Mississippi Girl

Muffin tops, hail-damaged thighs, badonkadonk butts, and chicken wings: we have 'em; we hate 'em. So how do we get rid of them? We diet! We make plans to lose weight. We pick a surgeon, join a gym, and visualize the day we can zip back into those size 6 jeans.
Or so we think.
Weight loss isn’t about diet and exercise. It's not a plan. It's a battle. A battle in the mind. And without the right ammunition you're doomed to lose the Battle of the Bulge.
It is mental just as much as it is physical. Why? Because until you are honest with yourself that you can't just diet, lose weight, and live happily ever after, then you won't be successful at losing weight. Dieting is so much more than eating less and exercising. It's about recognizing your motives for over-eating. It's about accepting the fact that in order to get to and stay at your ideal weight, you need to eat in moderation and consume the right types of foods. And to do that you have to make a lifestyle change - permanently.
If you tell yourself that for a certain period of time you'll eat a high-protein diet, or drink only diet shakes and one meal per day, or eat ready-made foods from a weight loss center, or count points, or eat like a cave man - or any number of other fads which are out there - and then go back to eating how you prefer once you've shed the pounds, then you efforts will be in vain. You simply cannot go back to eating like you have been eating. We've all seen celebrities whose weight yo-yos with every passing year (hello, Ophrah?). Why? Because they stop exercising and eating right – or stop following a fad - and go back to business as usual. I'm betting they didn't internalize the lifestyle change which they appeared to embrace.
"Lifestyle change?" you echo. Yes, lifestyle change. That means your life must change. For life. Period. As in, there's no going back. Now I know most of you just cringed at the thought of chomping on carrots for Breakfast and forsaking your daily soda in favor of asparagus smoothies, doomed to a life of butterless, bland meals with no cheesecake in sight, but hear me out. Before you can successful change the things which go into your mouth, you must successfully change the thoughts which go into your head.
There are three "weapons" you must think to win the weight loss war. They are:
1. I am worthy.
It's not about what you should do for yourself to slim down and be healthier; it's what you can do for yourself. And you can lose this because you are worth it. Even if you are the only person on the planet and have no one to impress, you are still worth it to lose weight. You've got to love yourself to the extent that you want to feed yourself properly and do good things for your body. It's a process, but you'll reach that point of loving yourself. I promise.
2. I am not a fat person.
Okay, so you're tipping the scales and wear a size XXXL, but you are still not a fat person. You are you living inside a prison of your own making and you will be released. You must release yourself in your mind to be slim. Visualization is a powerful tool. Consult any positive thinking self-help book, Zen monk, or successful business person, and they will tell you the same thing: you've got to visualize the success in order to get there. Picture yourself not stopping at the fast food joint. Picture yourself working out – and then go do it. Picture yourself eating salads and drinking plenty of Water and enjoying it. See yourself reacting in horror to preservative-laden, highly processed junk food. See yourself taking the stairs instead of the elevator. See yourself in that slinky little black dress. The more you change your thoughts and think rightly, the more your actions will follow. "I am not a fat person" – think it, believe it, and become it.
3. I am not a failure.
Newsflash: the world isn't going to end if you slip up and eat something that you shouldn't eat. You made a mistake – so what? Forgive yourself and move on. You have the next minute, hour, day, year, decade, life to keeping moving forward, to be a winner. Learn this valuable lesson from your mistake: I don't have to make the same mistake again because I am worth it!
Now you have the ammunition; you know the location of the battlefield. It's time for war. Victory is yours!
About Becky Siame
Becky Siame is the author of The Lighter Side of Large, her debut novel, currently released as a kindle digital download on Amazon and Smashwords. She lives in Nelson with her two children.

food addiction runs rampant across the planet, and doesn't only affect adults. Children suffer from addictions to food as much as their parents do.


