lilmispcl

I was banded 9/11. I'm thrilled! My anxiety on the days leading into the surgery make me laugh now. The pain wasn't that bad, and the shakes didn't make me gag.
 
Here are a few things I've figured out about me in the last two weeks:
 
1. I have no regrets.
2. I have TONS of will power that is just pouring out of my soul. And I don't resent what I can't have right now.
3. My sense of humor is still fully in place.
4. I actually no longer care who knows that I've had surgery. This is the biggest surprise of all. I was telling no one. I was nervous about coming back to work and having to answer questions about why I was out. Now, if they ask...I just start spilling it. It's funny.
5. I have the BEST friends and family. I already knew this, but just thought I'd say it anyway
6. I WANT this so badly. I think that's why it's not been as hard as I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong. I've had my moments. But, in all...I'm happy.
 
I'm sure more things will come to me as the days progress. More little revelations about me. More little secrets coming to the surface. But, it's a journey that I'm so happy to be on.
 
Have a great day!

My wife and I have been quite open with our two daughters (9 and 12) about my lap band. Before surgery we walked them through what would happen, how it would affect my life and more than that why I was doing it. So as I have had to adjust to my new lifestyle, my daughters and wife have adjusted with me. But I didn't realize the extent of that adjustment until I heard these words come out of my 9 year old's mouth "Mom, you are chewing too fast, you need to slow down!" The look of shock on my wife's face was priceless

Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....Not hungry, but I want to eat....
 
I'll have a strong cup of decaf and play a video game instead.

is that it makes me hungry, and not just on the day that I exercise. Ate more calories than I intended at lunch, and I am at least a couple hundred in the red tonight. So my current fix is a large glass of crystal light and a small bowl of pickled cucumbers and onions. Thank God I am married, I think I find my sweetie and give her a big kiss
 
BTW if you interested in the recipe
 
Slice a large cucumber ( I prefer the english variety so I don't have to peel it)
Thin slices of onion, I prefer red (bermuda) onions, but all I had in the fridge was a yellow
Toss of a couple of tablespoons of sugar (or artificial sweetener if you use it)
pour enough red wine vinegar (I grew up with cider vinegar, but I prefer the red wine) to get everything wet.
Tomato wedges are good, but didn't have any
Put in as sealed container shake real good to mix things up and put it in the fridge and turn it every once in a while, the longer the better.
 
Nutritional information? Haven't a clue.

Okay so I am going to be totally 100% honest here on what lapband has meant to me:
 
1- A chance to like how my body looks.
2- A chance to shop in the "normal" section.
3- A chance to be healthy as I age.
4- A chance to take my life back.
5- A chance to learn.
 
 
I know many of these are vain, but it's the truth. I mean be honest here, who doesn't want to look in the mirror and go damn I look good- or at the least look in the mirror and go uh, I look pretty good. For the ladies out there, I am sure you will agree- it's nice to lose weight and see that little glimmer of somethin' somethin' in your significant other's eye. I want to be sexy for my hubs and have him be proud of what I look like on the outside as he is about what is on the inside. And, yes, dang it- it feel darn good to be able to buy clothing the size doesn't have a W attached.
 
I am 32 now and while I was healthy when I had surgery with no health issues and rarely ever needed a doctor- I knew that those days were numbered. I knew it time I would likely end up diabetic like my dad, or with heart issues like my brother and grandfather or any other major health problems. I wanted to insure that as I age I can do it in a healthy manner.
 
As far as taking my life back, I had come to the point where I realized food ruled my life. My co-workers and I would spend an hour in the mornings discussing and deciding on where we would go for lunch. I ate crap and would feel like crap. I would over eat and have horrible indigestion and stomach cramps that would make me feel aweful. I wanted to rule my food, not it ruling me.
 
Leaning- I think I will always be a learner/researcher. I love to read and study- I could be a professional student if I had enough money. I have read a lot of health, food, calories- basically how our bodies work. I like understanding things better. Now I know if I would have know some of this earlier, boy it would have made a difference. The way I look at food and what I put in my body is totally different. But, will I ever eat something totally decadent and sinfully calorie loaded again - yep. Being honest here- I fully intend on having some Red Velvet Cheesecake Factory Cheese cake for my anniversary. The difference in pre and post band - that cheese cake slice will not all be eaten by me and it will now follow a huge equally calorie loaded meal and it will not take place multiple time of year. This is not about restricted myself for everything I love, it's about a balance between over doing ( which was what I did before ) and driving myself crazy with restrictions.
 
