1Cor2:9

I have BCBS IL HMO. At the moment I may need to pay $158 for the cost of my room. Everything else was covered by my insurance and for that I am thankful. I have had no co-pay for follow up visits.

Presently, I am ten weeks post op. During this whole process I have lost sixty pounds. This seems like a lot and yet not at the same time. I did not have any major complication in the hospital or since. I did have one incision that took several weeks to close. I would love to have lost 100 lbs in the first six months, but if not I know any loss is a gain. I, like many others, have started to have Hair loss as a result of my surgery. I have mixed feelings about that. On one hand, it could be worse and I have not lost any locs. However, I do not like how things look. I hope the hair returns quickly rather than slowly. But one does not have control over that. I have not experienced any regret over having surgery. I still wonder from time to time if I am going to make it. Having said that I have not given up. Anytime a person has a long term goal there will be concerns about if success will happen in the end. The things I have noticed that have improved are I have less pain in my right knee (I had surgery on my left knee twice as a child, so it is by default weaker), I use my asthma medication less, I do not feel like I am going to die when I walk up stairs, I feel I can move my body much faster than before, I save money on grocery shopping, and so on. People ask me about food temptations and to be honest they are not that bad. I can bake a cake for someone's birthday and not be tempted. I can be around people eating all kinds of unhealthy things and not be concerned. Most of my head hunger does not linger and I quickly disregard it. I think it was helpful that I took the time to learn about head hunger and emotional eating before surgery. I also gave up sweets and junk food before my liquid diet and I think the practice has been helpful. Besides eating now is no longer fun, so the lost of the fun factor has helped as well. I have 45 more pounds to go before I hit 200. I am interested to see how my body will be at that time. How will I look? How will I feel? Well, I have to get ready to meet up with a friend, but I wanted to share, if even a little, about how things are going for me.

To exercise or to not. It would seem that in the bariatric world there are two camps. Camp Exercise and Camp No Exercise. For me personally, I knew that once I had VSG that I wanted to exercise to decrease loose skin and to be physically strong. I am not interested in being a small weak person. I also discovered that exercising helps to boost my energy. Having said all that I know that some following their surgery may not be physically able to exercise or at least right away. For those in the other camp I have nothing against them, but I want exercise to be a part of my journey.

What do you think? Should we exercise or not? I know some of you may want to comment with well as long as you are eating right that is important. I agree, but this posting is not about the eating aspect of losing weight, but exercising and physical activity. Lastly, I have a dread someone is going to write something along the lines of judging others and what not. There is no judgment here or at least not from me. I am simply stating what I think is best for me and would like to hear others thoughts on the same topic.

And go

Hello, I am in! My starting weight is 245. My goal is 230. Thanks!!!

I have read that in order for an obese individual to lose weight they must exercise at 250 minutes per week. So if you are exercising less than 50 minutes a day it may not be enough. Unless you have recently switched to a new exercise routine then you may need to ease into at first. You may want to increase you exercise time and see if that helps. Hang in there you are going to make it! It may not seem like it, but in time it will.

I agree, but I can also say for myself that the things that tend to disgust me about people usually not their physical appearance. I imagine that will continue. I am not judging my surgery buddy I just do not agree. I live in Chicago and take public transit. I see all kinds of people on a regular basis and usually when I see people that leave me wanting it is because of how they treat others. I do not see people judging others. Besides I am in the 240s I still got plenty of fat, so what right would I have to look on another with disdain? Again I am not looking down on those who are passing judgment or on those that society would deem worthy of judging. I'm just saying I do not feel that way and I hope that I do not.

That's a lot of judgment passed on people who are judging.

The reasons often cited for WLS patients initially having that reaction to seeing others who are morbidly obese is that they're fearful (terrified, actually) of regaining their weight and returning to the hell on earth that their own obesity felt like for them.

Experiencing weight loss surgery from pre-op to maintenance years later is full of a lot of changes in attitudes, opinions, perspectives, etc. I expect your surgery buddy (and you) will go through many such changes.

For example, just five minutes ago I said to my husband, "It's so weird! When I first weighed 135 pounds (having lost 100 pounds) I thought I looked anorexic. Now (many months later) I don't think that at all -- now, I just look normal."

Lotsa attitudinal changes on this journey. Lotsa changes! I don't know if they will ever end.

I had a conversation with my surgery buddy in which she said that when she now sees larger people, larger meaning bigger than herself, she feels disgusted. She asked me if I feel the same and I replied no. When I see people who are bigger than me I feel sorry for them and at the same time thankful that the Lord gave me the opportunity for change.

