Camella

I wonder how many of us get triggered when we read someone's post that says they feel SHAME about gaining weight? That's what so many of us do--beat ourselves up. We have to find that strength to CHALLENGE ourselves to stop the shaming and be okay with giving ourselves a little more love. Our self-talk plays an important role in WLS--if you "feel like a failure" it's much easier for your brain to say you ARE a failure. It is SOOO okay to not be perfect at this! First and foremost, try to focus on your AMAZING accomplishment. Then, if you accept this tiny setback with excitement and determination and NOT FEAR, you can have fun with regaining the control that you know you can achieve. (Are you keeping this all in perspective--this IS a tiny setback in your 2 year WLS big picture, right?)
Changing our relationship with food for the rest of our lives is soooo complicated, right? But NOT impossible!
For me, it started before my surgery with the commitment that I MUST choose to totally let go of all my old, familiar, comfortable unhealthy eating habits and lifestyle that went with that, and be willing to open my mind to new ideas and learn how to eati whole, unprocessed quality foods. To start that process, I had to actually take pen and paper and write down, in much detail, the actual foods that I KNEW very much contributed every day to my obesity (we all know what they are, if we are totally honest with ourselves, but often that is HARD to admit). Until I learned my new eating habits and was totally confident with myself in them (for me that took 18 months), I elimated those identified foods from my life. I never felt "deprived" because I worked hard to find substitutes for them that were WLS-friendly (not store-bought processed foods, but home-made).
Another big impact for me was a head game that I began playing with myself, that still works for me today (at 4 years out). When I see (or smell) something that triggers a strong temptation, I simply say to myself, "I don't eat that anymore." (or variations like "I CHOOSE healthy foods now," etc). It sounds silly, but there is science that backs up that this repetition to the subconscious mind can be effective.
Lastly, I educated myself in anatomy and physiology (actually, I went back to college and achieved my degree in nutrition) to better ensure my WLS success. No, I'm not suggesting that nutrition degree=success, BY ANY MEANS! What I am suggesting is that I think generally it helps if we truly educate ourselves to understand and respect the miracle that our bodies are. We owe it to our bodies to CHOOSE to feed them the whole, natural, unprocessed foods that our body systems were meant to process and digest to keep us healthy. food is meant to be fuel and medicine for the body. Oh so sadly, donuts, chili cheese fries, and Cheetos don't make the cut. Sigh...
It has been (and continues to be) hard, hard work. I think almost everyone says that. But I feel at wonderful peace now that I have firmly changed my relationship with food. It's still hard to believe because it's been such a dysfunction my whole life. How do I define this change?
1) I control my food. It does not control me. I CHOOSE my power. Can't is not in my vocabulary.
2) I don't have to be interested in the latest "diet" that comes out ever again. There is no such thing as being on a
diet anymore.
3) Junk food does not live in my house. But, if I am out and want, for instance, an ice cream cone, or dessert at a
restaurant, or a "somewhat healthy" fast-food meal (that would not include french fries!), I never have to think of any
of these things in the term of
CHEATING or GUILT. These are OCCASIONAL indulgences (once or twice a month). It feels so liberating to
never again berate myself by self-labeling as a cheater or being guilt-ridden over FOOD!
4) I never again have to play the "I'll exercise off" the 1/2 gallon of ice cream I ate yesterday game by doing crazy
"dieting and exercising" the next day. Now I simply maintain my weight with 1/2 hour of consistent exercise every day.
Period.
5) The bathroom scale does not define my day or my mood or my life. There's no weighing every day to see what the
constant poor eating choices do to the number on the scale.
Most/many people's weights vary naturally within a 5-pound range week-to-week. So all I have to do is joyfully visit
my scale once a week to see that I am in my 5-pound range.
Also, just wanted to share--
There are several great self-help books/websites on changing relationship with food/mindful eating. Many have been mentioned here on BP. Here's a couple of my favorites:
>Book: 50 way to soothe yourself without food by Susan Albers, PsyD
Dr Albers is a licensed clinical psychologist; easy reading; short chapters; www.sootheyourselfwithoutfood.com
>Website/Newsletter: AmIHungry.com
by Michelle May, MD She addresses mindful eating, binge eating, etc.
>Book: Women, Food, & God by Geneen Roth Website: geneenroth.com
Well-respected author in the weight-loss field. Has written many books. Her works elicit deep soul-searching. Has online newsletter and periodically conducts free online webinars.

