KayleeC14

You have stunned them into silence?
I would love to see a before and after of u. I believe that maybe u need to see them again also. A couple of things I have experienced when I was first successful with my band was that everyone who saw me regularly didn't really notice the change and I'd lost 60 kg. but those I hadn't seen for ages didn't recognise me. The other thing is I still always felt big. I had to keep looking in the mirror all the time to remind myself that this was now me.
Ps my band has now failed after 15 yrs and I am getting sleeved in 6 days! Omg I can't wait.

I loved reading this! I have always thought I looked great and never crossed my mind on what I would look like after surgery. I just started to notice changes that are happening to me and I am 13 weeks post-op. Its one thing to notice your pants to start to get baggy and shirts getting more loose. But to actually look at myself in the raw about almost made me cry. I love the way I am looking now, and it makes me smile everyday when I notice more small changes. I can say I loved myself before I had the surgery but I even love myself more now then I ever had.

I loved reading this! I have always thought I looked great and never crossed my mind on what I would look like after surgery. I just started to notice changes that are happening to me and I am 13 weeks post-op. Its one thing to notice your pants to start to get baggy and shirts getting more loose. But to actually look at myself in the raw about almost made me cry. I love the way I am looking now, and it makes me smile everyday when I notice more small changes. I can say I loved myself before I had the surgery but I even love myself more now then I ever had.

I so can relate! I know I still have more to loose but all the attention is a little overwhelming! Don't get me wrong it feels great hearing how good I look, but there are days where I don't wanna hear it because its redundant. One thing that I have issues with is when I go out to the bar now, before I could go out and have hardly anybody talk to me or dance. Now I have a sea of people who want to talk to me and dance. It makes my boyfriend a little nervous when I go out now since I lost 82 pounds, he says I am starting to look "too attractive" which I take as both negative and a positive.

My husband once said something to the effect that this was an easier route for me. I blew up at him with the following...
1) I have to count every calorie, every gram of Protein, carbohydrates and fat in my diet. Then at the end of the day I have to make sure I got the right amounts so I can stay healthy.
2) I have to take 10 different Vitamins a day at different times and constantly worry about combinations and absorbing them.
3) If I mess up #2 or #3 I risk serious health issues, some of which are permanent.
4) If I eat one bite, one sip, too many my stomach hurts like hell.
5) If I don't constantly keep aware of how well I am chewing my food I risk not chewing well enough before I swallow and throwing it all back up repeatedly and not being able to eat the rest of the day which messes up #2 and #3.
6) Sometimes I'm pissed for no reason other than that I cannot eat, or have to constantly think about what/how I am eating.
7) I live in constant worry that I won't make it to where I want to be and that this whole process will be for nothing. I spent an entire year just preparing for the surgery! This isn't about just getting better abs, or a nicer butt for me; it's my life, my mortality.
This is not one bit easy. It only looks easy right now because YOU (you being those who haven't gone through it, my husband namely) aren't the one following all the rules and at risk of serious consequences if you don't. It also looks easy because weight comes off faster when there's 200lbs of it to lose.
He hasn't said anything similar since, but I saw the look in his eyes and he "got it". It's not easy, just different.
That said, I can't say their perspective is all that different than what mine used to be. I didn't really know or understand exactly how much work I was going to have to do to lose weight and get fit before I found myself in the thick of it. I thought it was easy for them, people who had never been obese or had to lose a significant amount of weight. Really, it's not easy for anyone, no matter which route is taken. It's a lot of work to get the body you want.

From another perspective....
There were 24 votes in that survey that thought it was the "easy way out".
There are almost 206,000 members on Bariatric Pal.....just sayin'.

That thread was disgusting to read! I know there are a lot of people out there that think that weight loss surgery is the "Easy" way out but to all who have had surgery knows all too well it is not. I fight the battle everyday making better choices and fighting old habits. Those people are worthless in my mind, if they cannot accept or get through their heads that not everybody is like them. It bugs me a little what people say not about me but overall about weight loss surgery.

