Well here I am again feeling blahhhhh :tired and reading all these threads wishing I was already banded.
I am really stuggling with this whole 'supervised diet'. I WANT TO EAT!!!!! :hungry: I keep catching myself thinking 'oh one ________ won't hurt me.' YEAH RIGHT! That is how I got where I am. That exact thought. Luckily I have caught myself before acting though. I am so afraid if I don't lose the weight the insurance will deny me for my 'lack of trying' (I am afraid that is how they will see it. MAN.....if I could diet on my own I wouldn't be seeking suregery DUH!!! Anyway, looking forward to the consultation tomorrow. I am hoping they don't say ,'you are really over weight and need to shed about 50 lbs before surgery.' Gosh so many different senerios going through my mind. I am dreaming weight issues EVERY night. It seems like lately that is all that is on my mind.
I sometimes feel like Stacy is trying to sabatoge me. It seems like she is goating me to eat and by some of the things she says more and more lately.
She talks about how she guesses she not a risk taker and she worries about what would happen to Morgan if something happened to her with a major surgery like this. She says 'I think things through and see the consequences' Well hello....what happens if she stays over weight? I don't really care what she does and how she chooses to live. I just get tired of her 'analyzing' everything about what I do or am doing. She is always wanting to go out to eat. She knows I am trying to diet right now. When I say no she says 'your getting the band anyway.' I know she is jealous because she would love to have the band also but she doesn't have a job or insurance to pay for it. I don't begrudge her that tinge of jealousy.
I do believe we are good friends but I also think we are 'food buddies'. She is the one I have gone out to eat with the past 3 years while Danny is at work and the kids are at school. I told her yesterday we need to get in the habit of getting together and walking instead of eating. She acts like I am boring her when I talk of the band anymore. I know I am probably talking none stop about it because I am thinking none stop about it but this is a very big decision. I don't know I guess I do have to wonder what happens after I am banded and I am not going to go out to eat and etc. Maybe we will not be as close. I don't know....it is a risk I am willing to take though. My health and my family are coming before anyone and anything else this time. It is time to take care of me....not worry about so and so is feeling about what I am doing.
I guess I am just upset with her right now about a few comments she has made towards me lately and just her whole demeaner with this.:angry She will have to get over it because regardless of what she thinks or feels I am doing this. I have to for myself and for my family. Courtney needs a better rold model on nutrition than what I have been and by gosh I will become that role model one way or another!!!!!!:clap2:
I really wish Courtney could go through the surgery also. She is so self conscious of herself. She was really happy last night though. She is down 6 pounds.
I got Casey's for everyone last night after track because I didn't feel like cooking. I need to STOP THAT! I bought myself popcorn chicken but only ate half. Luckily that was in my weight watchers book so I was able to see how many points I had. I went over about 7-8 points yesterday. Hope today goes better! Wish me luck!
May 2, 07
in jackie506's Journal
A blog by jackie506
Posted
Well here I am again feeling blahhhhh :tired and reading all these threads wishing I was already banded.
I am really stuggling with this whole 'supervised diet'. I WANT TO EAT!!!!! :hungry: I keep catching myself thinking 'oh one ________ won't hurt me.' YEAH RIGHT! That is how I got where I am. That exact thought. Luckily I have caught myself before acting though. I am so afraid if I don't lose the weight the insurance will deny me for my 'lack of trying' (I am afraid that is how they will see it. MAN.....if I could diet on my own I wouldn't be seeking suregery DUH!!! Anyway, looking forward to the consultation tomorrow. I am hoping they don't say ,'you are really over weight and need to shed about 50 lbs before surgery.' Gosh so many different senerios going through my mind. I am dreaming weight issues EVERY night. It seems like lately that is all that is on my mind.
I sometimes feel like Stacy is trying to sabatoge me. It seems like she is goating me to eat and by some of the things she says more and more lately.
She talks about how she guesses she not a risk taker and she worries about what would happen to Morgan if something happened to her with a major surgery like this. She says 'I think things through and see the consequences' Well hello....what happens if she stays over weight? I don't really care what she does and how she chooses to live. I just get tired of her 'analyzing' everything about what I do or am doing. She is always wanting to go out to eat. She knows I am trying to diet right now. When I say no she says 'your getting the band anyway.' I know she is jealous because she would love to have the band also but she doesn't have a job or insurance to pay for it. I don't begrudge her that tinge of jealousy.
I do believe we are good friends but I also think we are 'food buddies'. She is the one I have gone out to eat with the past 3 years while Danny is at work and the kids are at school. I told her yesterday we need to get in the habit of getting together and walking instead of eating. She acts like I am boring her when I talk of the band anymore. I know I am probably talking none stop about it because I am thinking none stop about it but this is a very big decision. I don't know I guess I do have to wonder what happens after I am banded and I am not going to go out to eat and etc. Maybe we will not be as close. I don't know....it is a risk I am willing to take though. My health and my family are coming before anyone and anything else this time. It is time to take care of me....not worry about so and so is feeling about what I am doing.
I guess I am just upset with her right now about a few comments she has made towards me lately and just her whole demeaner with this.:angry She will have to get over it because regardless of what she thinks or feels I am doing this. I have to for myself and for my family. Courtney needs a better rold model on nutrition than what I have been and by gosh I will become that role model one way or another!!!!!!:clap2:
I really wish Courtney could go through the surgery also. She is so self conscious of herself. She was really happy last night though. She is down 6 pounds.
I got Casey's for everyone last night after track because I didn't feel like cooking. I need to STOP THAT!
I bought myself popcorn chicken but only ate half. Luckily that was in my weight watchers book so I was able to see how many points I had. I went over about 7-8 points yesterday. Hope today goes better! Wish me luck!