SolracSpree

Well for the past couple of weeks my hair as been coming out more and more. And I was in denial until this past weekend when I remembered cleaning out my brush Wednesday and was full of hair again Saturday. So I got some biotin, got more multivitamins, some protein shots, biotin pills, biotin shampoo&conditioner. Then I decided that my hair was falling out largely due to the fact that I was tugging on all my tangles. So I decided to get my hair cut. So today I have 12 inches less of hair. freaked out a bit but I am OK with it. Lol See the before and afters

Loved this - very true!!!

So 2 weeks go I hit my 226 pound mark. As of today I am 221. I think once I get down to the teens i'm going to just be in shock. I am surprised to say the least that my weight is coming off as quickly as it is. (Those who know me know I'm a "bad girl" when it comes to food and I expected to lose quite slowly) I spoke about a stall a few weeks ago as well.. safe to say thats stall is over and I've have learned my lesson. Keep my calorie count in the 1400-1500 range = losing weight 1000-1300 calories range = stall. Experienced some different things this past few weeks. I am starting my own business. I have a business partner and we are coming up with all the details currently. We hope to pilot our business in June of 2014. If all goes well it will be full-time. Wish me luck! I also went to the county fair. this past weekend and tasted so many guilty treats. Deep fried oreos, deep fried Reese, cheesecake, vodka, and popcorn. And before anyone loses their damn mind. Did I eat all 7 oreos?? No, I had 1. Did I eat a whole cheesecake no- a bite. So simmer down now. Sex - so had sex quite recently and I was able to wrap my legs around my boyfriends waist. HECK YES!! I can tell a huge difference in that department from where I was 45 pounds ago. And then theres the hate- I have noticed all the random post about people quite frankly - losing their damn mind. People are getting so upset over some things that really I just like- Wow I wish I had time in my day to let things like this get to me, because I would have to have ALOT of spare time. In conclusion i think I have seen the following things... 1. People looking for people to tell them its OK to break the rules - You are just asking people to be nasty and tell you how undedicated you are and to listen to your Doctors Orders 2. If people are constantly telling you that you sound rude - maybe you should work on that. If you dont care then stop replying back. Cause thats what people do when they dont give a damn. In the end this is just a website. Now I have made some awesome online buddies and gotten some invaluable advice, but what is really important is what is happening in my life, not on some computer screen. And if your life revolves around this site then maybe take a step and look for something tangible off the cyber world. In the end, these are people we don't know, will more than likely never interact with, so in my mind their opinions and complaints only go so far.

Your blog, your feelings, say what you want girl

Love it!

Dots is my clothing HAVEN. I just ventured to "the other side" the other day for XL shirts. It was like letting a kid into a candy shop. ... $70 was sent that 1 hour lol

Sooo For the past 3 weeks I have been going from 229 - 226 up and down up and down. So what happened 3 weeks ago? Well I started work. So I'm thinking that my stalling of my weight is stress related??? And I have no idea how to begin to fix that. Other than that I have lowered my calories and increased my activity While teaching I move around ALOT Breakfast is ALWAYS yogurt (100-150 calories) Lunch is ALWAYS Tuna ( 200 calories) Snack - Varies Dinner - Varies So I dont know what my body is doing but I can estimate my calories have gone down from 1500/1600 to now 1100/1200. We will see what happens with the scale later. On another note. I am 1 pound away (on some days) to my 40pd mark! 1/2 to my doctors goal and only 2 months out of surgery

Well this weekend has been a blast thus far. My man was able to take off Saturday and Sunday so I wanted to find something to do! Tried getting a room at the beach - FAIL Tried getting a room at the mountains - FAIL So I tracked down a rental place at one of the lakes near by and YAY found a place renting out kayaks $35.00 for the day sounded awesome to me. Went kayaking with my boyfriend (who cant swim and was FREAKING OUT! - even with a life vest) and we were out about 5 hours. We stop at a cove got out and swam it was fun. I even made him "practice" capsizing his boat in case it happened in deep water so he wouldn't freak out. All was fun an awesome UNTIL *MY* boat capsized - into the water I went. Now I had just shown my boyfriend how to get back in his boat at least 5 times and when it was in the middle of the lake.... I figured out HEY maybe I shoulda saved some energy in case I fell out of my boat. And on top of all that my boat knocked me in the head when I fell out. So now Ive got a huge goosegg. Well long story short I tied my boat to my boyfriends and swam 3/4 mile to a dock so that the rescue could come get me. Then went to eat at redlobster cause after being stranded I was FAMISHED. Can home and passed the hell OUT! Today woke up needed to go shoe shopping. So went looked -nothing too great. So i decided to take a walk into DOTS my favorite clothing stores (its been about a yr since I went shopping). Just to look around and see what size I am now. So I went and tried on some 1X clothes in the plus size section. And they fit pretty nice. My boyfriend pointed out a shirt (XL) and told to try it on. I said it was too small. He said a 1X and an XL is the same thing. I said its not. So he googled it and turns out he was right. So I tried on the XL and IT FIT! So I ventured to the other size of the store.. BIG MISTAKE ...it was like a kid in the candy shop. I bought 70.00 worth of XL clothes lol So doing good - amazing weekend. Glad for the small things in life.