I started putting on weight at a fairly young age. Six, to be exact. It didn't dawn on me until much later in life that this was when my food addiction reared its ugly head - full force. Carbs, sugar, fat ... They all became a staple in my life. I ate three or more servings of favorite foods like pizza, Pasta, rice and more. After school, my "snacks" would include two packages of ramen, a full box of mac and cheese, or two min-pizzas. Both parents worked from home, so I had no one home to monitor what I was eating. By the time I was in high school, I was close to 200 lbs. I reached 220 just before I graduated.
There is no doubt in my mind that I had a severe food addiction. There is a reason I was so obese I had to resort to weight loss surgery.
I see the same addiction rearing it's ugly head in my daughter. And even though WLS has saved my life, I don't want to see her have to go through it herself as an adult.
My Food Addicted Child
At 10 years old, my daughter is sitting at 117 lbs at 4'6". Right now her BMI is 28. It wouldn't be a concern, except for the fact that my daughter has a food addiction. Every day, I see her peruse the refrigerator and cabinets looking for Snacks, and crying - actually being visibly upset - when something she craves is not there. I remember exhibiting the exact behaviors well into adulthood. Even now, I will want something I'm not supposed to eat and not find it in the house - and get very upset over it, being brought to tears.
Watching my daughter struggle through this addiction as I have (and still am) is heartbreaking, to say the least. But I also know that we are not alone. Millions of children in the US live with food addiction and obesity. I see it every day in my daughter's friends and classmates. Even my son (6), who is not overweight, has a severe addiction to sugar and carbs. It's a strong addiction, to say the least.
Why Are We Addicted
Why are we addicted to these things? Well, studies have shown that sugar and carbs (even the complex kind!) have endorphin-causing chemicals in them. We emotionally feel better when we eat these things, sometimes euphoric. This also explains why we often experience withdraw-like symptoms when we stop eating carbs (Atkins, anyone?). This addiction can be stronger in children than in adults. According to Dr. Lisa Merlo, PhD compulsive eating and lack of control when eating are the two most common signs of childhood food addiction. Her article, Exploration of food addiction in pediatric patients: A preliminary investigation, also suggests the link between childhood food addiction and their parents.
Which makes perfect sense. My mother is food addicted. I am food addicted, therefore my children are food addicted.
How Do We Help Our Kids
This has been the biggest struggle for me. Right now, my daughter is on a very strict diet. She feels isolated from her friends, in a way. And it is the hardest thing in the world to watch my child struggle with anything. But it's important in these cases to remember that we are the parents in this situation.
1) The simplest solution, and in some ways the hardest, is just don't not buy the "crap". It's so easy for us to say we're buying chips, crackers, candy and treats "for the kids" and think that our children "need them", when the reality of it is that NO ONE "needs" them. My kids don't like it, but I no longer buy it, unless it's a special occasion - and even then, I try to make it myself rather than buying it packaged.
2) Raise the level of fruits and vegetables in our children's diets. This is SO hard in many ways, especially for those of us with picky eaters. My daughter used to eat salad, carrots, sugar snap peas, broccoli, celery ... Just about any raw veggie she could get her hands on. Now, she won't touch them. In fact, she won't eat anything that comes from the ground unless it's a potato or a banana. So getting the "green stuff" into her is next to impossible. But it can be done. There are some great cookbooks on the market about being sneaky parents and putting veggies in their food where they might not notice it.
3) Be more aware of our kids eating habits. Do they eat when they're hungry? How about when they're bored? Sad? Happy? If they are not only eating when they're hungry, but also eating at other times, there might be a food addiction. Try to help your kids find other outlets when their bored and figure out ways to Celebrate successes - and mourn losses - without food.
4) Make rules regarding food. This sounds absolutely ridiculous in many ways, but it is VITAL that a child with a food addiction has rules that they have to adhere to. For example: "The refrigerator is closed after 8 pm", "healthy snacks only between meals", "one dessert per day" etc. These are rules we've implemented in our home, and they work well for us. To us, it is just the same as having rules for video games, playing outside, and homework.
5) Be supportive! Children need a support network just like adults do. We need someone to talk to about our joys and concerns, struggles and successes. So do kids! Even if it's just a bad day at school or a good grade on a test, they deserve to be heard. They also need encouragement now and again. Telling your child, "Hey, I'm proud of the food choice you just made!" can speak volumes!
Food addiction is a problem that millions of people live with across the globe. Adults and children alike share this problem and often times it results in severe obesity leading to health problems. In severe cases, weight loss surgery is necessary. But it is possible to help our children beat the food addiction monster and to prevent them from having to deal with the same issues we have as adults. Just remember that love, acceptance, and support are key components to helping our children be successful!

