Globetrotter

"finally packed up" omg I can't imagine an American doc saying something like that, too funny!! Are you interested in taking HRT, since it was early M? My Mother, in a sick poisonous sort of jealousy perhaps? Has been chirping away about the imminent doom that awaits me, since I turned effing 30!!!! I finally told her to STFU about it, to let me enjoy my womanhood without her sitting on the sidelines, eagerly watching with a bag of popcorn as I careen towards the cliffs. :/ Coops, you are another one, like Cheri, who is basically at goal and who looks damn fabulous yet doesn't seem to *get it*. Whenever you feel like moping about all the things you "haven't" acheived, just look at me and be comforted v_v.

I know I have no right but yeah, post-op I do find myself thinking some very judgemental things when I see people waddling past with laden down trays. But what really makes me angry and ashamed and a lot of things, is when I see average size people, definitely not fat, chow down on a humongous messy burger, fries, slurp down an enormous soda, and they are fine! There is no penalty!! They just go about their business and don't gain weight!!!! THAT'S SO UNFAIR!!!!!!!!!! Here I am, watching my every calorie, had major invasive surgery, and they get to eat like gluttons without fear! Grrrr.

I truly believe that our brain signals ARE broken, I believe that our chemical approach/desire for food is exactly the same as the alcoholic or the junkies approach/desire/need for their drug. Brain scans have shown that a lot of people with substance abuse problems have an organic deficiency in certain good chemicals so, in a sense, the abuser is actually self-medicating and because the brain is lacking, it interprets it as needing to overdose to make up for the lack - a little dopamine won't do it, they must have lots of dopamine, and more, and more. I think we are the same and someday it will be proven that there is either a chemical deficiency or a mis-wiring of sorts. As for the hunger; pre-op it seemed like I could just never be satisfied, it just never registered, no matter how much volume I ate. I could eat until the point of nausea, until I could literally not put one more bite in my mouth without vomiting, and I still wouldn't feel satisfied. I think that was psychological and that it was head hunger, pre-op style. Now, it is tangibly different, but I still battle the head. Now I may *want* to eat, but any "need" I may have is strictly in my mind ... or is it? I don't know ... I ate normally yesterday, Breakfast, lunch, dinner, but when it got time for dinner I had a green salad with dressing and my hand was shaking on it's way from forking a bite to putting it in my mouth. I ate like someone was going to take it away from me and remained shaky throughout, so what was that all about? If I am very busy I can completely forget/ignore needing food, I have been out with non-op friends gadding about town or hiking and they will mention the need to stop and eat and when I ask why, they look at me and say, "because it's been 8 hours since we ate!" And I just didn't notice. When I am alone though ... food is almost all i think about ... v_v The struggle continues ...

Falling Whisper - I thought it might be, I couldn't enlarge the pic

Not Your Daughter's makes a skinny, in a dark indigo wash, very nice! And apple shape looks great with skinnies, in the riding academy style I mentioned above!

Woah Cheri - is that what I sound like? If I am anywhere near as hard on myself as you are on yourself, we need to change, stat!! You are in a small, why isn't that good enough? It's not good enough to get into a top flight college, it's meaningless unless it is Harvard? And yet, I'm not telling you not to feel that way, even though you are 5 times closer to goal than I ...AND you have a family ... You and me ... where is this inexcusably cruel pressure coming from? Our pasts of course, messages we received both blatant and subconscious. You sound in despair, as in despair as myself, yet you aren't fat, as I am. I don't remember if you are seeing a therapist, I see one at Combat Stress every week, but he's redeploying in 2 wks. The world is a f**cked up sh!++y place full of misery and destruction, we need to be kinder to ourselves since the world won't.

I tried to go back to the gym and focus on weights/muscle building to improve metabolism, and even though I was doing the most minimal, I managed to strain my groin muscle on one side and gluteal on the other! So much for that ... Yes, most of this challenge is in my head, I just wish I could lose the weight but it seems that no matter what I've tried in the last 12 months, nothing works and yes, I"ve had my thyroid checked it's all good. That photo of me is visual trickery, positions and lighting, even there I was still a solid 17 pounds over my surgeon's goal, 30 over personal.

I am a 3 year vet and I still take a daily PPI, when I don't take it I get a cold acidic sensation in the base of the throat that is very uncomfortable.

It is definitely more dependent upon shape and body proportion rather than size. Also style: if you are wanting to wear just the skinnies and sandals then yeah, you pretty much have to have either skinny legs and a flat ass, OR have legs that are longer in ratio than torso length. If you have short legs and a long torso (like me) then the skinnies and sandals look isn't satisfying. However, a universally flattering look whether you are a size 00 teen or a card carrying Lane Bryant shopper, is what I call the "Riding Academy" look; a structured jacket/blazer, loose empire waist blouse/shirt/tunic that hits right at the lower hip/crotch, skinnies in a dark rinse denim, and just below the knee riding boots. I have seen this look on skinny little girls and voluptuous women and it looks killer on everyone, and now that we are headed into Fall, it's especially fetching!

