Recently I have been reflecting on my present and future progress with weight loss. From this reflection I have come to the conclusion. When I have the feeling that I do not want to exercise, that is just a superficial manifestation of what is really going on. The real issue, when I do not feel like exercising, is that I have fear that I will never reach my goal and I am giving up. Now, so of you just read that and have your fingers ready to type something to me before you do let me say this these moments are brief, but they must be dealt with. Please do not give me advice about the above I am trying to make a bigger point. Once I realized that fear was the motivating factor in the I-don't-want-to-work-out-syndrome. I was able to fight back this week. If I continue the course I will have worked out six days this week. Take that despair! The other thing that happen this week as I shared the above with my prayer partner is a statement she made to me, "You suffered an injury as a child and now you are finally in rehab to recover from that injury." In essence she was encouraging me to see my weight loss journey as rehab. What she says is true. I am the adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse and parental neglect. Throw some time periods of poverty into the mix well you have a recipe for childhood and adult obesity and here I am. Losing the weight is part of the process of healing that very old wound. To me that is more important than smaller clothes sizes, appearance, and so on. My weight is a physical manifestation of childhood trauma.

My question to you is this-- how to you view your weight loss journey? Is just about having a smaller body? Is it about healing wounds from the past? I am interested in your thoughts. How does the way in which you view your process affecting you?

I had the surgery due to diabetes and high blood pressure. when I check my sugar and it is normal on no meds, that is my motivation. :-) the weight loss is a very nice side effect.

@@1Cor2:9 - good insights, thanks for sharing. If you do the work, and discover the wounds, the healing can follow, but old scripts can still come into your mind and heart, so it really is one day at a time and realize this is a process.

I have found it is the most thoughtful and feeling people who can freak themselves out the most. So you are in good company.

I have found most of my struggle was a misplaced sense of entitlement. I deserve a reward, have a cookie. Part of that stems from lack of affirmation growing up. I now change the affirmation to "I deserve to go run." It makes a difference.

@@1Cor2:9 - good insights, thanks for sharing. If you do the work, and discover the wounds, the healing can follow, but old scripts can still come into your mind and heart, so it really is one day at a time and realize this is a process.

I have found it is the most thoughtful and feeling people who can freak themselves out the most. So you are in good company.

I have found most of my struggle was a misplaced sense of entitlement. I deserve a reward, have a cookie. Part of that stems from lack of affirmation growing up. I now change the affirmation to "I deserve to go run." It makes a difference.

You are one of the most helpful people here.

@@1Cor2:9 - good insights, thanks for sharing. If you do the work, and discover the wounds, the healing can follow, but old scripts can still come into your mind and heart, so it really is one day at a time and realize this is a process.

I have found it is the most thoughtful and feeling people who can freak themselves out the most. So you are in good company.

I have found most of my struggle was a misplaced sense of entitlement. I deserve a reward, have a cookie. Part of that stems from lack of affirmation growing up. I now change the affirmation to "I deserve to go run." It makes a difference.

You are one of the most helpful people here.

Well, thank you, that is a really nice compliment.