tiredmama

Thank you for the encouragement and advice- I will definitely check out all the "head work" resources- I didn't know that term.

Hi all. I just logged on to this site for the first time in years. Yesterday I went in for my annual check-up. I skipped it last year because I was terribly ashamed of how much weight I had regained. When I hit the 5-year anniversary of my sleeve surgery, I decided it was time to face my fears and scheduled an appointment. I've gained back more than half of what I lost after my surgery. In addition to feeling terrible about it all the time, having had to buy bigger clothes because nothing fit and being embarrassed whenever I reconnect with someone I haven't seen in a couple of years, I also now have a set of bloodwork results confirming what I deeply suspected- I have already reversed some of the health benefits of my weight loss. I cried during the appointment and the (new) nurse practitioner was very kind. I was honest with her and shared that I know exactly what I am doing wrong but I continue to turn to food emotionally, eat the wrong foods, and graze. I explained that the surgery helped me initially when I felt a lot of restriction but it did not in any way change my emotional dependence on food for self-soothing. I never found alternative coping strategies that were even close to as powerful for me as emotional over-eating and numbing myself out with sugar and carbs. I told her that I have a complicated and stressful life and, in addition, I lost my beloved father unexpectedly a few years ago and he had been the greatest source of unconditional love and acceptance in my life. The dog I adopted to help me through my grief was hit by a car and died in December. I'm in perimenopause and my hormones are all screwed up. I know intellectually that food won't solve any of my problems but the desire for comfort is much stronger than my willpower. This has been my pattern my entire life. The nurse practitioner listened. She reminded me that regain is extremely common. Not sure what comes next but I appreciate the chance to share my story with all of you.