throwaway557

Well now Im not too ashamed to go back to the doctors in August. I'm going to really try today. My weight is at 293 right now, 20ish pounds down from where I was pre surgery, and 20ish pounds up from where I was post surgery. I gained 13 pounds since mid May.

Wow seriously? I am a bit shocked honestly...

You remember me all this time ago? Am I really one of the very few who struggles here?

My mom's the reason I made this throwaway...what happened last time on another account is that I posted on here, it got sent to my email, my email for some reason autologged on, on her computer, so if she loaded up the website email then it would log on to my email...she would see bariatric pal or VSG whatever it was, then freaked out and talked to the surgeons. Caused her a lot of anxiety and shit so I dont tell her, because then she freaks out and when she freaks out, it pushes me away from her....and we are already pretty far away as is...... I'm my own support....and Im not doing a good job

I have chicken, but honestly I havent been cooking in awhile and that could be my problem. When I was cooking, my weight was going up but very slowly. Now since I havent been cooking, its been going up pretty fast. I want low-prep foods, so I think Ill stick with yogurt and the shakes. I dont trust salads because at costco theres these premade salads for 300 calories and I can have two of them easily...

VSGAnn, honestly? No. But I was going to go either today or tomorrow and go to costco and get the Protein shakes and live off of those for a week....Have 4 or so a day...or try. Well failing IS an option because I am doing it. But its not the right option, the right option would be to go get those Protein Shakes and follow the doctors orders and live off of them for a bit.

Holy shit guys, I do not know how to show you I am not a troll. I think I was a VERY poor candidate having an eating disorder, and I wasnt ready. Thats 10000000000% sure. My weight keeps going up and up and up and all I feel I can do right now is either get help or passively watch my weight increase. RJ's/beginning, I do not know any body who has FAILED after the surgery like I have. As in, went in the COMPLETE other way. I think I am so insecure and maybe depressed because there was a party last night with a lot of my friends, and I chose to stay inside. Why? Because I dont like going out in public, where pictures will be taken and shit, knowing my friends will be thinking "Man, he really let himself go....."

I came to it knowing it wouldnt be a magic bullet based off other people and what they said......but I thought it would do SOMETHING. Right now it does nothing. Actually right now school went incredibly well. My social life has improved tenfold, I am getting a 3.8 GPA in a very hard science major, etc. My only thing that is failing me is my health, as always. Before, if you asked me say 4-8 years ago, I would have said social, school, and health were failing me. I can definitely write out why I had the surgery. That could be my little homework assignment I suppose. I would NEVER share this with my surgeons/doctors because...well..I dont trust them and I just feel horrible every time I go there, so much so that I was thinking about never going back to visit them after the last time I went. And I'm in a worse place now than I was before! You know, I was actually super overwhelmed with all the damn pills I had to take, I stopped taking everything after the first 3 months, including my anti depressants. This was back in around the time I started school. BUT, I noticed my school grades were doing very well so I decided (eh, dont need these anti depressants, my school and social life is flourishing).

I wish I was trolling. I wish I could show you guys my face back in August/September to how it is now.....

I used it as a tool to curb my eating disorder, but now it just seems like everything I do is preventing it from working. On top of the alcohol (to be fair, I only drink like once a month now), since discovering costco my general health has gne down too. For example, I went to Costco on Sunday.......I bought a 36-pack of diet drinks, 15-pack of tamales, 60-pack of Waffles, and a 30 pack of burritos. All but 4 tamales are gone.....The waffles are 190 calories, the tamales are 300, and the burritos are around 300....so that is around 5000 calories a day..........come to think of that, its quite a bit............a lot more than I expected. I was expecting 2.5k or 3k... Is 600 calorie liquid diet even possible, honestly? I really SHOULD contact the doctor's, but I felt realllllllly guilty and ashamed (both of self-guilt, and what they said, that I failed (without using those words) and I should have lost more)

Why wouldnt I want to change? I dont like it when my clothes dont fit......

I dont know...... :/

Wait, 1k? Haha sometimes I eat 3k......

So I got my surgery a year and a few days ago, and my weight dropped from 315ish to 268 at the lowest, and was hovering around 270 for awhile..... Now, I went to a doctors appointment when I was at 278...now I weighed in at around 295 at home....... I dont want to go to my doctors and tell them this. They saw my weight gain and told me to go on a 600 calorie a day liquid diet and I was like "LOL NOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" because it just sounded ridiculous and impossible. Sleeve or not, thats borderline starving yourself. Thats a BIG problem as to why I gained weight. A part of me was like "I'll show them!!!".............. and now my clothes arent fitting, so I sure showed them...

For sure you could lose fat, as well as water weight and muscle. Look, if I was to go on a 600-900 calorie diet, that would be a week before the appointment so I dont look like a complete failure, but lets be real, that diet would never stick. I would never go down from 283ish to 270 and just stay there. No, it would creep back up like it has