cookielover

I worked myself up, and up, and up, and up. Man I hate it when I do that. Today for the first time I saw (what are those things called again...) collar bones! Just a hint mind you, but they were there! I just don't ever want to go back, and I am sure you all can understand. I didn't mean to throw a temper tantrum in the middle of the message board. The truth is: I lost someone who was very close to me because of my WLS. Here is the link to the famous break-up if you didn't catch it: http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f17/i-feel-like-such-fool-warning-post-contains-break-up-email-45375/ There is no turning back to that relationship, but I know I feel that I have extra external pressure to succeed. My husband thinks that I am eating more, because then I can "fail" and therefore "salvage" the relationship. (He majored in psychology.) If I am fat she will still like me, and come back. The truth is every time the phone rings or I get an email I hope it is her. But today I SLAMMED the door shut. I bought my daughter hampsters! She has deathly alergy to hampsters. If they are even on your clothes she can't be around you; she has to give her self an epi-pen shot and go to the hospital. Now there is no way we can be together. I guess I just don't feel like myself right now. I am not "happy"; I am just hanging on. If you want to know the truth I was abused by this person. Nothing I did was good enough. I even got in poop for buying her a gift because I did not present it in the way she wanted it presented. (It was a 400.00 Mickey Mouse figurine) I couldn't leave toothpaste in the sink, or I would get yelled at. The list is too long to mention here. My question is if it was so bad why do I feel so lousy now? All of you will tell me she was no good, and that I am better off, and I know that to be a fact as well. I guess the main problem that I am having is the reason she left: my WLS. I shake my head at myself and think, "Amy you are smarter than this. You have many friends that support you. Why are you letting this happen? Errrrrrr." Oh well that is why I am a little down. And yes I am sure in 6 months I will be in a better place too. I am just wondering what to do with her Christmas present? I think I will donate it. You know what else bugs me? I have choosen the high road, but sometimes I really want to take the LOW road. Oh well in the end I am sure it will matter, but right now...I have to work on me.

How do you get the restriction? (I mean; I know how.) What I want to know is should I call my surgeon and bug him? It has only been 10 days. What would you guys do if you were running out of food to consume?

I live in Canada, but I am an American. I Celebrate Thanksgiving twice- once in October with the Canadians and then again with the Americans too. Except in October this year I was sucking down Water and Protein mix, because Thanksgiving was five days after surgery. I digress.... I am soooo lucky I do not have a sweet tooth. (Before my surgery ALL of my teeth craved sugar. Now everything is too sweet.) I won't be eating pie, but I will be eating turkey and gravy. I love that stuff. I am not worried about portion control, as my little band friend does it all for me! I just eat and it tells me when to stop. No thinking involved. I just have to make good food choices. Oh yeah I am totally going to get in on the mash potatoes. Yes!

Against my husband's wishes because he wanted me to take the high road. I sent my email this morning. I did it for three reasons: 1. Out of the two of us I was the only one who really knew it was over. She still had all the power. 2. If she managed to get ahold of me I did not know what to say without causing damage and pointing fingers. and 3. She deserved to know the friendship was over. It was selfish of me to keep this information to myself. Also it left me open to letting her back into my live to repeat the same mistakes. By sending her the email I am taking back my power. Now she knows where I stand. I am so sick to my stomach I can barely breathe, but it had to be done. Why does growing have to hurt so much sometimes? Someone asked if I believed in God...I do! I am leaning really hard on him and my family right now. I am also leaning really hard on all of your words of encouragement; they are like air to me. And believe it or not I CAN feel all of your hugs. :scared: She titled her email to me: "You deserve this much..." I titled my email to her: "No this is what I deserve." Here is what I sent: I decided to keep it purple because it made me feel a little better. "Dear..., I am not mad or upset with you, as I know that you are broken inside. However that does not mean that you have to break me down as well. I care about you so, if watching me get better and healthy is too much for you to handle I can find the courage to let you go. For this is the journey am taking in my life, and I realize it is not for you. I need you to understand in the future when you have a crisis or a problem; I will not have your back. It is no longer "us" against the world; it is only "you" against whatever haunts you. I want you to find all the happiness you deserve, and I pray you start understanding that you deserve more. I have never ended such an important relationship in my life, and my hope is that I never have to do it again. That is why we can not be together anymore. I can not live on the "edge" with you. I don't want to open another email and wonder, "will this be the email that breaks my heart?" So for that and many more reasons I have to say good bye. Thank you for the gut-busting laughs, 2 hour phone conversations, and the memories; I will cherish these things and you forever. Hoping you can find peace and acceptance, Amy" Well I am going out for a long walk. Maybe I can walk away some of this pain. Oh yeah just so you all know on Saturday I went to a party and had an okay time, I have been out for coffee with a friend, joined a gym today, researched joining a theater group, started planning a Christmas open house, and booked two trips for the holiday season to see family. (I am trying to find things to do that are positive.) Now if I could just mustard the strength to clean the bathrooms and vacuum today! :fish: Hugs to all of you!:hug:

