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Gosh where shall I start? I was given the opportunity to represent my bariatric surgeon and his facility by having an interview and be photographed by photographer Bob Cascerelli. Not sure how to spell his name but sounds something like that. This all transpired on December 4th. I was so nervous I felt like I was rambling on while being interviewed by the hospital media department. They all said I did well and the photos came out good. I beg to differ thou. I have yet to see either one lol. Im praying that I dont look or sound like some ebonic fool. I will keep you posted on that when it becomes available to me. Lets also pray that it does look and I sound decent since all the hospital facility will be seeing this video. If not, all my 15 years of an employee there shall come to a screaming halt! I'll just die of embarrassment!! LOL So Ive been feeling kinda bummed out. When dont I is the question. The month of December seems a bit harder for me, I lost my father December 7th, 2003. It feels like it was just yesterday. I also have those fears of not losing weight and staying a full-figured woman for the rest of my life. I tell ya, my mind is gonna be the end of me! I weighed myself today since I wont have a doctor's follow-up visit until February. I still refuse to get on the scale regularly/routinely and just have myself weighed every 6th of the month. I dont want to obesse with the scale nor do I want to let it dictate my life and mind. The mirror on a daily basis reminds me of my weight and the way I look. The magic number today is 170! It's been four months and Im averaging 6-9 pounds a month of weight loss. Im praying that by May I will be at 125. I was wearing a size 18/20 pants and a 1x blouse. I am currently a size 14 pants (I say the pants are snug but my friends say its still baggy on my ass) and a size large blouse. I can honestly say that I dont see what everyone else sees. I get compliments all the time on the progress Im making yet I cant seem to see it for myself. I guess not only does my body have to adjust to my changing appearance but my mind also has to adjust to the image I see in mirror (still a chubby girl). I am eating the lean cusine dinners, usually under 300 calories,I'll usually have a hard boiled egg and a cup of coffee or I'll have a rice cake in the morning with a triangle of cheese (laughing cow). Actually someone told me today that their intake of protein that may help me is making chorizo (mexican sausage) and a can of pinto beans combined in a pan. Though I did wonder if the chorizo would be to greasy, protein there is alot of to help with the daily requirement. Im eating watermelon, almonds, and yogurts when I have a sweet tooth or need some clutch at that moment. My intake of food is still about 1/2 a cup to 1 cup of food all depending on the food. Im still popping all my vitamins and the intake of water remains the same, about 20oz. Ive noticed that I also feel cold most of the time compared to always feeling warm/hot/personal summers that I would have going on. I have noticed that my hair is thinning out but nothing to cause concern. Im at fault, my intake of protein is not where it should be. My smell and taste buds have not returned to normal and everything smells or tastes different to me still. Ugh!!! Do I regret my surgery? NOT EVEN THE SLIGHTEST! I wont make this blog a long one, kinda feeling emotionally drained today. December 4th-170 pounds Oh and most importantly, here is my December picture. The outfit is actually what I wore for the interview and photoshoot.