Have you ever caught yourself watching TV at night and feeling lonely, bored or sad? Your partner may be sitting next to you or in their favorite chair, but you get up anyway; making the routine trip to the freezer to fix a bowl of ice cream, which will provide the comfort you are craving. It may not be ice cream; your comfort food may be a bag of Doritos, a pizza delivery, or a can of coke and leftovers from dinner. You aren’t really hungry, you may feel miserable, but the effort it would require to hug your partner, or become intimate with them isn’t as easy or comforting as food. People who struggle with weight often times struggle with intimacy as well. This struggle extends beyond their family, and affects their personal friendships as well. Eating for comfort may lead to more isolation. The more weight people gain, the less they want to mingle and the more they worry about what others will think or say.
Have we become a society of people medicating with food in order to feel better? Have we stopped turning to loved ones for support and comfort in lieu of food? Yes and no. Although overeating has always been a problem, the stress of technology speeding up our lives and forcing us to bring home more work, or never leaving work at work, we are all working more and more, and feeling less and less connected with those we love most. We return home feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. Rewarding ourselves with food is a lot easier than becoming vulnerable and open to criticism from our partner or friends. There are other reasons more people are turning to food for emotional comfort rather than a relationship.

You don’t have to leave your home to get comfort. Food delivery is available within blocks of our homes.
Food is easy; you don’t need to invest any effort or time.
You don’t have to get dressed to enjoy comfort food.
You don’t have to look handsome, desirable or pretty for food.
Food doesn’t judge you, leave you, or criticize you.
Eating a delicious dinner is longer and more enjoyable for many people than sex (the average length of lovemaking is less than ten minutes).
Food doesn’t cheat on you.
Food is available anywhere, anytime, and for any reason.
Food may be tied to memories of love and childhood which makes you feel loved.
Food doesn’t require a partner.

So is it a bad thing if we prefer gourmet truffle macaroni and cheese along with a filet mignon and a fresh garden salad with gobs of ranch dressing? Is it bad to add chocolate mousse if you’ve had an especially rough day and need an additional reward? It’s not a judgment call of right or wrong, but it can be adding to your unhappiness and health. Intimacy with another is important. When you are intimate with someone they want you to be healthy; choosing food for comfort rather than reaching out to them would be hurtful or a sign of rejection. There are other reasons you need to find comfort in one another rather than food. Below are a few.
Intimacy shared with another gives you a deeper connection.
Intimacy doesn’t leave you with guilt, feeling disgusted, or body hate.
Intimacy helps you lose weight, not gain.
Intimacy lowers your heart rate.
Intimacy lowers your blood pressure.
Intimacy won’t cause diabetes.
Intimacy is good for your heart.
Intimacy improves your thinking.
Intimacy is exercise and exercise is good.
Intimacy won’t leave you feeling isolated.
Intimacy doesn’t take your mobility away.
Intimacy doesn’t cost anything.
Intimacy doesn’t make your hips, knees or ankles hurt.
Intimacy makes your brain work better.

Everyone understands the feeling of working and having a bag of chips or a package of Cookies nearby only to realize at the end of their task the bag or package is completely gone. They were eating them mindlessly. Eating to calm anxiety is more and more common. The primary reason for relationships growing apart is due to couples choosing other vices to fill the void they feel. Becoming aware of your behavior and what you are eating, as well as writing down what you eat (we forget) is a good way to begin eating less and becoming more in touch with the emotions you are repressing with food. A simple practice of not eating past 7 or 8 pm can help you lose weight, and communicate more with your partner, family or friends. Breaking the habit of turning to food is not easy, but with practice it does work. Intimacy and sex are better for you than food!
–Mary Jo Rapini

Hello muppie91
I started at 362. My surgery weight on 12/23 was 322. Currently I am at 276, down 86 pounds so far.

