Desirae Grunwell

Looks like I need to join this..:]
I Confess:

Im 18,and a college freshmen. Im afaid of being made fun of for not drinking. Im only 5weeks out and wont risk it beucase i know ill indulge in due time..just not now.
Ive been suffering from horrible depression mouring food. I feel so silly and dumb but I just miss eating.
I've discovered I have missed drinks more than food..there is cans of yummy fruit punch in my fridge i want so bad!! Or a root beer. grr
I crave food all the time, but lately i've wanted ice cream. soo bad ive been a bit obessessive about it.
The stress of a huge liftstyle change, college,and my best friend leaving to go to a different college has been driveing me up crazy. I just pray i can handle it all.
I've been hit with a bug of some sort, and to sooth my stomache i drank some defizzled diet 7-up and though it wasn't really the same it was nice..It felt like old me. I just want to be able to drink a real soda one day.
I've always been the "ugly" duckling..and had WLS to feel good in my own skin,and to be around a loooong time but I've never felt more like an outcast. I hate going out and not being able to eat like everyone, or taking my own meal. I hate feeling this way.
I miss being able to just be carefee about what i eat,now i think about everything. Its not a bad thing, i know its bettering me just takes some getting use too.
Im balling writting this, because I feel you guys are family. You guys really understand the stuggle. Thank you<3

Looks like I need to join this..:]
I Confess:

Im 18,and a college freshmen. Im afaid of being made fun of for not drinking. Im only 5weeks out and wont risk it beucase i know ill indulge in due time..just not now.
Ive been suffering from horrible depression mouring food. I feel so silly and dumb but I just miss eating.
I've discovered I have missed drinks more than food..there is cans of yummy fruit punch in my fridge i want so bad!! Or a root beer. grr
I crave food all the time, but lately i've wanted ice cream. soo bad ive been a bit obessessive about it.
The stress of a huge liftstyle change, college,and my best friend leaving to go to a different college has been driveing me up crazy. I just pray i can handle it all.
I've been hit with a bug of some sort, and to sooth my stomache i drank some defizzled diet 7-up and though it wasn't really the same it was nice..It felt like old me. I just want to be able to drink a real soda one day.
I've always been the "ugly" duckling..and had WLS to feel good in my own skin,and to be around a loooong time but I've never felt more like an outcast. I hate going out and not being able to eat like everyone, or taking my own meal. I hate feeling this way.
I miss being able to just be carefee about what i eat,now i think about everything. Its not a bad thing, i know its bettering me just takes some getting use too.
Im balling writting this, because I feel you guys are family. You guys really understand the stuggle. Thank you<3

Looks like I need to join this..:]
I Confess:

Im 18,and a college freshmen. Im afaid of being made fun of for not drinking. Im only 5weeks out and wont risk it beucase i know ill indulge in due time..just not now.
Ive been suffering from horrible depression mouring food. I feel so silly and dumb but I just miss eating.
I've discovered I have missed drinks more than food..there is cans of yummy fruit punch in my fridge i want so bad!! Or a root beer. grr
I crave food all the time, but lately i've wanted ice cream. soo bad ive been a bit obessessive about it.
The stress of a huge liftstyle change, college,and my best friend leaving to go to a different college has been driveing me up crazy. I just pray i can handle it all.
I've been hit with a bug of some sort, and to sooth my stomache i drank some defizzled diet 7-up and though it wasn't really the same it was nice..It felt like old me. I just want to be able to drink a real soda one day.
I've always been the "ugly" duckling..and had WLS to feel good in my own skin,and to be around a loooong time but I've never felt more like an outcast. I hate going out and not being able to eat like everyone, or taking my own meal. I hate feeling this way.
I miss being able to just be carefee about what i eat,now i think about everything. Its not a bad thing, i know its bettering me just takes some getting use too.
Im balling writting this, because I feel you guys are family. You guys really understand the stuggle. Thank you<3

Also remember you can add unflavored Protein Powder to liquids without enough Protein like Soups, sf pudding, tea, coffee, cream of wheat, etc

Looks like I need to join this..:]
I Confess:

Im 18,and a college freshmen. Im afaid of being made fun of for not drinking. Im only 5weeks out and wont risk it beucase i know ill indulge in due time..just not now.
Ive been suffering from horrible depression mouring food. I feel so silly and dumb but I just miss eating.
I've discovered I have missed drinks more than food..there is cans of yummy fruit punch in my fridge i want so bad!! Or a root beer. grr
I crave food all the time, but lately i've wanted ice cream. soo bad ive been a bit obessessive about it.
The stress of a huge liftstyle change, college,and my best friend leaving to go to a different college has been driveing me up crazy. I just pray i can handle it all.
I've been hit with a bug of some sort, and to sooth my stomache i drank some defizzled diet 7-up and though it wasn't really the same it was nice..It felt like old me. I just want to be able to drink a real soda one day.
I've always been the "ugly" duckling..and had WLS to feel good in my own skin,and to be around a loooong time but I've never felt more like an outcast. I hate going out and not being able to eat like everyone, or taking my own meal. I hate feeling this way.
I miss being able to just be carefee about what i eat,now i think about everything. Its not a bad thing, i know its bettering me just takes some getting use too.
Im balling writting this, because I feel you guys are family. You guys really understand the stuggle. Thank you<3

Looks like I need to join this..:]
I Confess:

Im 18,and a college freshmen. Im afaid of being made fun of for not drinking. Im only 5weeks out and wont risk it beucase i know ill indulge in due time..just not now.
Ive been suffering from horrible depression mouring food. I feel so silly and dumb but I just miss eating.
I've discovered I have missed drinks more than food..there is cans of yummy fruit punch in my fridge i want so bad!! Or a root beer. grr
I crave food all the time, but lately i've wanted ice cream. soo bad ive been a bit obessessive about it.
The stress of a huge liftstyle change, college,and my best friend leaving to go to a different college has been driveing me up crazy. I just pray i can handle it all.
I've been hit with a bug of some sort, and to sooth my stomache i drank some defizzled diet 7-up and though it wasn't really the same it was nice..It felt like old me. I just want to be able to drink a real soda one day.
I've always been the "ugly" duckling..and had WLS to feel good in my own skin,and to be around a loooong time but I've never felt more like an outcast. I hate going out and not being able to eat like everyone, or taking my own meal. I hate feeling this way.
I miss being able to just be carefee about what i eat,now i think about everything. Its not a bad thing, i know its bettering me just takes some getting use too.
Im balling writting this, because I feel you guys are family. You guys really understand the stuggle. Thank you<3

Ok now I'm hungry and I am no good in the kitchen off I go to make a mess!!

Hello love :} How is everyone doing? Well, i hope! If not..tomrrows a new day. A little update for my online family im almost two weeks out and doing well. Im getting stronger everyday and go tuesday for my two week check up! later next week i move on to the pureed diet and am excited for flavor! i miss flavor lol what where your fav things to eat on pureed? or in any stage really..Im trying to put together a recipie folder for when i can eat pureed and soilds again. In other news i hopped on the scale yesterday and was happy to see im down 12pounds! :] making me down 34 pounds in the past three weeks :] yay!

awe thanks dear :] I was 16 when i started my journey too :] If you text i'd be willing to trade numbers and we can keep in touch. keep each other strong :]

it is inspiring to hear your story so thank you for sharing, i'm also 16 and just taking the first steps to get surgery.at the same its a little hard to hear they shot you down because you were 17 but in the end it worked out so that's really great
wishing you luck!

Hello everyone :]
Im new here, and my names Desirae.
Today was my second day on my pre surgery liquid diet. I feel as if im looseing a friend, as sad as it sounds. My stomache hurts, and has for the past few days. My body is like "Whoa?! what are you doing?" I think. I wanted surgery, and I know in the end It will be one of the best choices I've ever made,but this is so hard. Protine is awful! I find comfort knowing after surgery I have more to choose from and don't have to do awful shakes. (trying not to cry right know, phew..) I feel i should share my story real quick..
Im 17 (im 18now) ,and for a long as i can remember I have been big. Ive always been differnt and looked at like i was a zombie. Growing up though,i never felt different,it wasnt untill i turned about 10 when i relized peoples glares,and pointing and how differnt i looked in the mirror but how i felt no differnt at all. I went through a moment in my life where i hated myself. I didnt like who i was,i felt alone like "who would want to be with the fat chick...that's all ill ever be"somehow, i brought myself up from the hole i dug myself in,with lots of help,of course. Ive grown alot since then,and like most people have tried everyyyyy thing to get in shape. Pill,diet plans,south beach,curves...i went went as far and raiseing money for two years to go to weight loss camp in Wisconson for month. Dont get my wrong,these things work for many people...but not for me. So i decided being a Jr in highschool at the time i needed to change and start anew in college. For the past 10months,ive been going though a program though U of M (hospital not college >.<) Its called MPOWER.. Its for young adults and teens who are overweight and need to change there lifestyles. Ive been changeing my life from how i think,to what i eat to how to train my brain to work in my favor. Just recently i was approved by the team of experts at U of M that they feel Gastric Bypass surgery is best for me. I had to go through the mpower program (6months) for them to even concider approveing becuase im 17,and gastric is an adult surgery. Now im going though the process of getting everything i need to get done,done so i can have surgery (billing,support groups,blood test..ect) . My Surgery date...December 14. HOLY CRAP! ...im shakeing in my freaken boots! am i excited...heck yeah. am i scared as hell? yeah...i mean im not afraid of dieing,everyone always askes if im afraid of the surgery itself. Even though i was told when they knock me out heck im really gonna be out,i wont be able to even breath on my own,yet im still not scared of dieng;and trust me ive though about it,but thats another blog. I will die trying to accomplish what some people never do,what some of the most beautiful people dont have...Inner happiness! Amongst all the other reasons i want surgery....i wanna be comfortable in my own skin. I wanna feel beautiful...>.> anyway,im afraid of the life style change. Going to one extream to another..its my worst fear. i fear i will fail..im terrified of faileing and gaining my weight back and throwing away a year of work,gas,tears,pain suffering,money...i just pray everyday,i can do this..and for thoese of you who read this.
Well, that never happend. Becuase i was only 17 insurence denyed me. IT felt like being pushed down onto the pavement..and i gave up inside. months later after a year into my program my mom got a call saying because i was 18 now, insurence gave there approval! My emotions hit me hard. I was suppost to have surgery in April,but that was cancled as well due to the fact the surgernt doing my surgery needs to be acompanied by another and there was not one to be with him. So this is how i got here..My surgery is the july 24. Im terrifed, about everthing. I feel almost outcasted becuase everyones so afraid to eat knowing i can't. My craveings for food are ridculous..and i cry myself to sleep knowing i have to force feed myself the awful shakes. I never expected surgery to be a walk in the park, but i just pray i have enough strength to do this..

Evening loves :]
So surgery went well,as for everyone else I am praying for you<3 I only spent 2days in the hospital because i was doing so well. Now im home resting, doing some mild walking as well. Thats the hardest part ..like, i never realized how much i take doing the simplest things like showing for granted. That stuff is hard to do on my own, but im healing well and am looking forward to the future. Thank you loves<3