moonchild1968

A little over 6 months post op and I can feel some unusual things happening.
 
I am starting to think like a thin person. It was a slow, gradual change for me. What I mean when I am starting to think like a thin person is that I no longer dwell on things that I ate that wasn't in my perfect vision of my "diet". Pre-surgery (actually a few months even after surgery), if I ate something that wasn't on my envisioned list of allowed foods, then I would just get all emotional about it. I would dwell on it. I would have it in my head that I messed up and I was a failure. I would allow one "naughty" food to dictate my entire days' worth of eating. It was a form of sabotage, and it would set me into a cycle. I would eat, get depressed, and feel like a failure and then eat again.
 
Slowly, but surely I began to allow myself to eat things that weren't on my perfect diet list. I found that even on those days when I had something like crackers or something else that I didn't think would help my weight loss I still lost weight. Some times I even found that it helped my weight loss when I was in a stall. Other times it helped my work outs progress.
 
I guess what I am trying to say is that I ate something naughty and found out that my world didn't end. I didn't gain weight over night, I didn't look in the mirror and see an extra roll of fat, and other people didn't look at me and see that I "cheated".
 
Slowly over time, my mind started to grasp this concept and started transforming. I feel a lot better about food. I don't rely on it as much. I am not afraid of it as much. All these emotions are not tied up to it as much. If one day I have a craving that I just can't shake, like m&ms...I have a few. The difference is I have a FEW and not the whole bag. I savor the taste and then move on. One little craving doesn't end up costing me days and eventually months of over eating and unhealthy eating.
As a fat person, I was so hung up on food. Every thought of my day was tied to food. Am I over eating? Was that too much weight? Is this too much carbs?
 
As a fat losing person, I eat normally. If I feel I might have eaten a little too much I just try to balance it out by moving more throughout the day.
 
I think I am finally finding some balance. My anxiety has come down a whole lot now that I am not constantly obsessing over every aspect of food or eating.

SO TONIGHT IS MY LAST NIGHT I WILL BE AT MY HOUSE FOR A FEW DAYS... I AM GOING TO MY MOM'S WHICH IS CLOSER TO THE HOSPITAL FOR RECOVERY....
 
MY MOM WORKS IN THE SURGERY DEPARTMENT AT THIS HOSPITAL SO EVERYONE THERE KNOWS ME AND THAT I BAKE... I DO ALL THE FUN DECORATING AND WEIRD THINGS... I HAVE MAKE THE CUPCAKES THAT LOOK LIKE MINI GRILLS TO A TOWER OF MINI CAKES JUST ALL FOR FUN... WELL THEY ARE EXPECTING SOMETHING YUMMY SO I AM GOING TO MAKE A ORANGE POPCYCLE CAKE... AND ABOUT 5 DOZEN COOKIES.....
 
SO I WILL BE EXTRA HUNGRY TONIGHT FOR SURE! SO I JUST WANT TO SAY IF I PASS OUT OF WANTING TO LICK MY FINGERS BUT I CANT!!!!
 
THE DOGS WILL ENJOY IT THO!
 
I ALSO WANT TO ADD, IF YOU ARE READING PLEASE ADD ME AS A FRIEND I WOULD LIKE TO KEEP UP WITH PEOPLE AND THEIR PROGRESS AND GOOD WORDS TOO !
 
THANKS LOVE ELLIE

Yep need to start documenting this before I forget everything. Not to say I won't have the visual reminders to help me remember where I started (pictures, clothes, bum imprint on the couch) but it is the other things that fade with time that do not have a physical reminder. The worry about the what ifs and can I , the concern about what will happen and what won't happen.
 
Right now my biggest concern is not the surgery. Considering, in 6 weeks they are removing a significant portion of my stomach you would think that is the worry. But nope I have blown right through that like an out of control 3 year old in the toy department at Christmas. I have even moved beyond the thought of recovery pain and the "possible" side effects it will bring. Nope I am already into....what if it doesn't work - which of course turns into it doesn't look like its working in after surgery thought (always wanted to be ahead of the class even in grade school...skipped right past glue eating to advanced macaroni art).
 
Yep that is where I am at. I see pictures, read forums and absorb before and after pictures like a teenage boy absorbs girlie mags....but still I have that voice (to be named later) in my head saying what if it doesn't work. What if you go through all of this just to lose it and then gain? That doesn't mean I don't want to do it. I'm funny that way I still want to try it however unlike the tattoo I "tried" this can not be covered with clothes. Once people know they will start to judge and comment (you haven't lost much, was it REALLY worth it, or my favorite you looked better before).
 
Nope this change will be out there for all to see, judge and comment about...which brings me to my issue...what if it doesn't work.....my head says it will but my inner skinny person who is really shy questions me.
 
Maybe I should be worrying about excess skin and whether because of it my "hidden" tattoo will be even harder to find in its wrinkles .....

I forgot to do a blog last month. Oops. I find I frequent the WLS and Sleeve groups on facebook much more frequently than here. And of course MFP. Libb3C there if you would like to add me! I have logged for like 745 days?
 
