Trying2live

Don't know if I can even write this. I am so depressed, because my house feels so empty without my little dog. I had to put him down yesterday because he got so sick, he has been real sick for over a year but I had managed to nurse him along since then, dreading the day... I got him for my son when I first bought my house. White house with a little fence with the little white dog in it...he was 11 1/2 years old and my faithfull companion, he was a mini poodle. I got to get this out of my head and my heart, I hate when life makes the right thing to do so dam hard. I feel kinda silly doing this here, I mostly lurk, don't have much to offer on posts, and now hear I am looking for support because my dog died. how pathetic is that? Sorry I am rambeling.... Thanks for letting me vent Trish :think

Thanks to all of you for all your kind words. I can't get a new dog right now, but considered many alternatives. To bad my son has such allergies that I could never have a cat or rabbit. Scruffy was a poodle, we needed a non shedding dog. This house just felt so dead, so today I got a Parakeet! She is mostly yellow with a little green on the underside, I always had birds before I named her Patches cause she has patches of yellow and green and she can help patch the hole in my heart. I do feel a little less lonely already. I hope these overwhelming feelings go away soon. Each of you touched my heart with your own stories, and support, I know so many of you truly understand and have also experienced the great loss I feel. Thank you again, Trish

Babs You should know the rules about God docs...lol Who's life is it anyhow? It is your journey, and you are paying the dear doc to help you with a specific problem. I would have fired him. (although I understand the difficulties in changing docs, I came close to this myself, but the doc decided to come around to my way of thinking and really workes with me now and understands it is my life) There are to many doctors who forget that they are being paid to provide a service, they are not in charge of my life, I am. No one cares more about the outcome than I do, you can bet on that. They all need to be reminded of that. IMHO I say it often I AM IN CHARGE OF ME. (silly lady) If the doc does not have what you want, move on. Do what is best for you. I wish you all the best with this. (I am almost 3 yrs out and have always been impressed by your success) Trish

I had my surgery in feb of 04, yes I live in Port Huron. You will like the whole staff at PH Hosp. Tammy is the coordinator and very nice indeed. (even when you feel bad and are being a bite) lol. Good luck to you. T

On the up side Dr. Bhesania is my doctor also, he is a good doctor. I am kinda bad when it comes to doctors, I am hard on them, but Doc B. is ok IMHO. T

Back to the cigarette's ...a couple of weeks ago I was driving down the road when I saw something come in my window and fall in the back. (I have a Ranger with the extended cab, I store all my junk back there) I think what I saw was a bee, Done that, but no it is a cigarette and it is still burning!, into my rug! I open the door and fetch it out not noticeing the car next to me is watching. Then the girl says oh sorry...I asked DO YOU HAVE AN ASH TRAY IN THAT CAR? yea but she did not want to uwe it so I have a burn spot in my truck.....No one should be able to use the world as there ash tray. JMHO Trish

I was going to die....so it wasn't much of a decision to get banded. At 316 lbs then 225 now. Size 26-28 to 18 some 16's now. I have lost weight before but never have been able to keep working at it after 2 years, by that time I would normaly be gaining again. I still have more to loose but consider myself a success right now. I have not been this weight since 1980, and I feel like I can keep going. I am a slow looser but that is ok with me, it has given me time to wrap my head around the changes. (Men see me now, and that is scary to me) T

You got me on this one Hope you find relief soon. T

A very good friend of mine died in Jan 2004. My weight @316 was killing me. After my last doctors visit I had decided to get the band, because for me I was told it was do or die.... So I made the decision to get the band, I was woried about not being able to get through the surgery afraid of dying on the table, afraid of dying...I came to grips with it by deciding if I did die on the table I would never know what hit me and it would be a lot less painful than everything I was going through right now. I had surgery feb 04. Now for the spirt part..... One year to the day of Chuck's death he came to me in a dream...we had a conversation including my discussion of how he was dead, he said yes he knew and he was but was there to calm my fears of death that he knew I had... He said it would be all right and it was not what people think about it... it was not painful (he had cancer that had progressed to his bones and was very painful) and that he was at peace and I should not be afraid of dying. I believe him and it was an experience I will never forget. I do not believe it was a dream I believe Chuck visited me and we had a conversation about something I feared from someone who had been there. Trish

