supportive hubby

I'm new here so, i'll take it slow. HOWEVER... Life is short. One of the positives of this type of decision is to re-embrace LIFE AND LIVING.
Sex is an important part of life and i can tell that you want to share that with your wife. but if she wont then you need to consider. for yourself , putting ALL options on the table.
Do you REALLY want to go the rest of your life without SEX? Without the intimacy that it can have?
Dont just ASSUME that you should stay with her. dont just assume that some magical day it will get better.
you only have so many days left, you need to make the most of them.
Do what you can to make your marriage work, but remember that YOUR needs are important! If she wont help fill those needs....

Shizwiz I don't want to offend you but help me understand this
Us guys have to wait till you lady's are "ready" and that could be months or years but when you lady's are ready .You expect us to drop our pants and go ! But in the mean time you expect us to love you and never get frustrated with you and turn off our sex drive till its time to turn it on. . Isn't that being selfish. .?

Surgery went well .. no complications
We are starting a new beginning starting today

Me too. I didn't say it was his or his wife's fault. I said that it seems to me that its always the man's fault. It shouldn't be that way. I said it isn't fair for people to basically tell him that it is his "fault" because he is approaching things the wrong way or should wait longer. His thoughts, feelings and needs are just as valid as hers. I said she isn't considering them like he is trying to consider hers. I said that was a problem. Problems do not equal fault.

Shizwiz I don't want to offend you but help me understand this
Us guys have to wait till you lady's are "ready" and that could be months or years but when you lady's are ready .You expect us to drop our pants and go ! But in the mean time you expect us to love you and never get frustrated with you and turn off our sex drive till its time to turn it on. . Isn't that being selfish. .?

My two cents -
You posted in the guys room but have welcomed the opinions of the women. I posted something in here about my marriage and fears I had about how me getting the surgery might affect my marriage and I got lambasted by women so I know that there is no safety in "the guys room." I don't care that I am going to be attacked for writing what feels like the truth from my perspective. I hope it helps you.
From what I have read in your posts you are missing more than sex with your wife. You are missing intimacy. There is nothing wrong with wanting intimacy and nothing wrong with wanting sex. You love your wife and want to have a complete relationship with her and that is completely and totally normal. It sounds to me like you have gone above and beyond in trying to be supportive and compassionate towards your wife. I don't think its fair for posters - men and women - to tell you that there is a problem with your approach or that you need to change or need to wait longer or be more supportive. Frankly, I think that in marriages where the woman wants sex less than the man it is always the man's fault and where the wife wants more sex than the man it is always the man's fault. You're thinking of your wife's needs and it sounds like you have put her needs before yours for quite some time. She needs to think of your needs too. She isn't. That is a problem.
Her lack of sex drive may have nothing to do with her surgery. It may have nothing to do with your approach. It may have nothing to do with her feelings about her body. It sounds like she isn't willing to talk about it with you. That is a problem.
Before getting surgery myself I did a lot of research about its affect on marriage. boiling it down to one sentence, WLS makes strong marriages with the right foundations stronger and weak marriages with the wrong foundations weaker. Is it possible she settled for you? Did she marry you because she felt that she was fat and ugly and she better marry the first guy that came along? Does she love you now? Did she ever love you? These are things to think about and to talk with your wife about, It seems to me that if you love someone you do thinks to make them happy even if you don't want to do them sometimes. For example, I took my wife to an opera because she loved it. Why should sex be any different? It is one thing to be constantly be pressured to have sex when you aren't in the mood but giving it up when you aren't in the mood once in awhile should not be seen as completely unfair. You should be asking yourself why she doesn't seem to have any interest in pleasing you.
You can't make anyone, your wife included, love you, be attracted to you or want to have sex with you. You have to take things as they are with open eyes. You said that you feel like it isn't a marriage but is a roommate situation. You have to evaluate this marriage. You have to express your feelings to your wife in a non-judgmental and non-accusatory way. You have to tell her that you don't feel loved. You have to decided if you want to stay in this marriage if things don't change and you have to tell your wife if you don't want to be in a marriage like yours currently is. You have to do whatever you can to fix things - propose counseling etc but its possible she is just passively agressively pushing you to leave.