We have the same starting weight!
I was 362 on April 3 2013 day of surgery. Today I am 218 so 144 down. My highest ever was 418 though and that puts me at 200 down from that as of today!!!

When I started the journey I was 397 and the day of surgery I was 362 now as of today I am 315.5! 81 pounds lost, only had one stall so far, it lasted two weeks felt like the longest two weeks of hell trying to get over it!

Interesting reports of increased alcoholism risk after Roux-en-Y. I don't know that the sleeve has been studied. See:
http://www.m.webmd.com/diet/news/20121015/addiction-risk-weight-loss-surgery?page=1

I have personally been through the ringer with the adult bullies. What usually gets the pot stirring is document everything they are saying about other coworkers and report to your Human Resource Management. There should be zero tolerance for that in the environment. I cannot stand an adult who has to bully another, we are not in high school anymore. One time in a place I worked for I called out a man who was making fun of another coworker to the point the lady found out and cried in the bathroom. I simply walked over to him and told him what I exactly think about him and that he is a low life, then walked myself right into both my managers office and HR managers office and reported everything and what I said to him.

I have personally been through the ringer with the adult bullies. What usually gets the pot stirring is document everything they are saying about other coworkers and report to your Human Resource Management. There should be zero tolerance for that in the environment. I cannot stand an adult who has to bully another, we are not in high school anymore. One time in a place I worked for I called out a man who was making fun of another coworker to the point the lady found out and cried in the bathroom. I simply walked over to him and told him what I exactly think about him and that he is a low life, then walked myself right into both my managers office and HR managers office and reported everything and what I said to him.

I have personally been through the ringer with the adult bullies. What usually gets the pot stirring is document everything they are saying about other coworkers and report to your Human Resource Management. There should be zero tolerance for that in the environment. I cannot stand an adult who has to bully another, we are not in high school anymore. One time in a place I worked for I called out a man who was making fun of another coworker to the point the lady found out and cried in the bathroom. I simply walked over to him and told him what I exactly think about him and that he is a low life, then walked myself right into both my managers office and HR managers office and reported everything and what I said to him.

I had my surgery back in November 2013 and it was a revision to the lap band. At first only my parents knew and of course sisters. I slowly starting to tell people like my family and very close friends when I knew that I was approved for the surgery. In 2008 when I had the lap band done and everybody and their brother knew about it. I wanted to make sure that I could have the revision done, and told my family not to say a word on any social network sites. It took me up to the surgery date for me to say "hey everybody this is whats happening" I started a blog, and directed my friends to read it so they know what exactly I am going through so I didnt have to face the questions up front. I am about two months out and doing great, I have a huge support team that helps me a lot! After coming out on Facebook I was very surprised on how many people have I inspired to get themselves healthy as well.

I force myself to use the smaller plate and bowls and I measure out everything. I battle eating too big of bites as well, I have gotten into the habit of cutting stuff up to small bites and eating it that way. It takes me about a good hour to get my food down right now. Been working on getting the food down within the 30 minutes they want me too.

We had surgery the same day! I weighed the same as you did then and now, how ironic! But anyways, it sounds like its a gull bladder issue. I have random pain but only when I drink really cold Water now and then. I would contact your surgeon or doctor and let them know whats going on. Its very common after weight surgery that the gull bladder will be the next to come out. I hope you start feeling better!

I had my surgery back in November 2013 and it was a revision to the lap band. At first only my parents knew and of course sisters. I slowly starting to tell people like my family and very close friends when I knew that I was approved for the surgery. In 2008 when I had the lap band done and everybody and their brother knew about it. I wanted to make sure that I could have the revision done, and told my family not to say a word on any social network sites. It took me up to the surgery date for me to say "hey everybody this is whats happening" I started a blog, and directed my friends to read it so they know what exactly I am going through so I didnt have to face the questions up front. I am about two months out and doing great, I have a huge support team that helps me a lot! After coming out on Facebook I was very surprised on how many people have I inspired to get themselves healthy as well.

