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srussell8

LAP-BAND Patients
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Everything posted by srussell8

  1. srussell8

    Ugh!!!!!!!!

    Yup - my hair falls out if I don't eat enough protein. Biotin helps, but protein is the key.
  2. srussell8

    Feeling really low right now

    I'm in your shoes right now! I had lost 140, quit going to the dr. and quit following the rules = gained back 60 of that. I didn't look because I didn't want to know. The truth is I like doing what I want, when I want, as much as I want. I completely understand the discouragement, fear, and shame. I procrastinated getting back to the dr because I was so ashamed and embarrassed. I finally sucked it up and went in. I looked him dead in the eye and took responsibility. He was great! He said, "Right answer - now let's get back to work." I was terrified that my band would somehow not "work" again - maybe I had stretched my stomach, maybe it had slipped, maybe now that I have learned how to defeat it so easily I wouldn't even try. Great news! I got my fill on May 8 and have lost 20 pounds since then. It still works. That's because it never stopped working - I stopped working! Here's the thing - never before have I ever stopped a slide. This time I recognized it, looked it in the face for what it is, and I'm doing something about it. That - all by itself - is a HUGE accomplishment for me! It tells me that I have a very good chance of maintaining my success for the rest of my life. I would love to think that I will never get that lazy again, but I know me too well. So in a way, this is a very important part of my journey. I need to prove to myself that even if I really blow it, I can get back on track. I can't tell you the number of diets I've been on in my life and the number of times I've lost more than 30 pounds at a time. Then I blow it and regain it all plus some. When that happened in the past - I just threw my hands in the air and said "F*** it! I'm just destined to be fat and there's nothing I can do about it." This time is different. I think a vital part of the whole process is learning to live and think differently. Now it's not so much about losing weight as it is about trusting myself and taking control of my life rather than being helpless and hopeless. Don't just throw your hands in the air and give up on yourself. You did this before and you can do it again. If it weren't a struggle, you wouldn't have had WLS in the first place. Expect the setbacks. It's what we do. I lived the old way for 37 years - I've only lived this way for a fraction of that. It doesn't come naturally. That's not an excuse for my behavior - just an explanation. I once wrecked my mom's car because I was playing with the radio and not paying attention. Playing with the radio was the reason I wrecked the car, but it was not an excuse. I was still responsible for what happened. This is the same - the reason we slide is because it comes very naturally and it's easy. That's not an excuse. It doesn't mean we can't do something differently. Now, I don't play with the radio when I drive. Hopefully, now I will continue to weigh myself even when I don't want to and I will continue to go to dr. appointments for accountability, even if I think I have gained weight. I need external controls. I need to have to look him in the eye and take responsibility for myself. Use this experience. It's incredibly valuable! And so are you! Shelly
  3. I have been banded for 7 years. I lost a total of 140 pounds, but gained back 60 when I quit following the rules and did not get regular band check-ups, etc. I've lost 20 of the 60 I gained back after a recent fill. I have never had any complications and I've never regretted my decision. I lost the 140 pounds within the first 2 years and have successfully maintained the 100 pound weight loss. I have no reason to believe that I will not get back to where I want to be if I follow the rules, and exercise. I have no idea whether the band is right for you, but it was the best thing I ever did for myself and it changed my life. I chose the band over bypass because I was not interested in permanently changing my anatomy. I love the fact that it's completely reversible if something were to happen. I'm sure they must be out there, but I've never talked to anyone with bypass who did not have problems with dumping syndrome, malnutrition, or certain foods they can never eat again because they can't tolerate it anymore. My reason for having WLS in the first place was to be healthy. The life bypass patients have described to me just doesn't sound healthy (or fun). I don't want to live on Protein shakes. I want to live on reasonable portions of healthy food I can enjoy. It's work, but it's worth it for me. Just my two cents. Shelly
  4. srussell8

    Drinking with my meal

    By far this is my biggest challenge! I've never had any problems because of it, but it certainly contributes to not losing weight or to re-gaining weight for me. My surgeon was very emphatic about this rule. She even told me that technically eating a salad with my meal was kind of like eating and drinking at the same time because of the Water content in the vegetables. She just explained that if you put thick sludge in a sink, it will eventually drain out. But if you add a bunch of water to it, it will wash out quickly. The band works because the relatively small amount of chewed food stays in the pouch for a long time. If we wash it through, we defeat the band. Her exact quote - "You can eat and drink your way through anything if you try hard enough." When I follow this rule about not drinking with meals and focus on getting 60g of Protein a day - I lose weight. When I ignore the protein and drink with meals, I gain weight. Just that simple for me. Shelly
  5. srussell8

    Another NSV?

