1Cor2:9

Ha, I think it is complex affair. The idea that only confident people have life partners is false. There are plenty of lo self esteem people running around who are married. One's confidence should not be rooted in one's appearance. I am somebody and have worth independent of my present size.

Thank you I will take that into consideration.

I do not count calories because I was told that the most important thing is to worry about protein. I also cook most of my meals, so I not sure how to determine how many calories I am consuming.

Before I get to my question I want to state the following: During the past week I did the following: -Increased my Water intake -Exercised for more than five hours -Took long walks (three or more miles) more than six times -With the exception for my cheat day* I had Protein with each meal I would put 25 grams of protein in each smoothie I had for Breakfast I would eat Protein Bars with at least 10 grams lunch and dinner I would have sauteed vegetables with Boca crumbles However, when I weighed myself this morning I had gained almost 2lbs. Sometimes I would have a snack between meals. One time it was trail mix with only nuts, seeds, and dried fruit. Sometimes it was edamame. But this was not everyday. I think I am going to do the liquid diet for a week and see if that helps me to re-calibrate myself. *I decided if I exercised for five times during the week I could have a cheat day on Saturday. I never did a cheat day before and I think it will be my last one. For my cheat day I had pizza and chex mix. Chex mix is a trigger food, so it is not to be revisited. Suggestions would be helpful. Also, I usually do not know the exact number of grams of protein I have because I often cook at home. However, when I do I make a point to include things that I know are higher in protein.

It has been awhile since I have written a What Y'all Think. I have had a few ideas that I wanted to to explore, but then This American Life came through for me. This weeks episode of TAL was about being fat and according to to true TAL style they approached the topic from a few different angles. Bariatric surgery was not covered in the broadcast. It mostly centered around fat acceptance. If you have the time I would encourage you to have a listen. It is more than an hour in length and it does include profanity, so keep those things in mind. One of my motivating factors for having surgery was with the hope I would get married. I do not think fat people, if I may use that term, are necessarily ugly. Nor do I think thin people are necessarily beautiful. However, women of a more normal size have a higher chance of getting married. We may not like that. It paints men in an unflattering light, but it is true. I know that I have much to offer any man, but if my weight is a hindrance to that then perhaps I need to make a change and so I did by have VSG six months ago. I am sharing this because the idea of women losing weight to increase their chances of getting married is covered in the broadcast. As always, let me know your thoughts. http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/589/tell-me-im-fat

Yesterday marked six months since I had surgery. During that time it has been an interesting journey. Although I tried to prepare myself as much as possible there are still something that I found to be a surprised. However, I still think that having VSG was a good decision for me. If you are interested below are my numbers: 57% of excess body weight lost A loss of close to 20 BMI points 97 pounds lost I do not measure myself, so I cannot tell you how many inches I have lost. Clothing is tricky because sizes are not consistent from brand to brand. And my size is change so often. I was told during my six month check that I am a success. I do not feel like I am a success yet because I have not reached my weight goal, but I feel like I am on my way and the Lord has enabled me to have success so far. I recently saw that someone asked on BP, "What do you want to do once you get skinny?" I am not sure. Yes I do. I am going to say what it is and people can just judge I suppose. I would like to get married. I know we bariatric patients we are not supposed to say that. We are suppose to say I want to look better or improve my health. I assume those things will naturally happen as I become the weight I am meant to be, but marriage is another thing. Ha, I can hear it now. Being smaller does not guarantee that you will get married. True, true. There are many slender, beautiful young women that are very much single. But just perhaps I can improve my odds. And if I do not get married at least I am healthier. Go ahead. Tell me I am wrong. I really would like to be down 150 pounds by years end. I hope I make it and if not we just keep on pushin'.

Correction- I just stepped back on the scale to confirm and I got a different reading. I am 206. Perhaps I was paying enough attention the first time.

Last week- 9lbs lost. CW- 196! I made it into the onederland!!! I do not even remember the last time I weighed less than 200lbs.

As of this morning I weigh 205lbs! I am getting really close to being in onederland.

Due to some digestive issues I have been taking Fiber in Water and then I add a scoop of unflavored Protein powder. I mention this because the fiber adds a slight orange flavor. Not that I am suggesting that you have an issue with digestion, but what if you were to take one scoop of Protein Powder add with water and then squeeze a little lime or lemon juice into the mixture?

Well, I am going to join on in! My starting weight is 211. Goal weight is 195.

211 as of this morning. I really beat my goal this time!

As of yesterday, I know I am late, I am 212,

It is a good feeling. Sometimes I will eat less than half a plate when I am eating out with friends and think, "Oh no I ate too much!", but when I look at what my friend ate or remember how I would overeat at must meals it calms my nerves.

As of this morning 215. By the way, I have beat my goal, but the spreadsheet does not reflect that. Presently, I beat my goal by 5lbs.

I know I have been absent, but I weighed myself this morning and I am 217. I surpassed my goal for this challenge! I hope to beat it by even more.

Lost two pounds. CW 221.

lost 7lbs current weight is 223.

Just weighed myself this morning and I am 223.

As of this morning I am 230. Had a slight gain the week before, but now things are moving in the right direction!

CW- 233 GW- 220 Thanks!

Recently I have been reflecting on my present and future progress with weight loss. From this reflection I have come to the conclusion. When I have the feeling that I do not want to exercise, that is just a superficial manifestation of what is really going on. The real issue, when I do not feel like exercising, is that I have fear that I will never reach my goal and I am giving up. Now, so of you just read that and have your fingers ready to type something to me before you do let me say this these moments are brief, but they must be dealt with. Please do not give me advice about the above I am trying to make a bigger point. Once I realized that fear was the motivating factor in the I-don't-want-to-work-out-syndrome. I was able to fight back this week. If I continue the course I will have worked out six days this week. Take that despair! The other thing that happen this week as I shared the above with my prayer partner is a statement she made to me, "You suffered an injury as a child and now you are finally in rehab to recover from that injury." In essence she was encouraging me to see my weight loss journey as rehab. What she says is true. I am the adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse and parental neglect. Throw some time periods of poverty into the mix well you have a recipe for childhood and adult obesity and here I am. Losing the weight is part of the process of healing that very old wound. To me that is more important than smaller clothes sizes, appearance, and so on. My weight is a physical manifestation of childhood trauma. My question to you is this-- how to you view your weight loss journey? Is just about having a smaller body? Is it about healing wounds from the past? I am interested in your thoughts. How does the way in which you view your process affecting you?

This is the recipe for the bars. I made them for the first time this week. You can add in whatever you like. If the scan is not clear let me know. It is from the cookbook Thug Kitchen. I made the bars with barley instead of millet because I could not find it. Let me know if you end up making these. I think the image posted upside down and for that I am sorry.

Recently I have been watching several episodes of My 600lb Life. Since I do not have a t.v. I am not able to watch other weight loss reality shows with any regularity. I was wondering what your thoughts are about such shows. Do they fairly represent the struggle with obesity? Are they realistic about how weight loss truly works? I am interested in reading your thoughts about it. Let me know.

As of this morning-- 231. Not quite my goal, but pretty close. I have lose close to 14lbs during this challenge. A lose is a gain.