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bormannk

Gastric Sleeve Patients
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Blog Entries posted by bormannk

  1. bormannk
    My only regreat is that I didn't do it sooner.
     
    I had surgery 3 months ago on Friday. I can't say I was nervous, I was just so excited and I had done so much research and waited so long that i was just ready to cross that threshold!
    Surgery went well although due to my VERY HIGH BMI a second surgeon was needed to assist. My surgery was performed using the Da Vinci machine, 5 little incisions.
    I woke up a few hours later with awful dry mouth - SO THIRSTY, that was the worst of all. Pain I was expecting, but they kept me pretty drugged up. My friends had a real good time watching me make no sense at all.
    Surgery was on Thursday morning and I went home Saturday mid day. My experience was fantastic. Sure I had pain, but you expect a certain level of discomfort. I think it took about 7 days before the bloatness (they pump you full of air) started to subside and the incisions healed up real nice, although the main incision (where they remove the stomach though) was the last to heal and certainly caused muscle pain in the area, which lasted a bit longer. But again, I was expecting pain, although was not only bearable, after two days at home I no longer needed any major pain meds, just aleve for the muscle pain. No nausea. I had no problem drinking my water quota - 64 oz a day, although it took concentrated effort and good timing!
    I can say I was back at work on day 6 and by day 10 I was feeling like a pro - I sit behind a desk - so no efforts there, and driving within a week.
    The hardest part was really the liquid diet. I was ready for some consistency and varied flavors..
     
    My first week I was highly concerned with my protein intake and paranoid - I was online comparing myself to others - PLEASE DO NOT DO THAT - many doctors drill down no less than 60-80 grams of protein, but my surgeon/NUT were not that worried at all. I was only allowed one 4 oz serving of protein shake.
    By week two I was over that and stuck by what my NUT/DOC said. I can't say I was entirely sold on only 3x 4oz meals a day, but I have been sticking to it!
    I felt so good that there were times I wondered if the doctor really removed 2 thirds of my stomach.. But every meal I had reminded me that he had - 5 little bites and I was stuffed.
    I did not stick to the foods progression plan after 3 weeks. I skipped the phase 2 blended food stages altogether. By week 3 I was adding soft, mushy fish, scrambled eggs and other soft proteins. Just a tiny amount and some definitely didn't work and came right back up.
    I never lost the pleasure of eating, although I had little to no hunger. I got to enjoy foods I would not indulge on otherwise, now that I ate so little I could afford it - like expensive salmon and Shark, and I even had a filet mignon, but honestly I don't feel the same way about red meats. The last meat to introduce was chicken - that is sort of dry. But I enjoyed being able to eat my proteins.
    I did not eat much in a way of carbs at all. I actually decided to go Paleo, not because I couldn't but because first priority is protein and when you only eat 12 oz of food a day, you better make sure you are eating the right foods.
    I had my first glass of wine at 2 months out and I did NOT get tipsy or drunk, but I also took an hour with that one little glass of wine.
    I rarely drink, as I think my liver deserves a break - it needs to break down all my fat! LOL
     
    I have been seeing a counselor and attending a eating disorder support group, because I knew the honeymoon would not last forever and I needed to have the right support when I started to fall back into old mental habits. I have tried to be very proactive about this and see if from a 3 dimensional perspective. It's not just about the eating and the losing weight, it's about the emotional relationship with food and the fear of failure all of us, professional dieters feel. We failed so many times that we are just waiting for the other shoe to drop when things are going well - to which my counselor gently reminds me - BE MINDFUL. Eat mindfully. My counselor does rock!
     
    My first melt down was actually yesterday ( be happy I didn't write yesterday) From surgery day - 3 months ago to today, I have lost 44 lbs, gone from a size 20/22 to a comfortable size 14, and lost a combined 20 inches. Naturally, that is not enough for me - I want to lose it ALL by tomorrow.. So when I completely fell off the NO SUGAR wagon and had a very small piece of the most amazing chocolate cake ever made by man - I went in panic mode. I had no control over that hormonal induced craving... That was the first time since surgery that I felt I was not in control. It was awful. Pre menstrual and very tired, all i wanted to do was eat sweets and salty snacks. Which I have not done since memorial day. I can't tell you how awful I felt and how much I cried. But remember I can only really fit 4-5 oz of food at the time, so even on my worst day, the weakest and unhealthy, I still lost .4 lbs... Thank you Banana!!! - (as I call my sleeve)
     
    By this morning and after a good night sleep and a good cry, I woke up back to my new normal. Not starving, not craving the worst foods and not hating myself for being human. I got my power back (screw you hormones!)
     