So August 3rd was the last time i posted on here and I figured I needed to update. The past couple weeks have been crazy. Work has started back, I got sick, went to Carowinds, got my first fill. But lets tackle one at a time. #1 - THE KIDS ARE BACK. School is back in session. So far I've only made one kid cry *YAY* lol (Yes Im a mean art teacher) but he saw me today and gave me a hug, so I guess all is forgiven. New principal, lots of new staff, and still adjusting to everything. I am PRAYING tomorrow goes well with my all boy classes and that no one want to fight. But it is week one there are LOTS of weeks let for them to get tired of each other. But thus far lots of hugs and "I missed yous " I even had one of my little trouble makers jump into my arms when he saw me yesterday lol - Silly youngins . Then there was the "Ms.O'Malley do you have a baby in your belly kid?" ALWAYS 1 each year. I have accepted by kids DO NOT understand I am not pregnant but I just look pregnant (you cant tell my kindergartens that, they wont believe you lol) #2 - Caught a cold the week before school. Well that sucked. All I wanted was carbs and cheese. I had cheesy mashed potatoes, cheesy grits, and mac and cheese galore. Chicken? Steak? Ugh wanted nothing to do with it. Lasted about 3 days and I glad it ended before school got back in. That would have been a crappy was to start the year. #3 - Carowinds - Had a blast! I had (at that time) lost about 35 pounds from where I was last summer. And when I went I couldn't fit into about 3 of the roller coasters. Embarrassed much? HIGHLY. But this year went - fit in everything I tried to ride, although I didn't try everything for fear of hurting my port. I am still not where I fit "comfortably" but at least I fit. Funny enough it was last year when I couldn't fit in the roller-coaster that I reached my "breaking point" and decided to get the lapband as soon as I got insurance. #4 Fill - Got my 1st fill FINALLY - 2 months+ later. Went weighing in at 227 (started at 265) which 4 pounds in 3 weeks before that 4 pounds in 2 weeks. So i'm averaging about 2 pounds loss per week. My doctor said we need to work on the AMOUNT of food I take in even if i'm losing 2 pounds steadily. Right now I'm eating 1 cup 4 or 5 times a day. She said we need to get me at 1 cup 3 times a day and 1 snack 1/2 cup. 1 cup of my food is the max I eat but I definitively am not satisfied on it so hopefully getting these fills will help. When she removed the fluid from surgery to measure I was SHOCKED. She removed 5.6cc!!! I was like WHOA now, thats alot. She told me that why I]m not starving and my reply was THATS why I was in so much PAIN after surgery. She said... more than likely :::eye roll:: anyway...... my port is at an angle but in the perfect angle for a fill. IN - OUT - DONE I had my fill with fluoro so I got to see the xray of my band and the barium going through - pretty cool. She added 1cc couldn't feel a difference then another... still no difference. She told me that's all shes going to add for now I go back in 4 weeks for a check-up. Put on liquids 2 days, pureed 2 days and then solids. So we will see. Hunger hasnt kicked in so far - 11oz of protein shake / Tea / 11oz Tomato soup We will see!

Hey girl, Sorry about the needles. That sucks. Hopefully you can get someone more "experienced" next time

SO Here is my motivation list. Things I will do when I get to my goal weight. Skiing with no boot extenders Ride a rollercoaster comfortably Tan out by the pool Learn to salsa dance Go to an actual zumba class Experiement with different sex positions Go hiking and not feel like dying Not be the biggest person in the room Fit back into my little black dress Looking awesome on the back of a bike Go to the gym and not feel self consious Buy clothes that arent in the plus size Get lingerie See my ex when I'm 100pds lighter Walk up my steps without getting winded