Hi, I had my sleeve surgery on August 6th, 2012. I actually tried to get the lap band back in 2006 but due to insurance regulations and morbidity-lacking qualifications, I was unsuccessful back in 2006. Jump forward a couple of years to 2012 and I finally had the right insurance and actually had some morbidities that helped me get the desired surgery. I kinda felt alone having to do this surgery because none of my family members have had some type of weight loss surgery, or had any friends that has gone thru this type of surgery. My husband was not very supportive in my decision and basically said "why ask my opinion when your mind is set already". Pretty much it was a true statement. All of my friends, coworkers, and mom stated that I didnt need the surgery, "your beautiful just the way you are". I appreciated all the kind words and concerns BUT none of them could even start to comprend what I see every day. Im not talking about being on a scale, Im talking about seeing myself in the mirror every day. Before finding this site, I started blogging my thoughts, my journey on www.blogger.com (Rhelm of Droopy). I hope you take the time to check it out, you will see my pre-surgery picture and my monthly pictures that I try to update on the 6th of every month give or take a few days. Lets make my first blog entry short, my consultation weight was 235. My two-week liquid diet before surgery weight was 210. My two-week follow up weight was 191. My two month post-surgery weight was 189 and just this past Tuesday, November 13th, I weighed in at 176. So give or take, Im losing 10 pounds a month, Im going to be honest, wish it was more but Im happy nontheless. Clothes are starting to be baggy, I've gone thru alot of clothes and have given some to the salvation army. My face is alot thinner and thou my double chin still is visibily seen, its not as much as before. In my blogs I mention how a chubby girl notices weird things. I noticed that my inner thighs got thinner. By this I mean, when I walked my thighs would rub sometimes even chaffe from the friction. I guess you have to be chubby to understand this feeling but now I have notices that they dont rub as much as before. There are so many things that a chubby girl notices that a slimmer individual would take for granted. Yes, I have lost some pounds, BUT I'm looking for particular things in my weight loss and they may seem weird but it's something I personally want to see. Im not saying that everyone is the same, Im saying these are things I want to see personally in my "transformation". They are, naturally the weight loss, duh who doesnt! I want to see my collar bone popping out, I want to see the bone on the top of my shoulder's popping out, I want to see my torso start slendering rather than see my love handles sticking out or as I call them "my arm rest" defining my pants. I hope this makes sense because honestly in my head it does lol. Getting rid of my clothes gave me anxiety. I kept telling myself "no save that or save this, what if you dont loose your weight, you wont have any clothes". I swear my mind is my own worse enemy. I did however get rid of alot of clothes and kept telling myself "you will loose weight". I was an 18/20 and currently Im a snug 14. My tops that I normally would buy in a XL or 1X are falling off my shoulders. My pants that are 16 or 14/16 are real bagging in the crotch area but I refuse to buy any clothes for the simple reason that Im going to try to reach my goal weight and to be buying clothes every time I go down a size is just really crazy. I dont know about you but I know I surely dont have money growing on my tree in the back yard. So yes, Im wearing baggy crotchy pants, and the shirts/blouses I have are in the 14/16 range in size. I actually went to the store yesterday and just window shopped. Funny how I would like a blouse and automatically would look for a 1X or an X-Large when clearly I could possibly may fit in a Large now. My mind is so used to being a certain way that even thou I see my full figure transformation I refuse to see my Skinny figure transformation. My mind is my worse enemy! Im not going to lie, I am my own worse critic, I still see the chubby me every day in that mirror. You would think that im on a scale daily to see my progress BUT im not. I have fear of gaining and a bigger fear of not losing. Make sense? Im not saying that this will happen to you, Im telling you that this is what Im dealing and going thru on a daily basis. Im glad I found this sight, I hope that I can read some of the blogs and in some way compare notes, take pointers on how someone is dealing with particular things, find some sort of comfort knowing that Im not the only one that may feel this way or that way and most importantly, find moral support that we may have in common.

