hollev

My name is Victoria Holle. I've been overweight since I was young. Both my parents were obese and I can remember my mum always making a different meal for me then what she was making for herself and my father. I don't blame her, I was an incredibly picky eater and only liked certain things that were mostly fatty, cheesy, and with zero vegetables. If I didn't get what I wanted, I would throw a fit and my mum would give in just to have peace.
We moved around a lot when I was young. My dad was getting his PhD and to do that we moved 5 times to 4 different states all before I was 10. I was always the new girl and when I didn't have any friends, I had food. It was a real comfort for me. I learned early how to make the foods I liked because I usually came home from school to an empty house because both my parents had to work to support us. Coming home from school and making myself pasta or hotdogs or eating chips made getting through school easier. I had a few select friends everywhere I went, but I was never popular. I don't think I noticed at the time but my weight was starting to balloon. Looking back on pictures, I see the chubby face and rounder belly. I used to get picked on a lot about my weight. It was the ongoing joke, but the more I got made fun of, the more I ate to comfort myself.
We finally moved one more time to New Jersey where I still am today. This place was the worst transition of all. Again, I was the new girl but we moved to a place where people never leave. They are born here, get married, have their kids, grow old, and die in the same town. All the kids knew each other from pre-k and here i was the fat new girl. Middle school was the worst. Granted I was a quirky kid and wasn't good at socializing very well. I blame that on the moving. I was tormented almost daily but stuck it out. I found my best friend who is still my best friend now in 6th grade and she helped me through a lot. I owe her so much.
After middle school I went to catholic school. I was never religious, in fact I was practically an atheist but private schools looked good on college résumés and it was a chance to start fresh in a new school with new kids. I left catholic school a year later and returned to the public high school. The cost was too great and I missed my old friends. There in high school is where my weight turned out of control. I think I ignored it, or tried to. I was becoming my own person. Kids stopped making fun of me (well at least to my face) I was learning how to put on makeup and even though I was wearing bigger sizes, I was getting better with my clothing selection. I was finally fitting in and I didn't want to come to the terms that my weight was getting out of control.
Now at the present. I am currently a nursing major at a top university with a very promising future ahead of me and I think it was then that I realized that I had had enough! My weight was exploding and I couldn't seem to stop it, worse I didn't seem to care. I loved the taste of fatty foods too much! Pastas and breads and fried chicken and burgers! I couldn't get enough! I would feel content and happy while eating delicious foods but hate myself soon after finishing. Yet I still couldn't find a reason to change. Besides my weight I was perfectly healthy. My blood pressure was perfect, I had no diabetes or any heart conditions. My doctor kept warning me that this was because I was young and if I didn't get a handle on my weight soon I would not see the perfect test results anymore. I pushed all that in the back of my mind. I loved food, even salads but in large quantities. I ate fast food almost twice a week because of sheer connivence. School was crazy and I was rarely home to eat meals my mum cooked so I was always stopping at Taco Bell or McDonald's to grab a "quick bite". I felt I couldn't change. I had been on every weight control option out there! My doctor put me on a program with a nutritionist who gave me great ideas, but it involved so much work and time that I didn't have and having to go to the doctors once a week and pay co-pays was getting expensive so I dropped that. I had been on weight watchers three times both gaining and losing weight. I tried Ali pills to make you lose weight but those didn't work and tried many other options.
I knew in the back of my mind it was my food choices and lack of exercise that made me not successful but I didn't want to admit it and blamed everyone and everything that I could. One day my dad tells me one of his co-workers got gastric bypass surgery and is down 150 pounds! My mum and dad met her for dinner to get a first hand account on her story and her experience. My mum came back that night convinced she wanted gastric bypass too. That got me thinking about surgery for myself. I didn't know if I wanted something as extreme as gastric bypass so I did my research. I had heard of the lap band but never really knew much about it. As I read more and more I felt in my heart this is what I needed. I went to my parents soon after and told them I wanted to get a lap band. My mum was all for it knowing how much I struggled. My dad, on the other hand wasn't too keen on the idea. He, and soon like a few of my family, thought i was too young and could do it on my own. I didn't care. I made a doctors appointment with the same surgeon that did my dads co-worker and soon my mother.
Let me tell you, the road to getting banded was an extremely long and hard one. I had to switch primary doctors because my current one pretty much told me to my face how she wasn't giving me permission for it because she felt I was using the surgery as an excuse. She started telling me all the horrible things that could go wrong with the band and how you might not lose any weight at all because as all of us lap banders out there know the band is merely a tool, not a quick fix. To top it off she put me on anti-depressants also. I felt shocked. she had only talked to me about 15 minutes and i felt that wasn't enough time to decide i was clinically depressed. she probably signed my prescription with the pen from the anti-depressant company! I dropped her that same day and found a doctor closer to me who gladly signed the letters of approval. I know what's right for me in the end and I wasn't going to let anyone stand in my way.
Insurance approved me immediately. I was considered morbidly obese according to the BMI chart. It was 43. This came as a shock to me as we'll. I mean I knew I was obese but MORBIDLY obese? Well it only made my mind up more that I needed help.
The road to band wasn't over yet! My new doctor, no matter how understanding he may be, was very scatter brained. My insurance required a couple of letters from him recommending the surgery and it took him over 4 weeks to write a two paragraph letter! I was on the phone constantly with his assistant begging them to get the letter out. At this point I had a surgery date and if insurance didn't get this letter soon, they wouldn't approve me and I would have to push back my date! Finally he got it out and I was approved. Up till the last couple of days before my surgery I was getting all these tests and scans to make sure I was able to get the surgery. The night before was finally here and I celebrated with my last meal being Indian curry!
I am now 2 weeks since my surgery and 17 pounds down. It's a very slow recovery and I have my good days and bad ones. The worst so far is the liquid diet I need to be on 3 weeks post surgery to let the band heal. The pain from my empty stomach was so intense! I had low blood sugar every day and was constantly in a bad mood snapping at my family for no reason. I went to my doctor and asked him what I was doing wrong. He told me I needed a ton more protein and put me on a powder that really helped! The hunger pains are still there but greatly subdued and in one week I can eat food again!
Well I'm not sure if anyone will read this but I put a lot into this and if anyone does read it I hope they get hope from me and know they are not alone and I'm always hear for support! I will update my story as changes happen. Thanks for reading!