I personaly think slower is better. I lost 50 the first year 40 the second and am down 5 more in the last 2 months. I wanted time to get use to my shrinking self and work out some of the reasons I put this overcoat of protection on in the first place. I chose to get my fills slowly so I could learn to get use to it without PBs and the like, that is what works for me. More important than anything any says about this or that we each need to decide what is right for us, reguardless of what anyone else says or thinks. Trish

Paulax, I wished there was another way also, I have tried a lot of things. I would not consider the rny because of the negatives. I am over 2 years out and the biggest problem I have had is loosing slow and the occasinal PB. I am very happy and know now that I made the right decission for me. I have lost 90 lbs to date. 50 the first year 40 the second, hope to go another 30 before I stop. The thing that is most important to me is that for the first time I do not feel like giving up! Never went this long on any program before. I attribute this to less hunger sensasions after surgery and haveing to eat slowly and carefully eating is a chore. Each of us need to make sure what is right for us, because what is right for one person is not necessarly right for another. Trish

I'll take any weight loss over continuing to gain. And I also felt restiction go quickly at first, but when I got to the right spot it stayed. Good luck. Trish

I have been banded since 02/27/04 and get this affect also. I think sometimes the liquid inside is pushed up the line to the port and somehow makes it move in doing so? and irritates it? anyway I get it also. Trish

Just wondering how many have had an endoscopy? and how long have you had your band? What were the results of the test? I also want to know how/why you were given the test. I recall someone who eroded saying they had no symptoms, so how did you get the scope? With all the erosions around lately, I would not mind having one for peace of mind. I truly feel this test is needed to dx erosions and I do not feel as though it is being done enough. Doctors keep using a barium swallow and if that is ok you are ok?, or maybe not. So how many have had the test and what was the reason your doc gave to get the test done? Thanks Trish

I was trying to explain this feeling to my little sister. (I have 2 100 lb sisters) I have a hard time explaining how thin I feel (still have 40 to go) Don't think she understands someone my size saying they feel skinny. Hope you all can understand. Trish

You guys need to stay away from Taylor... he's mine...lol I love him and I hope he wins. Trish

You look fantastic. Way to go. I am so happy for you. Trish

Thanks to all who replied. I am 2 years out and would like the test just to make sure everything is ok, but my doc won't do it unless you have some problems. Every doc has his/her own set of guidelines as we all know, I guess I think this test should become routine at about 18 months 2 years as others have suggested. Thanks Trish

But from what I understand some of those who eroded had no symptoms, but did have a endoscope done. I also think the length of time you have been banded comes into play here, maybe at least a year? So I wonder how many of those who replied have had a scope, to rule out any problem? We may not know we have a problem, my surgen said no problem no need for scope.....kinda want one just for peace of mind.Trish Banded 02/27/04 US doc in michigan no problems barium swallow test at one year - ok no scope to date

Penny, I just wanted to thank you for telling the doc off for me. I hate anyone trying to tell me what is best for me, I guess I think I know what is best for me and I will decide on how and when I will procede. I think you are the same kind of woman. That's the part most doc's don't get....I AM IN CHARGE OF ME...I pay doctors to help me to on my journey. Go figure a surgen suggesting more surgery$$ I am also glad that you and all the others that have eroded have stayed on the board, we need each other! I wish I knew how to help you with your continuing weight loss...wish I knew what to say that would really help. All the best to you, sending love. Trish

I just wanted to thank everyone who posted here. It is good to know that we have a place to voice ALL our opinions, the good the bad and the ugly cause that is closer to real life in my opinion. A lot of boards do not allow a true discussion of the facts as we see and live them. I also could not believe the have a gastric bypass/sleeve suggestion, some doc's make me sick cause they just don't get it. Trish

I hold up my new pants every day and think they will never fit around me... then I put them on, and they are even loose now. I don't see it yet I hope it comes to both of us soon. You are not alone. Trish

thanking God for my band- I think it looks kinda like a lifesaver....and it was. Trish

Celine Each of us should have decided for ourselves to take this journey, each of us should decide for ourselves how to we want to travel. It is not a bad thing to focus on other things. Best of luck to you. Trish

Great work Laura, perfect for one year if you ask me. I swear by being a turtle. They won the race. But more importantly in the past when I lost weight quickly I could not keep eating that way forever, soon enough my body would scream at me to feed it, soon enough I would and the regain would begin. So loosing slowly and having my hunger meter tamed by the band I know I can continue eating this way forever. Maintaining is key to me. Trish