As a weight loss surgery patient, you have to decide whether to tell others about your weight loss surgery. Should you come out of the “weight loss surgery closet” and tell others about your weight loss surgery? Whom should you tell? What should you say? How much should you talk about?
There’s no single right answer to these questions. The right thing for you to do is whatever makes you most comfortable.
Some people tell everyone everything. They want to share their experiences to try to help others, to get people to understand what they are going through, and to show that they are proud of their actions towards a healthier lifestyle.
Some people tell their closest family members and friends most things, and tell more distant acquaintances only the basics or nothing. They might think of weight loss surgery as a medical issue that you don’t talk about in public indiscriminately.
Some people tell others on a “need to know” basis. People who “need to know” are often household members and close friends. Other people whom you feel “need to know” may be individuals who themselves are fighting with obesity and therefore might benefit from hearing your story.
Some people keep it as quiet as possible. They feel that the only reaction they’ll get is a negative one; that uninformed people will judge them for “taking the easy way out;” and that they’ll just feel bad about themselves.

Getting Rid of Society’s Weight Loss Surgery Stigma
Imagine that you, a weight loss surgery patient named “Jane,” are part of the following conversation.
Person A: Hi, guys! Great to see you! How are you?
Person B: Hey! I’m doing well, thanks. How are you? Have you been able to get any help for your depression?
Person A: Yes, thanks! I’ve found a great therapist and been on some medications, and they’re really helping. How about your diabetes? How has your blood sugar been?
Person B: Oh, it’s okay. I’m taking my meds and really watching my carbs. Most days, my blood sugar is right in range. How are you doing, Jane?
You (Jane): Oh, fine, thanks. You know, same old. Work is good, and the family is doing well, so can’t complain.
The conversation is okay, but shouldn’t you be able to feel just as comfortable talking about your weight loss surgery and new lifestyle as your friends do talking about their mental health and treatment, and their diabetes medications and diet? Nobody bats an eyelash when discussing prescription medications, mental health, and diets. Wouldn’t it be refreshing for a conversation that goes more like the following to be the norm?
Person A: Hi, guys! Great to see you! How are you?
Person B: Hey! I’m doing well, thanks. How are you? Have you been able to get any help for your depression?
Person A: Yes, thanks! I’ve found a great therapist and been on some medications, and they’re really helping. How about your diabetes? How has your blood sugar been?
Person B: Oh, it’s okay. I’m taking my meds and really watching my carbs. Most days, my blood sugar is right in range. How are you doing, Jane?
You (Jane): Great, thanks! The gastric bypass surgery three months ago was pretty rough, but things are on the right track now. I’ve been super careful with my diet, and I think I will finally be able to lose a little weight!
How can weight loss surgery become part of the mainstream conversation? How can we reduce the stigma surrounding obesity and weight loss surgery, just like we have thankfully made a lot of progress reducing the stigma surrounding cancer, mental disorders, HIV/AIDS, and many, many other diseases.
Why does the stigma around obesity – and particularly weight loss surgery – remain? Among the many possible reasons is the lack of information. Most people don’t know:
How many times you have tried and failed to lose the weight long-term.
What weight loss surgery is, and the number of different kinds there are.
That the surgery itself does not make you instantly lose weight.
How hard you have to work to lose weight after surgery by following a very careful and restricted diet.

