jacee

[font=lucida sans unicode,lucida grande,sans-serif][size=4]Hi I am a 43 year old mother of 3 teenagers. I have a set a twin boys and a daughter. I spent most of my life the average "thin" girl. I weighed 145 lbs untill I was 32 even after having all three of my children. Something changed when I turned 32, I just gave into fighting the battle of worrying about my weight all the time and I just wanted to be comforted, and I stopped saying no to food and started being less active and kaboom. I have spent the last 10 years fat. Its hard to believe that I have gotten this way. I was always the thin one. Always had no problem turning heads, always in a size 4, 6, 8 or 10. Never above. I look in the mirror today and I am astonished to see this large face woman staring back at me. Its like I[/size][/font] am in a bad dream. I made a decision after trying everything else to give myself the gift of being free from this 100 pound unwanted layer of self loathing, I have many feelings right now as I enter the door to this process, I feel like a failure for not being able to conquer this on my own w/o surgery, I am scared of breaking up with my most dysfuntional relationship with food. And I am scared of getting a blood clot from surgery and dying LOL. ( not really it has crossed my mind as I have heard this sometimes happens )
Now these are my reasons for going thru with this, I want my life back, my body actually, I know it wont make me 32 again, But want to feel the lightness of moving again in a body that makes me proud to leave the house. I want to set a good example for my daughter, and I want her to be proud that I am her mom. I want to be able to look the people in the eyes that I have known for years and say hi, instead of pretending not too see them in the grocery store, And finally I want to take a family portrait before my kids graduate. Its the most important goal I have. Its my motivation.