Been thinking about you girls... I've read all the posts that I've missed, and I truly love you all!
My mind is foggy and I'm not sure I remember how to type! It sounds like some exciting news for some (vacations yay) and weight loss for others hooray! And holding steady for others (which is a feat in itself sometimes) an adventures in dating for others! Daisy he sounds like a superficial judgmental guy that lacks a filter.
Trust me don't settle!
Ok my week, it's been a mind game. I have had a rough time with food. I've done my fasts. I went over a little bit but trust me my mind wanted me to go over all the way! I've fought hard this week with insatiable hunger. I've talked about the "hole" and the need to fill it before, this week the hole was bottomless it seemed, and there were plenty of times I felt like falling into the abyss of it.
I've been in a depression. Losing weight does not change everything as you know.
I think part of the mind, mouth stomach struggle this week is a combo of things.
The foods I ate last weekend just fueled my appetite that's for sure! And that in itself is so depressing!
I'm coming up on my year, and it's a heady time. thinking about where I have been, where I still need to go and the struggle that I will always live with. It's not so easy for some of us huh? Just like life, it's the luck of the draw sometimes.
Halloween is next week. It is driven by candy yeah? and I'm hoping to avoiding buying anything I like... So sweet tarts it is.
Halloween is also my brothers birthday..
Addiction.....
What can I say here, he was addicted to drugs and alcohol, he was also a successful man.
Who fought his addictions tooth and nail so successfully sometimes.. a lot of the times actually.
One day he got tired of fighting...
He plays on my mind, because he was the stronger of the two of us I always felt. He was also my other half we knew each other's demons more so than anybody else. We were each other's witness to our past.
You know our addictions were different, but actually he was fat as a child and it was most
unacceptable to him. It was worse than drugs or alcohol to him..
His weight fluctuated a bit as an adult but like I said it was unacceptable. As long as he looked good that's all that matter and he did look good he spared no expense on his upkeep and went to spas and anti aging centers. He presented to the world, a very accomplished, well groomed, fit man. But behind the scenes the "hole" existed for him too. That hole scares me. It's about so much more than food, food is just what I fill it with. Even with the years of therapy it still exists..
Wow.
If you read this far I applaud you!
It has been a rough week.
I have my anchors that help keep my from going to far adrift my husband my children (ok the are more like albatrosses sometimes )
And you guys...
So here I am to fight another day.