OMG! Let me tell you what transpired yesterday! So I received a call from my surgeon's nurse at home last night. She was calling me to inform me that my surgeon wanted to know if I would be interested in being interviewed along with other patients about our weight loss journey/story. She didn't have alot of details but basically said I would sit and be asked questions about my experience with the bariatric team. The staff would also be interviewed and THEN it would be shown all around the hospital campus. HOLY ****! I was getting nervous just thinking about it as she kept talking. Finally when she finished, I told her I would let her know by Thursday if I'd be interested. The interview is to take place and recorded on Tuesday, December 4th. I'm a pretty much super shy individual :ph34r: . Lets not forget a very shy chubby individual. The thoughts of having people see me throughout the hospital system gave me some anxiety. I would be the girl walking down the hallway and people will stare, point, and maybe even laugh. I guess my chubby girl syndrome still lingers deep back in my head telling me these things could happen and truly probably wouldn't even happen. I asked three of my closest friends their thoughts on it and they all said "DO IT". Their reason's were pretty much all the same "to inspire" someone else to "go for it". Never did I intend to be considered as an "inspiration". I'm still trying to find myself, get used to that fact that I will indeed be a transitioned slimmer individual and perhaps not as SHY as I am. Lets not forget that I weighed 225 before surgery and I currently weigh 176. It's not much of a weight loss, at least not in my eyes. So Im still kinda questioning "why me". I'm quite comfortable being "baby who is left in the corner" . SO, today, I knew I would run into my surgeon (I work in the same hospital as he does and better yet, I work on the same floor his main office is located in, not the clinic but his main office). I tried drastically to avoid running into him this morning because I knew he had probably touched base with his nurse and she would tell him I'd give an answer this Thursday. :ph34r: My morning was going pretty good, I avoided running into him and about 9:00 wouldn't you know that he asks around the department my whereabouts and corners me in the copy room. He such a good guy! He plainly asks me if I would do the interview and just represent his office in general. OMG! How could I say "no"? I did tell him I'd let him know at the end of the day BUT I have decided and I am gonna do it. I'm not sure how much I can help another individual but what I do know and I gave it alot of thought last night and today, MY surgery is like a tattoo, people get a tattoo for symbolism. They get a tattoo to make a statement and a tattoo is meant to be seen and not hidden. My surgery is my tattoo, its obvious that my body and appearance is changing. I'm going to get looks by everyone and I should be proud that I'm doing something good for me, something that makes me proud to have done, proud to be looked at other than as the chubby girl with a pretty smile. I'm truly honored that I was one of the patients he chose to be interviewed and displayed. Maybe GOD picked me so I can be comfortable with who I am rather than who I'm used to being. Its time to come out of my cocoon and let my wings be seen. I'll keep you posted on the whole interview/recording journey. Wish me luck, IM GONNA NEED IT! YIKES!!!

Thanks for your words of inspiration and little tid-bits to get thru the dreaded "excercise" regimen that we know we MUST DO! I have always said we are the only one's to have control and decide what kinda day we're gonna have. Never do we realize that waking up is the start of a "good day, because we woke up"! The rest of the day should be a walk in the park!

Hi, I had my sleeve surgery on August 6th and I was never a big water drinker prior to surgery and after surgery Im lucky if I can get 20oz in. I have a cup of coffee every morning with a hardboiled egg and the consumption of water is the hardest. I tried infusing the water, I tried the little packets of zero calories to add to the water BUT water and me just dont "mix". I hope it gets better with time because come summer, Im going to be scared of getting dehydrated and possibly admission to the hospital because of dehydration! I have also noticed that my sense of smella and taste has changed drastically. I blogged earlier and Im not the only one! Weird, very weird! Good luck on your journey toots!

So I've been meaning to blog but have been busy at work and I rarely get on the laptop at home. Im on the computer at work all day long that when Im home, a computer is the furthest from my mind. Where shall I begin? I'll try not to make it long, I'll try to just blog what's been on my mind. Let's start with Thanksgiving. I didnt cook, I was supposed to go to my nieces house but didnt go because my loving husband didnt feel like going or doing anything. Thanksgiving thou he made sure to take his happy ass to his mom's house. I tried to get my mom to go to his mom's house so we could have something to do but she refused. I went to his mom's house for about an hour and then left. I came home and worked on some jewelery and watched some tv in a peace and quiet environment. Your now probably asking yourself if I ate anything. OF COURSE! I ate tablespoon portions of food. I had ham (protein), I had brocolli salad (cheesy and the sweet kind) and I tried to eat a stuff shell but that didnt go so well so I left that on my plate. I had a slice of jello and a small portion of a banana split sundae cake. Im still feeling the guilt of eating the non-healthy helpings, whether they be small or not, they were still unhealthy. I've noticed that when