beabenitez1978

Well since I was last here, which seems so long ago I seem to have not really "moved" anywhere but UP on that scale. However instead of sitting here trying to come up with "excuses" I will just admit to my errors these past few years. A combination of lack of follow ups with my surgeon, "forgetting" to measure the food i eat and not making an effort to just MOVE. It was a few months ago that I knew I needed to get back on track, of course my laziness and lack of motivation took over. It was finally with the beginning of the new year that I decided it was high time to get something done. So last Thursday, which was the 14th, I went in for my first fill since 2013. According to the doc, things looked good, and he wants to see how things go with this adjustment, which puts me at 7.5 cc's . Its funny after all this time I've had to start it all over again, LIke a "newbie", this time though, I am going to give it my best shot, because in the end, I have a tool that works, I just have to work with it..

Well Crap.. yes..I hadn't realized that its been well over a year since my last visit here.. and it seems that I should have been visiting a whole lot more often.. because not only did I fall off the wagon - but I rolled into a raveen that lead to a cliff - and here I am hanging by a mere branch.. with all 340lbs of me.. I can blame no one except myself for the weight gain.. I've gained a total of 43.3 lbs.. I've been completely out of control - and of course recently (within the last 2-3 weeks I've been trying to get back to basics.. I've forgotton how to eat, how to control my poritons, I've forgotten good food choices, and definitely "forgot" the importance of daily exercise/activity - so here I am - trying my best to un-do all that I've done within the last year or so.. Take care my friends.. Just me - Bea

Well.. yes.. once again I find myself being unfair to myself - and NOT exactly on the 'wagon' per se.. However - though it totally maybe stress I did happen to lose about 5-7 lbs... so that's something right? Needless to say - I finally made the big move to California.. and well.. I'm telling you.. its been a LOT harder than I imagined... finding a job has been a bit of a struggle.. who knew it was sooo competitive out here.. but then again.. I did say it was going to be all about the adventure huh?! Boy isn't it true.. be careful what you wish for?! But aside from the stressors in my life - you know.. the no money.. no job.... no family... no friends... I'm still trying to smile.. its not easy to do.. but I'm trying.. I also do get on my scale at least once a week.. just to see where I am.. and its fluctuated up and down since I've been here.. but I've been trying to take in stride... and not allow THAT to stress me out.. because god only knows that finding a job and paying bills are sooo much more important that the number on the scale right? I do have to report that my first two weeks out here in California - I did visit the beach.. and well leave it to me to go to the beach - um on an OVERCAST day.. yeah... no bueno.. talk about being burnt to a crisp... seriously.. I sooo learned my lesson.. heh heh... since then I've had the pleasure of enjoying the beach life a few weekends.. okay... like 5 out of the 8 weeks I've been here.. I may not have any money.. .but thanks to my family - they driven me to the beach.. (I'm thinking they have no appreciation for the beach.... they don't "get" my obsession with it.. lol) I've also spent a lot of this "alone" time reflecting on just what I "gave" up.. and perhaps how much I DID NOT appreciate it ... interesting how I came here - on what was basically a "whim" only to be presented with struggles... but I think this whole experience has already taught me somethings.. has taught me that everything is a risk.. and sometimes even when I don't realize it.. I am already so blessed.. because thats one thing I've realized.. plain and simple.. anyway you want to cut it.. whether I'm here in California or in Arizona.. I. AM. BLESSED... Until next time my friends.. stay blessed.. Just me - Bea

Wow.. Thank you sooo much for this.. I'm copying this and posting it on my bathroom mirror, my fridge and everywhere else I can to remind me of exactly what the scale is... " a numerical reflection of my relationship with gravity".. I love it..

Not exactly sure how I am feeling today.. I'm thinking "blah" sums it up.. my tummy hasn't been feeling all that great.. nothing seems appetizing.. and well not much is staying down.. its not a band thing.. I'm thinking its more of a stomach flu kinda thing... grr.. As for the band? Well I had my appointment with Dr. Simpson last Thursday and - well I'm still sitting at 297.5.. bleh.. but at least I didn't gain.. he's pretty confident that I'm in my 'green zone'.. so there was no fill last week... and well he wants to see me yet again this week.. not exactly sure how I feel about that.. I mean that means I have to go through the anxiety that I ALWAYS go through right before a weigh in at the doc's office.. blah!! Of course mind you - I've been working out - and trying my best to eat right.. but still.. I HATE weighing in.. But its just a number right? In meantime - I've been trying to get my world organized.. getting ready for my move to California.. and let me tell you.. talk about overwhelming.. I have half the mind to chuck everything and just pack the necessities!! But I gotta be smart about it right? Good lord.. change is challenging.. and time consuming.. Anywho - hope all of you out there are doing well and keeping up the good work!! Until next time my friends!