The formally fat, losing the fat, fat shaming other fat people? It seems a sad lot to me.When I am get to 150 lbs I am still going to be a fat person. One of my goals as I am on this journey is to not judge others along the way.

What are you thoughts about this? Is it fitting to treat people who are big with disdain as we lose ours?

No problem. I apologize for my poor word choice. I am good. I am somebody regardless of what my body may or may not look like. I thank you for the concern. Hey, my period was on its way I was feeling a little tender emotionally. lol!

I like "disappointed" better than "ashamed" in this context. I think that is why I was concerned.

Perhaps disappointed would have been a better word. I did not feel unworthy of love or any of the rest that you posted. I like to exercise a certain number of days a week and when I had not done that I was not happy about it.

@@1Cor2:9, I hope your week is going well.

I am currently reading a Brene Brown book and came across her definition of shame. It brought to mind this post so I wanted to share it with you:

"Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging."

I think it is an important topic to be open and honest about and applaud your honesty.

But, I truly hope that we all learn to feel that no matter the numbers on the scale or whether or not we achieved some arbitrary goal we are worthy of love and belonging.

Isn't that Jesus' central message?

Thank you. It is hard to envision something that one has never seen. I have been have since the age of 6. That means I have been heavy for almost 30 years and way more than half my life. So I am with you I think it is a natural insecurity. However, I press on because I have not finished this race. We are going to make. Even when I have that thought I do not give up.

Hello, I realized based on the post of the weekend I need to stick to posting things that are more in line with why I am on BP. With that said I that I would create post that could spark interesting dialogue. Or at least that is my hope. With that said, here I go.

I watch large amounts of youtube videos. One channel I follow is clusie l. She has VSG and is three years out. Recently she posted a video discussing the idea that when a person, read woman, is obese that certain aspects of her personality maybe overshadowed by the extra weight. I found this to be interesting. I spent sometime pondering if this is/will be true of me. I feel it is a little to soon for me to really tell, but my guess would be no.

Again the title is what y'all think? A link to the video is below. Was this your experience?

https://youtu.be/8XBZ0KVx_H4

I weighed myself this morning and I was 247. Not exactly my goal, but any loss is a gain. Maybe I will be somewhere in the 230's by the end of the month. To everyone that worked hard over the last few weeks keep it up. We are going to make it.

I wholeheartedly agree that one needs to adhere as best they can to what their medical team has advised. That is my plan. However, as I said before I had bad week. Part of me processing that week is to express it. That's it. For me I just want to make sure I am exercising because I want to be a healthy size and strong. One week off course does not throw off the whole journey. I think we would agree on that. So, yup I am going to continue to do as my team has told me. And you are right again in that there will be other weeks. But being struck down for one week does not mean I am destroyed.

I think you have received some great advice. As I was reading the original post...I was thinking how that sounded like my presleeve diet mentality and cycle of failure. It went something like this:

-somebody tells me a program I MUST follow and I will be thin
-I am desperate to be successfull so I will throw my heart and soul in. I am so invested that the scale brings me happiness or despair on at least a daily basis.
-I set up mini goals with rewards; all time and scale based of course.
-I make some of those goals early on, I am feeling good, motivated. I continue to strive for perfection. Get my self a mani pedi but don't feel like I deserve much because I am still obese and seems like I always have been.
- I miss a goal, or heaven forbid, the scale shows a gain
- I redouble my efforts,if I just hadn't skipped that workout,or taken that taste of something forbidden. But I can do better
-anxiety and worry bulids, another week goes with poor losses/mixed results. I don't understand, I am as perfect as I know how to be, perhaps even under eating to make up for transgressions.
-slowly, I am becoming less compliant, diets never work for me anyway.
-can't take it anymore, chuck the whole thing....somehow wind up not just going off the diet, but manage to swing wildly the other way and one by one destroy the good habits I have been forming
-stop weighing/ignore/buy bigger pants.

That is the secret to how to weigh well over 300# without really trying.


Once you have shifted to believing in a new lifestyle, time based goals become much less relevant. Instead, you start doing what you do because it's now just what you do. (Follow guidelines). Sometimes the scale rewards with a loss, sometimes it doesn't, but that matters less because you aren't on a diet. There is no "end". Getting to some arbitrary goal weight is just a number, a milestone. Maintenance is the real work, this isn't a temporary thing.