I am two years post op and I feel a lot of shame when it comes to my weight gain since surgery. I feel like I have failed and that once again food is winning and my waist line is losing. After weight loss surgery gaining weight is quite terrifying. I feel like I am slipping down a rabbit whole and the other side is all too familiar. There isn’t a single person that has weight loss surgery that doesn’t promise themselves that this will NEVER happen again, and for some of us it does happen. I suppose for me the first thing I need to do is stop punishing myself because that has never helped me gain control of my eating, the second thing is to take stock of why it has happened. For me that is very simple, I didn’t work on my head, I only worked on my body, I didn’t unfriend my toxic friend food! We are still in a dysfunctional relationship. The surgery limited my food intake, but it didn’t equip me with new coping mechanisms and unfortunately food still plays an important role in helping me relax, sooths me when I’m down, occupies me when I’m bored and helps me hide from the world when I don’t want to be seen.
I have gained 15lbs since my surgery 2 years ago and some may even say that’s normal, but I know my eating is out of control.
I have gained 10 lbs. in the last two months. For those of you that have been post –surgery for a long time, and have successfully maintained, how did you fix your head and your relationship with food?

I made my decision not to tell very many people based on the fact that I don't think we need to tell people everything. My weight has always been such a private issue/struggle. I did notice after my surgery how many people discuss weight and how desperate friends were to find out what I was doing differently. I didn't lie, I told them that I cut out all carbs and was exercising regularly. I may one day choose to share my story, but two years post op and it is still something that I don't feel I need everyone to know.

I made my decision not to tell very many people based on the fact that I don't think we need to tell people everything. My weight has always been such a private issue/struggle. I did notice after my surgery how many people discuss weight and how desperate friends were to find out what I was doing differently. I didn't lie, I told them that I cut out all carbs and was exercising regularly. I may one day choose to share my story, but two years post op and it is still something that I don't feel I need everyone to know.

OK ladies...so the FIRST step is what you are doing RIGHT here! You are not in denial any more (and let's face it, we were all there pre-surgery). You are owning up to the fact that you are not perfect...none of us are! But you are also facing the hard fact that you are going down a rabbit hole and came here to find some inspiration.
I am 3 years + post op and I have gained back as much as 7 lbs (am now back at goal) but like you, FREAKED out! When I was 223 lbs, the thought of weighing 160 something was thrilling....now, if I get in the 140's I feel completely out of control. SO, this is a good thing for us!
If you have recognized that you are self-medicating with food, then of course you need to address all those issues, comfort, boredom, depression. Everyone is different so you need to find the right answer for you: support groups, therapy, reading books or blogs from others, forcing yourself to meet other people socially (meetup.com is my all time favorite....this is where you FIND YOUR PEOPLE!!!). Once you start living a more full life you will be more motivated to get and keep the weight off.
And I will say the 5 Day Pouch Test does help you get back on track. Hey, try it for 2 or 3 days if you don't think you can do 5. Or do the 5:2. I have said it before, I will say it again. Even normal weight people (and we are one of them now) gain weight and pull it together before it's too late.....YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! It's summer....get out and move!

I am 19 months post op and I haven't been able to shift the last 20 pounds. I honestly think (at least in my experience) that the first 75% of weight loss is the sleeve, the last 25% is 100% you. Unfortunately I'm still working on me and I imagine once I can get my head straight the last 20 pounds will come off. Good luck :-)

I am 19 months post op and I haven't been able to shift the last 20 pounds. I honestly think (at least in my experience) that the first 75% of weight loss is the sleeve, the last 25% is 100% you. Unfortunately I'm still working on me and I imagine once I can get my head straight the last 20 pounds will come off. Good luck :-)

Thanks for the advise! I will get it checked out.

No! I am positive you will loose more weight. Your post gave me a little bit of a giggle, because I remember going through exactly the same thing at about 12 weeks. Someone said to me when I first started on this journey that they weight comes off when it wants to come off. It's true! sometimes you body needs to just pause and catch up with itself, you will then start seeing the scale go down again. I went through a three or four week stall, but I knew by the amount I was consuming that further weight loss was inevitable. You are doing a fantastic job, so hang in there as I'm sure you are just having a stall.

No! I am positive you will loose more weight. Your post gave me a little bit of a giggle, because I remember going through exactly the same thing at about 12 weeks. Someone said to me when I first started on this journey that they weight comes off when it wants to come off. It's true! sometimes you body needs to just pause and catch up with itself, you will then start seeing the scale go down again. I went through a three or four week stall, but I knew by the amount I was consuming that further weight loss was inevitable. You are doing a fantastic job, so hang in there as I'm sure you are just having a stall.

No! I am positive you will loose more weight. Your post gave me a little bit of a giggle, because I remember going through exactly the same thing at about 12 weeks. Someone said to me when I first started on this journey that they weight comes off when it wants to come off. It's true! sometimes you body needs to just pause and catch up with itself, you will then start seeing the scale go down again. I went through a three or four week stall, but I knew by the amount I was consuming that further weight loss was inevitable. You are doing a fantastic job, so hang in there as I'm sure you are just having a stall.

