circa

thanks for sharing! congrats on your decision and I'm excited for you!

yay! congrats! hope you are finding a comfortable position to sleep in! I'm a stomach sleeper/side sleeper so I bought a nice big body pillow to put next to me for a little extra support and comfort. Also to take the place of the DOG that's usually laying there kicking me

good to hear! I once heard a doc say in a seminar "chew your food until you want to spit it out - then swallow"

was your spouse supportive of your decision?

I basically told my husband that I had made up my mind. He could either get on board now and be supportive, or deal with me resenting his lack of support when all was said and done and he wanted to enjoy the ahem...."fruits of my labor". He's my biggest cheerleader

take a deep breath and remember, you are NOT horrible. None of us are horrible. You just have to get back to working your sleeve. What everyone says is right. Try LilMissDiva's basics boot camp plan thingy - and make sure you're always eating your proteins first, veggies second, cards last. That protein will fill you up fast. Next, ask yourself why you have gone off your plan. Is there something that you're trying to avoid? Get right with yourself and things will fall into place. Maybe you're not quite ready to have kids yet. Maybe you want to enjoy your new body for a while. You're YOUNG and have plenty of time! Just be honest with yourself if that is it and be honest with your husband as well. Take the time to figure out what's going on with you. You're worth it

Lesson #2 of the story - when your body is telling you something, LISTEN! And don't take a passive doctor's crap for an answer! (No pun intended!) Glad you're ok!

Hah. Its political season - we always played the drinking game during debates and speeches. Anytime they say a key phrase, you drink! It'll be different doing it with water vs. beer or liquor this year