    The road to post surgery success is not a straight line. It can be confusing, and zig zag on you. (You WILL lose a lot of hair) It will be filled with plateaus and desappointment due to unrealistic expectations, and it will rock your world, because it doesn't change who you are at all. No surgery does that, although many people think that losing weight is the answer to all ailments - But it will be filled with empowerment and non surgery successes of all kinds, it will give you hope and lift you up!
     
    I can wear bracelets and watches now - they fit loosely
    I can wipe my own butt without being a contortionist (sorry but I was that big)
    I can paint my toe nails and shave my legs again
    I can fit behind the wheel with plenty of room to spare
    I sleep much better
    I no longer hide from cameras!
    I am not hot all the time. My internal thermostat has adjusted itself
    My cholesteral is under 200 for the first time in 20 years (163 actually)
    I can see my colar bones
    I have a waist! (who knew?)
    I also have a knee, an ankle and you can actually see them.
    I enjoy shopping again - my teen loves that!
     
    And the list goes on and on..
     
    So if you ask me what is my biggest regreat about having Gastric Sleeve surgery? it's that I didn't do it sooner.
    If you have been through surgery, would love to hear about your experience.
    And if you have not yet, I wish you the best of luck and much success on your journey!
     
    Mindfully,
    Karen
  2. bormannk
    On January 15h I will be going to my 4th appointment with my primary doctor. It will be another bad appointment... I spend Christmas with my daughter in Phoenix, AZ and we ate a LOT. We are all experienced cooks and her husband is a gourmet cook. And eat is what we do - We eat to celebrate, we eat because we love it - truly enjoy it - and whenver I come to visit them, which happens once or twice a year, everyone cooks their specialty and we eat enough to last us the whole year.
    As I read "Beyond the Refrigerator" I see myself on those pages. I know my weight problem is more than just lbs on a scale - there is an eating disorder there. An eating disorder that I have passed on to my daughter, who seems now to struggle just as much as I do.
    The worst thing about our eating disorder is that no matter how big or small we are at a given time - we just can't see it. We "Feel" fat regardless and we allow that to dictate how we feel about ourselves, what kind of mood we are in that day, what we wear, where we go - if we go...
    My daughter is about 30 lbs overweight since the baby (He's 18 months) as she is still nursing him (Attachment Parenting). But she might as well be 130 lbs overweight as awful as she feels all the time. It's really heartbreaking to see her anguish and pain and to know I have (as a single parent) taught her to be that way. That is all she knows.
    I know it's time for optimism and positive thoughts and New Year Resolutions but all I think about is how my choices have affected my girls in the past and how my future choices/ Surgery/ Weight loss will affect them in the future.
    I know there is no point in worrying and pre ocupying myself, but my heart is not at peace for them.
    Anyway - I am going to begin a low carb, high protein regimen this weekend (when I can get to the grocery store) and work on those 13-20 lbs weight loss I need to accomplish pre-surgery.
  3. bormannk

    Where To Begin?

    By bormannk,

    How do I begin?
    I am on the 3rd month of the 6 months insurance required supervised weight loss program.
    I saw my doctor in October and went on a 1200 calorie diet. I got the My pal fitness app and logged away all the foods I ate. My first week was so hard I couldn't stay with 1200, but by week 3 I was on track (I never ate more than 2000 calories in a giving day and it was not often) Because of my weight I should've been able to lose 2 lbs per week eating 1700 calories, but I did 1200. A month later I had lost 1 lbs. ONE LB. I walked out of there pretty upset and have not opened that app and have really not tried at all. My 3rd app is tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it.
    I feel like this isn't really happening. Somehow it does not feel real. When I think about it hard, I get really very scared. Not of the procedure itself per se, but what it will do with the dynamic of my life, my family. But the thought of not doing anything about it is even scarier. I know I am stuck. I have spoken to the insurance expert at my surgeon's office (in a panic) about my chances of qualifying for the surgery and she was pretty confident. She laughed and said. "I've worked with your insurance - I know what they need. You meet every criteria and with your BMI, trust me, they can't deny you". Then why does losing weigh seem as much as an unachieveable dream as winning the lottery?
  4. bormannk