How am I doing? Well last night I cried. Today I woke up and I decied to start anew. My friend is not willing to come along on this journey with me, and I am not willing to be bullied out of my decision. So there it stands. What some people do not realize is this: You can't go around saying or writing whatever you feel like it, and then expect the status-quo afterwards. If you say hurtful and downright mean things there is going to be some serious fall-out. In short she may need some "space", but I am ending the relationship. I am not calling, emailing, sending letters or telegrams, or visiting. There will be no closure from me to her. I believe when you get to my age there is no reason to "play" a game of "let's send my friend a nasty email, because I am green with envy, and see how that works out." In my opinion her email served one purpose: to hurt me. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! Sometimes in life we have to realize that there are no "do-overs" or "I am really sorry, so please forgive me." I don't mean to sound cold hearted, but I have to survive and look after myself. For example I am unable to eat ANYTHING, because I have been so upset that my band is so tight that I can only sip Water and Protein. The main reason I am not going to afford her a "goodbye" is that I don't want to say anything that will make me feel bad later. I need you to understand how much I loved this person. I ensured that she was never hurt by my own doings. (Actually that is how I treat all of my friends.) After this is all over I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and know I my integrity is intact. However, if we should meet up six months down the road and I weigh a lot less and she dies from envy that would be okay too. Since I am not going to be able to say goodbye to her. I am going to write it here. I will make me feel better knowing someone read it: "I am not mad or upset with you, as I know that you are broken inside. However that does not mean that you have to break me down in to your hell. I care about you so, if watching me get better and healthy is too much for you to handle I can find the courage to let you go. For this is the journey am taking in my life, and I realize it is not for you. I need you to understand in the future when you have a crisis or a problem; I will not have your back. It is no longer "US" against the world; it is only "you" against whatever haunts you. I want you to find all the happiness you deserve, and I pray you start understanding that you deserve more. I have never ended such an important relationship in my life, and my hope is that I never have to do it again. That is why we can not be together anymore. I can not live on the "edge" with you. I don't want to open another email and wonder, "will this be the email that breaks my heart?" So for that and many more reasons I have to say good bye. Thank you for the gut-busting laughs, 3 hour phone conversations, and the memories; I will cherish these things and you forever. Hoping you can find peace and acceptance, Amy Thank you to all that wrote post giving their support and well-wishes. I needed those today. (You would not believe how much.) For those of you who offered to be my buddy- I might just take you up on that.

:cool:You guys are doing amazing!!! I am so proud of you all. It has been a long hard journey to get to this point, but we have done it, and we have begun it, so we rock. Doesn't it feel good to go down a size? I wonder where we will be in 2 months???

I am so cold that even my nose gets cold. I can't wait until summer.

Check out the board it seems most of us are all going through this in one shape or another. I went through mine last week. It does get better. Hang in there with us and lean on us any time!

Hey Holly- I was going to send a search party out to look for you soon if you didn't show up.:spy: Whew! I totally understand what you are going through. Even as upbeat as I am, I too am sometimes down in the dumps. It's weird because I thought I would be on cloud 9, but it turns out that I hang out on cloud 7. I am losing weight, not cheating on my diet, and I am remembering to exercise...but...but...is this all there is? I guess I built this up in mind so huge that it could never live up to my expection of the greatness of it. Don't get me wrong I love losing 28 pounds in a month! I guess I was hoping for a parade or something...maybe a building named after me...who knows what was in my mind????:humble: I will have to just live one day at a time, do my best, and lean on all of you guys for support. By the way I do feel much better now. I am suppose to be eating solids, but I can't bring myself to do it, so I am not going to. I think I have a fear of chewing.:tape: I have to wean(sp?) back on to solids. Who would have thought that a month ago? Holly hang in there. I am here for you anytime. :huggie:I have the search party ready and waiting if you need them. We all will get through this together.:Banane20:

Happy Birthday! Hey you know what will be marvy? When someone looks at mypicture on my license and asks, "is this really you? You look so different!" HA HA HA! I will totally post when that day comes.

We all made it! All of us are finally at the finish line. After a month of fearing, cheering, and "OMG if I ever see anymore Jell-O I am going to lose it!" (Sorry to the folks who are recently banded...you will feel that way very shortly.) Now our new journey together begins: WEIGHT LOSS and EXERCISE! YEEHAW.... I knew we were name TENACIOUS for a reason. As we move into November and December and get into the swing of our new bodies, and our bands it will be important that we come together as a group. And can you just imagine what the new year is going to look like for all of us? Wow we are going to be HOT! In closing I just want to say that I am proud to be a member of the Tenacious Tens. We are now off...and running...no one can stop us now!

I am suppose to be starting solids tomorrow and I don't think I can do it! No kidding. I think I am going to stay on mushies for a few more weeks, and see how it goes. I now have a fear of chewing and swallowing, hmmmm?

The "diet hell" doesn't stop there, because after surgery there are 6 more weeks of "diet hell" that are much more important to follow. Good luck it is only 8 weeks, out of your 39 years. Following the post-op diet I have never felt better, because my sweet and junk food cravings are gone. It is totally worth it to work the program. Good luck. Get you slip up out of the way now, because you can't slip up later.

