OK so here's what I went with (FA = Future of America, M = Me):
FA: Ms. Diamond, how was your surgery?
M: I'm feeling fine, thank you!
FA: What did you have surgery on?
M: Oh, I had some things removed. It's kinda gross and you don't want to know about it.
FA: OK. (pause) What did you have removed? Your eyeballs? Can you see us? Are those fake eyeballs? Yeah, I think one's falling out!
M: No.
FA: But really, what did you have removed?
M: My testicles
That shut 'em up.