 
SW 242 Height 4'11''
6 month Pre-op loss (-28.6)
Surgery date 8/8/11 213.4
 
1 month - 194.2 (- 19.2)
2 months - 180 (- 14.2)
3 months - 170.2 (- 9.8)
4 months - 164.4 (- 5.8)
5 months - 167.2 (+ 2.8)
6 months - 162.4 (-4.8)
7 months - 155.4 (-7)
8 months - 149.6 (-5.8)
9 months - 143.4 (-6.2)
10 months - 139 (-4.4)
11 months - 132.6 (-6.4)
12 months - 126.8 (-5.8)
13 months - 121.4 (-5.4) Made goal! Normal BMI!
14 months - 118 (-3.4)
15 months - 116.2 (-1.8)
16 months - 114.8 (-1.4)
17 months - 112.6 (-2.2)
18 months - 114.6 (+2)
19 months - 109 (-5.6)
20 months - 108 (-1)
21 months - 107.2 (-.8)
22 months - 107.4 (+.2)
**Please note: my normal BMI range is 99-124 at 4'11''**

Prior to surgery I made a list of my non scale victories (NSV) on my iPhone but somehow erased them. So I decided to make a new list. I'll be adding to this as I come up with new ones.
 
 
Buy clothes from a non-plus size store
Purchase bra/panty from Victoria Secret
Get a makeover
Take boudior photos for my honey
Maybe wear a pair of heels
Ride a roller coaster
Walk/run in a marathon
Not be considered obese
Not be afraid to wear a bathing suit
Fit comfortably in a booth at a restaurant
Own and ride a bike (especially long distance)
Go zip-lining
Always use the stairs
Go cart racing
Dance in public
Sit at a regular desk (in school)
Finish my degree
Go to law school
Volunteer work
Plant a garden/landscape yard
Attend Zumba regularly
Incorporate clean eating in my new lifestyle
Stand on my feet longer than 30 minutes

This is one of my favorite go-to recipes when cooking for my family. It it taken straight out of my cook book. I had to make this many times and finally have tweaked it enough to where everyone really like the flavor and texture of this version.
 
 
 
Prep time: 30 min
Total time: 90 min
 
 

INGREDIENTS  
 
 
2 cups finely chopped onion
2 Tbsp freshly minced garlic
1 celery rib, chopped fine
1 carrot, chopped fine
½ cup finely chopped scallion
2 Tbsp unsalted butter
2 tsp salt
1 ½ tsp freshly ground black pepper
2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
2/3 cup ketchup
1 ½ pounds ground chuck
5 strips of uncooked bacon cut into 1/8 inch strips
3/4 lb ground pork
1 cup freshly toasted bread crumbs
2 large eggs, beaten lightly
1/3 cup minced fresh parsley leaves
 
 

DIRECTIONS  

The key to this meatloaf is to make sure that the ingredients you get are fresh.  

Preheat oven to 350°F.  

In a large heavy skillet cook onion, garlic, celery, carrot, and scallion in butter over moderate heat, stirring, 5 minutes.  

Cook vegetables, covered, stirring occasionally, until carrot it tender, about 5 minutes more. Stir in salt and pepper, Worcestershire sauce, and 1/3 cup of ketchup (reserve the other 1/3) and cook, stirring for 1 minute.  

In a large bowl combine the vegetables, meats, bread crumbs, eggs, and parsley. In a shallow baking pan, form a mixture into one 10-by 5-inch oval loaf and spread remaining 1/3 cup ketchup over loaf. You could also form this onto a cookie sheet.  

Bake meat loaf in oven for 1 hour, or until a meat thermometer inserted in center registers 155°F  
 
 
 

Serves 6

Recipe courtesy Kulita’s Hubby
 
Prep Time:10 min
Inactive Prep Time: -- Cook Time:55 min
 
Ingredients:
1 ¼ quart water
1 ½ pounds smoked Ham Hocks ( can substitute with smoked turkey legs)
2.5 lbs collard or turnip greens
1 ½ Tbsp salt, plus extra if desired
1 Tbsp sugar
2 Tbsp Apple cider vinegar
1 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
 
Directions
Place the quart of water and ham hocks in an 8-quart pot over medium-high heat. Cover, bring to a boil. Reduce temperature to low and allow simmering for 10 minutes.
 
In the meantime, remove any large stems/thick veins from the greens and wash them thoroughly; do so in a sink with at least 8 inches of ice water. Moving the leaves around in the water and allowing them to sit for a few minutes to allow the sand or dirt to fall to the bottom of the sink. Once clean, thoroughly drain and chop pieces in half. You should have 2 pounds of greens once they are stemmed.
 
Once the ham hocks have simmered for 10 minutes, add the greens, salt and sugar, reduce the heat to low, cover, and allow to simmer gently for 20 minutes. Add in the vinegar and pepper flakes at the 20 minute mark and break up the meat from the hocks. Start moving the greens around every 15 minutes. Once the greens have been cooked for at least 45 minutes check if they are tender ( not mushy).
Taste and season with additional salt, if desired. Serve immediately with or without pieces of ham.
 
