In 4 months I've learned a lot of things. About myself and my body. I'm now down -51.4 lbs, and past my first goal. I've had a lot of things go wrong over the past 4 months, and my sleeve has saved me from my emotional cycles of binge eating. I've worked hard, made mistakes, but I've recovered. I find confidence in places that I didn't even realize I had lost it. I've been cleaning out my closets and along with the large sizes I've also been shedding a lot of emotional baggage. I'm proud of myself. My impulsive, self destructive behavior was the most obvious with food- and since my sleeve I've become calmer, more clear headed, and grounded. I no longer lose control, and it's trickling into other parts of my life. I'm dating again and instead of accepting mediocre offers, I've set high standards, and remembered that I'm a valued person. Mr. Right will come when it's time. On God's time. I went out Friday night with a good friend, and we took pics together for the first time. Full body shots. And I was flipping out about how I looked in them. She was more shocked than I was at my reaction. When we went to our favorite place downtown, we danced and had fun- and I was scanning the room to see if I was the fattest chick in there. More than a couple of guys took notice of me. I wasn't interested in anything more than a good glance. It just felt good to go out, and not feel all I eyes were on me for the wrong reasons. I look back to so many evenings out with friends where I hid, and felt miserable, and disgusting in my clothes.
When I first got this surgery, I was almost paniked at the financing-the amount of money I had to pay as a single mother was jaw dropping. I look back, only 4 months later, and ask myself "Why didn't I think I was worth this gift to myself?" I loved myself enough to get this surgery, and I'm truly a better person, mother, and friend for it. My outlook is bright. And I'm so thankful.
Attached are two pictures from Friday night with my friends. I'm now a size 8/9, 164 lbs (and I'm the brunette in the pic!). I started at 216 and a size 16.