Hello my friends! Well I decided that I'd try out this FitBit.. it a "bit" interesting.. and have had it all but 45 minutes.. and now? I need to get some "friends" that are using this thing too! I did take a look at the forums to try and find some users that have posted recently.. but nothing since 2012.. so hopefully this rouses some interest - please add me as your friend! Not exactly sure what's needed to add me but just in case http://www.fitbit.com/user/25SCFR Thanks again in advance for your support!

Hmm.. I'm not exactly sure how I am feeling... I took a little break from my workouts this past weekend... bad idea.. had to really push myself to start up again.. but happy to report workouts are back on... of course the scale? Yep.. back up... waah.. I am hoping its the whole "woman" thing.. darn I hate this time of month.. its just so discouraging.. wish there was a magic scale that could take in to consideration how much I actually weigh without all the bloating.. Yeah yeah.. TMI right? In meantime - I'm at a crossroads.. I've began to realize that some of my 'triggers' are a direct result of the anxiety I feel when it comes to my family. I love them.. however I have a feeling my love, my concern for them prevents me from becoming the best that I could be... mentally, emotionally and physically. Granted I can't put the blame all on them.. afterall I am one of those people that take the whole world's problems and make them mine... what am I doing? I've begun to realize that I put my life on hold for the people that I love... so now? I have been thinking seriously for the first time in my life - to be selfish.. I have decided to do what I want for me.. for my life, for my future.. and well whether I fail or succeed - (success is what I am aiming for) I am readying myself for a major move.... To pack up and move to California... Every vacation I take, I never want to come home... is that strange? I feel as if I need a change - not just a physical change - but a LIFE change - a change that the band can't give me... So tomorrow I do what I've been wanting to do for quite sometime I put in my notice at work.. I'm giving myself until the end of July to get my affairs in order and make my move to California... Where in Cali? Not exactly sure.. I'm thinking I spend sometime close to some long lost family out in Fresno... just far enough away from the craziness that is my family.. but just close enough that if I'm 'missing' having family around it'll be a short drive to see them... Will my Arizona family be happy about it? Doubt it.. will THIS make me happy? I don't know... I just know that change can be good... good for the soul.. I have lots of plans - things I want to do - that perhaps 200lbs ago I would've scoffed at.. exploring the trails at Yosemite, King's Canyon, and Sequoia National Parks.. or having a 3 to 3 1/2 hour drive to San Francisco and experiencing and appreciating the eclectic sights and scenes that the city has to offer.. not being afraid this time around to jump on the city's famous trolleys...Or to have to opportunity to mark off my bucket list of doing a Napa Valley Wine Tour... its those "little" things that I want to enjoy.. the little things that right now I find myself too busy to enjoy.... Can I enjoy those types of little things here in Arizona? Sure I can! (minus the Napa Valley trip..) But my heart tells me that I want to experience more... and I believe I shall start with California.. Wish me luck!

Whoo Hoo!! I am sooo proud of you!!! Way to go!! You're a inspiration!! Keep it up girl!!

You said it EXACTLY as I feel.. isn't it strange how now we seem to be trying to take that focus off ourselves? I just want to be me.. that's it.. I am STILL the same person that I've always been... except now? I am having difficulty figuring out if people are truly interested in ME or just what I look like.. as Lellow said - putting up walls, becoming cynical.. being more careful.. we've got to find a new normal.. darn it.. and I was 'used' to my normal.. this is all new - for all of us!

OH WOW!! This is TOTALLY my downfall too!! and the fact that it goes down so easy doesn't help things.. I've not bought any - but when I get a craving - I do sneak into my co-worker's candy dish... (she ALWAYS has those mini chocolate bars) and allow myself only 2.. but its a high price to pay... mini or not.. 100 calories.. EEKS!! Definitely something I gotta keep away from too!! darn if it tastes soooo good!! BLAH!! Stay strong!!