i was sleeved on 3/10 i lost five pounds on the pre-op diet. then I lost five right after surgery. I stalled for the next four weeks. This past week I started losing again. So hang in there! It's just part of the process. The only thing I changed was the cottage cheese I was eating for dinner. I stopped that because of the carbs and started losing again. Now…,I said that to say this….not sure if the cottage cheese was the problem. However, I am too afraid to add it back in, although, I do love it. I hope you will have better luck in the days ahead. It's a terrible thing our body does to us when it stalls and becomes extremely stubborn. Keep on keeping on….you've got this….we all do…one pound at at time.
Happy losing!
Mississippi Girl

R.J…..you are the reason I went through with this surgery. I don't know if you remember or not, but I was horrified of leaks. You wrote the most positive posts to me. I admire you. I have been on a diet roller coaster my entire life. I don't think the number of pounds matters…..it's the hell we put ourselves through. I am sure I've lost and gained a half of ton in my life. I am a food addict. There are certain foods that I still won't eat…even with this new tummy. I know they are trigger foods for me and I am trying to live a healthy life style. I've read your story. You've had one heck of a ride Kido! I am not half the woman you! I would be a bitter ole bitty had gone through what you have. Thanks for always being so positive. Thanks for educating those of us that are newbies. Thanks for having such a great heart. Thanks for being you. You are a beautiful, fabulous, down to earth person. Don't ever doubt that. The numbers on the scale only matter when they are going down, down, down. It doesn't matter what you started off weighing. What matters is you had the guts to change it. So rock on, sweet lady!!
Mississippi Girl

I am a newbie as well. I told my husband but my adult children do not know. My daughter and her husband are living here right now until their home is ready to move into. I have eaten at the table with them….we've gone out to eat numerous times and I've had no questions. It's not that odd to see someone not drink. I always order a drink and save it for my thirty minutes after eating. I've always drank a lot during a meal. That's the hardest thing about this process for me. Anyway, I've learned the wonderful art of moving food around on my plate. I always get a to go box and eat my leftovers at my next meal or the next day. It's really pretty cool. My daughter always says she's proud of me for pacing myself. She does not know about my sweet little tool….my princess tummy. I was worried about the same things. I have found though, it's not an issue unless we make it one. You will do fine. Besides, sleeve or not, I've never been able to eat a lot in front of a newbie date. I always say I'm building a different relationship with food, and it's a true game changer. That's very true, I am! Good Luck!!

That's one of those things that are better left unsaid until you really know where your relationship is going. I know in a new relationship we are all eager to learn about them and tell them about us. However, some people think this is radical behavior to have WLS. I pray he is a keeper…if so, when the time is right to tell him you will know. It does not effect who you are as a person. It's not like you have children you're trying to hide or a whole other secret life. I've learned the hard way, when in doubt….leave it out. good luck!
Mississippi Girl!

That's one of those things that are better left unsaid until you really know where your relationship is going. I know in a new relationship we are all eager to learn about them and tell them about us. However, some people think this is radical behavior to have WLS. I pray he is a keeper…if so, when the time is right to tell him you will know. It does not effect who you are as a person. It's not like you have children you're trying to hide or a whole other secret life. I've learned the hard way, when in doubt….leave it out. good luck!
Mississippi Girl!

That's one of those things that are better left unsaid until you really know where your relationship is going. I know in a new relationship we are all eager to learn about them and tell them about us. However, some people think this is radical behavior to have WLS. I pray he is a keeper…if so, when the time is right to tell him you will know. It does not effect who you are as a person. It's not like you have children you're trying to hide or a whole other secret life. I've learned the hard way, when in doubt….leave it out. good luck!
Mississippi Girl!

@@SecretBander I tend to agree with @@Mississippi Girl your name implies it all sista. SecretBander be that until you know where your going with this guy. If he "asks" what's up with scars etc if you get that far you can be honest and just take it as it goes. Until then just enjoy life, and go with the flow these things have a way of working themselves out.
I'm happy for you!!

