Globetrotter

Rogofulm, thank you for your encouragement and support, it is meaningful. My success at getting myself "back under control" isn't quite the point I was trying to make, however. I was trying to be very clear and frank with all the sleevers out there who have less time on the sleeve than me about what life and weight management and even what "working your sleeve" actually look like when surgery date is a distant memory.

Frumpy don't participate in the blame and shame - yeah you made some food choices that didn't help matters, but the amount of effort we have to put into keeping the weight off is absolutely shocking and not something people are willing to really admit/talk about. At my lowest weight I had lost 135 lbs since surgery (it took almost 4 years). I still wasn't at goal but I was close. That was one year ago. In eleven months I gained back 43 lbs. Also, that grand total of 135 pounds lost since surgery represents a loss of about 34 pounds a year, or about 3 pounds a month. That is actually worse than had I just gone on a VLC diet. And as it turns out, I will be on a severe diet the rest of my life - we all will, if we want to be starkly honest with ourselves. This last regain was my second regain since surgery. My surgery was July of 2010 I was 294 lbs,17 months later I was at my lowest post-op weight of 172 lbs. My first regain was Summer 2012 and within 6 months I had gained 30 lbs. I plateaued around 200 for the next 6 months and then got on a serious recommittment kick and dropped 40 lbs in 4 months. I held onto my new lowest weight since surgery (159 lbs) for 5 months, until May of 2014, before I started to gain again. From May 2014 to May 2015 I gained the aforementioned 43 lbs. May 28th 2015 I weighed in at 223 lbs and on the 29th I recommitted again to faithful post-op style eating, all the strict guidance we are initially given and that we follow to. the.letter. In the past 20 days I have lost only 5 1/4 lbs. To say this is frustrating cannot even begin to express it. And before anyone starts suggesting reasons for this slowness, yes I have had all my thyroids checked, yes I have done everything to the letter of the law, yes I have done all one is meant to do.
The truth is that our bodies get f***ed up, metabolically, which they already had problems with to begin with which is what was part of what made us obese in the first place. For the rest of our lives we do not get the luxury of eating a reasonable sensible diet and exercising reasonably to keep a healthy body and weight. It requires an unreasonable amount of diligence and a level of concern over calories/exercise/and the components of food that is usually reserved for those with severe eating disorders.
If you want to keep that honeymoon weight (if you were actually lucky enough to achieve goal during honeymoon phase, which I was not) then resign yourself to eating between 600 and 800 calories with less than 40g carbs, for the rest of your effing life. *
*take this rant with a grain of salt as I am obviously terribly upset and frustrated and sad right now.

Frumpy don't participate in the blame and shame - yeah you made some food choices that didn't help matters, but the amount of effort we have to put into keeping the weight off is absolutely shocking and not something people are willing to really admit/talk about. At my lowest weight I had lost 135 lbs since surgery (it took almost 4 years). I still wasn't at goal but I was close. That was one year ago. In eleven months I gained back 43 lbs. Also, that grand total of 135 pounds lost since surgery represents a loss of about 34 pounds a year, or about 3 pounds a month. That is actually worse than had I just gone on a VLC diet. And as it turns out, I will be on a severe diet the rest of my life - we all will, if we want to be starkly honest with ourselves. This last regain was my second regain since surgery. My surgery was July of 2010 I was 294 lbs,17 months later I was at my lowest post-op weight of 172 lbs. My first regain was Summer 2012 and within 6 months I had gained 30 lbs. I plateaued around 200 for the next 6 months and then got on a serious recommittment kick and dropped 40 lbs in 4 months. I held onto my new lowest weight since surgery (159 lbs) for 5 months, until May of 2014, before I started to gain again. From May 2014 to May 2015 I gained the aforementioned 43 lbs. May 28th 2015 I weighed in at 223 lbs and on the 29th I recommitted again to faithful post-op style eating, all the strict guidance we are initially given and that we follow to. the.letter. In the past 20 days I have lost only 5 1/4 lbs. To say this is frustrating cannot even begin to express it. And before anyone starts suggesting reasons for this slowness, yes I have had all my thyroids checked, yes I have done everything to the letter of the law, yes I have done all one is meant to do.
The truth is that our bodies get f***ed up, metabolically, which they already had problems with to begin with which is what was part of what made us obese in the first place. For the rest of our lives we do not get the luxury of eating a reasonable sensible diet and exercising reasonably to keep a healthy body and weight. It requires an unreasonable amount of diligence and a level of concern over calories/exercise/and the components of food that is usually reserved for those with severe eating disorders.
If you want to keep that honeymoon weight (if you were actually lucky enough to achieve goal during honeymoon phase, which I was not) then resign yourself to eating between 600 and 800 calories with less than 40g carbs, for the rest of your effing life. *
*take this rant with a grain of salt as I am obviously terribly upset and frustrated and sad right now.

