Jennifer Bennett

JerseyGirl hit every nail right on the head! First of all I love that you are supporting him and this forum can be a valuable resource to you both.
This IS a frustrating time, and it's hard because we have to eat every day. We can't just "go without" unlike other addictions. With that being said, there will be a lot of changes that he will need to make especially during the losing phase when he is actively trying to lose weight. The high Protein, low carb is recommended by most surgeons for maximum weight loss. I would say that he will eventually be able to eat almost anything in moderation. Portion sizes will change vastly and that will be for life!
He is about the same height/weight of my husband (who was sleeved 2.5 years ago) and he is currently in the 210-214 range and maintains his weight quite easily. He also can manage to eat more than I can and NOT gain weight. Pffftt men!
If he is ready to do this surgery, and you are ready to support him, I think he can have some great results, BUT he needs to WANT this. And even though we all go through frustration (as all the ^^above^^ posters mentioned...anger, grief, etc.) it comes down to this being an individual journey, and everyone is different. He needs to want this for himself, and there is no sense in blaming anyone else for his current body or state of mind.
We also have 2 pre-teen daughters who I worry constantly about their eating habits, body image, etc. They are both very healthy and yes we did make some changes in our family. We did NOT make the changes overnight and they are pretty simple changes. My kids know if they want something like Cheezits, they need to take out one of the tons of mini-bowls that we have, and pour themselves a small amount. No mindless hand-reaching into the box for more, more, more. We do mostly low carb but don't deprive the kids 100% from carbs/sweets. Trust me there are days that I want to eat some of the crap that my kids want, but I cannot expect them to eat like they have been sleeved and I know some people will say that if it is "there" (ie in their house, then they will eat it) and yes it does take a lot of effort to avoid eating crap it's up to us to say "no" that is not going to help my weight loss efforts. We also try to encourage exercise, etc.
While the journey is individual, you, and your family will probably need to make some accommodations to help your husband reach his goals. Especially in the first couple of months post-op is when most of the biggest changes and challenges take place.
I wish you all nothing but the best of luck!

It almost sounds to me like he's angry that he'll have to make changes, so he wants the rest of the family to "suffer" too. I know I've felt that way many times in the past. Eating my salad and glaring at my husband while he mows down on French fries without gaining a pound...
We all go through a wide range of emotions with our weight issues: anger, depression, etc. I think it's so important to understand these feelings so they don't get the best of you post-surgery.

I agree with the above poster. He may not be quite ready yet for the lifestyle change that is required after surgery. I think to go through with this surgery, you have to be willing to do 'whatever it takes'. A lot like addiction, you have to reach a point when you're so done with it all, that you become willing to make changes. I'm sure you understand that. Sounds like he is going through the stages of grieving. Denial, anger, bargaining, acceptance.... you are doing all the right things, being supportive. Remember when you gave up drugs/alcohol and you went through mourning a loss like you'd lost your best friend? Give him time, encourage him to get support (OA? Bariatric Support Group?) and maybe he'll get to where he needs to be to be successful.

This is something that he has to do. This is a permanent change. I do get upset watching my parents eat bad foods because they are a trigger and I want it, but I can't take it out on them. It sounds like he isn't ready to do this surgery. I know that everyone goes through ups and downs but really - ask him if this is something he wants to do. He should be excited, not angry. If he isn't ready to give up bad foods, he can't move forward and will most likely fail. He physically won't be able to eat food for a long time - is he prepared for that?
If he decides he doesn't want to do this, I recommend weight watchers honestly with clean eating. That way he can have the foods he enjoys, in moderation, but will be tracked. Or go to a NUT and follow their plan.
I must say, though, a supportive family makes everything easier. You can plan your meals and cook on sunday and freeze them for the week, that's what I do. That way the kids get good nutrition too. You could always make low carb/healthy pizzas and chicken nuggets too when you want the taste but not the excess calories.

Suggestion: plan out the meals for the week so that he can feel like he's not being set up to fail. Make sure he agrees. Then he can be comfortable that he has set up a plan to eat better. It works AWESOME for our household. (We even pre-make all the meals on Sunday for the week using Americas Test Kitchen Healthy Cookbook. They have "make ahead" recipes. It's great!)
However, if after all the planning you decide to get a shake from a drive thru, then he needs to deal with that. You don't have the issue... he does. I don't get stressed when my brother brings over a six pack of beer that I know I can't touch. Jealous? Maybe. But not mad. Just part of the new lifestyle he needs to accept.
My two cents...! I wish you luck!

Hi Jennifer
I think it is fantastic that you joined up in support of your husband.
I think the biggest misconception may be that there are foods we can't eat after surgery. Granted there are MANY items we shouldn't eat, but unless for some reason he can't tolerate something, the option to have his favorites, in moderation, are there.
Bread is hard for a lot of folks, its just too dense and heavy. There is no way to know exactly how he will be effected.
I love my carbs too, and I know I need to stay away from them to really get the most out of my weight loss efforts. This has ALWAYS been the case, not just post op. Carbs are necessary for a balanced diet, but most have no real nutritional value. Since we take in so few calories, we really want to get the most bang for our buck, so I try to stay away. I just found some wraps (Fiber One honey wheat) that I will have for lunch on occasion.
Your switching to whole wheat pastas etc, is a great step in aiding his changing habits.
I had a conversation with my mother not too long ago, she has never had any weight issues and we were a large family of 10 kids, so she never really thought about the food we ate growing up and how it does shape our habits throughout out life, just that we had enough.
We had lots of bread and Pasta, quick meals that fed a lot of people for less money. It was a way of life, and that's what it needed to be at the time. But looking back, my habits were formed early on, it was up to me to change them.

I completely understand his not wanting his struggles to be ones your children have later on and his wanting it to change now.

That being said, it has got to be hard for a whole family to make sweeping changes, but some are for the overall better good.
I don't have children, but I do have my young nieces & nephews come over a lot. Yogurt, cheese sticks, fruit. all acceptable snack items that are all still good for me too. keeping an open dialog is most important, if there is an item that he feels having around will make it really hard for him then maybe talk with the kids and see if they can take one for the team & dad and do away with for a while. I also can understand needing there not to be junk food in the house, maybe each of the kids can pick their own healthier alternative while he is in the early stages. I have been keeping pre-portioned packs of nuts as a snack, it gives me a crunch and on my plan. Making the decisions as a family for the overall good should make it a little easier at least.
He may not realize all the changes you have been making behind the scenes. There are a few really good websites that have very tasty family friendly recipes. www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.com and www.emilybites.com The kids most likely won't even realize these are "healthier" options.
If his inquiry about surgery opened more of a dialog about healthy eating habits for the family, there is no "fault" there.
He might need to think about it in a different way, or at least know that you don't think of it that way.
Every summer I go away with a big group of my family to the beach. This year I put it out there to my many nieces and nephews to bring their bikes as a way of getting from one house to another (and to get me moving on vacation) They JUMPED at it, they loved that I wanted to ride with them and every one brought a bike, the whole week we rode and they never thought it was more than a great way to spend time together. My point really has to do with perception.
There is a sub-forum here The Man's room. He & youmay get unique point of view by checking it out.
Again, I really applaud your efforts to understand what he is going through and your willingness to do what you can to make the process easier.
Best of luck to you all!!