R.J…..you are the reason I went through with this surgery. I don't know if you remember or not, but I was horrified of leaks. You wrote the most positive posts to me. I admire you. I have been on a diet roller coaster my entire life. I don't think the number of pounds matters…..it's the hell we put ourselves through. I am sure I've lost and gained a half of ton in my life. I am a food addict. There are certain foods that I still won't eat…even with this new tummy. I know they are trigger foods for me and I am trying to live a healthy life style. I've read your story. You've had one heck of a ride Kido! I am not half the woman you! I would be a bitter ole bitty had gone through what you have. Thanks for always being so positive. Thanks for educating those of us that are newbies. Thanks for having such a great heart. Thanks for being you. You are a beautiful, fabulous, down to earth person. Don't ever doubt that. The numbers on the scale only matter when they are going down, down, down. It doesn't matter what you started off weighing. What matters is you had the guts to change it. So rock on, sweet lady!!
Mississippi Girl

R.J…..you are the reason I went through with this surgery. I don't know if you remember or not, but I was horrified of leaks. You wrote the most positive posts to me. I admire you. I have been on a diet roller coaster my entire life. I don't think the number of pounds matters…..it's the hell we put ourselves through. I am sure I've lost and gained a half of ton in my life. I am a food addict. There are certain foods that I still won't eat…even with this new tummy. I know they are trigger foods for me and I am trying to live a healthy life style. I've read your story. You've had one heck of a ride Kido! I am not half the woman you! I would be a bitter ole bitty had gone through what you have. Thanks for always being so positive. Thanks for educating those of us that are newbies. Thanks for having such a great heart. Thanks for being you. You are a beautiful, fabulous, down to earth person. Don't ever doubt that. The numbers on the scale only matter when they are going down, down, down. It doesn't matter what you started off weighing. What matters is you had the guts to change it. So rock on, sweet lady!!
Mississippi Girl

Oh my @@Mississippi Girl that was too much praise. Thank you for sharing that I at least had a share in helping you somewhere along the road! That brought tears to my eyes!

i told no one other than my husband. my adult children do not know….my family does not know…..they would have a fit knowing i went to another country to have surgery. what they don't know won't hurt them. i did, however, leave an email with my husband for the children in case something went terribly wrong. i think that did more good for my husband because he finally heard my cries for help. this is a personal thing….some may want to tell the world. i personally do not. there is already enough attention on you while you're losing..i just don't like/need all the extra hoopla!
Mississippi Girl

Well that's appreciated... but I don't think it helped Rj any and for that I'm critically apologetic.
I love that chick.. and tonight, I am very .... what do you Americans call it? Pissed? In a 'funk'?.
We all have our insecurities, which rear their heads at the most inappropriate times. For that, I am most sincerely sorry.
One of my oldest comrades (and not in the communist way) was diagnosed with PTSD in the last 48 hours. And he's struggling. We did the same ****. Its made me reflect on the stuff I've done with him. And how I'm dealing with stuff. (And this is an open disclosure as to my profession)
He's a genius in my world... and I would walk to the ends of the earth for him and he, I.
As Marc Cohen said in the song 'Walking in Memphis': 'Tell me are you a Christian Child, 'I said 'Man, I am, tonight'.....
And no, this is not hijacking... this is honest and open disclosure... with a big dose of an apology to the most gracious RJ.....
Forgive me x

"Ultimately, we all laid our arses down and got some borderline Aspergers candidate to remove 85% of our stomachs. "--
Madam Reverie My favorite Revs quote of the week! You kill me, girl.

I love you, too, Rj.. But seriously.. you're better than these superficial insecurities.
You know this. We know this.
You're our bariatric mother, after all.
And that is meant with deep love and affection.
No surrender, my love. Ever!
Big hugs and kisses xxxxxx
Now, who wants to get into it with me tonight. I'm ready. OH BOY! AM I READY!!!!