The hardest part of all of this is temptation. Once you can overcome temptation it gets significantly easier. We are all big for some reason or another, and we didnt get here by making great food choices. You have to learn to reset your mind. And it doesnt happen overnight. For some people surgery put their mind straight and they haven't deviated. Good for them , but that doesnt happen to all of us. Don't get discouraged. I way I am learning to think of food is 1) why am I eating this? (hunger, boredom,ect) 2) what is the food giving my body? (Protien, vitamins, ect) 3) could I make a better choice 4) Will I feel guilty afterwards and is it worth it? (some times the answer is yes. For example I ate a cupcake, it was delicious, I am under my calorie count, and I only ate 1. Do I feel guilty. NOPE) Your body is still healing dont focus on weight. You should focus on getting your mind right and letting your body heal. Weight loss will come

Doc appointment today. I went in for a checkup on my stitches and good news is that it is healing great! not great enough to get a fill though. - Sooo close but no dice. I scheduled an appointment for next week in hope that my issue will be resolved. While I was there I was praised by my Doc. Two weeks ago I went in about my stitches and weighed in at 236 pds and today weighed in at 232. So an average of 2 pounds per week. She told me she was very impressed with my weight loss thus far. She told me most people do not lose during this stage because they do not feel restriction and constantly eat and some even gain weight. She also went on to say it shows that I have real dedication and making the choices that I should be making. The last part made me feel guilty but I didnt say anything. I am far from a poster child. For example I had a Reese cup just yesterday. I eat 1400-1600 calories a day. Where some people are eating 800. My only exercise is playing with my dog and walking up my horrendous 3 flight of stairs to my apartment 3 times a day (and the occasional Zumba song ). But really, am I putting in my all. Nope. And I think it is unfair that someone like me who isnt trying all that hard can lose weight faster than someone that is. I do stick to my 1 cup of food at every meal - I do not want to cause any damage to my band and think it is irresponsible to eat more. But I have cut out a BUNCH of crap used to eat on a daily basis (try 4 packs a Reeses, Taco Bell for Lunch, Golden Corral for dinner) but compared to some of the hard work and efforts of people on here. I am not doing much. Will this catch up to me? Probably. And when it does it will kick my ass into gear! But as silly as it sounds I feel like why should I try harder if what i'm doing is already working. Whats the saying....dont fix what aint broken? Maybe things will change once I am back working. I feel like I have no routine in my schedule and its throwing me off. Once I get back to school and have a assigned slot for Breakfast/Lunch/Snack/Dinner I wont be grazing or doing other guilty food actions. I know my exercise will increase once I get the ok from my Doc because I actually like lifting weights. But these are all in the future and havent been done. And like my status says ..... When it is all said and done, Will I have SAID more than Ive DONE?" Lets hope not.

I had not heard about the Six Flags lady. I dont know how large she was or any details. But I do know the last time I went to an amusement park I went on a roller coaster and SQUEEZED into it. Well guess what it popped loose while riding. Luckily there was another safety measure that kept my bar from coming completely loose. It was a terrifying experience.

This post will jump around and might be confusing but I got lots to mention over the past 2 weeks! So last I posted some days ago. I was put on a new Antibiotic. Well its working!!!! :::: cue streamers, dancers, strobe light:::: Looking at it today I estimate it will be healed by next week I got the abdominal support. Awkward. I look pregnant and it makes me feel pregnant and I only wear it around the house. LoL I am completely moved into my new place! I didn't have to lift much - my mom would slap me with her eyes every time I did (like only my mother can do). And I love it. We are on the 3rd floor, so much more space and a 24 hr gym My poor dog FLIPPED out at the wooden floor. He had to be practically dragged up the stairs. But after 3 days he is good now. As far as my band goes. I am doing better. I am no longer counting calories but making good calorie decisions. I found I obsess when I count the calories instead of eating when i'm hungry and just remembering portion size. I do not not count carbs either. And I'm losing I weighed 248 going into surgery. I am now at 233. All with no fill. I am happy especially since I didnt loose anything from week 2-4. I lost 5oz during that time to be exact lol. Looking at my weight history this means I weighed this much back in 2009. That makes me excited. Soon I will be how much I weighed in high school As far as food. I can eat anything it seems like. No problem getting stuck, not one. I can not eat berries plain. I tried eating strawberries and raspberries, that didn't sit well, but I can eat them on cereal or yogurt. Gulping water (which i've done accidentally) didn't hurt either. I have been dealing with pain in my abdomen. Not where my band or port is but on my right side. Its odd. Some episodes of nausea. Some of this I have to give credit to my gastroparesis, it causes random and unexplained pain. Now I am ready for a fill. I feel encouraged. I am losing weight with no fill but I am hungry every 2 - 3 hours. I think with a fill I will be on a great track. I am going to tell my doc I dont think it will take much. I am amazed at how much my stomach is adjusting to lesser amount of food over time. Doc appt on Tuesday, we will see what they say about...welll....everything :::continues to party with strobe lights and streamers::::