Like several of the other people o people who responded, I have been at goal for a few years years, after nearly a lifetime of obesity, and I maintain by keeping doing what I do - which is follow the guidelines most of the time and with diligence, not anxiety.

I thank you for this. I think it is normal to ponder and wonder if some can be achieved that has never been achieved. I agree with you that the way in which to contend with the doubt is to press on. The more we fight for a better body and so on I can and will diminish the voice that is saying, but "what if you do not make it?" I am glad you do not see me as a martyr I was not trying to even suggest I was. I think in our society women are groomed to not express or even have negative feelings. We are supposed to be upbeat and what not. If one of us opens ups and says something otherwise we bash her. I guess she has low self esteem or she trying to hold on to the shame. Last week was rough, but it was not the roughest I have faced or will face. I was ashamed, or rather disappointed, that I did not do as well as I wanted that's okay if God gives me another week to live then I can turn that boat around. Sometimes in life one is struck down, but that does not mean they are destroyed. I applaud you for not giving up! We are going to make it.

@@1Cor2:9
You know I have the exact same feelings that you are having. I am not even three months out and I slip up ALL the time. I am just starting to exercise very hard and challenge myself. I get those thoughts of whether or not I deserve to be thin. It is natural, and sometimes can be difficult to ignore.
When that negativity and self doubt creep in, I try to shut down the emotional side by looking at my life scientifically. For example, I will say OK I have eaten this many calories today, so that means I have to exercise this many hours this week or this day. If I do not lose weight I just figure out why and say how can I use exercise as a tool to help with my progress. I also stop getting on the scale, and I just try to enjoy life.

I don't see you as a martyr. I understand what you are saying. Sometimes it is hard for me to feel deserving, but I am working through that. That's what brings about the sadness for me. I put up positive affirmations all around to remind myself just how wonderful and deserving I am.
I sometimes get these little negative reminders in my head that stem from childhood that are difficult to shake, but I keep telling myself that I am worth it
That's what keeps me from giving up.

Indeed. I think if people were to read all my post that can fairly say I am not judging people. In regards to the slathering/spariningly people are always free to read or not read, right?

Also, regarding

"Putting Jesus on stuff everything like He Mayo"

Some people may prefer you not slathering it on and using it only sparingly.

@@LipstickLady I will take it into consideration.

@@1Cor2:9

People can only comment on the snapshot you've portrayed. I'd suggest you take away the words you want to hear and ignore the rest. Based on the conversation I've read here, I doubt you will get very much from the thoughts offered because you seem to have an idea of exactly what you want to hear, but if this forum only benefits you by giving a platform to "vent" and then ignore the rest, so be it.

That said, telling people to whom they can post and how they can post probably won't get you far.

@@OutsideMatchInside, I have heard you. If I am understanding you correctly you think I should have kept quite after the first post. I see some truth in that. And you are right I can ignore or take a break. Both are reasonable. I see your side. At the same time you said you are tired of reading my post with God mentioned. Could you have taken a break? I hope that did not come across as attitude. I am just trying to make a point. Anyways, I was not sure if you would respond and I am glad you did. You gave me something to think about and that is never a bad thing. Lastly, I am going to keep mentioning God in my post. Not because I am trying to offend. Your right I am a hypocrite along with the other 99% of humanity! lol But God is good and He is more than worth of my mention even if I make some not too graceful decisions. I hope we can dialogue in the future. Have a good day.

You made a thread that didn't got how you wanted. Then you made another thread to take everyone to task for taking your first thread on face value. You could have just stayed in the first thread or taken a break but you decided to make another dramatic thread.

I made a thread when my was freshly sleeved and my hormones were all crazy. Almost no one agreed with my opinion, even though I wasn't looking for opinions I was just venting. I stopped responding to the thread and I will never bring the topic up on this forum again.

If people don't say what you want, you can just take a break or ignore them.

I hope at least one person got a laugh out of the title. This post mentions God. Please do not read if you do not want to read about God.

Someone today informed me that they wished I would stop mentioning God in all my post. This post is to explain why I often mention God in my post. Before I begin all humans that have grace this earth or will are in some way shape or form a hypocrite. Sadly it is part of the human condition. So I will admit that in some areas of my life that word would be fitting.