Well I want these ladies to comment cause I can't get true advice from a guy who says get a little on side so if any body has an issue with ladies commenting on this thread you can leave this thread

Isn't this the guy's room? If you can't be nice.. Or offer advice other than to compare to your own husband and tell people to grow up, not sure why you are even in here!

Well...the topic of women in the guys room has been very touchy in here for quite a while. I would agree with the last statement that since there was tolerance on this post assuming "helpful" comments would happen, if comments like this are going to happen, stay out of the guys room. I've been trying to keep it neutral...and keep my boy Rova from exploding... (Lol!) but I'm about to say nothing the next he goes off about this (no more neutral for Bigboy) because these type of comments put me in full support of no women allowed!!!
Just to add more man's perspective, our testosterone gets absorbed in our fat cells too. Since my surgery, I am the pig that is being described. The wood pile is stacked every morning, and we are men!!! Sex is on our mind all the time! We don't try to make that happen, it just is how we were made!!!!
My wife had the surgery. She's changing too...but there's something deeper when your wife isn't responding to you sexually. I continue to agree about romancing her. However,if it doesn't work, to avoid cheating, it's time to seek counseling. I think you have been patient Bro! A man can only be patient so long. I understand the pressure comments to a degree...but damn..it's a thing called compromise in marriage too!!! I shouldn't have to beg my wife for sex!!!
Here for ya Bro!!

Well I want these ladies to comment cause I can't get true advice from a guy who says get a little on side so if any body has an issue with ladies commenting on this thread you can leave this thread

A little on the side does not fill the big hole that is missing . It only puts a blanket over it and you will step on it and fall into that big hole. And it will be much bigger than you expected and you will not be able to get out

A little on the side does not fill the big hole that is missing . It only puts a blanket over it and you will step on it and fall into that big hole. And it will be much bigger than you expected and you will not be able to get out

Well I want these ladies to comment cause I can't get true advice from a guy who says get a little on side so if any body has an issue with ladies commenting on this thread you can leave this thread

Thanks for the info ladies since us men can't read minds and men work on different wave links as women do . and being frustrated it's really hard to put the hurt of constantly being rejected aside but this week I will try my best and change how I look at the situation

A little on the side does not fill the big hole that is missing . It only puts a blanket over it and you will step on it and fall into that big hole. And it will be much bigger than you expected and you will not be able to get out

A little on the side does not fill the big hole that is missing . It only puts a blanket over it and you will step on it and fall into that big hole. And it will be much bigger than you expected and you will not be able to get out

Well, when I see bad advice, I discuss it. Whether it be regarding WLS, a caring relationship or lipstick color.

A little on the side does not fill the big hole that is missing . It only puts a blanket over it and you will step on it and fall into that big hole. And it will be much bigger than you expected and you will not be able to get out

A little on the side does not fill the big hole that is missing . It only puts a blanket over it and you will step on it and fall into that big hole. And it will be much bigger than you expected and you will not be able to get out

Thanks for the info ladies since us men can't read minds and men work on different wave links as women do . and being frustrated it's really hard to put the hurt of constantly being rejected aside but this week I will try my best and change how I look at the situation

Thanks for the info ladies since us men can't read minds and men work on different wave links as women do . and being frustrated it's really hard to put the hurt of constantly being rejected aside but this week I will try my best and change how I look at the situation

A little on the side does not fill the big hole that is missing . It only puts a blanket over it and you will step on it and fall into that big hole. And it will be much bigger than you expected and you will not be able to get out

A little on the side does not fill the big hole that is missing . It only puts a blanket over it and you will step on it and fall into that big hole. And it will be much bigger than you expected and you will not be able to get out

A little on the side does not fill the big hole that is missing . It only puts a blanket over it and you will step on it and fall into that big hole. And it will be much bigger than you expected and you will not be able to get out

I love that you are so open to other thought processes and willing to hear other view points. Your wife is lucky to have you and I have little doubt she will come around as she progresses through this change. It took me a good 7-8 months to find security in my new body and I was a very secure person to begin with.
She will find her groove. In the meantime, be patient, loving and kind even when you don't feel like it. She will recognize it and appreciate it.
And callus cream. It's good for the hands in this dry weather.