Coming out of the weight loss surgery closet is a movement. It becomes easier when more people do it. Eventually, weight loss surgery can become an accepted and respected action and topic of conversation.
We’re making some progress. Over the past few years, several celebrities have gotten weight loss surgery procedures and allowed them to become public.
The View host Star Jones Reynolds
Television host Sharon Osbourne
Comedian Lisa Lampanelli
NFL Jets coach Rex Ryan
Actor Brian Dennehy
Wilson Phillips singer Carnie Wilson
Heart vocalist Ann Wilson
Comedian and television star Roseanne Barr
New Jersey governor Chris Christie
American Idol judge Randy Jackson
Weather forecaster Al Roker
Singer Patti Austin
Chef Graham Elliot
Author Anne Rice
Musician John Popper
Singer Etta James

What to Do When You Decide to “Come Out”
Let’s say you decide that you’re ready to come out of the WLS closet. “The Talk” with your friends and family members can be planned.
Practice what you’ll say so that it comes out easily and naturally when you’re ready to say it.
Keep it simple. Most people don’t know what a sleeve plication is, or the difference between gastric bypass or lap-band. Start by telling them that you got a type of weight loss surgery, and provide details if they seem interested.
Be ready for questions. They might wonder what kind of diet you follow, how your stomach feels, whether you have to give up lots of foods, and all sorts of things that may seem basic to you. Be patient with them and answer their questions.
It’s okay to set boundaries. If you don’t feel comfortable talking about dumping syndrome or measuring your food, you don’t have to.

Coming out to other acquaintances might be more spontaneous. The conversation with a work colleague might start with something like, “Hey, how come you never come out to lunch with us anymore?” That’s your chance to answer, “I really miss going out with all of you, but I got weight loss surgery a few months ago. I can’t eat that kind of food on my new diet.”

There was an interesting article in the New York Times about a young woman who had a Lap-Band weight loss surgery after years of suffering the emotional journey of an overweight kid. The story was very honest about what to expect with this type of surgery, and it also tracked the journey of the young woman. The story is of interest to many as more and more teens and adults are turning toward the option of weight loss surgery. The latest number of weight loss surgeries performed in the United States is 220,000 per year. That is a seven-fold increase over the past 10 years according to the New York Times article. Weight loss surgeries do save lives and also improve quality of lives for sure, but they aren’t for everyone. The surgeons do the surgery and are skilled at centers of excellence, but unless the patients come back, join support groups and stay in contact with dieticians, falling off track is way too easy and, unfortunately, many of them do, including the young woman in the NYT story.
I run several food addiction groups in Houston, and was featured as the psychotherapist for TLC’s show “Big Medicine.” On the show, I worked closely with Drs. Robert and Garth Davis. We tried to give the viewer an honest look at what happened with the weight loss surgery and the journey after. My work now is primarily with revisions. Revisions are the surgery done when the first weight loss surgery failed. My office is full, as are my support groups. What happened to the patients that so eagerly came into our offices feeling empowered and ready to give up their morbid obesity forever? They are replaced with patients who hang their head feeling like they failed. Even though they feel defeated, the ones I see are the fortunate ones who were able to step out of their shame cycle, call their insurance company and ask for a second chance. They need a second chance because neither they nor we (the health team) had a full picture of what was underneath their weight. They couldn’t see it prior to surgery, and since they are their own historians telling us their story, we are blinded also.
I believe in weight loss surgery, but I believe more in the knowledge we impart to the patient prior to and after the surgery. Performing an alteration, such as a weight loss surgery, is a huge decision, but in the case of a minor I think the whole bariatric medicine team must be on board. There has to be a built-in safety net to handle the transformation of the child as well as their family. Everyone who loves the patient must change when someone they love has weight loss surgery. The counselor, dietician, and surgeon must know all of the family members. We must know who is sabotaging and enabling that patient on an emotional level. Enablers are the people still giving the patient food as a source of love. Our bariatric treatment teams must also understand if simply making better food and lifestyle choices worked, it would have worked 20 diets ago. It did not. Obesity has an addictive component, and addictions are kept in place by denial. Most patients will tell you they are not addicted to food exactly the same as an alcoholic will tell you they aren’t addicted to alcohol. The question is: “Do you use food to comfort yourself?” If the patient says “YES,” then treat them for a food addiction. Do this because they are telling you they have a relationship with food that is emotionally based and most likely they are choosing food with high fat or high carbohydrates (not one of my patients has ever had an addiction/emotional relationship to steamed or raw vegetables).
Whenever a patient feels like a failure after going through the process of weight loss surgery and everything it entails, it is heart wrenching not only to them, but to me and anyone working in this field. If insurance companies won’t cover patient care for years to come after the surgery, then we in the field are going to have to put these measures in place and make them affordable to the patients. We cannot tell a patient they need to continue in groups and follow-ups if they can no longer afford the cost. Whoever said, “Weight loss surgery is a quick fix” truly never had weight loss surgery or worked with my patients. There is nothing quick about it. Obesity is a disease and once you have it, losing the weight is the easy part, managing that loss is a life long journey.