My BP name is 1 Cor. 2:9. First Corinthians 2:9 states

“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,

Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him"

Through the gift of my surgery God is going to bring about something new and He is has already started that work. I am not going to lose weight because of surgery, exercise, or even diet but through the work He is going to do in my life. I have been heavy since a child. My fat is so old it expired! ha So when God does the necessary work to do away with all that weight it is certainly going to be a new thing. My mentioning the Lord in my post is not an attempt to be perfect or to sound perfect, but to be honest about who I am and and the work that is taking place in my life. I am very much thankful for this opportunity. I got my rough Patches and spot, but I am still very grateful. He did not have to make a way for me to have surgery, but He did. I so I am going to smear Him on many of my post.

God not only is a part of this journey, but He is the one has made it possible to start and will bring it to its conclusion.

Communication and social media are two very interesting things.

I would like to first say thank you to everyone that sent encouraging words regarding the first post. I am thankful for your willingness to be helpful. Second this post will be an attempt to clear up somethings. I have seem to set off some fires with some and I hope this will make things better.

Personal disclaimer- I am about say something that I may fail at sometime down the road. When I read things online especially social media I take into consideration one unshakable truth-- I simply do not know the whole story. I only know a snap shot at best. I get it we read something and it triggers some sort emotional response. The problem is that emotional response is often very much blind sided.

This last week was rough for many reasons. To be clear I am not going to spell out the all details, but just take my word for it was. I did not exercise as often as I know I should. I was not happy about that. I felt a bit of shame about how my week went. Some of things that went down were squarely my fault, i.e. lack of exercise, and others were not. Part of my processing of that feeling was expressing it through a post. After my post I looked online to see if I could find suitable exercise ball DVDs. I found one. Sometime over the weekend I am going to buy. I am excited about using an exercise ball because it seems fun. I thought you know maybe you need to move on from the Leslie Sansone. That is the plan for this upcoming week. In the midst of the shame I decided maybe I should try some seat exercising so that while I am watching a video or movie I can still get my fitness on. I found a video that I thought I could use for that.

I once read in one of the bariatric books that if you fail at a goal, just make another one. So even though I was not pleased with how last week went I knew on the other side of the shame I would regroup and make another goal. My shame did not tempt me to throw in the towel or self hate. I do not think it is a sign of low self esteem. Even with the unpleasant feelings I did not come to the conclusion that I hate myself.

If I offended you with the last This Week I Failed, I apologize. Just simply realize this:

--Snap shots are simply that

--Shame is an emotional not a mark of ones moral standing/personality

--I'm fine

--I got me a plan together

--This is not a self esteem issue

I have spent an entire day with my Priest and heard God and the Bible used less than you have is these 2 threads.

Like I said, a hit dogs will holler.

@@OutsideMatchInside If you do not like reading my post feel free to not read. Again this reply is not an answer to any of the questions I posed you.

To be fair I am just trying to be honest about who I am as a person. I agree that being a "good" Christian, whatever that means, is not wearing one's faith as a cloak. I am not sure how I am cramming things down people's throats if we are all free to read or not read as we chose. I am not sure how I am being a hypocrite, but if you would like to explain your view further I will read it. Also, I am willing to hear your thoughts on how my attitude is crappy. I am just not getting your point and sense you took the time to respond to what I read I am sure you want me to understand. If you do not respond to my questions that is fine, but remember this you are free to not read or comment on anything I post. And in my opinion is one is free to do or not do something there is no force.

I wish you wouldn't put God in all your posts. It is a poor excuse for your crappy attitude. Being a good Christian doesn't mean wearing your Christianity like a cloak or trying to shove it down other people throats.

Since you read you bible so much I am sure you are well versed on what was said about the hypocrites.

Hit dogs holler.

Yeah stalls do indeed kill, but we can resurrect ourselves from that grave! Haha Good for acknowledging how you feel. I had my first a few weeks ago and I know more are going to happen. Although it is hard I try to just focus on what I have lost so far. There is less of you than there was before, right? Can I get an amen on that?! lol I do not fully understand why stalls happen, but you are pressing on so that the stall does not become your permanent. That is also good. I read that sometimes there is a stall at week eight I might be in the same boat as you soon.

Indeed. I am simply trying to say we have to be careful. Anytime I read a post no matter if it is here or somewhere else I have to be honest about the limits of the information I receive. If I do not have all the information then I have to acknowledge any assessment I make is going to be somewhat blinded. Someone telling me, "you need to work on your self esteem." Is short sighted. And that is what I took offense to mostly. Just as someone is free to say that. I should be free in response to say what I think.

