and he starts to resent or get impatient with ME for being overweight? I have been overweight for years and have lost 20 lbs over the past three months by controlling my diet, but I still have 50 - 60 lbs to go before I am a healthy "normal" weight. I'm working through my own psychological issues with food. I'm confident in my ability to keep going and succeed, but it's going to be a lot slower than him. He keeps talking about how when he loses the weight his lifestyle is going to change, he's going to be at the gym all the time after surgery, he's going to want to do a lot of hiking/biking/camping. Will he want to do that with me when he weighs less than I do? That's on top of caretaking... still not too sure how long I should take off work, how much I should nag or "remind" him of the food restrictions, etc. He's also always been the one to cook for the family. I don't see him doing that anymore after surgery. I kind of just want to make our teenaged kids cook for themselves but then I think he would be like "I always used to cook for everyone! You should too!" Now that I've written this all out it sounds a lot like boo-hoo, I'm worried about how his major surgery is going to affect my comfortable little life. I can't help it, that's what I'm feeling. Any advice others might have about how to prepare for the surgery or the aftermath, would be appreciated. Thanks in advance...

Thanks @@madame Reverie! I do plan to follow the diet with him... Coincidentally, the diet I've been doing for about 3 months is very close to what they recommend. Protein at every meal, and a serving each of healthy fats and carbs. I do feel so much better after eating this way and think I will be even more motivated to follow it when he has to as well. Looking forward to getting out of work today so we can have a couple days to relax. Surgery on Monday and I took off until next Friday. Hope that's enough!

I can't thank you all enough for your thoughtful replies. I did read the article, and everyone's responses have given me a lot to think about and made me feel less stressed. I am looking forward to having this place to come to for support! @@lisacaron - WLS for me is something I have considered but rejected at least at this stage in life, for various reasons. One of which, I am hesitant because I witnessed all the struggles my husband had with his lap band. I learned that if I'm not ready to make that commitment to life change, WLS isn't going to help me... it's a tool but you have to be ready for it. I'm not. @@LindafromFlorida I think I really need to take your advice and back off from being a caretaker. That's hard for me but will probably have the best results! Thanks again and I'm sure I"ll be back with updates.