Okay, I'm tired, emotional, I love you Rj - but....
Who the f**** cares.
Whether you started at 5 billion pounds, or started at 20lbs overweight.
We've all been on this site long enough to know that the milestones we reach are all BMI related. Those that start higher, lose more. Those that start lower, lose slower (and this is a caveat, without complications). Particularly if you have such nasty afflictions such as thyroid or PCOS issues. (Ad infinitum)
I couldn't give a rats ass about someone's 'pounds lost' -and neither should you. Its all relative. I am concerned, as selfish as it sounds, about me. And I will look for parity in my results with those who started at the same time as I did, with similar metrics.
So some of us were heavier, some of us were lighter. We all have different circumstances which brought us to this point - the point of 'enough is enough' and we took action accordingly. Are you 'lesser' because it potentially 'took you longer' and you started at a higher weight. No, this is a psycho-social issue of which no one has the right to comment, unless they have walked that path. Your path. If it makes you feel bad - it shouldn't. There are many like you. Some, dare I say it, 'worse' if that is the right term to use, than you!
Some of us are executive decision makers and largely (scuse the pun) forward looking. Some of us sit in our darkened corners, ruminating and cogitating about whether taking such extreme action (and whatever way we cut it, the decision to have WLS is extreme), is right for us.
I love ya, RJ - but this is a non question to most - i.e me. It's a question for you. You're the one who is drawing those comparisons with others about metrics. It just smells like personal reflection. And for the record, I have enough of those demons, without having to validate whether my excess 80lbs are more important or valid, or 'enough' to be ashamed of, than anyone else.
Frankly, I couldn't give a rats ass. LL was right when she referred to individuality. It is an individual process.
Dazzled by the numbers? Yes, I suppose i was.
Through experience and a better than average ability to understand basic metabolic rates, height/weight ratio and food addiction versus capacity issues - I know that MY issues are going to be just as hard and just as challenging than anyone elses. But still, I'm trying.
Did I take the decision to do this more quickly than other people? Hell no. It took me 10 years of career progression, working in war-zones, saving a substantial amount of money and more importantly, the TIME to take this out for myself.
But, I did it.
Because I started out as a 'lower weight' than a lot, does it invalidate (just for LL) my 'journey' (cue non 'stuck' vomiting).
It does not.
This is a non argument and one, I don't recognise, nor validate - and unapologetically find a bit tedious. Ultimately, we all laid our arses down and got some borderline Aspergers candidate to remove 85% of our stomachs. Glorified skin/organ seamstresses.
It took as much courage and situational recognition whether we were 50lbs overweight or 200lbs overweight. Either way, we did it and the loss rates, as long as dietry compliance is adhered to, are the same.
I think I've made my point. RJ - this one is all about YOUR perception. Which you are welcome to.
I frankly, couldn't give a rats ass about this issue as it concerns me. I'm walking my path as best I can. As previously stated - I look for similar metrics and empathy of particular circumstance. It is largely 'process' related. I can hope for psycho-social parity. But it is unusual. My life and my decisions are unique to me. As they are to you.
My experiences are not 'pan-bariatric pal' related and given your heartbreaking troubles with regards to your recovery, they are most certainly unique to you.
Stop listening (read 'reading') the noise. It's only a website and it's f******ing with your head.
Right... Love and light and most importantly;
Peace out
<walks off to take a valium as her day has been quite enough already. No hard feelings. I'm just out of patience today>

R.J…..you are the reason I went through with this surgery. I don't know if you remember or not, but I was horrified of leaks. You wrote the most positive posts to me. I admire you. I have been on a diet roller coaster my entire life. I don't think the number of pounds matters…..it's the hell we put ourselves through. I am sure I've lost and gained a half of ton in my life. I am a food addict. There are certain foods that I still won't eat…even with this new tummy. I know they are trigger foods for me and I am trying to live a healthy life style. I've read your story. You've had one heck of a ride Kido! I am not half the woman you! I would be a bitter ole bitty had gone through what you have. Thanks for always being so positive. Thanks for educating those of us that are newbies. Thanks for having such a great heart. Thanks for being you. You are a beautiful, fabulous, down to earth person. Don't ever doubt that. The numbers on the scale only matter when they are going down, down, down. It doesn't matter what you started off weighing. What matters is you had the guts to change it. So rock on, sweet lady!!
Mississippi Girl