No! I am positive you will loose more weight. Your post gave me a little bit of a giggle, because I remember going through exactly the same thing at about 12 weeks. Someone said to me when I first started on this journey that they weight comes off when it wants to come off. It's true! sometimes you body needs to just pause and catch up with itself, you will then start seeing the scale go down again. I went through a three or four week stall, but I knew by the amount I was consuming that further weight loss was inevitable. You are doing a fantastic job, so hang in there as I'm sure you are just having a stall.

I have just gained for the first time since having surgery and it was terrifying. I can imagine how you must feel. I think VSG Anne 2014 hit the nail on the head (at least for me). It's probably got something to do with being self destructive /self sabotaging. I am 100% sure you know exactly what you need to do to get back on track.
I have made a decision to take a two pronged approach 1) work on my head and why I still self sooth with food and 2) get in the practice of being a healthy eater. I would work at getting 1 day out of 7 on track, then two days out of 7 and so on and so forth. This is a life long journey and not a race so be kind to yourself and take one day at a time and I am sure within no time you will be heading in the right direction!

I have just gained for the first time since having surgery and it was terrifying. I can imagine how you must feel. I think VSG Anne 2014 hit the nail on the head (at least for me). It's probably got something to do with being self destructive /self sabotaging. I am 100% sure you know exactly what you need to do to get back on track.
I have made a decision to take a two pronged approach 1) work on my head and why I still self sooth with food and 2) get in the practice of being a healthy eater. I would work at getting 1 day out of 7 on track, then two days out of 7 and so on and so forth. This is a life long journey and not a race so be kind to yourself and take one day at a time and I am sure within no time you will be heading in the right direction!

I have just gained for the first time since having surgery and it was terrifying. I can imagine how you must feel. I think VSG Anne 2014 hit the nail on the head (at least for me). It's probably got something to do with being self destructive /self sabotaging. I am 100% sure you know exactly what you need to do to get back on track.
I have made a decision to take a two pronged approach 1) work on my head and why I still self sooth with food and 2) get in the practice of being a healthy eater. I would work at getting 1 day out of 7 on track, then two days out of 7 and so on and so forth. This is a life long journey and not a race so be kind to yourself and take one day at a time and I am sure within no time you will be heading in the right direction!

I have just gained for the first time since having surgery and it was terrifying. I can imagine how you must feel. I think VSG Anne 2014 hit the nail on the head (at least for me). It's probably got something to do with being self destructive /self sabotaging. I am 100% sure you know exactly what you need to do to get back on track.
I have made a decision to take a two pronged approach 1) work on my head and why I still self sooth with food and 2) get in the practice of being a healthy eater. I would work at getting 1 day out of 7 on track, then two days out of 7 and so on and so forth. This is a life long journey and not a race so be kind to yourself and take one day at a time and I am sure within no time you will be heading in the right direction!

I have just gained for the first time since having surgery and it was terrifying. I can imagine how you must feel. I think VSG Anne 2014 hit the nail on the head (at least for me). It's probably got something to do with being self destructive /self sabotaging. I am 100% sure you know exactly what you need to do to get back on track.
I have made a decision to take a two pronged approach 1) work on my head and why I still self sooth with food and 2) get in the practice of being a healthy eater. I would work at getting 1 day out of 7 on track, then two days out of 7 and so on and so forth. This is a life long journey and not a race so be kind to yourself and take one day at a time and I am sure within no time you will be heading in the right direction!

I have just gained for the first time since having surgery and it was terrifying. I can imagine how you must feel. I think VSG Anne 2014 hit the nail on the head (at least for me). It's probably got something to do with being self destructive /self sabotaging. I am 100% sure you know exactly what you need to do to get back on track.
I have made a decision to take a two pronged approach 1) work on my head and why I still self sooth with food and 2) get in the practice of being a healthy eater. I would work at getting 1 day out of 7 on track, then two days out of 7 and so on and so forth. This is a life long journey and not a race so be kind to yourself and take one day at a time and I am sure within no time you will be heading in the right direction!

Facial exercises has worked wonders for me. Just like exercise (running and weight lifting) has tighten up some places on my body prior to having plastic surgery, it has helped my entire face improve up to 70%. I look younger and my face is getting tighter, fuller and has lifted. Amazing!!! There are so many facial exercising books on the market. I got my book from Amazon.