Congrads You should be so proud! I avoid shopping too. My clothes are limited because I cant fit anything, even plus size clothes fit me weird because of my body shape. Hope things change for me soon like they have for you

Went to the Doc office today. Brother went with me this time. I found out I dropped a pound since I was there last week. Funny when I actually start eating again and not as stressing about my calories I lose weight. Anywho surgeon took a good look at my stitches. He told me that there was still infection and he was putting me on a major antibiotic - Biaxin. So when I finish this antibiotic that means I will have been on 30 days on antibiotics. Wow. Surgeon also asked how I was doing in general and I told him everything else was ok, had some heartburn off and on, but most of all I was just hungry. He told me to eat 5-6 small meals a day, low fat, and low sugar, didn't say anything about calories... I also asked how long until I could get a fill. Answer - possibly a month. Greeeaattttt. If this antibiotic doesn't work then the next step is for them to cut out the infected and stitch me back up . I 100% do not want this to happen! I return back to work the middle of August and I just dont need that additional hassle in my life. I also have to get a abdominal support (?) because the weight of my belly is pulling my incision apart. Healing rate is estimated from 2 - 4 more weeks. Which means no swimming, no amusement park, no vacation. Good bye summer I guess.

thank you for keeping me in mind. Without support from this group I don't know what I'd do.

So. After a confrontational 3-way called between me, my brother and my doc office. I now have an Appt to see the SURGEON. Not the nurses, or assistants. Hopefully I will get some answers about my incision infection. My brother is going with me as well. He is being very demanding, makes me think that maybe this is more serious than I was thinking? who knows we will see. On another note. Fooooddd. LoL. Been having problems with hunger, today not so much. Woke up had 1/2 cup grits. Then a taco from taco bell, sushi for dinner (been craving sushi), and a new desert that I can guilt free Reese Pie. (1 serving of greek yogurt/ 1 scoop chocolate protein/ 1 tlb peanut butter with granola) All under my 1,200 cal limit andddddddd. IM NOT HUNGRYYYYY!!! Yay Last thing. I am moving this weekend and I am not moving a thing. With the exception of some blankets. My family has already told me I am not to lift a finger and further damage my incision site. Kinda nice thinking that I don't have to move everything up 3 flights of stairs. Poor boyfriend has to box up most of the stuff around the house. But he goes back to work tomorrow. Thinking about a packing party ::::whootwhoot::::

So here it comes, a rant. If was bound to happen and here it is. WARNING: there will be lots of negativity Okay so today must just not be my day. I couldnt fall asleep until 5:00am. Then woke up at 8:30am from a nightmare. I was hungry and I wanted something to keep me full. So I chose 1/2cup baked beans and 1/2cup refied beans. They kept me full all of what 2 hours, normally it keeps me full longer. GREAT. So 11:00am i'm hungry again, I ignore it for an hour at noon I cant do it anymore. I have a protein drink. No joke an hour later Im doing chores and my stomach says hello again. So I saw screw it im taking a nap. I nap until 4:00pm, wake up hungry. So im thinking grits & eggs because normally they keep me full. Overcooked the egg, threw it out. Ate 3/4 cup of organic grits. It seems to be setting on my stomach just fine but who knows how long this will last. So far 618 calories and 45 grams of protein. I plan on have quiona and chicken for dinner. Which will put me right at my 1,000 calorie limit and put me at 65 - 75 grams of protein, depending on how much I can eat. I am really discouraged right now. I am trying to look at the grand scheme of things but it is hard. I teach the rest of the year and it is a tough school. I 100% need my summer break to recover and have some fun before school sucks the life out of me again and it seems like this summer I haven't been able to do that. One complication after another. Its 4.5 weeks out my stitch is open, i'm always hungry and I wont be able to get a fill until my stitch heals. Well judging by the looks of things that wont be for a while. So im just destined to be hungry for the rest of summer? I would eat more but im terrified of my band slipping, and even dense protein like grilled chicken keeps me full for like an hour or two. I cant exercise because my weight pulls down my stitch and makes my wound open more. It has honestly increased in size since 2 weeks ago. The doctors are not comforting. Its pretty much 1)antibiotics will heal your wound and 2)hunger is part of the game, get over it. I think too, I dont have anyone or anything to blame. Blame myself? No its not my fault (other than being this big in the first place) Is it the docs fault, no? Its just life. There is no one to blame Im doing to start another drawing hopefully this can ease my mind.

Thanks everyone. BillieG - most peoples stitches dont look like this. Mine have opened and developed an infection