When I was a kid, I really didn't know we were poor. Most kids don't. I had a mother, father and siblings. We ate just fine, usually what was brought home from the restaurant mom worked at (that seemed like a treat, really), or whatever Dad had hunted (again, never a complaint there - still love wild game). I remember when I started kindergarden, I used to go to the neighbors to wait for the bus because both of my parents left for work early. My dad left for work at like 5 am. I can remember him waking me up at about 4:30 to brush my hair and put me back to bed. I had really long curly hair and my little arms couldn't reach that far. He'd brush my hair and wrap it in a towel so it would stay nice. My mother hated my hair and refused to brush it, so my dad did it. I remember sitting there and trying to hide the sound of my stomach growling. The neighbors, who also were our "daycare" during the summer and after school are actually now my step-grandparents. Well, Grandpa could hear my stomach growling one morning and made me an egg and a piece of toast. I'd never had an egg like that! I'd never sopped up the yolk with my toast like he did! This was cool! And I felt better! Lunch of course was at school and dinner with the family. My mother never thought to feed her 5 year old breakfast. She never forgot to eat herself, though. After a few years, my parents divorced and we kids were left with our mother. My mother's first act of vengeance against my father was to take me to a hair stylist and cut off all my hair. She even said "let's see what he thinks of his little girl now". I cried. She spanked me. My dad cried too. I grabbed some of my hair and shoved it in my pocket as it fell from my head. He still to this day has that lock of my hair from that haircut. As time went on, my mother still didn't provide breakfast. There wasn't really food in the house. We usually sustained on rice, instant mashed potatoes made with water instead of milk, and popcorn. All 3 of which I still don't eat to this day. She worked at a restaurant, so she ate there. Many times, she'd come home and take my sisters out to dinner, leaving me at home. I remember coming home sick from school one day. I had thrown up all over the place after lunch. My grandpa took me home and I went in the shower and he went to get me a change of clothes. He asked me where all my clothes were. I told him I didn't really have any. He called his wife (she worked at the department store in town) and told her. She came home with underwear and socks and some shirts and pants for me. Boy was my mom mad at me. I started babysitting for the lady down the road when I was about 11. She used to feed me and even gave me some clothes. She would just happen to have stuff that wouldn't fit her (she was a larger lady) but she was sure that would fit me. Amazingly it did. I didn't realize it then, but she was going out and buying things and hanging them in her closet and would ask me to help her clean her closet. Pretty much whatever money I made babysitting, my mother would take. She said she needed it. Just like when she would send me to beg my dad for the child support check. I was in my ratty hand-me-down clothes. But she had a new outfit to go out in that night with her friends. My sisters found their ways out. One sister went to stay with my dad. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere. I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone. I wasn't old enough to decide. My other sister pretty much ran away. She had older friends and she was always with them. Sometimes they would take me too and get me something to eat and make me feel like I was wanted. I was sick a lot, mostly from being malnourished, but I also had medical problems that weren't attended to. My sister's friend used to wrap me in blankets on their couch and sing to me until I fell asleep. That lasted for a little while - by 14 my sister was pregnant. I remember my mother dragging me out of bed at 3am on a school night to go find my sister at some random guys' house. She was a wildchild and who knew where we might find her. My mother would drive and I would have to go knock on doors at 3am and drag my sister out of strange mens beds. All she was looking for was a warm meal and some comfort. My sister got pregnant. I got grounded. The day my mother found out my sister was pregnant (she was 7 months along and hiding it from no one but my mother - everyone knew) I got grounded and my sister went to a party. She was in a car accident and nearly killed herself AND the baby. I knew at this point I had to get out of there for my own survival. When I was babysitting one night, I used the phone there to call my dad. I told him EVERYTHING. He told me to go home and not say anything to my mom, he was going to think of something. He came and saw me at school a couple days later and told me to pack my things and he would pick me up from school and take me home the next day. I did what he said and packed my bookbag and a paper grocery bag - that was all of my belongings. He told my mother he was taking me and she could try to sue him but he'd turn her in for child abuse and neglect. She still tried to fight him. I went and stayed with another family (my best friend) while this was going on. They're still my family today. Eventually I went to stay with my dad. I was in shock really. There was always food in the house. I ate everything I could see. I wasn't sure how long the food was going to be there so I tried to take in as much as I could. I gained a lot of weight. After some time, I did come to the realization that the food would just always be there, so I didn't binge anymore. That was my battle with food. Living at my dad's house was a dream compared to my mothers - but it still wasn't an ideal situation. My step-mom, who, is only 9 years older than me had a very hard time coming to terms with having teenage daughters. She's a very selfish person - admittedly so - and that's why she never had children of her own. Over the years, my sisters have caused some pretty serious upheavals in the family - leaving me kindof as collateral damage. It is what it is - but I would love to have my family back whole. I've worked on that a lot - and I've made a lot of headway I remember a lot of mornings I would be so very nauseous and I would vomit. My stepmom thought I was faking - or was trying bulimia. She'd search my room for laxatives and of course find nothing - well - once she found cigarettes *oops* She was convinced I was on drugs. I never did drugs. Anyway - we butted heads, but we see pretty eye-to-eye these days. I moved out the day before graduation from high school. I was on my own and never looked back. Over the years, I battled my weight a bit - my doctor told me that the malnourishment as a child into puberty really wreaked havoc on my endocrine system. But its also why I wasn't diagnosed with Wilsons Disease until I was 30. Myst people are dead by 30 if undiagnosed. But because half of my life I wasn't getting what for most would be proper nutrition, my liver never built up enough copper to show symptoms. Probably all in all a good thing, because I wouldn't have received medical attention in my mothers "care". I always came out on top in the weight battle - at least until I was diagnosed with Wilson's. Then I was battling steroids and being pretty much bed-ridden. I'm totally afraid of being hungry - all those thoughts from when I was a kid come back. I've been able to diet before, where, sure I felt hungry, but I knew I could eat more. My sisters both have that fear as well - when they had kids, they bought so much baby food, they ended up giving literally hundreds of jars to the food bank each after their kids were out of the baby food stage. They never wanted their kids to go hungry. When I found out I couldn't have kids, I was more relieved than sad. I was afraid that I might be a monster like my mother was. I know that we all control our own behavior, but it was still a fear inside me. I never thought I was cut out to be a parent - at least not of a young child. I have a very thin patience level - not so much with kids - at least not with my nieces and nephews, godchildren, etc. But its a fear, nonetheless. I still have a relationship with my mother. I've forgiven, but not forgotten those things. She doesn't quite remember the past that way - she thinks she was a "pretty good mom". I just stay silent. Its not going to do any good to bring it up to her now. She's pretty much put herself one foot in the grave. I've come to terms with that and with her. But the fear of being hungry is still in the back of my mind. I believe that I could lose all this weight after having the adrenal tumors removed without surgery. But It would be so damned hard to be so damned hungry all the time, I'm not sure what it would do to me psychologically. I don't ever want to have that kind of hunger again. I still remember what it feels like. I see some pictures of me as a little girl and my eyes are so sunken in. I'm emaciated and just....sad. That's part of the reason I gained so much weight. Along with the steroids packing on the pounds, they increased the feeling of hunger. I totally felt exactly like I did as a little kid and ate everything in sight. I didn't help my already negative situation. I added to it. I increased the amount of weight i gained because I was afraid of feeling that feeling I did as a kid. I don't wanna do that again. The sleeve is my tool. Its the tool I've chosen to not have to go through that again. Its not necessarily the food that has the power over me, but part of my past. I know food is an issue because of the hunger, but its about making the right choices and not letting the past get to me. I'm working on that every day. I never really talked about this much until after I met my husband. We talked about it and then I've talked about it since. My sisters and I have talked to eachother about what happened when we were kids too.

