Well Erwin,
You're not alone as this is a burden much like all of ours and here you can find the support that may help you through. I gained weight up to my surgery date as well. I think it was part anxiety, part usual stress coping. Think of this as a lifestyle and each day as new beginning. You won't be perfect, so don't expect that of yourself. However, no excuses.
If you log your food, you take ownership of your actions. You are responsible for what goes in the machine. Some days it will be healthy choices and some not so much. One interesting thing as you progress, as least for me, is cross-referencing my moods, energy level, weight loss, etcetera with my diet logs. Sure does make a difference.
Take time for you, be good to yourself, spoil yourself with things other than food as practice. Get a massage, or something that is just for you. I think we are all so hard on ourselves, so critical with all these expectations of perfection. You are worth all of what you're doing for yourself right now. You will have more energy and you'll be inspired. You're already making healthy choices, this will work.
Cher~
With your insurance it is cake is your BMI is over 35 and you have two conditions that are a cause of obesity. That is one of the easiest insurances to get it through from my experience. When you have Medicare it's a risk, you get the surgery and then they bill it to insurance and then the insurance decides. If they don't, then patient has to pick it up. With Medicaid and fed ilia you are golden!!