If you don't want a fill so soon, just call and make an appointment for another time further down the road. If you are losing weight, having good restriction, and don't feel quite ready, then postpone the fill. Remember it's up to you to measure what you need.

I want to exercise more because I am lighter so it is much easier for me know. I am not carrying around all the extra weight.

Okay so here goes... I am having some hang ups about losing weight. I am refusing to wear anything but sweat pants and large shirts. The funny thing is: I didn't own a pair of sweat pants before the surgery, as I always wore jeans. I use excuses such as: "I am too bloated to put on pants." or "My jeans don't fit yet." or "Jeans bother my port area." But truth be known I haven't even tried on a pair of pants yet. Today I am hanging out in my PJs because my sweats are in the wash. I don't know if I lost any weight because I won't get on a scale. I tell myself that I haven't because I don't look any different yet. (And of course my clothes don't fit any different.) Really no one says anything about me losing weight so I figure I haven't. Hence, that is why I won't get on a scale, because what if this was all for nothing? I know this is stupid thinking; I am so aware of that even as I type it. Now yesterday and today I have resorted back to liquids. I just don't feel like consuming any food whatsoever. I never thought I would regret getting this band but I kind of do. I feel so much pressure to lose weight. I figure if I close my eyes and pull the cover over my head it will go away. The good news is: At least I am not stuffing my face with cake. I know that everyone is excited to have their band and see their results. So what the heck is wrong with me? Thank you for reading.

Aww guys I think we are all just getting blue, because we are going through some pretty big changes in our lives. I started wearing my jeans, and I feel okay about it. I bought an evil scale. (EEEK, but I have managed to stay off of it. I am not going to be a scale slave.) I think it is harder because the band is my main focus right now. I exercise for my band, I eat for my band, I rest for my band...ect. Next week I am going to do what I normally do when I get down....I am going on vacation. I am going to take some time off from bandland. I am going to step outside of all of this, and just relax. I will stick to my eating plan, but I am forgetting everything else. I mean everywhere I look there are reminders that life is different: pills, a pill crusher, dixie cups, bottled flavored Water, pudding cups, Soups, Crystal Light, heating pads, ice packs, you name it- I got it. I just need to get away, so I am going shopping for new clothes and pick-me-ups. (I TOTALLY LOVE MY HUSBAND- he treats me so well. (I never call him my DH because he deserves the full his title!) ) I totally understand that not everyone can get away, but try and do something nice for yourself, because look at all we have been through this last month. I for one can say it was one of the hardest months of my life. So don't feel bad about feeling down. If you are one of the few who get through this without a touch of the blues- count your blessings. To the rest of us: remember we must take care of ourselves, and give ourselves a break. (I also love the Tenacious Tens too!)

After I was banded I listened to my body. If my body only wanted to walk 5 minutes then I only walked 5 minutes. I walked all the time to get rid of the gas, but in doses that I could handle, and most of the time I just shuffled along slowly. Slowly there was a change I was walking longer and faster. I have been banded 4 weeks and I can walk about 3 miles in an hour. I am pretty happy with that. I walk about 5 times a week. At this point I plan to make walking my exercise of choice for another 4 weeks and then I will toddle of to the gym. If I need more exercise I will increase my speed and walking time. Good luck and just listen to your body; it will tell you what it needs.

I have picked myself up by my boot straps and said, "Amy, for goodness sake woman what are you doing? You are hot, remember?" I got on a scale and I found out I lost another 11 pounds. (It must be in my bum where I can't see it.) Went to my closet put on some jeans, a fitted top, and went shopping. It is a start. For me I have to believe that this is ACTUALLY happening. I will stick to my exercise plan and eating schedule, and hope for the best! Thanks to everyone for all their encouragement and support and PM's. I could not have kicked my own butt without you guys.

I was wondering if anyone is eating more than a cup of purred food during a meal? I was eating a cup of purred food and feeling pretty good, but I was told today to eat no more than 3/4 of puree at one sitting. What is everyone else doing? I would really like some feedback. I am worried that I did damage to my pouch.

I had my "last supper" for two weeks before surgery. My doctor did not put me on a pre-op diet. Every day was like: "oooo let's have this...for the last time" or "I just gotta have one of those before I can't have them again." You know what was funny I lost 2 pounds before surgery! (I think the doctor's scale was broken!) Good luck tomorrow on you new path. We will be waiting for you on the other side.

I am eating about 1000 calories a day. My doctor did not tell me to stick to a certain amount. I walk for an hour a day which burns 400 calories. If I only consumed 800 calories I think I would get headaches and feel awful.

Well I am back to 3/4 of food and I too stop when I burp. It does take about 5 or so minutes to feel full. I now just trust that the full feeling will come. It is a different world that I am entering into...I used to eat until I was full...now I eat and wait til' I am full. It seems to be working. Thanks for the advice. You guys are the best.

Being banded is not something to be taken lightly, so if you have fears and worries that is completely normal. Just take them one at a time, and work them out. Have faith. Yesterday I was feeling pretty blue, but after talking it out here I feel pretty good today. Good luck on your journey; it is going to be a beautiful ride!