Well, it has finally happened - Scott and I have stopped seeing each other. It is tough on me because we are quite compatible, I like being with him and have grown attached - it is mutual actually. In April when we did the weekend trip together I came to realize how deep his emotional struggles are.... I pretty much knew then it was over. We didn't have a sexual relationship anyway because he is really pretty traumatized by intimacy - having to do with his his divorce, ex wife etc. Anyway, we both wanted to give it all more time but he is in pretty bad shape emotionally and finally just decided that he is becoming increasingly paranoid and afraid of letting someone close to him. He admitted that the only people he feels even a bit of trust toward are his mother, young daughter and two pals he has known forever. Everyone else is a potential threat - I am glad he is seeing a shrink because I feel like he is crashing . I am grateful that he is smart enough to let me go and not bring that trauma into my life, but I also feel sad how lonely and isolated he is making himself.
It is hard to let go of the idea that it might work since my friends all like him, he fits my life very well and all that sort of stuff so I am a little blue, but okay.
I have a plan for my summer of regaining fitness that is probably better without spending time with a guy who likes to cook and fatten me up anyway!
So, it goes to show that it isn't just the formerly obese who struggle with those internal battles. Life seems at times like it is harder and lonelier than it should be.

215.8 this morning, last night it was 219.6 and had been 219.6 for 4 days. I don't feel hunger, perhaps one of the only blessings I received from the surgery, while others lost faster or more my actual hunger has never come back. I get this weird kind of cramping in my stomach region that I think probably indicates the empty walls of my stomach smacking into each other, lol.
Yesterday I had a Protein Shake and a salad of sauteed greens, sardines, and avocado and for dessert a Protein doughnut made of coconut flour, chia, raw honey, etc.
8 pounds in ...14 days.

215.8 this morning, last night it was 219.6 and had been 219.6 for 4 days. I don't feel hunger, perhaps one of the only blessings I received from the surgery, while others lost faster or more my actual hunger has never come back. I get this weird kind of cramping in my stomach region that I think probably indicates the empty walls of my stomach smacking into each other, lol.
Yesterday I had a Protein Shake and a salad of sauteed greens, sardines, and avocado and for dessert a Protein doughnut made of coconut flour, chia, raw honey, etc.
8 pounds in ...14 days.

I think you are doing well, and should be proud of yourself. After doing 5:2 and the 5 day pouch test, I am down 3 pounds currently.... it has been really hard to get the old body to take it off and keep it off... its 3 pounds is good, but still way above my old bounce range...(14 pounds).... I really am not sure what it will take, but just keep ploding on, and trying to do the Protein first, increase my protein, drink enough water, eat more veggies to fill up after that.... lower the carbs, and the advice I have given others and myself for years now... WRITE it all down, good, bad, ugly.... use my fitbit, and try to keep it positive come what may. I think I must be producing a ton of cortisal... just feel like its coursing in my veins... stress and sad too much of the time... but did sort of see a bright spot today... a way to think that makes way for hope, and have been working on my art more than ususal, which is great! LIFE! what a bitc!-! and what a blessing!

I hear your feelings about this, I just do not have the same response. When I dump a bunch of pounds very quickly from eating low carbs/calorie and high Protein, it is mostly from Water weight... no self depreciation at all.... it still feels fantastic, I am happy about it, and know that later weight loss (probably slower) will be fat, if Im eating and exercising right, and not muscle or water. No prob..... really what that statement means to me, is if I don't keep up the good work, it will show up back on in about a minute... still just water.

618 cals yesterday and I was so full I had indigestion well into the night! chicken, lettuce, 1 tsp caesar dressing... 2 pieces bacon, 1 egg, 1 tiny coconut flour pancake. It was the egg that gave me indigestion.
Hung my art last night for this month's show, it's hanging in the street facing window!

618 cals yesterday and I was so full I had indigestion well into the night! chicken, lettuce, 1 tsp caesar dressing... 2 pieces bacon, 1 egg, 1 tiny coconut flour pancake. It was the egg that gave me indigestion.
Hung my art last night for this month's show, it's hanging in the street facing window!