    THAT TOTALLY COUNTS!!! That was one of my absolutely favorite moments of my life - getting on an airplane and actually tightening the belt! Good for you!!! Sing it from the mountain tops!
  6. srussell8

    Discouraged

    This is the attitude that is essential for success. After having the band for years, I got lazy and adopted the attitude that I didn't have to assume responsibility and the band would do the work for me. The result was gaining back 50 pounds. The good news is I stopped the slide and I'm turning it around. But nothing will happen unless I keep the attitude change. As much as I hate it - I must exercise. Although I know how to defeat the band - it's up to me not to. Follow your doctor's instructions, follow the lapband rules, and remember that you are the only one in charge. This is for you! You'll get there!
  7. srussell8

    Day 14

    I know that it may be different for different people, but I've had my band for 7 years, and I've never had an experience that was that awful. I remember right after I got the band and was first back on real food. I stopped and got a breakfast burrito. The first bite of the tortilla got stuck. It did hurt but it wasn't excruciating. The hardest lesson for me then - and still is - that you can no longer just have a quick bite when you are in a hurry. No matter how late you are or how little time you have, you must eat slowly and chew well. As long as I do that, I don't have problems. There may be foods I have to be more careful with (such as steak, heavy bread, tortillas) but I have never found anything that I absolutely cannot eat. As long as I'm willing to chew enough, it's fine (maybe you could say tough steak or pork is out of the question for me if I just can't chew it up enough). Most of the time, though, I just try to avoid bread and stuff just because I don't want to work that hard. As for "frothing" or "Sliming" - no one told me about that and I sort of discovered it on my own. It happens to me mostly when I've tried to go too fast. It's really not painful to me - as Kime-lou said it's more of a pressure. There is no nausea and I don't really throw up (as in when you have a bug and throw up). It's actually more like a cough and there it is. I think regular vomiting is much worse than the experience of "sliming." I think it must be alot like spitting up for a baby. There just isn't any more room and it can't go down so it must come up. As I said, I've had my band for 7 years and never had a single complication or real problem with it. I never did any type of support group or online support until a few months ago when I started visiting this site to get myself back on track and focused. Yet even after 7 years of no problems, I started to kind of get freaked out and a little bit panicky as I read some of the horror stories posted here. I'm not doubting that the folks who posted them were telling the truth. It's just never been true for me and I have no real reason to expect that it will. Try not to freak out because of some of the bad experiences others have had. For all the people that have had difficulties there are also those of us who have never had problems. I think the people who don't have problems just don't post as much because they don't think about it. Really - there does come a day when it's just a normal part of your life and you don't even think about the band at all.
  8. srussell8

    NSV.. Happy Boobs!!!

    I found an awesome lingerie shop in Kansas City that sells unusual bra sizes. They cost a small fortune, but it's worth it! About 1 year into my weight loss journey, I went for a real, honest-to-God, bra-fitting! What an eye-opener! About a year after finding this wonderful store, I moved to Colorado and haven't found another specialty store like it - even in Denver. (You don't want to know what comes up when you Google search for "specialty lingerie"). So now, every time we go home to visit family on vacation, I go in and buy a few new bras. I'm sitting here typing this wearing a 34G!!! I don't think I've been in a 34 since I was in junior high - and that was a loooonnnggg time ago! If any of you ever have the chance to have a real bra fitting by a professional, I highly recommend it! It's amazing what a difference it makes! Someday, when I finally reach goal and stay there for at least 6 months, I hope to get a lift (and maybe reduction) at the same time I lose some of the extra skin. But until then - the girls will be comfy in their 34G!
  9. Had my second appointment with the new doc today. Down 10 pounds (on his scale) in 6 weeks! Feeling great!!!