Many people who struggle with morbid obesity find themselves virtually ”invisible”, feeling like or choosing to stay an anonymous person in the crowd as opposed to being an individual and standing out.


In our complex and busy lives, we all belong to a system of people, places and things that connect us to others who, in turn, impact our lives in a variety of ways. Many people who struggle with morbid obesity find themselves virtually ”invisible”, feeling like or choosing to stay an anonymous person in the crowd as opposed to being an individual and standing out. Conversely, many bariatric patients maintain busy and interactive lifestyles regardless of body size or physical impediments. Human nature is strange; we often cannot decide how we would like to be perceived by others. In the area of bariatric support services, we are often reminded that both the internal (your own) response to your comprehensive changes and the external (everyone else) response are both quite evident as a patient begins, and continues on, the journey of recovery from morbid obesity. Either way, bariatric surgery will somehow spotlight your changing physical and psychological selves due to a dramatic change in body appearance and personal presentation.
In attempting to assess how a pre-operative or new post-operative patient is filtering feedback from those around them, it is often helpful to ask a few pertinent questions to focus in on potentially difficult areas:
Do you feel that people in your support system are fully aware of your needs as a pre-operative/new post-operative bariatric surgery patient? Have the people in your life system received adequate information/education regarding the basics of bariatric surgery and the importance of a supportive and behaviorally appropriate environment?
Do you perceive friends or family members unable to relate to you/isolate from you due to the newness of bariatric surgery? Are support people feeling unsure as to how your relationship will be affected by your bariatric surgery in the future?
Are there feelings of resentment or frustration apparent to you around old eating habits or the appearance of new ones?

As support service facilitators, we are keenly aware of the possibilities of external (outside) reactions to bariatric patients and how it may impact the internal (sense of self) reactions patients are experiencing at an already heightened rate. When a patient decides to undergo surgery, that decision can be an alarming, even threatening event, for people in their life system, be it family, friends, co-workers or intimate partners. A change in a relationship between two people may possibly shift the focus of eating behaviors from one to another, possibly putting the spotlight on someone else and their less than perfect lives. We all, to some degree, experience scrutiny around our behaviors but as we all know, body image and self-worth are very susceptible to criticisms from those in our life system.
Expectations of what bariatric surgery will change also affects the patients issues about their own acceptance in a mirror image sort of way. Patients often wonder:
Will I be accepted by my old crowd of friends even though I may not eat the same way or for the same reasons after my surgery
Will I be able to enjoy socializing, holidays and celebrations following bariatric surgery?
What if my feelings towards some people in my life change and I decide to minimize certain relationships because they do not support my new style of life?

Most people want to be accepted for who they are in a holistic sense, not just what they look like. The adjustment needs for both patient and support persons are often the same: that the newness of the situation will pass and interaction between people will become less uncomfortable. Often, patients report having to reinforce the importance of certain relationships with others just as patients need to receive the
same “validation” from others. Patience, tolerance and acceptance are three areas that everyone could benefit from as patients and support people learn from each other that the most valuable teaching tool is life experience. Bariatric surgery begins a journey toward a healthier, improved quality of life the patient will pursue in their physical and emotional recovery from the devastating affects of morbid obesity.