Cheri - I think we should have a food porn section, either here in 5:2 or in the general VST population, I think we have many hidden food porn stars! ;P I worry about us all and our association of control with food and emotions, I was just reading an article about how doctors are seeing a serious wave of anorexia and bulimia in middle aged women. so much attention has always been given to the young girls that it often goes overlooked in older women, so when women are afflicted with it, they also have to deal with the additional issue of shame over having an "adolescent" disease. In the article I read (in June/July's Oprah) the middle aged women admitted that it was really easy to get away with it, because everyone expects us to be counting our calories. And for us, the stress of living, of caretaking everyone but ourselves, it is dangerously easy to find solacecomfort/control/power over our calories and before you know it, boom - eating disorder. Yesterday was supposed to be a fast day but I just checked my calories and they were over 1200 so today will have to be a fast day instead. Hey guys, is oatmeal really a good option? I know it is a good slow burning glycemic index etc etc., but I just can't get over the gigantor amount of carbs ... :/

IS phentermine still legal? I think I need some of THAT! As for the ghrelin, I am 3 years out and although I don't get ravenously hungry like before, I now register the desire to eat, and it IS a desire ... the loss of that desire was the most awesome part of the post-op honeymoon. I want that back. sigh.

Y'all, I WISH I looked like the girl in my profile pic - that was me at my lowest weight, at my most intense fitness, about 15 months ago. I don't look like her anymore, I'm soft and about 25 lbs heavier and all of that confidence is a distant memory. Now, I walk with my eyes trained on the ground, shoulders slumped and I don't know how to get *her* back. v_v

Ghrelin comes back though, that's what many sleeve vets come to realize ...

Cheri, 138? I wishIwishI wish I WISH!

They sound great, but are still too high carb for me, 20gs is a lot on a single meal ... as for the Kroger's not having them, I bet if you give your local location a call or tell the manager the next time you are there, they will look into ordering them, I've done that before with various items, it works!

I wonder, am I the only one who finds that "My Body gallery" really depressing? I always feel worse after looking at it, not better, not uplifted. Because I type in my goal weight and the women still look a little soft and chunky. and since I am a solid 30 lbs away from that, I still look chubbyfat. I typed in my current weight, and yup, those women look like they are walking the fine edge of chubby and fat. Then I typed in my pre-op high, which is over 100 lbs heavier than I am now, and I SWEAR TO YOU, I saw no difference between one of the pics there and the pic at my current weight. They looked the SAME to me. If you had shown me those pics and asked me to say how much heavier the one was, I might have said, "20 lbs maybe?" Not 100. I also typed in the lowest weight I've been since sleeve, when I was a total gym rat 7 days a week crossfit pilates maniac, and even that looks soft curvy and slightly chub. When do I get to stop being the fat girl!?!

I am a 3 yr vet of VSG and have recently begin experimenting with low calorie again (600cals) On my low cal days, it's not that I feel "hunger" per se, but I do feel empty and the desire to eat is overwhelming, especially as day turns into night. At night I think constantly about food and liken it to the obsessive need of a junkie or alcoholic . It is and is not, hunger. I can remember vividly what it felt like, physically and mentally, to be completely indifferent to food - how it was immediately after surgery. I wonder if naturally skinny people, the kind of people who take one or two bites of chocolate cake and actually wrap up THE LEFTOVERS (!!) and actually forget they are in the fridge until they go BAD (!!!) ... I wonder if it will be proven that those people have almost no ghrelin in their system. Has a ghrelin suppressor been invented yet?

What is the sugar and sodium count on these?

According to the above calculations my BMR is 1622.5, my maintenance cals would be 2514, and to lose weight slowly my daily intake should be 1000 less than that - 1514! Huh?? Somebody help me make sense of that!

Heyher - flax seed added to shakes, that's what I do. And what is this about not being able to do low carb? Would you please PM me?

ms skinni - that's why I've retired my scale for a month, I can't take the ups and downs! Like I said, I will monitor via a bra that I'm overflowing currently, at my lowest weight that bra was on its tightest hooks and the top of the cups were empty. Yesterday I got in just under 1700, and today am hoping for just under 600, we'll see.

awesome, is it carby-crunchy satisfying?

Also, I don't think I will be strong enough to keep from weighing myself! But I have a bra that currently uh.. my cups runneth over So I will use that as a marker since I lose from boobage first

I don't know what it was, it's called Flagyll and it seems to have done the trick, though my insides are still achey. As for feast day cals, I'm doing 1660, which means I've got about 650 cals to play with for dinner, thinking chicken meatballs and honeydew for dessert!

M2G in my totally non-medical-expert opinion, I think you aren't eating enough. What is your TDEE and BMR?