  10. srussell8

    So Many Victories

    I love it!!! I soooo know what you are experiencing - right down to the wedding dress. And yes, I rocked that strapless gown and you will too! So I initially lost 140 pounds and then gained back 50. Now I'm back on the band wagon and working hard. I went shopping this weekend and was so pumped because instead of the 18s being tight, I was getting into 16s! Then, as I was bragging to my husband, I showed him the tag on the shorts and found that I had accidentally picked up -drum roll please - a 14! Not only did I not notice, I could wear them! (Pre-surgery I was a 28, sometimes 30). OK - so the scale says I gained 5 pounds while on vacation. DON'T CARE! It's working and I'm loving it! Ride this high! It's motivation and you deserve to wallow in success!!! Shelly
  11. srussell8

    Day 14

    I'm very happy for you and I completely get it! I had a fill for the first time in years a few weeks ago. I was terrified that because I had defeated the band for so long that it would no longer work. I play those mind games and they are torture. However - I am getting back to the place where I am beginning to quit eating when I notice the signals. AND - feeling grateful that the band is working, rather than feeling sad or angry because I have to stop but still want more. Gratitude works wonders for me! Shelly
  12. srussell8

    A Little Freaked Out.....

    So glad everything turned out ok! A few years ago, my dr's office scared the crap out of me! My surgery was done in KS and then I moved to CO and 5 years went by before I finally found a new provider in CO. So every couple of years when we went home for vacation, I made an appt with my original dr for a fill. So about 2 years ago when we were planning vacation, I called to tell them I wasn't getting enough restriction and needed a fill. While on the phone, I mentioned that about a year before that, I had had the flu and was throwing up. She (just the receptionist, not the dr or other medical provider) kind of freaked out and talked about how dangerous that is and I might need to have the band removed. I was in a panic for several weeks until we finally got there and I got in for the fluro. Everything was fine. Several weeks of torture for nothing! I can relate to the fear and the relief! Good for you! Shelly
  13. srussell8

    On the throne of self-pity

    So tomorrow is my 7 year Bandiversary - Unbelievable! I feel good in that I have maintained a 100 pound weight loss from my pre-surgery weight. However - I am still up 40 pounds from my lowest weight. It is so easy to lose focus and get lazy. I'm really quite insistent on having things the way I want them - even if it contradicts my ultimate goal. I'm one of those people who has always been fat - I remember wanting to be thinner in second grade. As long as I can remember, I have had an ultimate goal of being thin. (And I don't define thin by magazine standards - just want to be "normal size"). After I got my band, I was ecstatic! I did not know how to defeat it yet, so I lost weight almost effortlessly, it seemed. I actually got there! For a brief shining moment, I felt like I was where I wanted to be. I was still about 20 pounds over what the BMI charts said my "ideal weight" was, but I was happy with it. Then I got cocky and decided I could do what I wanted - and I did. So now I have come full circle - staring myself squarely in the eye and forcing myself to take responsibility for all of it. The truth is, I can't eat what I want and be the size I want to be. I have to chose one or the other. I must exercise, even though I don't enjoy it and it's always work. Nope - not fair. Doesn't matter whether it's fair or not. Those are the facts. I have spent the vast majority of my life wishing for (and pretending I had) a different reality. I slam my head into that brick wall over and over and over, and come away each time with nothing but a sore head. That wall - reality - never budges! Reality does not care about my preferences. So it's time to stop sniveling and live life on life's terms. I have been blessed beyond measure and certainly more than I deserve. I had a wonderful childhood and healthy family. I never experienced abuse or neglect. Although we were certainly not rolling in money, I had everything I needed. I have never really experienced any kind of trauma or tragedy. I have achieved most of my career goals and have a wonderful husband and family. In the grand scheme of things, when all is put into perspective - I'm quite the spoiled brat. With all I've been given (including the tool to achieve the one thing I don't have) I continue to whine that I actually have to be uncomfortable to get where I want. I behave as though it is unthinkable that I should have to have less than I want (not less than I need, or even none of what I want - just less than all). It's unthinkable that I should have to do something I don't enjoy for 30 whole minutes a day. Poor me! I am the only one who is responsible for my life. The universe does not "owe" me. I am not "entitled" to have everything I want, just because I want it that way. The rules do apply to me. Perhaps I should focus on being grateful for having been given so much. Gratitude can go a long way in reducing self-pity. Shelly
  14. srussell8

