I'm going to back to school in the fall. I've taken a year long sabbatical and I'm thrilled to be going back. I had dropped out after my first year, due to stress and social stupidity.
I broke up with my boyfriend of over two years last week. It hasn't been as hard as I thought it would have been, I'm honestly surprised that I haven't been as upset as I had been. He had never really been there for me in the way that I needed him. He wasn't meeting any of my needs, and he was selfish and immature. He wasn't 100% on board with the surgery, I'm starting to think that he didn't really care. I was there through every single thing, I was always there to build up his ego, just for him to stop all over mine. I look back on the last two years, and I get so mad at myself for putting up with all of it. I forgave him way too many times. He stole the rent money once, he cheated on me, he was rude and uncaring, he never stood up for me, Hell, I spent 6 months sleeping on the floor because we only had a twin size bed that my fat ass and his wouldn't fit on, He drove away the few friends that I had and I kept forgiving him. And It pisses me off that I didn't leave him, that I just sat there an let him do whatever he wanted without any repercussions.
I think it is the surgery that finally let me leave. I really do. I've always been insecure, and I guess I was trapped in the thought that no one else would ever love me because I was fat and ugly. But now with this life changing surgery looming at he horizon, I just feel hopeful that with this surgery, and therapy that I will finally be able to love myself, enough to not worry about being locked in to another unhealthy relationship because I'm too afraid, to be alone.
I'm so ready to get the ball rolling on my new life. 6 months, only six more months.
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