Yep... I'm feeling majorly guilty today... yes.. I just finished working out.. I should be happy right? Burned over 500 calories - BUT that doesn't make up for the fact that I was extremely out of control this weekend.. blah... totally didn't follow my eating plan. Granted, I had a wonderful time.. but honestly these 'relapses' aren't going to help me with my goals... I wasn't logging my food and after doing it this morning I so went over my caloric limit on BOTH Saturday and Sunday... of course I did work out on Saturday - so I don't feel so badly about that.. but I am pretty disappointed in my inability to resist temptation... I have known for a long time that I am addicted to food - especially GOOD food.. and in addition to that - I am also an emotional eater. Face it. I love to eat. But I also know that THIS behavior is also the behavior that got me to 495lbs the first time... so alas - though I made some really poor choices this weekend, looking on the bright side of things? I did get up this morning and kicked butt during my workout.. that's something right? So I take it one day at a time... and make a personal vow to make good choices in my eating and drinking - TODAY... because I can't do anything about what I did this weekend.. so I move past it...

I love this list!! And you are on your way!! Way to go!!!

Great job!! I agree with Kime-lou - it definitely helps if you start those measuring habits now! Also just a quick side tip - make sure to find protein drinks that you LIKE.. nothing like spending crazy bucks on the liquids that don't make the taste test!! Keep up the good work!! (and thanks for reminding me that I soo need to get back on track with measuring my food again!!)

Love it!! Shar pei thighs?! OMG!! GREAT!!! You're too funny!! But isn't it GREAT being able to buy clothes that fit us - for LESS?! I was so excited the first time I was able to buy a pair of jeans for less than 15 bucks..(I LOVE clearance racks!!) Previously one pair of jeans used to cost me $50 bucks or more!! Now? My bank account loves that I can get more for my money!!

Yep... can you believe it? I'm back! I'm feeling pretty good today - except pretty sore... but no worries - I stuck to the pre-op diet (no problem there.. and totally avoided temptation!!) AND best of all? Just finished with my workout! Yay!! Actually I got up this morning - forced myself out of bed, did some morning stretches to warm up and then jumped on the bike for a bit and went for a little ride.. That definitely woke me up!! However today at work - I noticed I was still a bit sore (even after doing cool down stretches) so of course I was determined to make sure I got some cardio in... I mixed it up though - I just danced.. heh heh...a bit weird right? Yep right here in my living room.. just turned on the music and danced.. and you know what? I had FUN!! and wow was I sweating... I soooo love Pandora's Latin Workout Radio.. that kept me going for a good 30 minutes and even better? I burned a cool 350 calories whoo hoo!! I love that I made the purchase of a heart rate monitor - at least it gives me an idea of what I am burning - and when I need to step it up or slow it down! I think for this whole 'exercise thing' to work for me - in addition to keeping myself in a routine of my cardio workouts on the bike and the elliptical along with the weights to tone - I think I will have to have some fun too.. and I'm thinking dancing should do it! It was a bit weird for me (as I've never been a GREAT dancer) but hey.. I'm MOVING this body of mine and enjoying every minute of it... pretty cool... found something new... Anywho - Just wanted to keep the lapband world out there updated.. Thanks again to all of you who keep me inspired!! Toodles!!

Wow Jean.. you said it.. THANK YOU so much for the reminders!!! I identify and completely agree with your comment, " I believe that we must never forget our inner fat person. If we do forget, the fat folks may burst out of us and take over again", because my inner fat girl came out and took over... but I'm back.. and I maybe "white knuckling" it for now.. but soon... as you said it will be habit once again.. Mucho thanks!!

Yep... I was a little off this past couple of weeks... with my mini vacation - and crazy days at work - I wasn't putting in my exercise - nor my proper eating habits.. and the scaled DEFINITELY shows it.. Yes, lets face it.. I am a bit bummed... but I was talking about it with a co-worker of mine, (who is an avid runner) who reminded me that its okay - its going to happen. She reminded me that yes, I had fun, enjoyed my food (waaaay too much) but now its time to get back to my routine - a routine to a better life... and yes body! So that definitely gave me some motivation to get back to basics... My eating habits have definitely taken a turn for the worst... I wasn't eating much through the day (my band is tighter in the morning) and so I was just 'surviving' on my coffee... and then? You guessed it.. eating not so great foods in the evening... so now? I'm going back to my pre-surgery menu - liquids and low cal stuff.. and of course I've gone back to logging my food and drink.. this is the ONLY way I know I will make significant progress... I think the eye opener was this weekend when I went to put on my new favorite pair of jeans, and I couldn't comfortably button them!! haven't had that feeling in a long time... I mean what am I supposed to wear - when I got rid of all my really big clothes ( the only thing I kept was my comfy sweats that I wear when i'm just lounging... can't seem to part with those!!) So of course that was another motivator... Anywho - I am hoping that just by blogging - (though I am not an active blogger by any means) that I can just keep myself motivated... Until next time!