This journey is going to be long, God willing, (the rest of my life). Everyday is a choice, every meal is a choice - I am the only one to blame or pat on the back for my choices because they are MINE. I want all the things that the band gave me a chance at, but the only way I am going to achieve it is if I do my part. The only person I can cheat is myself.

Ok, the last week has been kinda stressful and I know it's only going to get worse. My job is changing greatly over the next few months and I am having learn a lot of new things and work extra to keep up with my job while I learn a new system. So maybe I am just stressed, but I need to rant for a min......
 
 
WLS is Easy
WTH. I saw someone this weekend who hadn't seen me for a while and told me I looked great. Of course the next thing out of her mouth was how did you lose so much weight? I said that I was really watching what I ate, eating healthier and moving more, and that I had lapband surgery. Her comment was, oh well you are lucky then you can't gain weight. I wanted to expload at that moment.
The thing is with lapband or ANY WLS you can gain weight. Gaining weight is EASY, not losing it. I can gain by eating more than I expend- calorie layden thing (milkshakes, chips, ice cream, cake, ect). I can gain just like anyone else. It really bothers me that people still have this misconception that WLS makes it so much easier. Does it help, YES, does it make it easy HELL NO.
 
BMI vs Size
Ok so here is another thing that is buggin me. My entire life doctors have complained about my weight. I have been over weight since I was 5. Over 200 since middle school (now 190's). Now that I am losing and I have studied info, I congnitivly know that the scale isn't totally accurate when it comes to my health. I have lost 50+ lbs, while my weight is in the 190's I am far smaller than I thought I would be in the 190's. Why, because of my muscle to fat ratio. It is often said that muscle weighs more than fat, not exactly true. A pound of muscle takes up far less room than a pound of fat. A stick of butter and a ball bearing may weigh the same, but that ball bearing is much smaller. So my muscle mass has increased, and my shape has decreased, but the scale isn't moving these days. Yet when I go to the doctors they look at the scale and calculate my BMI and tisk tisk tisk. WTH- Doc please look at the whole pic instead of one fasit. I am a work in progress not a completed project.
 
Fear factor
I will be the first to say that I am scared, paranoid, terrified of gaining weight back. I have tried way to long to lose, now that it has begun I do not want to revert. So yes I am almost obsessive over it. Is this good, not really, but it's me. I look at what I eat, I weigh daily, I move more. Being a scientific person I like to see cause and effect. How does what I put in effect measurment and weight. I chart every thing so I can take it to my doctor.
 
Judgements
Ok, so maybe I am paranoid that people judge me when they aren't, but I think that comes from my years of low self esteem. I often see people state, Oh you are doing what your suppose to so don't worry about the scale, don't weigh it just drives you crazy, don't worry the weight will come off. Yes, I know all the data- about the scale doesn't show the whole picture, that we should keep on doing what we are suppose to when the scales stops and in time weight will come off. But, gee am I the only human on here that while I know this, it still doesn't make me happy that the scale isn't going down.
 
Ok, so maybe I am judging others here, but here it goes.... some people post and make statements on here that make them appear that they are perfect. They are losing, they are doing what the doctor says, they aren't weighing daily- happy, happy, joy, joy. It's like they never get frustrated or impatient ever. I honestly wonder sometimes are they really like that, or are they just putting on a front on this sight. Because while this journey hasn't been the tooth and nail climb that diets have been in the past, it has not been all hunky dory and perfect. So my thought for them is be human, I have flaws I get stressed, and I know you do to, no matter if you want to admit it or not.
 
I think newbies need to know and see the entire picture. Yes, you do what your doc and NUT say. Will this be easy - no. Will you hit plateaus- yes. Will you get frustrated at times- hell yes. Will what works for me work for you- maybe/maybe not.
 
 
Okay so enough of my ranting. If I offended anyone sorry, chalk it up to me having a bee in my bonnett to day and had one straw to many put on my pile.
 
Thanks for letting me rant!!