I am a firm believer that no one should have the right to tell another how to feel. I may not agree with how someone is feeling in response to a certain situation or event, but who am I to tell them to feel differently. When I read Scripture and I see what is written in Psalm, Lamentations, and other place it does not strike me as wrong when various Biblical figures cried out to God, shed tears, and so on.

It is true that the way in which someone is feeling can be an indicator of with deeper roots, but who is best to determine that? Well I think that person.

I am going to feel ALL my feels in this life. When those feelings come no one is witness to the battle I am having in pray about them. They do not hear the conversations I have with those closest to me to process. They do not see me doing research about it. With that said how can they, people I do not know well, be in a position to tell me what I should do with my feelings?


Often times before I express a feeling out loud I have already prayed about it for a number of days. I give those feelings over to the one who fully sees and understands the situation. My hurt feelings, sorrow, and disappointments draw me closer to the Lord. It makes me seek Him out and call on Him. It strengthens my faith

Being honest about how one feels is the first step to address that emotion. If I feel shame, oh there that word is, I have to acknowledge that is how I am doing before I can take steps to address it.

I am gonna let no body tell me how to feel. And dare I say especially not a group of complete strangers on BP. (I say that with all due respect) I encourage you with the same. Feel how you feel. If you do not like that you are on a stall-- its all right, you do not like that you have not made a goal-- its all right, and so on. God made you with emotions and a thinking mind. Feel it, process, and make a plan. Suppression is not going to work. How you feel is not who you are as a person.

I agree that no one has the right to tell someone how to feel. Your feelings are your feelings. You get to choose how you express them or share them.

But, no one has the right to tell someone how to respond. You can ask nicely, but ultimately, it is up to you to choose how you react to that response.

Giving and receiving advice and constructive criticism is a skill. In my opinion, it is a skill that we all improve at with experience, practice, and effort. Especially, on the receiving end.

When I pray for guidance or wisdom, God's answers sometimes comes from the most unlikely place and in unexpected ways.

Being willing to listen to feedback is a gift. Take what you can use and leave the rest.

I will keep that in consideration.

I think you're misinterpreting the comments completely. People are not telling you how to feel as much as trying to help you reframe the negative connotations you're posting about - it is support and attempts to help you, not telling you what to do or how to feel. And taking things meant to be helpful as offensive speaks to your inability to hear and process other viewpoints and begs the question of whether you are closing your mind off instead of being open and accepting of what is out there.

If you don't want advice or opinions, I'd suggest you post your thoughts in a personal blog instead of a public forum that is specifically here for support and back-and-forth commentary. Not that you're not perfectly welcome to do whatever you'd like, but you should expect others to post their own thoughts on what you post about here unless you specifically tell everyone that you don't want any comments or are at all interested in what anyone else has to say.

Something to think about anyway, but I have a feeling you will just find this offensive as well even though I'm trying to help you. Good luck, and I will try to remember not to comment on any more of your posts going forward.

I suppose it is just a difference of perspective. I would not feel comfortable telling someone I did not know well based on a snap shot they had self esteem issues. I feel that is judgmental and a little short sighted. I also think telling some one how it feel is often not helpful or needed in most situations. As you said this is an open forum. We should feel free to disagree or agree with someone. Is that snark because I disagree? When I post something am I just suppose to agree with everything or just say nothing? Snark in my humble opinion is when a person is trying to be hurtful. I am just trying to defend myself. Perhaps shame was the wrong word. Perhaps I should not have felt bad about how last week went, but I can stand up for myself and say that I do not have low self esteem. I did not say anything negative about anyone in a manner that is personal, but I can stand up for myself. With due respect, please explain why this is snark.

Protip to the OP:

According to you, you've been misunderstood. You're not really having a bad time.

But in the future, if you don't want to mislead others into thinking you're having a really rough time and are inviting encouragement from those who have more WLS experience and success than you've had so far, don't start a thread titled "This Week I Failed" that includes this language:

"... I only exercised once this week. I feel really bad about that. I suppose a better word for it is ashamed. I have this secret fear that I will never make my goal weight. That my work will just be in vain.

I ... have this fear of not being successful. I have lost more than fifty lbs, but I keep thinking what if this is it. As a person who has "old fat", I have been over weight/obese since my youth, perhaps this is all my body will know. So I guess I gave up this week in some ways."

Better yet, don't snark at those who've taken the time to respond to your thread and offered their perspectives based on their personal experience.

This board is just a community. Nothing more, nothing less. You will either benefit from it (and enjoy it), or you won't. But however that goes it's truly your choice.