R.J…..you are the reason I went through with this surgery. I don't know if you remember or not, but I was horrified of leaks. You wrote the most positive posts to me. I admire you. I have been on a diet roller coaster my entire life. I don't think the number of pounds matters…..it's the hell we put ourselves through. I am sure I've lost and gained a half of ton in my life. I am a food addict. There are certain foods that I still won't eat…even with this new tummy. I know they are trigger foods for me and I am trying to live a healthy life style. I've read your story. You've had one heck of a ride Kido! I am not half the woman you! I would be a bitter ole bitty had gone through what you have. Thanks for always being so positive. Thanks for educating those of us that are newbies. Thanks for having such a great heart. Thanks for being you. You are a beautiful, fabulous, down to earth person. Don't ever doubt that. The numbers on the scale only matter when they are going down, down, down. It doesn't matter what you started off weighing. What matters is you had the guts to change it. So rock on, sweet lady!!
Mississippi Girl

I was the same way I lost a lot the first two weeks and yes I was able to drink freely and without any pain or to much restriction! I also thought that maybe my sleeve might be to big! but NO I feel the restiction now on soft foods after a couple of bites and yes my wieght stalled for a week and now it is coming off fast again I love the way I feel I have been so luck to not have complications!!
I also felt the need for solids when on liquids but now I have to stop and make my self eat. My energy level is great and I have droped almost 3 pant sizes!! Keep up the good work!!!!

This is me, 7 months post-op..79lbs lost

R.J…..you are the reason I went through with this surgery. I don't know if you remember or not, but I was horrified of leaks. You wrote the most positive posts to me. I admire you. I have been on a diet roller coaster my entire life. I don't think the number of pounds matters…..it's the hell we put ourselves through. I am sure I've lost and gained a half of ton in my life. I am a food addict. There are certain foods that I still won't eat…even with this new tummy. I know they are trigger foods for me and I am trying to live a healthy life style. I've read your story. You've had one heck of a ride Kido! I am not half the woman you! I would be a bitter ole bitty had gone through what you have. Thanks for always being so positive. Thanks for educating those of us that are newbies. Thanks for having such a great heart. Thanks for being you. You are a beautiful, fabulous, down to earth person. Don't ever doubt that. The numbers on the scale only matter when they are going down, down, down. It doesn't matter what you started off weighing. What matters is you had the guts to change it. So rock on, sweet lady!!
Mississippi Girl

R.J…..you are the reason I went through with this surgery. I don't know if you remember or not, but I was horrified of leaks. You wrote the most positive posts to me. I admire you. I have been on a diet roller coaster my entire life. I don't think the number of pounds matters…..it's the hell we put ourselves through. I am sure I've lost and gained a half of ton in my life. I am a food addict. There are certain foods that I still won't eat…even with this new tummy. I know they are trigger foods for me and I am trying to live a healthy life style. I've read your story. You've had one heck of a ride Kido! I am not half the woman you! I would be a bitter ole bitty had gone through what you have. Thanks for always being so positive. Thanks for educating those of us that are newbies. Thanks for having such a great heart. Thanks for being you. You are a beautiful, fabulous, down to earth person. Don't ever doubt that. The numbers on the scale only matter when they are going down, down, down. It doesn't matter what you started off weighing. What matters is you had the guts to change it. So rock on, sweet lady!!
Mississippi Girl

R.J…..you are the reason I went through with this surgery. I don't know if you remember or not, but I was horrified of leaks. You wrote the most positive posts to me. I admire you. I have been on a diet roller coaster my entire life. I don't think the number of pounds matters…..it's the hell we put ourselves through. I am sure I've lost and gained a half of ton in my life. I am a food addict. There are certain foods that I still won't eat…even with this new tummy. I know they are trigger foods for me and I am trying to live a healthy life style. I've read your story. You've had one heck of a ride Kido! I am not half the woman you! I would be a bitter ole bitty had gone through what you have. Thanks for always being so positive. Thanks for educating those of us that are newbies. Thanks for having such a great heart. Thanks for being you. You are a beautiful, fabulous, down to earth person. Don't ever doubt that. The numbers on the scale only matter when they are going down, down, down. It doesn't matter what you started off weighing. What matters is you had the guts to change it. So rock on, sweet lady!!
Mississippi Girl

very interesting. it never occurred to me that you could have a leak a year or so down the road. Yikes! that's a little spooky to me. rj.j. i admire you so much because you've kept a positive attitude through it all. here i am complaining because of a stall. gob bless you!