It's really strange that I am reading this post. I haven't been on here for 3 months, mainly because I was struggling with my head and I haven't been the model of good sleeve behavior that I was for the first few months after surgery. This is the first thing I have read since logging back on.
I am almost nine months out and I have come to the hard cold realization that my body may have changed but my relationship with food is still the same. When I'm stressed it is still what soothes me and when I'm lonely it is still my friend. I wish that having the surgery was the end of this toxic relationship, however it was not a divorce, just a little bit of a cooling off period. After nine months (with my weight the same for the last two months) I have realized that this is as far as the surgery can take me. The rest is up to me and if I don't change my relationship with food, I am not going to get to my goal. I'm thrilled that I had the surgery and I'm thrilled that I have lost the weight, but sometimes I feel like I am living a lie, I look slim on the outside, but my head is in exactly the same place it was when I was 225 pounds. Thank you so much for sharing this post. I was scared to come back on here because it was always such a source of inspiration for me and I did not want to discourage others and I assumed that others would not want me to discourage them. BUT.....being honest with others and being honest with yourself is a huge step forward. Thanks Dooter!

It's really strange that I am reading this post. I haven't been on here for 3 months, mainly because I was struggling with my head and I haven't been the model of good sleeve behavior that I was for the first few months after surgery. This is the first thing I have read since logging back on.
I am almost nine months out and I have come to the hard cold realization that my body may have changed but my relationship with food is still the same. When I'm stressed it is still what soothes me and when I'm lonely it is still my friend. I wish that having the surgery was the end of this toxic relationship, however it was not a divorce, just a little bit of a cooling off period. After nine months (with my weight the same for the last two months) I have realized that this is as far as the surgery can take me. The rest is up to me and if I don't change my relationship with food, I am not going to get to my goal. I'm thrilled that I had the surgery and I'm thrilled that I have lost the weight, but sometimes I feel like I am living a lie, I look slim on the outside, but my head is in exactly the same place it was when I was 225 pounds. Thank you so much for sharing this post. I was scared to come back on here because it was always such a source of inspiration for me and I did not want to discourage others and I assumed that others would not want me to discourage them. BUT.....being honest with others and being honest with yourself is a huge step forward. Thanks Dooter!

It's really strange that I am reading this post. I haven't been on here for 3 months, mainly because I was struggling with my head and I haven't been the model of good sleeve behavior that I was for the first few months after surgery. This is the first thing I have read since logging back on.
I am almost nine months out and I have come to the hard cold realization that my body may have changed but my relationship with food is still the same. When I'm stressed it is still what soothes me and when I'm lonely it is still my friend. I wish that having the surgery was the end of this toxic relationship, however it was not a divorce, just a little bit of a cooling off period. After nine months (with my weight the same for the last two months) I have realized that this is as far as the surgery can take me. The rest is up to me and if I don't change my relationship with food, I am not going to get to my goal. I'm thrilled that I had the surgery and I'm thrilled that I have lost the weight, but sometimes I feel like I am living a lie, I look slim on the outside, but my head is in exactly the same place it was when I was 225 pounds. Thank you so much for sharing this post. I was scared to come back on here because it was always such a source of inspiration for me and I did not want to discourage others and I assumed that others would not want me to discourage them. BUT.....being honest with others and being honest with yourself is a huge step forward. Thanks Dooter!

Hi everyone
I haven't been on for a while as I'm on holiday (in Australia), but just wanted to post an update - almost eight weeks post op and down 18kg - amazing what a difference two months makes!

It's really strange that I am reading this post. I haven't been on here for 3 months, mainly because I was struggling with my head and I haven't been the model of good sleeve behavior that I was for the first few months after surgery. This is the first thing I have read since logging back on.
I am almost nine months out and I have come to the hard cold realization that my body may have changed but my relationship with food is still the same. When I'm stressed it is still what soothes me and when I'm lonely it is still my friend. I wish that having the surgery was the end of this toxic relationship, however it was not a divorce, just a little bit of a cooling off period. After nine months (with my weight the same for the last two months) I have realized that this is as far as the surgery can take me. The rest is up to me and if I don't change my relationship with food, I am not going to get to my goal. I'm thrilled that I had the surgery and I'm thrilled that I have lost the weight, but sometimes I feel like I am living a lie, I look slim on the outside, but my head is in exactly the same place it was when I was 225 pounds. Thank you so much for sharing this post. I was scared to come back on here because it was always such a source of inspiration for me and I did not want to discourage others and I assumed that others would not want me to discourage them. BUT.....being honest with others and being honest with yourself is a huge step forward. Thanks Dooter!

Oh I feel your pain. Most of my eating is driven by stress and anxiety and being sleeved has certainly not changed that. Don't worry about the twix, worry when you having them daily, which unfortunately I have been doing lately. I am learning the hard way that I need to completely change my relationship with food and develop new tools to deal with stress. But don't beat yourself up, this is a journey with ups and downs, as long as you learn and keep putting one foot in front of the other.