alreadychosen

Hello all! I have been reading this forum and keeping up to date on challenges and issues and benefits of having the sleeve with pregnancy. Congrats Ange! Not sure how many else are pregnant / have been pregnant with the sleeve or if many are reading this board, but thought I would give it a shot as I am in desperate need of advise. I am currently working with an RE on embryo adoption (we are unable to have our own biological children - severe male factor). Despite the most important thing to me in the world at this point, I have been unable to lose weight to increase my chances of the transfer taking. My BMI is around 39. They don't qualify anyone for transfer who is over 40 and I am just on the cusp. This makes me really nervous that if I gain anymore weight before the transfer, they will refuse. We have been down this road so long with infertility, adoption attempts, etc it is really heartbreaking. I am 35 so time is ticking, and I have a desperate need to have a child (hopefully more if we are so blessed). I had an appointment with a surgeon who said that 6 months post surgery, I should be stable enough with nutrition and weight to carry a baby, even though a lot of the official recommendations say 18 months. I just don't know what to do. I desperately want a baby and can maybe do a transfer in two to three months. But I also fear gaining an additional substantial amount of weight with the baby and potential complications. Or it may not work because of my weight and all the money and emotion spent would be for nothing. Then I fear having the surgery and having something wrong with the baby because I didn't get enough nutrients (I would NEVER forgive myself) or losing the effect of the sleeve before I even reached goal because of the increased amount of food needed with the baby. Or even that the transfer won't work and we have to go into domestic adoption a year later than we would have if we tried now. I am so back and forth on this right now. I have another RE appointment to look at my uterus on Wed so it may make the decision for me, but I am anticipating everything will be fine. I plan to ask her what her thoughts are from the RE perspective. But I also need some outside objective opinions on this. Should I wait until after we try for a transfer (and hopefully a pregnancy) to have a sleeve or do it before and postpone the transfer? Any thoughts and honest suggestions will be significantly appreciated!

I don't think it is crazy at all - dealing with the same issues myself. My husband really wanted us to try a cycle per my prior post so we will do one and if it isn't successful, I will get the sleeve before trying again. I really wish I could do what I need to do long term without the surgery - I think we all want that. But over the last year, I realized (even before exploring surgery) that I will never be able to eat what is typically considered "normal" - everything in moderation. I have too many trigger foods that I cannot control if I have them and they ultimately lead to more bad choices. So to me now, the changes in eating that's required with the sleeve is what I would need to do anyway. The sleeve just provides the tool to be successful at it (the most important thing to me in the world right now didn't even give me the help I needed to lose the weight by myself). I will do this surgery - either before pregnancy or after, because I want to be healthy and model healthy behaviors for my future children. One of the biggest gifts I truly believe I can give them is the help them be healthy and make healthy choices for themselves. I will give ANYTHING (including 85% of my stomach :biggrin0:) for that.

Well, I had my appointment and all went fine. But my RE didn't have a strong opinion one way or the other which, to be honest, I was really hoping for. It just seems that these are the two biggest issues in my life and it is ironic they are both coming to a head at the same time. Cigna just started covering the sleeve which is why that has all of a sudden come of interest to me, although after reviewing all the success on this board, I would now even pay out of pocket for it! Maybe I shouldn't have come here, LOL - or at least started reading it a year ago so this would be an issue! But the potential complications also give me caution about doing this post-baby. On the opposite end, my husband would like us to go ahead with at least one transfer attempt since we are so far into the process. This is what we may end up doing but I really hate that I feel equally pulled and hope I don't regret the decision one way or the other.

Thank you both for the feedback. Some really good points I will toss in the mix. Hopefully I will have a clearer idea after my appointment tomorrow. I read on one of the Australian boards that several of the post-sleeve pregnant women were trying to drink a lot of their nutrients - blending vegetables and fruits to increase the amount of those they could eat. Seems to make sense - what are your thoughts post-sleeve? Also, how hard would it be to leave a baby over night for the surgery (especially our first after YEARS of trying)? Not sure I could do it. I just hate postponing something we have been working on for more than 8 years. Wish me luck and clear answers tomorrow!

Interesting topic. Personally, I think that obesity, the outward manifestation of excess weight, is a medical issue. The CAUSE and RESPONSE, however, could be moral or medical. The moral issue is very personal and individual - what each one of us feels, how the weight is emotionally handled, and what the weight means for us (creating additional "sins" such as jealousy, envy, lying to cover up bad habits, etc). The crazy thing is, is that the secular world has pushed for acceptance and personalization of certain groups yet obesity remains the sole condition where shaming and discrimination is allowed and encouraged. Even smokers are separated as individuals from their smoking behaviors. No one on the outside is able to really know if the obesity is due to moral issues or medical. There are ways to address behaviors without shaming the entire person. When people have approached me with sincere concern for my health and/or well being because of destructive behaviors, it wasn't easy to swallow, but I appreciated the care. Unfortunately, overall judgment occurs way more often. I personally have felt that my obesity is a moral issue. Overeating and taking poor care of the body given to me really gives me a lot of shame. And instead of being able to use that to get it under control, it only feeds my drive to eat. I was trying to explain this to my skinny husband who kept trying to compare weight loss with smoking which he quit cold turkey. I said, imagine if while you were going through withdrawals, everyone you know kept smoking around you. Your coworkers decided to Celebrate all the birthdays of the month by having a smoking party and on several occasions, others brought in their own cigarettes to the office because they didn't want them at the house. You were also invited to several dinner parties where the hosts would be highly disappointed if you did not have a smoke after dinner, even though they knew you are trying to quit. After all, one little one couldn't hurt, could it? In addition, even though you might have gotten through all of that without smoking, someone smells the smoke still lingering on your clothes and decides to make a derogatory comment about this to you. Then you go on vacation and even your spouse expects you to smoke because they don't have the same types at home and when will you ever get to try them again? This is how I feel all the time with food. It is such an uphill battle that I agree you can't understand unless you have been here. And I have learned that the heavier you get, the harder it gets to control and the more moral issue it becomes for me.