True confession time:
I actually *gained* two pounds back. Or that's what the scale says. I'm probably just retaining Water because I've been cheating with salty Snacks and not getting enough to drink to flush it through.
So anyway, I had a heart-to-heart with myself today. "Self," I asked myself, "what gives with all the crazy wrong eating? The bag of jaw breakers you bought the other day, the popcorn and chips at work, the TWO Cookies? ! What--are you *trying* not to lose weight?!"
... and the answer came to me crystal clear. "Of course."
I think something snapped when everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY from the hair dresser to the check-out lady at the grocery store, to the housekeeping staff at work comments on my weight loss. No matter how nice or supportive it is, it's flipping overwhelming. Then there's the trip to the Cities last weekend (that's Minneapolis/St Paul for you non-midwesterners) and hitting four consignment/Savers type stores and loading up on clothes, some of which already feel loose (yes, even with the 2-lb weight gain). And finally, I'm sure taking all my "fat clothes" to a resale shop here was the last straw. I'm "shrinking" as one coworker put it, and I just want it to stop for a while. I want to catch my breath and get used to being this size before I get smaller.
I look at my poor daughter, 15, who weighs what I did a year ago, and it's shocking. Was I *really* that big? I was! And now I'm tiny compared to her, and I could shop from the regular women's sizes at the store, and I ran two miles with no pain or shortness of breath, and the whole thing is just a little bit too much.
This realization has put me back on track somewhat. I've bought my own high-protein snacks for work so I'm not tempted by the starches (which, BTW, make me nauseously gassy) and I'm indulging in canned fruit when I want to get my fill of sweets, but I need support. I need you all to reassure me that we will get through this together, because going from a size 22 to fitting --tight, but zipping up!-- into a pair of Misses size 16 pants in just two months is making me a little crazy.
Love you all, and hope to hear from you. If you're experiencing anything like this, please share!
My first real race in 18 months: a little 2-mile run in which half the participants were elementary school children. I finished last, (half walking half running) with an average pace of 18 minutes, but it's still faster than sitting on the couch.
Today, had a surgeon appointment and good news I was finally cleared to start regular foods. Thank you Jesus! he says everything is healing great and I am now -32 pounds post op
simplypearl got a reaction from monken in Fabulous February Post-Op's