    Mindfully Happy

    By bormannk,

    I am 3 months and a week out from my Sleeve surgery. As I mentioned before, I am in counseling for help with an eating disorder and am luck enough to have a Nutricionist that is specialized in eating disorders AND bariatric nutricion. Both my Counselor and NUT preach and teach Intuitive eating which is the notion that babies are born knowing when to eat and what to eat, and follow the needs of their bodies. They eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full - they intuitively know what they need. They hold no relationship to food other than the need to sustain their bodies.
    Unfortunetely over time they are taught rules that many times conflict with what they actually need - social rules. They are given food as reward, or told to finish their meals or else, they are forced to eat when they are not hungry or sometimes not allowed to eat because it's not time.. Over the years, these children - us - stop listenting to what our bodies really need, to what it's telling us.
    This line of teaching/therapy is meant to help us learn to listen to our body again - mindfully pay attention to what our bodies need. That goes agains any type of restrictive diet - They do not believe in diets at all, which are doomed to fail, because by restricting foods we consider "bad" in any way we are setting us up for failure. It creates in many folks the "binge" behavior, the "well, now that I fell off the wagon let me eat the whole box!" attitude - We binge, we feel guilty, then we feel anxiety and sadness and we beat ourselves up because we failed at something that never had much of a chance for long term success.
     
    In my case, we were quite poor - not that we knew that, we were so happy - but we did not have access to a lot of food. We ate mostly pasta, potatoes and eggs, or any vegetables we would grow, but rarely ate meat. Because we were on a very tight budget, we were taught not to waste any food, so leaving food on our plate was absolutely unnaceptable. if we didn't finish our dinners we would not eat anything else until we finished our leftovers... Honestly it made total sense to me and I raised my daughters that way.. My older daughter also has an eating disorder.
     
    Despite the tough times my mom always tried to have something sweet, some chocolate stashed - super special treat - and surprised my sister and I whenever we finished our homework, or if we were sad or sick. it was so loving and sweet of her, but it taught us to use food as comfort and reward from very young age.
     
    Anyway, I have been listening to the tapes (I got the audio book) and trying to be truly mindful. I started to add more variety to my diet, still high in protein, and decided that I would fight back anytime I thought any food as "bad". I stopped restricting myself. Whenever I feel hungry I sit and close my eyes and relax for a moment - what do I want to eat. Sure I have my go-tos. I always have tuna or tilapia readily available, or chicken. And my body doesn't always communicate clearly what it wants (This is so new to me), so I default to my usual. But whenever I feel an urge, I do not deny myself. What I do is really be mindful and try to identify - is this my body asking for it, or is this my hormones, anxiety, etc?
    Do I get it right every time? No, I don't. But I get it right more often than not. And I stick to my 3-4 oz serving! I still am terrified to eat some foods, but I know in my mind that is not the path I need to follow - so I work it out during session!
     
    Yesterday out of nowhere I had a craving for pistachios. I dont necessarily love pistachios - but I had a handful of it and it satisfied a body need - I know it did. And I am so excited that I was able to listen to my body and do what it wanted. There is so much peace in that.
     
    So I am doing all this and thinking in the back of my mind - heck I will stop losing weight.. Well, that was not the case!! I have lost 6 lbs in the last two weeks and have not denied myself once.
     
    Today I was able to sit and cross my legs comfortably, like a lady. I missed that so much!
    I have been wearing a very cute skinny jeans that are a size 14 - loose...
    Today I also ran for half an hour with my Labs. Girl, I could not WALK them 3 1/2 months ago!
     
    I would encourage you to do some research on Intuitive Eating - http://www.intuitiveeating.com/
    Because losing weight is just a small (although HUGE) part of the journey. We want to be healthy and happy and keep it off for the rest of our lives. We want to stop thinking about food 24/7 and break the emotional bonds we formed with food
     
    Be mindful and kind to yourself,
    Best of luck in your journey,
     
    Karen

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