Serves 4-6 people

My office has an official celebration for everyone having a birthday each month. And they bring out the goodies. Lots of cookies, dips, chocolate gooey thingies and of course cake.
 
For reasons unknown to me the thought of all those goodies lined up for the taking triggers something in my brain. I get a ravenous hunger that almost compels me to eat stuff that normally I don't even think about. I just want to bury my face in the cake and go, "Nom nom nom. Oh, you're a dirty cake aren't you! Nom nom nom."
 
I was able to restrain myself to just one piece of coated popcorn. I thought it was a coated nut. Honest! AND it was yucky! (That's my story and I'm stickin to it!) I am not looking for applause or a pat on the back, since I only did what I was suppose to do - for the past 35 years. Just wanted to share that we all have our weak moments and demons to fight.
 
Keep Pimpin That Sleeve!

Welp, tomorrow is the big day!
 
Arrive at the hospital @ 6:30 for surgery start @ 8:30.
 
I'm not really nervous yet. More excited than anything. Weight has been a lifetime struggle for me, and finally I feel like I have a team on people on my side cheering me on.
 
By far, the liquid diet has been the worst part of this experience. I didn't like soup before the diet, always been a salad person before a meal. About four days in, just the thought of having more soup turned my stomach. Sugar free jello, lowfat yogurt, and protien shakes really saved me here.
 
I am sitting here at work just patiently waiting for 5:00 pm to hit. My bags are packed, all thats left is the showers with those spongy things and arrival. Before I know it I'll have a new tummy.
 
I hope everyone else going through this experience has just as much excitement when they get to this stage as I do.
 

I start my 2 week liquid pre-op diet on Thursday. I'm going to sort of ease myself into the liquid diet starting today. I had a strawberry body fortress shake instead of eggs and meatless sausage for breakfast. (I made mine with unsweetened almond milk and a splash of vanilla creamer - the creamer makes it SO MUCH BETTER), I'm having yogurt and maybe a cheese stick for lunch. And I have some Gardein Turk'y that I'll have for dinner with some asparagus. Then a shake if I'm hungry later.
 
Since I started my journey, I have been focused on what I had to do to get approved for surgery, not what I had to do to get prepared for surgery. Some of these things go hand in hand - like changing your eating habits, losing a bit of weight, increasing exercise - but I have definitely not focused much on the emotional journey I'm about to go on. I've been more focused on the physical journey and the financial one.
 
As a result, I had the tiniest of meltdowns at Walmart last night. I was doing "post op prep shopping" and it was like everything I picked up led me to unpleasant thoughts about what I'll be dealing with in just a matter of weeks. It started when I was at home and went online to make purchases from various sites for vitamins, supplements, protein powders, storage containers, etc. I mean, I spent nearly $200 right there simply because I'm definitely a sucker for "buy more, save more" specials. Even though I had a pretty long list going into the store, something about seeing these things pile up was just... overwhelming for about 22 seconds. I spend a good 45 minutes in the "Health" area - picking out gauze, tape, bandaids, ointment, lotions and a lot of other things like Milk of Magnesia, liquid Imodium, fiber gummies, Gas-X strips... just so much stuff. Just in case kinda stuff that I've seen over and over again in these forums that people need. And it's taking me a long time to get these things because I don't use any of these things now. I have a first aid kit that barely gets used... I don't currently get constipated, I don't get gassy, I don't get reflux, I don't get diarrhea... but I'm about to do something to myself, VOLUNTARILY, that will probably give me all of this and more, in combination with each other.
 
And yet, I read over and over that people suffer through this and don't regret a single thing because it got them to where they want to be.
 
So all of this went racing through my mind as I was in front of the fiber supplements (the last thing on my list for that section, the top shelf of the cart overflowing with all this stuff). No one was really around, so I sort of let myself go, for just a few seconds. I let out a deep breath and about 4 tears popped out of my eyes and I was done. I took another deep breath, wiped my tears, and picked out some fiber gummies.
 
Did I come this far to back out? No.
Do I want to stay where I'm at instead of having surgery? No.
 
So I'm ready to face the emotions. This pre-op fear? Well, I'm as prepared as I can be. There's actually a lot of comfort in that. Expect the best, fear the worst. That fear is making sure I'm darn prepared so I don't have to bother going out and getting what I need when I'm already in trouble!
 
Things are only going to get better... and better...

Hi Everyone,
 
Well 4/3/2013 was my approval day!! YAY! Surgery is set for 4/24/2013. I'm feeling a bit excited and looking forward to getting this over with. Sure will be nice to be thin again. But most importantly it will be nice to be HEALTHY I'm looking forward to hiking again without heavy breathing, and to a half hour on the elliptical, and to fitting into a pair of jeans with a zipper again, to not being the fat girl in the pictures with friends and loved ones anymore.
 
I'm wondering how those of you six months in are doing and how much weight you've lost already? What do you eat now? How does it make you feel? Do certain things make you sick?