    There is off the rails then me :-/

    A trip to the doc was the start back for me. He gave me a small fill - enough that I do feel restriction again, but not enough that I can't defeat it if I really want to - so the ball is still in my court. It's up to me. When I went in, I made a confession of the bad habits I had developed/resumed and, looking him dead in the eye, took responsibility. He wants me to come in monthly for a while for accountability and monitoring. Although it hasn't made me immediately want to follow the rules, I do much better with external controls. The thought of going back in next month with no progress and having made no real changes is enough to keep me on track for now. I'll start with that. Shelly
  15. srussell8

    On the throne of self-pity

    That's why I'm here on this site. In the 7 years of having the band, I've never participated in any sort of support group or even electronic forum. This is such an intensely personal issue for me, that I have a hard time letting my poker face slip. But that's all part of the problem for me, so I decided to get and give support so that it's not all about me for once.
  16. srussell8

    The "Do Over" journey

    I'm in! That's why I'm on this site - do-over. I got my band in June of 06 and lost 140 pounds. Then moved away from my surgeon and didn't find a new one to maintain on-going care. At first I just got a bit careless, then I got lazy, then I became ashamed and embarrassed. All of this resulted in a 50 pound gain over the past 5 years. A few weeks ago, I finally went in to the new guy and got a fill. So now here I am - re-learning how to use the band and not eat around it. What scares me is that the first time I lost weight, I didn't know how to cheat the band and now I do. Clearly, self-discipline is a problem for me or I wouldn't have needed the band in the first place. Now - I know it's all up to me to respect the band and use it correctly. Man - I hate being responsible for my own life!!! :-/ Well - here's to being a grown-up and taking care of myself without excuses or external control... Shelly
  17. I try to cook pretty healthy meals to start with. I'm really fortunate because my kids (12 & 14) actually like healthy food, and my husband prefers to eat light. We're not a health food freak kind of family, but basic steamed vegetables and grilled meat are favorites. I had my band for 2 years before I married my husband (kids from his previous marriage), so the initial liquid/soft diet thing was long over before I had to cook for a family. Most of what I cook is band-friendly. As I work on getting back on track, it's a little more difficult. Now I'm trying to stay away from things like spaghetti or other kinds of sauces/gravies. But I don't want to deprive them of some of their favorites just because I'm not supposed to have it. The other night I made sloppy joes - my son's favorite and something he requested. When I browned the hamburger, I just took out 3 oz and cooked a hamburger patty for myself in another pan. Everyone was happy and I was able to stay compliant. I refuse to cook 2 completely different dinners, so i try to have a solid meat/protein dish that I can fill up on without necessarily eating the other sides I fix for them. As long as I eat the Protein first like I'm supposed to, the rest really isn't an issue. Maybe I'll have a few bites of mac and cheese, but I'm already full, so I don't need a whole serving. Hope this helps! Shelly
  18. srussell8

    How do you celebrate?

    This was/is a hard one for me. I grew up in a very strict Baptist church, where just about everything was "not allowed." The list of "don'ts" included: dancing movies mixed swimming of course alcohol of course smoking However - whatever the occasion - food was appropriate. Party = eat. Funeral = eat. Wedding = eat. Graduation = eat. Church function = eat. Family gathering = eat. Lost your job = eat. Baby born = eat. Holiday = eat (the bigger the holiday, the more you eat). Celebrating anything = eat. I'm truly not bashing "religion." I have a very strong faith and even though I've come to have different standards than those I was taught as a child, I still very much identify with my small town, Baptist culture. The problem is, I have had to (and am still learning to) change my approach to just about every life occasion. Learning to Celebrate or mourn without food is a struggle. Some of my new favorite ways to celebrate include getting a massage, shopping, and dancing. It's a challenge, but I'm learning. I LOVE the charm bracelet idea! May have to steal that one! :-) Shelly
  19. srussell8

    name one thing..