Last night I had 3 large strawberries sprinkled with brown sugar, before bed. I have been eating clean for four days now and I spent the entire night twitching, waking up intermittently, and itching. Coincidence? I think not. The strawberries put me at 944 cals but considering that I have been eating thousands of calories a day (I seriously wouldn't doubt it) for close to a year, I'm not going to beat myself up.

Please don't flame me CherylJane but, with all the issues with your hip, why did you tempt fate by going on a hike? It took 6 months of doing NOTHING remotely strenuous to get past the bursitis in my right hip, and it took that long because I was so pigheaded about wanting to continue my exercise regimen, wanting to do my yoga, etc.
I did 868 cals yesterday but only managed to get to 41g Protein. The big calorie user was the avocado I had for lunch, 300 cals by itself! But the nutritional payoff is such that I am willing to incur the "cost". I guess I am going to have to double up on my Protein Shakes if I want to make the daily recommended minimum of 60g.
Doughnuts in the office today, I know my 5:2 peeps understand what it took for me to NOT have one!
In four months I am taking my Mom to Italy - we are going to florence for a week! Tickets booked, apartment booked, travel guides are being studied, we are excited! Neither of us have ever been and my Mother has only ever been to Mexico, Canada, and the Bahamas. I do NOT want to be fat for this! I want to be able to hike the Tuscan hills and wear beautiful clothes and get whistled at Above all, I do NOT want to be the stereotype of the fat American, too out of shape to wear anything but elastic waistband shorts and sneakers D:
update: lunch with one of the bigger wigs meant I had to eat restaurant food. Luckily it was a slightly fancy place and I was able to order steamed mussels in their own juices so that 18g protein puts me at 60g protein, without having to drink 2 shakes, yay!

Please don't flame me CherylJane but, with all the issues with your hip, why did you tempt fate by going on a hike? It took 6 months of doing NOTHING remotely strenuous to get past the bursitis in my right hip, and it took that long because I was so pigheaded about wanting to continue my exercise regimen, wanting to do my yoga, etc.
I did 868 cals yesterday but only managed to get to 41g Protein. The big calorie user was the avocado I had for lunch, 300 cals by itself! But the nutritional payoff is such that I am willing to incur the "cost". I guess I am going to have to double up on my Protein Shakes if I want to make the daily recommended minimum of 60g.
Doughnuts in the office today, I know my 5:2 peeps understand what it took for me to NOT have one!
In four months I am taking my Mom to Italy - we are going to florence for a week! Tickets booked, apartment booked, travel guides are being studied, we are excited! Neither of us have ever been and my Mother has only ever been to Mexico, Canada, and the Bahamas. I do NOT want to be fat for this! I want to be able to hike the Tuscan hills and wear beautiful clothes and get whistled at Above all, I do NOT want to be the stereotype of the fat American, too out of shape to wear anything but elastic waistband shorts and sneakers D:
update: lunch with one of the bigger wigs meant I had to eat restaurant food. Luckily it was a slightly fancy place and I was able to order steamed mussels in their own juices so that 18g protein puts me at 60g protein, without having to drink 2 shakes, yay!

Day three- I lost 5 pounds over the first two days... Water weight.... so far so good.

Cathy, I started it yesterday, and lost 3 pounds the first day! All Water, but thats still great! I just had to try something to get out of my rut.... days one and two- Protein Drinks, Soups including hearty soups, SF pudding and Jello, really not that hard to follow for two days.... join me?

She has a tendency to troll, tbh, always looking for a reason to be offended.
Yes SarSar, I am in Seattle! About 7 months now, technically I moved here over 4th of July wknd but I was immediately recalled to KS as some of you may remember, and didn't get to return until Labor Day wknd so, I count my living here from 1 Sept.
I just discovered a new Protein Powder called milkshake Protein. It is expensive but tastes so incredible that I allowed myself some sample bags to help get me back in the saddle of protein first etc. I have learned how to make really tasty shakes over the last 4 years but these need no doctoring at all, the one I had yesterday tasted exactly like Ben & Jerry's Karamel Sutra Core!!
My GERD is really horrible, I need to see somebody about it, but I am so tired of doctors.
Today is lots of Decaf tea, a Protein Shake, and a salad for dinner, probably topped with chicken or sardines. If I need a little dessert I will have some strawberry shortcake protein shake.< /p>

Cathy - no appetite, I get so caught up in my painting that I would rather paint than eat and food is just a hassle anyway. For example, I bought a whole roast chicken the other day and dinner has consisted of gnawing off a couple bites here and there whenever I get up to stretch from painting, lolol.
Speaking of which, I have my first show this Saturday and if any of our peeps in the Seattle area were interested, I would be thrilled to have you there . It is a pair of watercolors and a bronze sculpture of my Father's (posthumous). I discovered oils and canvas for the first time in my life yesterday and .... there are no words. The best I can describe it is like, a perfect summer day, with Bob Marley playing in the background, you've got money in your pocket, and you're in love. I am so thrilled by them that I want to torch all my watercolor crap and only show off my oils
My pieces are for sale, and I take commissions for portraits and other personalized works. I work in watercolors and oils, on vellum, canvas and wood, up to 18x24 (before matting/framing).

