Yikes373

Chef, diabetic, know it all. And still was unable to lose weight - just never felt full, could eat amounts of food that I cannot even imagine consuming now. I lost most of my weight the first year I had the band; I threw up A LOT. I never was able to adjust to eating certain foods; also, it wasn't consistent. I'd look at something I had eaten previously and suddenly, it had no appeal to me. I knew <KNEW> that I couldn't eat it. I had a lot of trouble with proteins in meat form. Most meats I could not tolerate - I ate a lot of fish and yogurt and beans and ... I did not do well with protein shakes. That protein powder flavor and texture it adds just makes me want to hurl. But I was able to stay healthy and lost a good amount of weight.

Once at my goal weight, I looked too thin, rather gaunt. I was happy to wear thin clothes, buy a new wardrobe and all that but ... I did not look good. I was too thin at 193 lbs. It is crazy to me that I had that experience - 193 sounds heavy for a man of my height. But I was wearing a 33" waist pant (from a 42" pant before surgery) and I felt proud of my body. Finally, my body adjusted to my weight and I didn't look so gaunt. I gained about 8 pounds and felt it was perfect.

I throw up a lot. It's not vomiting, it's regurgitating food. It is frustrating and uncomfortable sometimes but it's also become normal for me.

I have been slipping in watching what I'm eating. Work is a slippery place for me in that I eat crap while working at my desk. My bad choices, my lack of willpower. I accept that this is where I am now in my journey but I'd like to get back to eating protein and veggies, and no chips, white rice, bread, etc. I was there for 6 years but slowly have been moving away from the stringent rules I used to follow. However, I know that by making small changes, I can once again get back to my goal weight.

Another thing I should mention is that I'm totally in the closet about my lap band. My partner knows, my closest friends know and that is it. I don't discuss it or admit it to anyone. My port protrudes a bit now that I'm thinner - if someone sees it or mentions it, I brush it off and talk about something else.

People I work with make fun of how little I am able to eat at one sitting. One of my colleagues whom I adore told me recently that I'm "weak" because I can't eat more than a half sandwich - and not even that most days. She's like 5'1" and she eats twice what I eat easily. And she looks great!

I'm happy to be here and able to lean on this community for support and to provide anyone support if they need it. I'm very much into the idea of love, respect and support when I deal with people. Encouragement is an amazing gift.

If you have questions or comments, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Thank you! Jim