I eat, I get an uneasy feeling if I eat and drink at the same time. Yes I know Im supposed to drink 30 minutes before eating and then drink liquids 30 minutes after eating but because Im so used to doing both at the same time, it does have his disadvantages now, especially the "airpocket" feeling that happens everytime I do this. I also noticed that when Im getting full or my sleeve is nearing fullness, I will start to burp and that's my sign to STOP! Im cool with that! I wont have a doctors appointment until February so thats a pretty long time not to be weighed. I dont feel any skinnier nor do I look any skinner. Im praying that by February I'll have lost some more. I've taken some pictures here and there with friends BUT I have become a little bit saddened by them. I still see the chubby girl, I still see my rolls thru my blouses or shirts and it makes me sad. Times like this is where I start regretting my surgery and wished I had gotten the gastric bypass rather than the sleeve. I desperately want to see the weight shed off like water instead of trickeling off me. My oldest daughter told me last night that I look anorexic. How funny is that?!? I wish! Its sad that I truly am telling the truth when I say "I wish". I was getting a haircut over the weekend and was telling the stylist about my surgery. Naturally they say what everyone else says "you werent fat" and blah blah blah. One stylist actually stated that she was trying to "gain weight" and she eats everything under the sun and cant gain squat! I swear, if one never speaks of anything, the other person would never know of their own personal battles. They were shocked to even hear that I want to weigh 125 (my start weight was 225). I see nothing wrong with this weight. My surgeon actually wants me at 150 and that's fat in my eyes. Its just my opinion for me and not for someone else going thru the same thing. What I see in the mirror will always be different what someone else sees of me and of themselves. After all it is America and we are entitled to our opinions good or bad. This is what I want to weigh, this weight would make me happy, bones popping out everywhere on my body would make me happy. Its my honest opinion why would I say something someone wants to hear if it wasnt true. Before ending this blog, I have two brighter notes to share...first, I was helping out at a church bazaar this past Sunday, I bought a pair of tights. The tight size was Medium/Tall (150-190 pounds) I liked them so much and I bought them even when my inner-voice was telling me that they were going to be small. Im glad to say that this morning I tried them on (while praying outloud "please fit, please fit" and even went as far as pulling out the plus size tights in case they didnt) and guess what! They indeed did fit! Im pretty happy about that. I know its silly but being fat/chubby really takes a toll on me and trying clothes on was always going to determine how my day was going to be, a good or a bad day. Know what I mean? You try something on and its snug so you go to your closet for something much more loose fitting. Meanwhile I would get bummed out if I had to return to my closet and get something bigger. Or be sad that it didnt fit and it only made me realize that I was indeed fat. Ugh, I tell ya, my mind is my worse enemy. Secondly, one of besties will be having her lapband surgery on December 3rd. She started her liquid diet on November 19th and shes doing real good even thru turkey day. If anyone is going to have success in this weight loss surgery its going to be her! I cant wait to start seeing her before and after pictures and hopefully she'll start blogging her experiences. She has many friends whom have had the lap band surgery and getting support is gonna be readily available for her. Welp, thats all for now. Hope you have a great afternoon and week!

OMG! What an amazing journey your on! Keep up the good work toots! I can only hope to be as successful and look amazingly as you do!

What a great relief to know that I am not crazy or alone with this crazy issue. Thanks to all of you for the verification of my sanity! I can honestly say that when I do over-do on the eating part I do feel nauseous. Thanksgiving is right around the corner and in the beginning, maybe the first month I was scared of turkey day coming up. Scared for the simple reason of eating and over-eating etc. But Im 3 months out and I feeling more and more confident with each waking day. Only for the simple reason that I have come across birthday's or office parties that offered just about all my favorite foods and I was able to turn them all down. My surgery is exactly what I wanted and I dont want to jeopordize my sleeve or my health or worse, gain weight! Lastly, after having this surgery, I found that friends and family members would be scared to eat in front of me. What I told them is "go ahead and eat, pretend I never had the surgery, resume regular routine because I will always be around food regardless". Its up to me to turn it away. Everywhere I turn there will be a fast food joint, my house has all the junk food in the world because I have teens and a husband with a sweet tooth. My dietary lifestyle is just that, mine! I continue to make dinners that they love, i.e. lasagna, fried chicken, spaghetti, etc. I make it for them. I make my own healthy dish. There are times where they actually have tried my food and enjoyed it. My husband alone lost 10 pounds by being self-conscious on what he eats because he sees me doing "me" and my diet regimen. Good luck to all of you, and Im relieved that we can all relate because yes it is hard to talk something thru to someone who has not gone through it let alone know the emotions we go thru on a daily basis. Have an amazing Tureky day all!!