    Let's see - Getting on an airplane and not only did the seat belt go all the way around - I had to actually tighten it! Shopping in a skinny girl store and finding clothes that fit Going Christmas shopping in regular shoes rather than super support shoes - and still being able to walk without pain at the end of the day Buying my first pair of size 12 pants - ever (I'm now back up to an 18, but I swear to God I will get back there!!!!) Looking in the mirror and realizing that I looked like my sister - the one who has never been bigger than a size 7. and most recently when I went back for a fill for the first time in several years - SHARING the large chair in the lobby (designed for me before surgery) with my 14 year old and still having a bit of room. Shelly
  20. srussell8

    Vitamins (or "horse pills")

    I just pick them up at Wal-mart or the pharmacy section of the grocery store. The grocery store I normally go to is a King Soopers, which is part of the Kroger chain. Last week I found calcium gummies, which I had never seen before - the brand is Vita Fusion and they are pretty good. I was taking the One-A-Day adult gummy vitamins, but just switched to the Kroger store brand. Shelly
  21. srussell8

    Anyone Banded at MISH in Lenexa, Ks

    Dr. K was my surgeon - My surgery date was June 6, 2006. I now live in Colorado Springs (for the past 5 years) and finally got around to finding a new doc here a few weeks ago (I was seriously procrastinating!!). Never had any problems, but when I went to the new guy, he asked many questions that I had no answers for. Apparently, most people know these things, but no one ever shared any of it with me at MISH. He asked what kind of band I have, how much it holds, how much is in it now, how much was an average fill, etc. I had no idea. He also did my first office fill - at MISH all of them were fluoroscopic. It never occurred to me that I should know all of those things, so I never asked, and no one ever volunteered the information. I would suggest asking questions so you are not in the dark. Shelly
  22. srussell8

    Courage to not feel embarrassed I failed.

    Just so you know - I am a therapist and I still struggle. I know all about healthy coping skills, emotional eating, self-sabotage - all of it. I have a doctorate in this stuff - a PsyD. Please, please, please don't beat yourself up. It's not a matter of personal shortcomings! Clearly, I believe in the benefits of therapy or I wouldn't do what I do for a living. Continue with your therapist and keep working. Just know that there is more to it than head knowledge and "willpower." If you managed to get the surgery in the first place, you have more "willpower" than 90% of the general population. Most people I know who have even considered weight loss surgery are experts on diet and nutrition. We know what we're supposed to do. We just have to figure out what gets in the way. What did it for me was figuring out that I could have won an award for best supporting actress in my own life story. I was sitting on the sidelines waiting to live until after I lost the weight. Waiting to like myself, waiting to open myself up for risk, waiting, waiting, waiting. Once I decided to star in my own life, things started to move fast. It's a terrifying and exhilarating ride! Hang in there! If you have come this far, you can do anything! Shelly
  23. srussell8

    Courage to not feel embarrassed I failed.

    I can relate more than I want to! That embarrassment kept me from getting a new doc when I relocated 5 years ago. I lost restriction and found ways to eat around the band, resulting in gaining back 50 of the 140 pounds I lost. I was very discouraged, and became convinced that since I had learned how to defeat the band, it would not work. I screwed up my courage and went in to see the new guy. He asked me why I thought I had gained the weight, and I said "I got lazy and didn't follow the rules." He smiled and said "Right answer." He treated me with such respect and kindness! We spent almost 45 minutes talking about how to get back on track and he encouraged me to believe that if I follow the rules, it will work just like it did the first time. I got a small fill that day and - lo and behold, he's right!!! I once again have restriction and I'm back on track. I do have to be careful because I know how to defeat it if I choose to - even with correct restriction. That's dangerous for me. The first time around, when I felt full, I didn't know I could keep going if I really wanted to. Now I know that all I really need is a glass of Water and I can eat my way through anything. The key for me is to just be very strict with that one rule of not drinking with my meals. The rest is easy (except daily exercise - ugh!) In the 7 years I've had the band, this is the first time I've ever reached out for any support. I never attended any support groups or participated in any forums like this. I am finding motivation in knowing my struggles are not unique. The interaction keeps me focused on what I really want. Thanks for posting! Shelly
  24. srussell8

    Pre-op Surgery June 14th

    Prayers! Hang in with the liquids! I would never ever have believed that I could do the 6 week pre-op liquid diet my surgeon required (plus the post-op time). If you can do 2 weeks, you can do 4! You have a lot to gain! Shelly
  25. srussell8

    First starting to exercise

    Hands down, exercise is the worst part for me! I just don't enjoy it. Just about the only exercise I can say I like is bike riding. As I try to get back on track, I am trying to get better about exercise, so I am riding for at least 30 min most days and I try to walk at lunch time also. Perhaps next month after I return from vacation I will re-join the Y - again! Just getting there is such a chore! I haven't heard of the Endomondo app - I'll have to check it out. I like that it can link with My Fitness Pal because that seems to be working for me too. Shelly

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