Hello all!! OMG... its been heck the past couple of months.. I'm sooo glad to see there are still 'actives' on this site - that are local!! Have you guys gotten together yet? Please let me know.. Private message me - and maybe we can start this little group.. I sooo need some support.. I've gained.. about 6 lbs.. but doing my best to lose it.. AGAIN.. freaking calorie bombs.. I know, I know.. and well I don't know about you all - but I HATE going back to my doc again and weighing in - only to see the scale go up.. (hate the disapproving look he may give me...)

Hey all!! OH MY!! I've been so out of it!! But I'm back!!! Gotta love flu season!! Is there still a plan for the park on Saturday? Let me know!! If need be please feel free to private message me and we can nail down a time and place!!! I soooo need people around me that know what's going on!!!

Keep up the good work!! Remember - you can do it!! and we are all here if you need us!!

Hey girlie.. lets definitely meet up! After six works for me too! and well of course weekends (at least Saturdays work) ooh.. idea... anyone need to go shopping yet? Heh heh..

Hey girlie.. good job!! I know its easier said than done.. but progress is progress... people keep telling me that.. and well its true.. but yes.. time to get back on track... looks like the both of us are doing that!! and you brought up a good point.. that I hadnt realized.. the cold weather affecting the band.. huh.. that explains a lot... who knew! Thanks for that tip.. I learned something new!! Keep up the good work and I look forward to hearing about your progress!!

Hey dylan - GREAT idea on the nail polish... I am sooo trying that! In meantime - browneyedbandit - keep up the good work - and its wierd after a while food doesn't dominate the senses so much.. your relationship wiht food will definitely change... but um the smell of popcorn.. yeah I cave everytime.. ha! So excited for you! Keep us posted on your progress!!

AWESOME good for you!! Isn't it a GREAT feeling? Since the surgery - I've had to clean out my closet 3 times.. and I'm with 2012 who tries on all the clothes in the closet and throwing the clothes on the floor when they don't fit... yep awesome, accomplished feeling when you see that pile growing.. clothes too big? FABULOUS!! Keep up the good work!! and have fun shopping!! Clearance racks are the best!!

Well kids.. just got home from work and from a little stop at Wal Mart.. I have been struggling lately with the whole eating thing.. (as if it'd be different now that I've got this band huh? Anywho - as I'm sure everyone else also had some struggles with the Holidays this year... whew.. first holidays with the band.. and wow.. talk about tough!! Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if I gained.. boo.. but then again - what was that word? Oh yeah.. Self-control... good lord...not even surgery can give us that! So I am back on the wagon again.. (although truth be told - I've been eating and craving everything in sight!!) of course you all know what happens when we eat what we arent supposed to.. yup.. upchuck city.. so I made the decision that I'm going back to basics.. I have to... so I've pulled out my pre-op menu and am starting once again on that... and then my plan is to slowly reintroduce 'real' food back into my diet.. I think this will help 'remind' me that my stomach isn't what it used to be - and even though I'm eating less - I can not be eating the types of food that I used to.. So I stockpiled on my protein powders again, replenished my supply of vitamins and supplements and yes even cleared my kitchen of all those "forbidden" foods... huh.. how did they get back in there in the first place?! I blame the cat... heh heh.. oh wait.. I don't have a cat... Darn.. well far be it for me not to take responsibility... although truth be told.. I hate to take the blame in this case.. ah well yep... its the nature of the beast... time to develop and exercise my self-control.. afterall I got this far didn't I? So I think for today I did fairly well.. aside from the fact that I didn't exercise like I should have.. but alas tomorrow is another day... Lets see how I do this month shall we? Yes.. I'm a bit excited about the prospect... afterall even though these past 10 months since the surgery - I've only lost a total of 50+ lbs.. I did manage to fulfill my short term goal.. get back into wearing high heels.. (granted they're only 2.5 inch heels - but heels nonetheless and I bought my first pair of boots.. Yeah baby.. Huh.. I just realized I don't have a goal for this year.. Hmm... gotta start thinking about that one.. Yep - this year can only get better right?