Is it me or have my senses changed? Before surgery, drinking protein shakes was a breeze for me. I always had the Carnation instant strawberry breakfast. When I got out of surgery, I had alot of nusea and probably vomitted 3 times while I was admitted. But during my hospital stay and when I went home, I noticed that my smell to things was super sensitive. My taste was even more sensitive. I tried a protein shake and nearly threw it up. I could not stand to smell it as I brought it up to my mouth and I surely couldnt tolerate drinking it. Even the none caloric powder you add to water changed in taste for me. I noticed that these two particular senses has changed drastically. I feel at times that it's all in my head. Has anyone experienced this? What I am trying to work on is my water in take. 64 ounces a day is really hard. I was never a water drinker, the liquid diet before surgery sure was a challenge but now just three months after surgery (august 6th was surgery), I am still experiencing difficulty with water intake. My follow-up with my dietician is always the hardest for me because I feel guilty that Im not succeeding in the water category. I even went as far as to trying to infuse my water with lime, cucumber and mint leaves but just as the none caloric powders, I just cant seem to drink water. Im lucky if I drink 20 ounces in a day. I try to have watermelon every morning. I have an egg with a cup of coffee each morning. My food intake ranges from a 1/2 cup to a cup of food before I am feeling completely full. I have experienced a sensation of "over full" and have felt the need to purge in order to get relief. This only happens sometimes, depending on what the food may be. I also have experienced one episode of "dumping". I was making pancakes for my daughters, I had a sliver of a pancake and I suppose the syrup and butter was way too much. I was throwing up and had diarrhea for a day and a half. It was the worse feeling and I dont wish it on my worse enemy! I was laid out and out of comission, it was a crazy feeling and experience! What I have also noticed is that I can't tolerate bread, rice, or pasta. All my favorite foods basically lol. What I do love is the Oikos yogurt in plain vanilla. Its a sin to eat this yogurt which is good for you and actually tastes good! This yogurt actually saves me from my super strong sweet tooth I get in the evening! I'll also have about 7 pretzel sticks with a laughing cow triangle to munch on. That's something Im proud to say that I do now, I read lables on food products and can say I somewhat understand them. My nutrionist keeps me at 64g of protein and 20g of sugar. So everything that I pick up I am looking at these two set goals for me. I was shocked to see how many things that I love so much were so bad for me! Before my surgery, I had to keep a food diary. Everything I put in my mouth I had to jott down as well as the way I was feeling at that very moment. I found out that I was a "carb-aholic" and an emotional eater. Dont get me wrong, I get stressed and look around for some "comfort food" and when I find it, I tell my self "you dont need it and it defeats the purpose of your surgery" and I walk away. Im not gonna lie and say everything is "perfect" after my surgery. I cry because I miss food, I cry because I get completely full after a couple of bites, I cry because certain foods just dont agree with me anymore and I cry because my weight is not pouring off me. Anyone experiencing these crazy emotions and are willing to admit it? On a brighter note, I do feel more confident, I like that my neck has some sort of definition of actually looking like a neck versus just a head on a pair of shoulders. My clothes are baggy on me and I do get compliments on how I look. It will only get better from here on! My inner-self has to catch up with my outter-self. My inner-self is still a chubby chick scared to meet the soon-to-be-skinny-chic. I'll try to let you know of my speed-bumps on this weight loss journey.