I just hate that we dont get update messages for our group anymore! Said it before and saying it again.

Here in the UK it is Mothering Sunday today so I'm just off to have a lovely meal with my boys who are visiting. Coops and I are generous people so we will share the day with you so HAPPY MOTHERS DAY XXX

Don't forget how much bloat you probably have on board, what with all the medications, IV drips, etc etc etc. Once it is all flushed out of your system you will probably find that you haven't gained any weight at all.
I'm feeling better, about the job, mentally, emotionally. I have sat down with my neurogist and I have begun the self care, I even have a prescription for MASSAGE! and it is covered by INSURANCE!!! I went yesterday and the therapist worked on my shins, she commented that I had some of the strongest/toughest shin muscles she has ever worked on! She drove all her strength into smooshing those muscles and the euphoria it released into my body was as good as the drugs I had after my spinal tap went wrong, as good as an orgasm!
My big fat body still makes me sad but, through a combination of rising up the learning curve at work, new head meds and spring weather, I'm feeling better about a lot of things

I'm 32 too!!!! Just turned in mid-August. High School class of '96? There sure are a lot of us 32sies here, I blame Kate Moss! lol, in high school I was built like Marilyn Monroe in the grunge mid-90's when heroin chic was the look, crap! Anybody else remember flannel, flirting with the tabs from soda cans, and Doc Martens? :thumbup:

As toxic as their disbelief is, I have compassion for the FiL and BiL, they simply cannot handle the truth of her deterioration, she anchors their world and they are not equipped to face the loss. That's a lot of anguish and I hope all of you have access to support, respite and mental health. hugs from the PNW.

If you live long enough, you are bound to see a loved one pass away... I still think about my mom every day, and talk to here now and then. I lost the person I thought of as Mom first to a sudden blader infection that went to her brain... she did recover from that... then had a series of mini-strokes, and then the slow onset of dementia.... ending with a larger stroke... I do believe she was still there at the end, to some degree... you know how they say that people become clear right before they pass away? My mom couldn't talk, but came around and held my hands, and looked deeply into my eyes and really made a connection with me the day before she passed. It was really lovely to have that. I talked to her a lot, and the whole family did as well, and lavished love and compliments and the promise that we would all be ok and she could leave and not feel sad or afraid. I told her a story about how all the love she gave us throughout our lives would come back to her and fill her with light, and she would be able to feel and give that love again. My mom was religious, and my dad not at all... but he kept telling her that she was going to be an angel and she need to keep an eye on him because she was his angel. It was really sweet and rich, and of course so sad... but saying goodby was sweet none the less.
I hope Im not bumming you guys out by talking about this... its just we do understand... it is a big and difficult part of life caring for and watching our loved ones suffer, change, fade away from who they were.. but also so important to engage in as well as we can. Caring and generosity are only really gained from practice.

As toxic as their disbelief is, I have compassion for the FiL and BiL, they simply cannot handle the truth of her deterioration, she anchors their world and they are not equipped to face the loss. That's a lot of anguish and I hope all of you have access to support, respite and mental health. hugs from the PNW.

Denise, watching the progression of events that have happened to you has only reenforced for me the belief that we MUST be vociferous, even belligerent, advocates for our own health. You knew instinctively that things weren't right, immediately after the surgery, but those doctors bullied you...and now look!
I worry about how many various meds they will have you on, Big Pharma's hold on American medicine is disgusting, and they will happily prescribe you into the grave, and then pretend to be confused by anything negative that happened to you... Well, at this point there is no getting around the need for antibiotics, I will admit that, but if there are any alternatives to the other things - the pain meds, the nausea meds, the this meds and the that meds, try for alternatives where possible. Also, see if the hospital has an advocate you can meet with, or a therapist - I have nearly drowned in the lake of miserable events, I know how quickly the light of positivity can be snuffed out. Take care Denise, fight for your rights!