actually, it sounds exactly like what everyone says will happen if you eat too fast. Your sleeve is still finicky - sometimes food won't agree with it. The faster you eat, the more "full" you're going to feel because the food doesn't have time to mix with stomach acids and you're not giving your sleeve a chance to work. Always good to check with the doctor though if you're feeling uncomfortable. Most likely, you just ate too fast. Stricture issues with the sleeve are associated with a larger size bougie than they use now. Usually a 48f - most are done with a 32f now, which virtually removed all stricture issues. Hang in there!

good for you! why we live and die by what a 3 dollar battery tells us is beyond me - but we do it! I'm guilty of it too! I already told my hubby, scale goes away for 1 month after I get home and if I start obsessing, he's to take it away again!

relax and take a deep breath. Its not a race. Your body is still healing and adjusting. Take the scale and have someone put it somewhere you can't get to for about a month or so. We all do it. We all rely on a piece of machinery run on a 3 dollar battery to tell us if we're doing things right or not. In a month, get the scale, replace the battery and check yourself then. Every day weigh ins should be reserved for maintenance. When you get to your goal weight, weigh in every day or ever 3 days, just to maintain.

I'm only 2 weeks away from my sleeve! The last week was kinda weird - It was a rough week - didn't sleep much, ate fairly well, a couple slips, but I'm still well within my doctor's requirements, since he only requires a 5 day liquid diet. I'm doing the rest of it by my choice - mainly because its healthier for me to do so, and I'm proving to myself that I can. I'm also using this time to come up with altered recipes for my favorite foods to fit into my new lifestyle. Its working out FABULOUSLY! I've not worked protein shakes in yet - that'll be next week. I'm kindof "stepping down" into a liquid diet for the preop and its making this so much easier than just doing it "cold turkey" I'm so excited to get this done. I'm not looking forward to the plane ride - I've not been on a plane in 4 years and I wasn't obese then. I took the comforting step of buying an extra seat and pre-selecting our seats. That way we don't have to worry about it. If I don't need the extra seat, they'll refund it. Which is great. I also booked the same for the flight home, but also with stretch seating, so I can be more comfortable- I don't know how I'm going to feel on the way home, so I just want to make it as comfortable a 2 hour plane ride as possible I'm trying to get all my stuff together - My hubby will take his laptop, but I probably won't take mine - we really don't need two. I'll have my phone and my kindle with me. Basic toiletries and a few necessary clothing items. I shouldn't need anything more than that! I found a pair of nice slip-on shoes for the trip - I don't normally wear slip-ons other than pumps, and well...I'm not walking around in heels just after surgery haha I'm just ready to get this going. I wish it was today!

I'm staying on track with my pre-preop diet to ensure I rock my sleeve when I get it in TWO WEEKS! YAY!!!!!

oh, and I'd switch PCP's too after that crap.

You can always just go to an urgent care or doc in a box - they'll take your sutures out.

some people do great with the band - you have to be vigilant in your own personal care. I wonder how many warning signs this person may have ignored. Everyone does it - you ignore a pain here, a feeling there - when you have something like this done, you absolutely CANNOT ignore the little signs.

It depends on what you do - my sister had hers removed and returned to work the next day, but she didn't have to lift anything (can't lift more than 10 lbs)

Yes, what you experienced was abuse. You do not deserve that. You deserve nothing but respect. Your children are experiencing this abuse as well. Watching their mom be abused is abusing them as well. Please, stand up for yourself. You say that you think your kids deserve both parents, but really - what lesson are you teaching them? That its okay for your sons to treat women that way? Teaching your daughters that this is how they should be treated? Staying together for the kids is the worst reason to stay together. Trust me - my parents tried that - I hated my family., I hated holidays and I still have issues from that. Please, take your husband aside and explain to him what you expect of him - and MEAN IT. Let him know that his behavior will not be tolerated. You are commanding respect. He needs to get on board.

My husband and one of my siblings know and that's it. Well, and you guys Those are the only people that are being told.

I'm missing a lengthy blog entry

I personally don't believe in "starvation mode" - your body will adjust and you will stall or plateau for a while as your body reconfigures itself. Circuit training will help to increase your muscle and prevent lean body mass loss.

First thing's first. You are NOT alone in this. So many of us can empathize with the situation. The sad fact is, you can't do anything to make them get in control. You have to prepare yourself for the worst, and be a shining example to them of the best that you can be. I'm prepared for my mother to die at an early age - my siblings are not. I don't have kids and they do - they have that extra attachment of having to explain to their kids where their Grandma went. Its a hard situation. All you can do is take care of you and show them that life isn't over.

ask all the questions! If you don't know how to word them, Just as "what do I need to know about my _______?" insert your concern there. They should be able to answer any common concerns about how the surgery will or won't affect that.

Even better - got my passport card today Yay!